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A weekly podcast wherein we gleefully freestyle-review a book we HAVEN’T read, with only the inscrutable cover and wild, wild imagination to go on. We only judge a book by its cover!

A weekly podcast wherein we gleefully freestyle-review a book we HAVEN’T read, with only the inscrutable cover and wild, wild imagination to go on. We only judge a book by its cover!
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A weekly podcast wherein we gleefully freestyle-review a book we HAVEN’T read, with only the inscrutable cover and wild, wild imagination to go on. We only judge a book by its cover!




21 · Christopher Anvil's Katzendämmerung

A gang of rogue geneticists, lead by an anarchic pharmacist-cum-messiah-figure, seek to turn the world order upside down by seeding the atmosphere with a virus that restructures human DNA to pull out animal traits. Robert Katz, an early test subject, must find a way to stop them. "RX for Chaos", by Christopher Anvil, as recommended by friend-of-the-library Old Pines. Continuing the trend of hunky cat-men that last appeared in the show back in episode 2, this week's book is all about the...


20 · James P. Hogan's Rainbow Revolution

“In a world where poor fashion-choices mean death, one man dared to wear orange.” The heir to an inter-stellar fashion empire, on an in-between year, uncovers an unlikely artefact of ancient Zambian space history and sparks a revolution – but the Fashion Police are always one step ahead... K recites the French irregular adjectives and explains where jeans go when they dye. Khaki recites one of his favorite limericks and defends JJ Abrams's oeuvre against unprovoked attacks. Bookmarked...


19 · Orson Scott Card's Gay Razzmatazz

"In a world where science and engineering rule while magic merely serves, an industrialist aristocrat’s genius heir finds himself drawn to the allure of a novice kitchen-wizard." Young love blossoms in a world aswirl with conflicts both magical and mundane in an alternate Victorian era where Europe's class system changes under the influx of magical innovations from the flourishing African nations. All that fancy philosophy aside, a cover like this promises certain salacious same-sex...


18 · Andre Norton's Shoshone-Suomi Showdown

Poor timing abounds, as ancient secrets are accidentally unlocked through clumsy cultural appropriation – just as mankind prepares to abandon wonder forever. Rival thunder-god wanna-bes Yan-a-bumfit and Perkele enter the ring: place your bets! K recites the Rhyme of British Coinage. Khaki tells K about a Space Thing for a change. Bookmarked passages: Phase 1, Canadian Bear Man, six-wheeled fennecs, abridged and incomplete novels, Readers' Digest, sorting on the Z-axis, Supermarionation,...


17 · Jerry Sohl's Nuclear Neo-Fascist Burning Man

Urania returns! Amid the nuclear fires of post-war fascist Italy two avant-garde music acts vie for dominance over the future of European pop music, making unlikely friends and allies along the way. Geiger-punks vs X-Ray Anarchists! K tries to remember "that other vampire writer" and invents "La Bamba No. 5". Khaki needs to get his notes in order, and dwells on his time stuck in the glue traps. Bookmarked passages: Halfway between hooloovoo and octarine, was Homer color-blind? (yes),...


16 · A Very No-Nipple Era

"City on the Moon" by Murray Leinster Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: Donald Atticus, an Earth journalist inspecting an absurdly-domed City On The Moon, becomes embroiled in inter-colonial conflict. But could hehave a secret agenda of his own? ...Yes. yes, he does have a secret agenda you got that, right? K quotes a Ukrainian colleague. Khaki warms up to Chewborka and invents the word 'hemitorus'. And a rival reviewer writes in! Bookmarked passages: Display prances,...


15 · Let's Rod 'Em

Operation: Damocles by Oscar L. Fellows Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: K is hip with the kids' lingo and teaches Khaki lots of Space Things. Khaki explains his "photographic memory" and forgets the word "photo". Bookmarked passages: introducing Guinevere, no lasers in space, everything Icarus, the graveyard orbit, useless code names, Fortynite dances, is a jetpack a spacecraft, the secret city of Delaware, Camp Sandyballs, Navajo verb categorization, a three-way...


14 · Kicked In The R’s

"The Fourth "R"" by George O. Smith Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: Rabble-rousing Rodrigo raucously rejects the ruling ranks and rocks out with rebellious renegades to reignite the revolution! Bookmarked passages: Glue Traps Part II, unused Genie bottles, constructivist art and Farscape, top-seasoning of an Executor Class Star Destroyer, Thinking Cap, Cathar gnostics, Taekwondo.exe, past tense of reading, three languages in a trench goat, George R. R. R. R. Martin, the...


13 · Musk Has the Dragon Capsules

"The Secrets of the Martian Moons" by Donald A. Wollheim Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: Peerson Starshine has just been pod-jacked and fights for his life among mountains of Space Guano – ah, who are we kidding! In this episode we tell stories about bridges and brides while imagining a parallel universe where our recommendations and reviews are actually accurate. K does some excellent foley work. Khaki names a Welsh town. Bookmarked passages: the Glue Traps of Hubris,...


12 · Fish Fingers — Not Flounder Gloves

"Time to Teleport" by Gordon R. Dickson Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: continuity rears its head, and we learn an important lesson from a disgruntled scientist's journey through time and space! Do we learn from our past and work to build a better future or do we pull our chrono-spatial ripcord and nope-out? K practices championship-level technobabble. Khaki has too many notes to comprehend, so many notes. Bookmarked passages: Look out below, Booze Chess, completely...


