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LMOE #142 - Amazon Tease Fest and GQ Panty Waists

The world has turned upside down and all the Chinese people have fallen off. It's our job to fix what is rotten on this planet with semi-literate commentary on the week's events. It doesn't pay well, and there is no paternity leave, but everybody here speaks English and can take a dick joke. So there's that. On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we delve deep into the deep throating done by major cities to attract Jeff Bezos to their metro portals, mock GQ magazine for selecting Serena...


LMOE #141 - #IAmSexist

The entire premise of this little 100,000,000 audience strong Last Men on Earth podcast is that men are under siege in these times of feminist planet hijackings. As if women can fly. Just kidding. No I'm not. Make this stop. When we began the show a few years ago, it was mostly that. Never did we foresee that it would be a massive rise in soy males apologizing on behalf of their gender that would be dealing the fatal blow. Never underestimate the power of random people to disappoint you. On...


LMOE #140 - Sarah Silverman Comes Up Spunky

Moral outrage is directly proportional to the general number of skeletons in one's closet. Normal people good with their soul compass don't feel a need to lecture others on right and wrong. People who used to giggle and clap while Louis C.K. tugged one out on the living room couch tend to cover with lots of #MeToo tweets. It's human nature. You can't fight nature. On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we cover Sarah Silverman's unappetizing reveal that she used to be Louis C.K.'s...


LMOE #139 - Liz Warren Go Whoop Whoop

Pro Tip of the Day: no matter how much you love your rub and tug masseuse, continue to use your fake name. This comes to us from a guy who just woke up in Bangkok with a rip-roaring headache and only one kidney. On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, Matt and I delve into Elizabeth Warren's Cherokee genes, support the trans power bottom suing the shit out of the Shitty Men in Media google doc list publisher, wonder how long until SNL drops the hammer on charity case Pete Davidson, work...


LMOE #138 - White Chicks Are Crazy Angry

This is no time for White Males to stand up and be counted. The stanzas of simplistic chants directed at your patriarchal domineering alone are enough to make you want to build a rocket ship and aim toward a new sun. Nevertheless, Matt and I, the two whitest males in the history of alabaster masculinity remain determined to fight the tide. Not for a noble purpose so much as we drank too much and can't find the door. I like beer. On this week's prophetic podcast, we delve deep into the...


LMOE #137 - Ronaldo Steals Stink, Lindsay Lohan Arabic Kidnappings

It's easy to assume the world is going crazy, because it is. Not in that slow, stepped way either. Nope, like overnight, that woman you knew as the helpful town pharmacist for 40 years is on the roof spraying bullets to stop the alien invasion. In that analogy, the world is the chunky lady with the AK-47. I'm not sure what the aliens are. On this week's podcast, we delve into what's ailing this world, like the new California law forcing companies to put a quota of women on Boards, you know,...


LMOE #136 - Cosby Rape, Kavanaugh Rape Accused, Pete Davidson Rape Face

There's simply a ton of raping going on these days. Don't let the stats fool you. Cosby raped a bunch of women's toes and ears. Brett Kavanaugh raped his liver in high school, if not a girl with a very squeaky voice, and Matt raped our toilet here after eating some bad cheap seafood. What ever happened to simply asking nicely for some action and smiling kindly? On this week's podcast we delve into the Cosby case and conviction, Pete Davidson's apology tour around Ariana Grande's privates,...


LMOE #135 - Brett Kavanaugh Raping the 80's

And now you find yourself in '82 The disco hotspots hold no charm for you Yeah, this was bound to happen. The 36-year old career blocking sort of rape sort of remember high school party unwanted grope alleged of SCOTUS nominee, Brett Kavanaugh. The ensuing imbroglio and media firestorm has pitted the stupidest members of both partisan clans in a rhetorical battle of completely unfounded commentary. It's what our world has become. Or always was. Only now all the assholes have microphones,...


LMOE #134 - Serena Williams Muscle-Bound Brat

I always joke about how this episode is going into the Smithsonian. None of these episodes are headed for official government or museum archives. But somewhere I like to think Larry Flynt is burying time capsules full of his era's most obscene content and we'll be Saran-wrapped next to Jugs. Dare to dream. On this week's episode we delve into the Serena Williams bicep bulging U.S. Open meltdown and how nobody in the media is allowed to mock her tantrums, touch on Norm McDonald playing the...


LMOE #133 - Louis C.K. Untugged

The benefit of a modern digital and omnipresent media is the ability to know the sick and disturbing truths about anyone and anything we once held dear. Wait, I meant, that's the downside. The benefit is free porn. Easy to forget the distinction, even if it is the basis of our little weekly get-together on The Last Men on Earth. On this week's podcast we definitely and fairly deride John McCain, wonder whether truth matters at all in the making of a modern rape victim singer-songwriter,...


