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Cognitive Contortions

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Have you ever lain awake at night pondering the big questions as you stare at the ceiling, waiting for the ever impending embrace of death? Questions like: “Why do people think the earth is flat?”, or, “Who came up with the idea of Reptilian overlords?”, and of course, “Is Donald Trump actually president? How did this happen and are we positive that we’re not just living in a nightmare?” - Well, here at the Cognitive Contortions Podcast we attempt to answer those questions, and many, many more. Our highly untrained and certainly unqualified team of investigator, (there’s only one), works tiredly, (seriously, this stuff is exhausting), to bring as much information to the table as possible. Using the most advanced databases and search optimization available in today’s modern age, (google), the self proclaimed amateur experts discuss and answer claims of conspiracy and theory. Please don’t let these burning, most important questions of our time keep you awake any longer, join us while four idiots, Tyler, Scott, Aaron and other Tyler, crush on Keanu Reeves, reference Star Wars, play pointless games and sort of talk about conspiracy theories; and you too can have, “peace of mind.” (T-Rex hands)

Have you ever lain awake at night pondering the big questions as you stare at the ceiling, waiting for the ever impending embrace of death? Questions like: “Why do people think the earth is flat?”, or, “Who came up with the idea of Reptilian overlords?”, and of course, “Is Donald Trump actually president? How did this happen and are we positive that we’re not just living in a nightmare?” - Well, here at the Cognitive Contortions Podcast we attempt to answer those questions, and many, many more. Our highly untrained and certainly unqualified team of investigator, (there’s only one), works tiredly, (seriously, this stuff is exhausting), to bring as much information to the table as possible. Using the most advanced databases and search optimization available in today’s modern age, (google), the self proclaimed amateur experts discuss and answer claims of conspiracy and theory. Please don’t let these burning, most important questions of our time keep you awake any longer, join us while four idiots, Tyler, Scott, Aaron and other Tyler, crush on Keanu Reeves, reference Star Wars, play pointless games and sort of talk about conspiracy theories; and you too can have, “peace of mind.” (T-Rex hands)
More Information

Location:

United States

Description:

Have you ever lain awake at night pondering the big questions as you stare at the ceiling, waiting for the ever impending embrace of death? Questions like: “Why do people think the earth is flat?”, or, “Who came up with the idea of Reptilian overlords?”, and of course, “Is Donald Trump actually president? How did this happen and are we positive that we’re not just living in a nightmare?” - Well, here at the Cognitive Contortions Podcast we attempt to answer those questions, and many, many more. Our highly untrained and certainly unqualified team of investigator, (there’s only one), works tiredly, (seriously, this stuff is exhausting), to bring as much information to the table as possible. Using the most advanced databases and search optimization available in today’s modern age, (google), the self proclaimed amateur experts discuss and answer claims of conspiracy and theory. Please don’t let these burning, most important questions of our time keep you awake any longer, join us while four idiots, Tyler, Scott, Aaron and other Tyler, crush on Keanu Reeves, reference Star Wars, play pointless games and sort of talk about conspiracy theories; and you too can have, “peace of mind.” (T-Rex hands)

Language:

English

Contact:

5408495389


Episodes

Episode 10: Hitlers High Ground

10/6/2019
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On this episode of the Podcast, we finish up our Moon Conspiracy series by discussing the holographic projection of the moon known as, “The Lunar Wave”, and tease our next series: Flat Earth. Tyler pitches his case for why he should record the next Foo Fighters, or at least Tenacious D album, Scott explains that the only thing holding back Danny DeVito is his lack of Shaquille O’Neals feet on his shoulders as wings, Aaron describes how, “we did sodomized”, both red and blue Matrix pills at...

Duration:01:41:50

Episode 7: Swastika Dick Hair

10/1/2019
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This week, we recover the lost 7th episode, by discussing the questionable evidence theorists use to “prove” that aliens live on the moon's surface. Tyler gives a dramatic theatre performance of alleged overheard moon landing conversations, Scott explains the trade deal between Nazis and aliens co-existing on the moon, Aaron reveals that Donald Trump is the real life Jar Jar Binks, and Ty shares that he doesn’t know what a prime number is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH46xnlaRBA As...