11 · A Moebius Ring-World

"Multiface" by Mark Adlard Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: We're getting really good at notes, and wield them like little sticky-yellow shuriken! We learn about Spocking, meow at a lemniscate, give a poor review to a book we haven't read, and immediately feel bad about it. So sorry, mister Adlard. K swoons over David Tennant cuddling kittens. Khaki has a bad case of Paper Fever and scores 10 points! Bookmarked passages: Fuck Essential Oils, Fall Out Pip Boy, Art Deco via...


10 · Not How You Eat Fugu

"Crabs: the Human Sacrifice" by Guy N. Smith Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: the Sea Can't Hold Them, We Can't Stop Them, and They're Here to Kill! But a toxin-resistant trainee sous-chef and a plucky band of unlikely heroes valiantly resist the hordes of vicious decapods. Will they win, or are their clams royally baked? K does some suspicious Googling. Khaki learns a recipe for grilled bookworms. Bookmarked passages: Khaki the Skywalker, Eco-gnome-ics 101, the Pen is a...


9 · Sucked into the Cyber-Quilt

"Lost in Cyberspace" by Richard Peck Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we try something new with our notes and it goes very well indeed, resulting in a sexless late-90s Weird Science / Tron hybrid set in the digital equivalent of Pennsylvania. K mimes Cupid instead of Hunger Games. Khaki just wants something to thump. Bookmarked passages: Tensing Norgay, Teenagers played by Twentysomethings, Eighties Mega-Perm, the Source Quilt, TCP over Carrier Pigeon, Maybe Just a Nibble,...


8 · Lips That Touch 'Nip

"Godsfire" by Cynthia Felice Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we read the Little Librarianess's favorite book. The ancients return to plunge Earth in a fiery flea-dip rule over humanity with a velvet paw – but the Cat Ladies have a plan to save us: drugs. Khaki apologizes insincerely for saying 'purrchandise'. K brandishes a spray bottle. Bookmarked passages: Frighteningly graphic "catch and release", Renaissance Van Dyke, Apparatchik vs Capo, the Order of the Pearl...


7 · Trekkies at a Ren Fair

"Tam Son of the Tiger" by Otis Adelbert Kline Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we examine the tragic consequences of rival fandoms clashing and the embrace a glimmer of hope for harmony when we learn to see the world through someone else's eyes, coming closer together as friends. K compares jungle flora to a Matryoshka Brain and Khaki builds a tipi out of books. Bookmarked passages: Mowgli is from the Internet Subconscious, the Jungles of Kew Gardens, the Opposite of a...


6 · Rome Money, Rome Problems

"I Paria dell'Atomo" by Max-André Rayjean Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we pretend to espouse opinions and attitudes not our own and, golly-gee willickers, we're just no dang good at it. We sure do try, though! Bookmarked passages: What do we feed books? Ray-Gun, Rosie the Roomba, the Outcast Neutron, Mark Wahlberg the Martian, from Billiamo to Spock, Esmengelbert's Bum, Gluten-free Cat, a Bad Hit from a Hoe. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.


5 · After Eating the Missionary

"The Drums of Tapajos" by Colonel S. P. Meek Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which Khaki distracts K to converse directly with the readers at home, and we fall deeper into the madness of arguing passionately about a book we haven't read. We wisely pull the ripcord before it's too late. The spoiler warning is therefore entirely superfluous, but hey, at least it's there! Bookmarked passages: the remains of Decimal Dewey, a Touch o' the Ol' Syphilis, Bill the Pony vs Artax,...


4 · Riddled with Johnson's Tubes

"WASP" by Eric Frank Russell (or maybe Eric, Frank and Russell) Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we meet beloved but problematic literary legend Blake Whitecock, delve into the geopolitical reality of the Falklands Cold War, and pitch a movie version with two Anne Hathaways and a Halle Berry. Bookmarked passages: Burning Fahrenheit 451, Which One Is Enid Blyton Again, Nubbly Bits on What I Think is the Jet, Fantastic Lesbian Subtext, Scramjet Tracheae, Teniente-Coronel...


3 · Snake Starts with an S

"Deryni Checkmate" by Katherine Kurtz (or maybe the other way around?) Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we discuss the names of medieval armour, whether 'scallop' or 'scallion' is a better job, and fail to escape the 'Explicit' tag by the skin of our teeth. Bookmarked passages: Not a NYT Bestseller, A Lot Happening on the Front, Point at Egbert, Cuirass or Tabbard, Retroactive Chamber of Secrets Ripoff, Teetering on the Prepuce, The Milk Boy Dafydd, and Seven is a Good Snake...


2 · Asymmetrical Twenty-nine-pack

"Dagger's Point" by Anne Logston Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we accidentally started inventing a pretty good book to argue about before we remembered what we were doing. Oops! Bookmarked passages: Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Sphinx cats' bronzed oiled skin, Towers or toars, 4-foot tabby lynx, Bob Ross?, Glaive on a stick, THE TUFTS, The Segue Award 2018, StormFangBloodMoon II, a wild idea for a podcast. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.