Life Over Coffee

If your life was put in three different file drawers that represented your past, present, and future, which of the file drawers drains the most joy out of your life? For example, if there is a disruption of your contentment, it would indicate something has gone wrong in—at least—one of your file drawers. Thus, you would identify the problem and begin to restore contentment by isolating the issue and initiating a process to bring the gospel to bear on what seeks to disrupt your mind. To help drill down into this concept, I have developed three mind maps to bring clarity to taking our rogue thoughts captive. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/how-to-change-your-thought-life/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/

The noetic effect of sin means our thinking can be stinking at times. Humans, born in the image of God, fell into sin. Our fall broke the purity and clarity of the mind that God gave to us. We need a change of mind, which the mind map in this chapter will help us to understand. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/mind-mapping-stinking-thinking-thoughts-on-how-to-change-your-mind/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/

Physical intimacy in marriage is not merely a physical act—it is a spiritual indicator of the health of a relationship. Because the fall introduced shame, selfishness, and hiding into the human heart, couples carry broken patterns into marriage. But through repentance, gospel-centered love, and biblical koinonia, God transforms intimacy from self-centered desire into a Christ-reflecting union. Watch or Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-574-redeeming-physical-intimacy/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Have you ever accused yourself of something that was not true? It’s when you gaslight yourself, telling yourself something that is false. Any false argument launched against yourself can quickly turn into a mental stronghold that could debilitate you spiritually. We are susceptible to false arguments that can take control of our minds. These recurring thought patterns, when left unchecked, will become the dominating arguments of our minds, even to the point where they become our new truth—our new way of thinking. A stronghold is the instrument that shapes how we interpret and respond to life. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/how-to-take-every-thought-captive-the-battle-for-your-mind/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Your emotions can be good or bad, but in either case, they accurately reflect what is happening in your thought life. If the emotions are right, the person is thinking and responding correctly. If a person’s emotions are not biblically aligned with God’s Word, they need intentional, compassionate, and patient biblical care to help change their thinking. Let me illustrate. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/emotional-problems-point-to-a-poor-thought-life/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Suffering does not have to destroy a marriage, but it can reveal the hearts within it. Trials expose what we trust, what we fear, and what we worship. When couples learn to interpret suffering through the gospel, hardship becomes one of God’s primary tools for humility, repentance, deeper unity, and spiritual maturity. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-573-when-suffering-enters-your-marriage/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Some phrases are so catchy that they become part of our Christian vocabulary almost without question. Over time, these sayings turn into clichés—short, memorable expressions that capture an idea. There is nothing inherently wrong with this form of expression. A well-crafted phrase can serve as a helpful reminder of biblical truths. But when a cliché lacks theological depth and precision, it can do more harm than good. One such phrase is the distinction between head knowledge and heart knowledge. Read, Watch, or Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/problem-head-knowledge-versus-heart-knowledge/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Most marriage problems are not communication problems. They are repentance problems. When husbands and wives learn how to practice biblical repentance, conflict becomes the doorway to humility, forgiveness, and deeper relational intimacy. Read, Watch, Listen: Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Where do you begin when it comes to establishing and building friendships? May I suggest that you start with an uber-honesty with God? Building relationally with others should always begin with the Lord. Start by telling Him what He already knows about you. If you are married, you want to bring your spouse into these intimate and vulnerable moments with the Lord. Most of us have a secret world of shame, hurt, pain, and dread. With baby steps, you begin sharing your vulnerable self with those you trust. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/thoughts-on-how-to-build-with-each-other-relationally/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