Duration:01:27:47

Episode 9: Brett Collin Rufilin the III

9/20/2019
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This week on Cognitive Contortions, we discuss the moon conspiracy whistle blower, Dr. Ralph, and other problematic claims of moon conspirators. Tyler explains how most conspiracy anomalies are the result of butt grease, Scott's dick is on blast (yet pristinely average), Ty describes what it’s like to get a vasectomy, and Aaron explains that Native Americans were not douchebags... except maybe the ones who played lacrosse. Also, Ty introduces a new segment, “It’s from the notes... fucker.”...

Duration:01:33:15

Episode 8: Slappin' that Mac

9/16/2019
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This week on Cognitive Contortions we begin the theory of a faked moon landing. Tyler theorizes that the moon may actually just be Two Faces coin, Scott is distracted by a local sex shop post card left on the coffee table, Ty finds the hidden dildo in the Comedians apartment in, “The Watchmen”, and Aaron explains how Tim Allen uses his radioactive tool belt to clean the mold off of the moons surface each lunar cycle. We also introduce a new recurring segment, “Reptilians in the real world!”...

Duration:01:45:51

Episode 6: Knuckle deep in that orange.

9/7/2019
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This week on Cognitive Contortions, we kick off our new series about the moon, and as chosen by audience applause, we start with the moon space station theory. Tyler explains how the moon gets its sexy on, Scott gets drunk off his un-fermented wine, (grape juice), Ty discovers that his Batman dvd box set needs an exorcism, and Aaron is away in VA working on his ariel dogfight thriller, “Bogeys on your Pank”, but joins us for Theory, Truth, or Bullshit. As always, thanks to Tim Ireland and...

Duration:01:42:51

Episode 5: Sciatica Strikes Back

9/1/2019
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Preview here!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERPE9S1WDT4 On this episode of Cognitive Contortions, we tie off our reptilian series by discussing the Reptilian theorists ideological consensus. Tyler loses his mind over the Solo movie, Scott explains how the relationships between monogamous gold works, Ty realizes that Cognitive Contortions is really just a Star Wars Podcast, and Aaron turns red with questions. As always, thanks to Tim Ireland and the musician Koit, for the use of our theme...

Duration:01:46:24

Episode 4: The Boy Is Back In Town

9/1/2019
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On this episode of Cognitive Contortions, we talk about David Icke’s last legitimate publications and his descent into Reptilian theory. Tyler catches the boys pissing in the corner, Scott swallows his word load, Ty introduces the podcast to the worst tongue noise in audio history, and the boy is back in town! Aaron returns from Ireland and introduces us to the, “tongue lengths”, system of measurement. We also introduce a new segment/game: “Theory, Truth or Bullshit!” As always, thanks to...

Duration:01:33:42

Episode 2: How do you De a Caf?

8/30/2019
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On this episode of Cognitive Contortions, we talk about David Icke’s turquoise phase. Tyler gives us a glimpse into Lord Vaughn Ickes personal life, Scott gets stuck at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles, Ty discusses the finer points of being born without consent, and Aaron is away in Ireland, presumably working in the spec script for: John Wick, Knights of the Old Republic. As always, thanks to Tim Ireland and the musician Koit, for the use of our theme song, "A Conspiracy Song". Check out Tim...

Duration:01:25:08

Episode 3: Get thee behind me Satan and beige thyself!

8/30/2019
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On this episode of Cognitive Contortions, we discuss David Ickes many publications and his theory of universal vibrations. Tyler explains what a petite novel is, (novella), Scott explains the love relationship between David Icke and Jesus, Ty learns of the Bowser trials one must undertake to get a library card, and Aaron is still away in Ireland working hard on his short erotic fiction, “Snake with an Ass”. Tyler did eventually get a Library Card: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h9SSFs50RA...

Duration:01:10:09

Episode 1: Why couldn't you just hold it?

8/29/2019
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On our very first episode of Cognitive Contortions, We talk briefly about Reptilian theory and it’s father, David Icke’s, formative years. Tyler learns that the Men In Black cockroach grows up to be Wilson Fisk, We find out that Scott is David Icke incognito, Ty has a revelation that Reptilians are just the manifestation of depression and Aaron shits his pants with questions. As always, thanks to Tim Ireland and the musician Koit, for the use of our theme song, "A Conspiracy Song". Check out...

Duration:01:23:46

Welcome! Here's a little something of what to expect

8/28/2019
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Just Tyler saying hello to all the beautiful listeners out their! Welcome to the Podcast, here's a rough idea of what to expect over the next few months!

Duration:00:03:16