Scully Nation: An X Files Rewatch Podcast

This week we are wrapping up The Lone Gunmen while we discuss “The Cap’n Toby Show” and “All About Yves”! We’re talking your classic hot dog mascot costume mixup, how grim it is that Jimmy is now living in their creepy warehouse with them, sexy spy fights, how we simply must stop making fun of Langly’s hair, and how we are now massive fans of the half-man half-crab Clarence the Crab. We have a hot debate on whether Morris Fletcher is fun to hate or just hateable, get sad that our Kimmy banishment didn’t work, get excited about the John Gillnitz cameo, want to see Fletcher really sleazing up a Backroom Boys meeting, wonder whether we’d rather spend a day with Fletcher or Kimmy, and get kind of sad that the show finally came into its own in the last episode. To be continued, my ass! Note: Please submit Season 8 and The Lone Gunmen questions by Friday November 22nd! Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Instagram!

This week we are attending a species reveal party for Scully’s baby while we discuss “Essence”! We’re talking Margaret and Scully getting into mortal combat, karate chop decapitation, fake “friends” and “family” at this baby shower, Doggett conducting Doggett Activities (watching NASCAR and cleaning his gun), the strengthening evidence of Mulder’s cat energy, and wonder who can look more sad: Mulder or Doggett? The answer may surprise you. We cheer on the awkward evidence guy, wonder whether Reyes is just able to fast travel now, wonder whether Scully had a special evening with Zeus himself, debate just how long Krycek would have stood in that hallway, get really excited about Agent Crane and his radical airport controller moves, and lose our minds about Mulder pulling out of a parking spot. It has to be seen to be believed. Note: Please submit Season 8 and The Lone Gunmen questions by November 23rd (or 23th)! Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Instagram!

This week we are infiltrating a tango competition and tracking down blackmailing brothers while we discuss The Lone Gunmen episodes “Tango de los Pistoleros” and “The Lying Game”! We’re talking baby boy Schnauz, Frohike’s Miami trauma, how the only excitement these boys get is playing catch with toilet paper, how Ella summoned Kimmy back into existence, the Frojack, and secret tango pasts. We welcome back Skinner: the real star of the show, note that Byers has a type (mysterious blonde women with ugly sunglasses), theorize that Doggett is a big ellipsis guy, get really scared of Jimmy in a Skinner mask, celebrate Ally Byers, and answer the age-old question of whether Skinner would sleep with his clone. Also, we celebrate the show giving us the greatest Skinner line of all time: I’m taking your computer and shutting off your internet service. This is going to be the next big X-Files meme. Mark our words. Note: Please submit Season 8 and The Lone Gunmen questions by November 23rd (or 23th)! Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are hanging out with annoying coworkers in dank tunnels while we discuss “Alone”! We’re talking how Doggett was ruined by the X-Files in only a few short months, how regifting really loses its charm after the fourth or seventh time, whether there’s a radon leak in the basement office, that Leyla easily could have been another Krycek, how Doggett is always getting himself into Looney Tunes situations, and how we’re mostly excited that we are continuing the travel expenses storyline. It’s what the people truly want! We are bankrolling Images of Mulder, this summer’s hot new coming-of-age drama, getting excited about the lizard turning people into juice boxes, enjoying funemployed Mulder, and how there’s only so much more passing the baton that we can take. Mostly we’re just thrilled at the confirmation that Mulder and Scully do need to be dragged away from work by their fingernails. Canon! Note: Please submit Season 8 and The Lone Gunmen questions by Saturday November 23rd! Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are for some reason breaking into maximum-security prison and hunting down grizzly bear poachers while we discuss The Lone Gunmen episodes “Maximum Byers” and “Diagnosis: Jimmy”! We’re talking Jimmy being put on death row for impersonating Elvis, how we didn’t know Byers was capable of bullying anyone, our favorite character Stronk, Steve Martin’s possible culpability in this evil scheme, and that Jimmy would definitely be a wife guy, and it’s strange that he hasn’t been snatched up already. He’s hot and dumb and rich! We worry about Langly getting frostbite through his 42 t-shirts, get into a death match over candy, get put off by Marilyn the sexy evil nurse, laugh at Byers’ super-serious bear trauma, and how messed up it is to let your eyebrows fall off into your patient’s open wounds. And just a PSA: if candy is literally falling out of your pockets, you know you have a problem. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are jumping off an oil rig in slow-motion while we discuss “Vienen”! We’re talking the show’s triumphant return to Boat X-Files, Bo Crowder’s surprise appearance, whether or not the Zodiac Killers is an open X-File, how much Mulder and Doggett hate each other, Skinner not being able to resist eating some delicious caramels off Kersh’s desk, Mulder’s undeniable cat energy, and whether Scully is busy doing a bunch of pranks when she’s teaching at Quantico. We wonder why nobody seems to notice that Mulder does not give a shit anymore, enjoy Mulder and Doggett’s matching outfits, worry about Scully going into labor as a result of dismay at Mulder’s actions, explore Amanda’s troubling work situation, and yet again wonder about Kersh and Skinner’s whole deal. New drinking game: take a shot every time Scully flips that sheet off the body to shock somebody. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are entering a low-resolution virtual reality and helping chimpanzees learn Shakespeare while we discuss The Lone Gunmen episodes “Madam, I’m Adam” and “Planet of the Frohikes”! We’re talking the running bit of The Lone Gunmen newspaper being found in the trash, whether or not Jimmy would be jealous of Mulder’s existence, Frohike getting into a beef with a child, finding goo in EVERY crevice, Yves being TLG’s emergency contact, that evil scientists can be wives too, and get really excited about the star of the show Maniac Marvin. We check in on Yves playing the Sims, get inspiration from a pro wrestler-themed wedding, wonder where we can sign up for the Monkey Liberation Army, note how Thomas Schnauz really got nepo-friended along in his career, and lament Ned Ryerson’s lack of a Blockbuster card. I mean, are you even alive if you don’t have a Blockbuster card? Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are taking our faces off to reveal a tinier fiery face while we discuss “Empedocles”! We’re talking Reyes’ girl potential, comfy Scully, how dangerous it is to put two believers on one case, Jeb!, how much we enjoy how much Doggett and Mulder hate each other, and think it’s suspicious that Skinner didn’t show up to Scully’s hospital room. We do a lot of bad Batman voices (sorry in advance), wonder whether Mulder might actually be a ghost, try to stop Doggett from looming over Scully and having creepy visions, wonder whether Johnica could be a thing, debate the importance of an Evil Vaccine, and support Scully while she demands that Mulder be nice to Doggett, her only other friend. Also, this is serious business this week, because this is a case with some phenomena. What kind of phenomena? You’ll have to listen to find out. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are seeking out water-powered cars and being ill-equipped to take care of babies while we discuss The Lone Gunmen episodes “Like Water for Octane” and “Three Men and a Smoking Diaper”! We’re talking how Byers isn’t capable of carrying heavy boxes, question why Jimmy is doing all of their grunt work, add another Robe Wife to the collection, point out Langly’s cow trauma, and admire TLG’s cute little catsuits. We watch Langly go full cartoon mouth, realize that Byers was Suit Guy, get sad because Jimmy doesn’t know how to lick envelopes, laugh at yet another William, get scared of a bizarre kitchen appliance, and roll our eyes a lot at this whole baby storyline. Aren’t we getting enough of that on the main show? Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are trying our best to get reinstated to our jobs while we discuss “Three Words”! We’re talking our triumphant return to the Mulder-only plot summaries, how much we’ve come to love Kersh and his evil ways, how Scully will still be working cases while she’s in labor, how much Doggett misses his pull tab case, and how much Mulder hates Doggett right off the bat. We laugh at Knowle Rohrer and the most suspicious hoodie of all time, how Scully is BESIDE HERSELF apparently, whether Skinner and Kersh take bets on their agents, that Doggett doesn’t know what a firewall is, and that Scully’s baby will happily help her threaten people. And some encouragement to take you through the week: Put a rise in your Levi’s. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are adding another member to the crew and breaking into old women’s houses while we discuss The Lone Gunmen episodes “Bond, Jimmy Bond” and “Eine Kleine Frohike”! We’re talking the ongoing motif of humiliating poor Tom Braidwood, whether or not Yves has a fake British accent, how much we love the evil henchman Mr. Luscious Lips and his signature move of kissing each bullet he shoots, how Langly has no idea how to clean anything, and say hello to Jimmy Bond. We are on the hunt for a secret Nazi baby, wonder where they got the funds or technology for the Mission Impossible masks, mourn the lack of a makeover montage, wonder if Mr. Luscious Lips disappears in a cloud of cologne, and wonder whether it’s funny to stare at an old woman’s ass. And wise words to remember: Never look a gift himbo in the abs. Note: We goofed up the audio this week, and so unfortunately it sounds like we’re recording from a very deep well. Sorry about that, and back to the crisp audio you love next week! Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are exhuming dead bodies and redefining the spa experience by sloughing off our entire bodies while we discuss “Deadalive”! We’re talking the dangers of Scully’s membrane rupturing from scary news, how excited we are about the return of the nanobots, how Doggett embodies the “if shit sux hit da bricks” meme, wonder why exactly they’re burying Mulder in North Carolina, and do some star chart and org chart analysis to figure out what Kersh’s deal is. We get embarrassed by Skinner playing keepaway with Krycek, realize that first names can be incredibly threatening, get excited about Skinner and Doggett’s first physical altercation, find it beautiful that everyone wants to pummel Krycek within 5-10 minutes of meeting him, and mourn poor Doggett and all the third-wheeling he will be doing now that Mulder is back. The man doesn’t know what he’s in for! And the one thing we know for sure: Mulder’s urge to bully Krycek truly could pierce the veil of death. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are spending some time with the boys while we discuss The Lone Gunmen “Pilot”! We’re talking how we are living the darkest future of this show, how strange it is that The Lone Gunmen still don’t seem to care about Mulder’s death, how right it is that Frohike still has a VW van from his hippie days, how apparently the entire crew hates poor Tom Braidwood now, how Byers has perma-baby face, and of course, the long-awaited “closely averting 9/11” plotline. We add Papa Byers to the Bad Dad Club, get some PTSD flashbacks to First Person Shooter, get excited that Langly wore a tie to the funeral, and debate whether there can be any pilots on old-timey shows. This is our warning to you: Be very careful when walking across wet carpet! Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are trying to recover Mulder from a Nike Cult while we discuss “This Is Not Happening”! We’re talking how Theresa Hosey is the original Grunge Teen, how it’s dangerous to let Doggett emote on a plane, that Skinner may not be helpful in this investigation but he does have a great chest to cry into, how Scully and Skinner are like under-socialized dogs meeting a new dog at the park, and celebrate that Annabeth Gish has finally arrived! We worry that Doggett is getting outnumbered by believers, discuss Mulder’s future as a medical skeleton, wonder why Skinner didn’t just follow the trail of spleens Mulder left behind him after the UFO, and cheer on Richie Slay. Listen, we tried valiantly not to laugh at Scully’s “Nooooo!!!” because it is a sad moment, but we don’t quite make it. Note: The Lone Gunmen coverage starts next week and will be interspersed with the rest of The X-Files Season 8. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are hoping a government conspiracy hasn’t gotten involved in Scully’s pregnancy again while we discuss “Per Manum”! We’re talking how we can no longer ignore the fact that Scully is pregnant no matter how hard we try, wonder where Mulder kept Scully’s ova this entire time (hopefully not his freezer next to the ice cream), note that Scully and Doggett’s icy-blue eyes are too scary when combined, how Scully would love to reproduce asexually if she could, and how Doggett needs a big net to catch Mulder. We laugh at Scully’s intense commitment to not letting Doggett know a single personal thing about her, how Dr. Parenti’s name as an OBGYN is a little on the nose, shake our heads at Scully and Skinner being mean girls to Doggett, and pause the podcast when we see a mouse in our house. New cutesy phrase stand-off: Maybe Baby vs. Out of the pickle and into the brine. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are tracking an infectious disease through the Boston subway system while we discuss “Medusa”! We’re talking the very-real Jason Staham cameo, how Dr. Kelso from Scrubs will keep these trains running come hell or high water, wonder if it’s worth it to get infected by flesh-eating creatures if it means you can catch your train home on time, how Doggett is definitely a lover of the New York subway and as a result hates the fair city of Boston, and laugh at a Hazmat team running away from Scully in a brightly-lit hallway. We celebrate the return of the best kind of Scully yelling, get excited about robot sniffers, wonder where this strange tunnel boy came from, disapprove from the questionable service Dump-A-Kid, and wonder why this episode is called Medusa, exactly. We also thank Doggett for saying what we’ve all known to be true: Scully’s the boss. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are looking into troubling secrets and barfing creatures while we discuss “The Gift”! We’re talking whether or not Scully has any hobbies, how there’s no way Skinner reads any of their case reports, some Geico Caveman kissing ASMR, and how Mulder is screaming at witnesses. He’s back, baby! We’re happy to see Mulder, but we’re troubled by his actions, and isn’t that just like coming home? We discover that Skinner troublingly doesn’t know Mulder at all, how much Mulder hates wife-eaters, we check in on the Man Bat, we wave our cowboy hats around as Doggett gets into a stand-off, and we demonstrate our dedication to actively ignoring both of the major storylines in this season. Our powers of denial are stronger than Scully’s allergy to sharing details of her personal life. Aww… Euthanasia! Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are avoiding squeaky carts in public bathrooms while we discuss “Badlaa”! We’re talking Doggett’s ever-deepening New Yahk accent, how Scully is always late to the scene because she has to exchange insurance information with all the cars she’s hit, sloppy vampires, how Scully is terrified at being the believer, that Skinner would make a great test proctor, and how it only took us ten episodes to create an absolutely unrecognizable version of Doggett in our minds. Gemini King Skinner took at least two seasons to develop. We admire Chuck’s luscious 70s locks, suspect that Mulder may have Gone Guy’d himself, puzzle over the plot for a while, wonder where Chuck’s journey takes him after this, wonder if Doggett is planning a bachelor party, and wonder how long it took Scully to clean out that alien mug. Also, we’re flipping over our factory sign: 0 Days Since Scully Shot a Kid. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are turning into some kind of metal man while we discuss “Salvage”! We’re talking why you can’t blame everything on Gulf War Syndrome, how Doggett gets scared when Scully starts talking about the paranormal, our favorite extra who gets a little scared of a stick, how you have to shave lest you turn into a metal Chia Pet, and Doggett’s Boy Scout knife. We point out how much it would suck to get your head bowling ball’d, the truly bizarre pro-corrupt business practices stance this episode takes, how Doggett is immune to metal disease, and wonder why Scully has gotten nothing to do practically all season. The only thing deeper than Scully’s neurosis about sharing her emotions is Doggett’s New Yahk accent. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

This week we are staring through walls to look at Hollywood rats while we discuss “Surekill”! We’re talking Terence O’Hara and his telescoping eyes, maybe settle on a supremely-silly team name for Doggett and Scully, boo at Uncle Jack’s appearance, talk about the importance of having an attack child on your side, the real story of Howard Gordon’s departure, and how much Scully cares about safety first, but only for her. We note Doggett’s excitement over drug rip-offs, the exciting reappearance of Craddock Marine Bank, do some investigation to see if James Franco is in this one, shake our heads at Doggett’s anti-twin prejudice, and get really excited about a giant lighter for a while. Listen. Our joys are simple but sincere. Send us an email at scullynationpod@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!