How do you stay true to what you believe while not offending those who aren’t willing to get on board with your perspectives and practices? What if you have a weaker brother or sister whom you can’t correct? Does the weakest link in the relationship determine how things will be? When do you take a stand for what you believe; when do you capitulate to the other person? There are always two ditches in these types of relationships. You aim to stay out of both of them. In one, you cater to the person because you don’t want to offend them, or you could bull your way through without caring for the other person. Let me illustrate. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/how-to-love-a-difficult-person-without-them-controlling-you/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Every couple experiences conflict, but arguments are rarely about the issue on the surface. Conflict reveals what we love, what we fear, and what we believe will make us happy. When husbands and wives misunderstand the purpose of conflict, they either avoid it, escalate it, or weaponize it against one another. In this session, we will explore why conflict happens, what it exposes in the heart, and how the gospel provides a pathway for restoration, humility, and deeper intimacy in marriage. Read, Watch, Listen: Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Building a close network of friends inside a local church is one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do. Will you consider how you could position yourself for this kind of community? Let's begin with a word cloud. As you scan my list of words, what is the common denominator that connects all of them? There are probably several excellent answers. What would you say is the one thing that ties all of these words together? Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/three-keys-to-make-your-small-group-dynamic/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Is your small group living in-depth, transparent, intentional, reciprocating lives who have strong desires to change personally and as a group? Perhaps it’s a men’s group or a community group of ladies. It could be a mixed group that meets to go over the sermon or a book. How would you describe those gatherings? One of the most significant pitfalls that can stagnate any community group is shallowness, which implies there is no transformative force in the individual lives and a growing frustration among some of the participants due to the general shallowness of the group. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-revolutionary-cure-for-shallow-small-group-frustration/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

When couples say they have a communication problem, they are usually looking for techniques to improve how they talk. But communication struggles begin in the heart. New habits will only produce temporary improvement. In this session, we will explore how the gospel transforms the heart so that couples can move from talk trouble to genuine biblical koinonia—a shared life of honesty, humility, and grace. Watch: https://lifeovercoffee.com/ep-570-from-talk-trouble-to-koinonia/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Would it be better to have a Bible or a mentor? You might think my question is a trick question, though it is not meant to be. The potential dilemma is intended to provoke you to think first, respond second, and discuss thoroughly. The obvious answer to the question is both. The Bible does not say the Bible alone is all you need to change. The Bible does not suggest that all you need is a discipler. At different times and in different ways, the Bible makes a case for both of these options to be part of a person’s overall soul care package. Actually, the Bible teaches that there are five ways a person can change. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/which-do-you-need-for-your-maturity-a-bible-or-a-mentor/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Sometimes in life, you have to get into a conflict with someone. This dreaded reality is not a wish, desire, or prayer request but rather a common-sense perspective that comes with living in a sin-cursed world. It is impossible to have two or more humans living close to each other for an extended period and not have relational conflict. Sin does not accommodate our desires for peace or present a path of least resistance. Dealing with reality is a better starting point than pretending that bad things will never happen. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/there-are-times-when-you-have-to-get-into-conflict/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Marriage is hard. That may not sound spiritual, but it’s certainly biblical. From the moment sin entered the garden, marriage has been both a battlefield and a blessing. And if you’ve ever tried to love someone as much as you love yourself, you know the cost. That’s why this book matters. In Marriage or Mayhem?, I offer more than principles—I offer a framework, a theology, and a map. With years of experience counseling couples in crisis and equipping churches to disciple well, I learned a few things about getting beneath the surface. I name the real problems—idolatry, self-centeredness, functional theology—and bring the only real solution: Christ at the center. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/chapter-eleven-marriage-or-mayhem-marriage-defined/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

The title sounds careless and possibly scary, but before you blow a gasket, let me ask, “Have you reached sinless perfection yet?” We can pretend there is a secret in all our lives, but the truth is that it is not a secret at all: we still sin against God and each other. We might love God and others as we love ourselves, but we most certainly sin against God and others, too. This undeniable truth is a call to action to prepare for the inevitable. Like a wise financial steward who knows hard times are coming, he budgets for those difficult days. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/budget-sin-into-your-small-group-experience/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Your friends are deeply distressed about the sudden change in their teenage son’s behavior. Once known for his gentle demeanor, he is now withdrawn, frequently angry, and openly disrespectful toward them. Their concern deepens when they discover, after persistent questioning, that their son has been engaging in self-harming behaviors, specifically cutting. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/case-study-bug-off-an-angry-teen/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

There is a common rhetorical move in contemporary trauma-informed care conversations that sounds compassionate on the surface but is deeply reductionistic underneath. It frames care in terms of a binary: instead of asking, “What is wrong with you?” we should ask, “What has happened to you?” That contrast is often presented as enlightened and humane. The first question is portrayed as accusatory, shaming, harsh. The second is portrayed as empathetic, validating, and safe. That binary is not only simplistic; it is misleading. Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-569-the-false-choice-in-trauma-informed-care/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.