LMOE #132 - Asia Argento #SheToo

Of course, certain stories just drop right into your lap like exotic dances on the make. When Asia Argento and her sisters armed with venom at the seedy Hollywood system and its even seedier players, you simply knew shoes would drop in all sorts of directions. Partly based on the fact Harvey Weinstein and his team of Mossad trained information assassins are on a scorched earth policy; and partly because everybody in this business is dirty. Finding sexual indiscretions and hypocrisy in the...


LMOE #131 - Banana Hammocks and Women With Man Hands

I never thought this little podcast of ours would become the most profound and thoughtful take on the times we live in. And I was right. Not even close. However, if you listen regularly, and without falling into a fentanyl coma, you will learn a thing or two. Like Mister Rogers with swear words, or just Mister Rogers when the cameras were off. On this week's show, Matt and I get into the Speedo activist at the Encore Beach Club in Vegas, decry racism in the rather varied response to drug...


LMOE #130 - Roger Ailes Is Dead and Fat and In a Movie

There are days I don't want to get out of bed. But not podcast show days. Those are the times I raise myself by sheer force of will and find the strength to share the truth with the world. Also, cocaine mixed with Maxwell House. More the latter really. Everybody must do their part. Check out this week's Patreon Exclusive Bonus Content for rather sensitive information about Melania Trump's hooking. On this week's episode of Last Men on Earth, Matt and I question the logic of letting...


LMOE #129 - Straight White Men, The Male Bashing Musical

Being a straight white male comes with tremendous privileges. The secret clubs come to mind where we hand each other the keys to the kingdom and recommit ourselves to denying access to all others. Not all that secret; we meet in the back of Carrows every other Tuesday, codename: Kiwanis. With all of this privilege, it's about the disenfranchised people who produce Broadway shows bring to the stage, Straight White Men, a satirical takedown of all this privilege. Matt and I just ordered our...


LMOE #128 - Gay Conversion Sleep-away Camp

Sometimes I wonder if two half-breeds with poor work habits can actually save this gaseous spinning orb. Then I remember that's the precise winning character formula of every space opera ever. So Matt and I persist. Not because we must, but because we long ago forgot where the door is. On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we wade hip deep into the latest bit of Sacha Baron Cohen shtick exposing how stupid old white people are pretty much stupid, old, and white, consider the fact that...


LMOE #127 - Sexual Mummification

Neither the rockets red glare nor the illegal Mexi-fireworks bursting in air could sway Matt and I from our appointed recording rounds to knock out LMOE #127. America! You're far from perfect, but you're still the girl at the dance everybody wants to feel up. On this week's podcast we delve into the sexual mummification death of a UCLA gay studies professor in the dungeon of a William Morris executive, laugh again at Terry Crews for his tears-of-an-oversized-clown routine before Congress,...


LMOE #126 - The Chrissy Teigen Breast Pump Dump

My grandmother once told me, there's a reason they don't have boxing in the Special Olympics. She left it at that. It took me nearly two decades to figure out what she meant. And no, I'm not telling you. You've got nineteen years to beat me. On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, Matt fights through a raging case of cerebral herpes as we discuss CHRISSY TEIGEN breasts as dutiful mother and attention whore, SUGE KNIGHT denied request for an obvious escape attempt, laugh at KAT VON D for...


LMOE #125 - Gender Studies Breach

June is Offensive Podcast Appreciation month, I'm fairly sure, need to look that up. Matt and I were determined to add some nuggets of wisdom and truth to our crap salad of words this week in honor of the celebration. Did we succeed? Probably not. I think we need a life coach. On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we ventured into the musings of Gender Studies deep thinker Suzanna Danuta Walters, she's one of the best, agreed that we'd hang ourselves with a bathrobe belt if Rose McGowan...


LMOE #124 - Mocha Frappucino With a Shot of Overraction

Lex and Matt are back to talk about a gay conversion summer camp memoir that's probably automatically going to win Best Picture, Starbucks making themselves look worse by trying to fix their loitering problem, that stupid royal wedding, why Matt feels honest cheap food is better than food that tries to be better than it actually is, Hannah Simone's sexist nonwhite discrimination card against ABC, whether Brian or Rocco's Tavern is more to blame for him dumping half of their pizza on the...


LMOE #123 - Feminist Dystopia

Lex and Matt sneak into Rocco's Tavern when there's no big soccer game on to talk about Amber Rose and Amanda Knox's weird discussion on sexual history and murderous tendencies, DJ Khaled's oral opposition, Johnny Depp's violent drunkenness (and Matt's apology to Amber Heard), Stormy Daniels' undeserved praise, Ashley Graham's "flawless" overweight body, Kevin Hart's friend's sex tape extortion plot, and finally, the utter ridiculousness of The Handmaid's Tale.