Smash Fiction

The eighth annual Cagematch arrives in your podcatcher as the legends foretold! Cagemas is a time for family, a time for self-reflection, and a time for watching an ill-advised amount of Nicholas Cage movies in an artificially compressed amount of time. To honor this spirit, Kit got us all to explore the whimsical version of Arizona that is Raising Arizona and H.I. McDunnough's nebulously Southern accent. MeganBob asked what a job is really worth and to quietly consider whether or not Shirley MacLaine can get it with Guarding Tess. Claire dragged us into the topsy-turvy meta-narrative of The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (and if you haven't had the chance yet to say nouveau shamanic acting, do yourself a favor and say it, just as a little treat.) And finally, Smash Fiction cousin, Kris Newton, busted in with Willy's Wonderland bringing us a character that's all efficiency, no chat, and possessed with the most devoted relationship to pinball yet committed to film. Our other Smash Fiction cousin, Hub, presides over the madness as we throw mashed potatoes at each other and kick each other under the table. But deep down, the true spirit of Cagemas is celebrating the perpetual kaleidoscope of strangeness that is the career of Nic Cage and sharing in that strangeness together. So, come on in, pull up a seat, and feel the warm glow of Cagemas love!

Merry Cagemas, gentle listeners, and welcome to the seventh annual Cage Match, presented by the largely (but not entirely) defunct Smash Fiction podcast! Four Nicolas Cage characters are set to do battle for the title of World Heavyweight Cage, and these particular Cages are among the most wretched and tragic in the notoriously eccentric actor's oeuvre! Has Kit finally found a Cage worthy of their strange devotion in the form of Johnny from Zandalee? Is Miles' somehow even more nihilistic interpretation of Pig enough to turn a chef into a champion? Can Claire actually remember what happened in Prisoners of the Ghostland? And will MeganBob fall from grace in defense of Seth from City of Angels, or soar to new heights on gilded wings? Or, you know, just start shipping everyone? Special guest judge Kris Newton presides as the SmashFic crew comes together once again to celebrate friendship, good cheer, and of course, bullshit. Cage bless us, every one!

Good news everyone! There are more Hard Choices episodes waiting for you right now on the Hard Choices feed! You should be able to locate it on all the podcatchers. Here's the one for Apple, if that's your bag! If you have any troubles locating Hard Choices in your podcatcher, just hit me up @meganbobness on Twitter or in the Smash Fiction Fan Faction on Facebook. There's also a Patreon if you want even more and you want it now! Now, if you're Hard Choices curious, but not sure if it's for you, give this a quick listen because I'm going to try and pitch you on why it's worth a shot. You're great and I'm so dang grateful for all of your support!

Boners assemble! It's time to rank the fuckability of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the team of Claire, Kit, and Dan Mulkerin, along with MeganBob, are ready to romance one of the most expansive franchises in modern history. In their quest to find the median of fuckability, you'll learn more about robot sex than you ever thought you'd need to know, more about our hosts than ever before, and perhaps an answer to the question of just how exactly does the Hulk smash. So, grab your best spandex outfit and climb aboard the helicarrier for a ride that you'll never forget. Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/soundroll/funk-me License code: PY3X4XBA59ZDUAVZ https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/funky-junk License code: KIXMIV9S2VDVUHLW https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-gentleman License code: UWXG3BXPCASTYIHY https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/lets-get-it License code: MGTNINNDEXYJBAZQ https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/high-life License code: GE9B1XIV9R1VKMML https://uppbeat.io/t/doug-organ/boogie-time License code: QOVELAYOE1SDZQ4Y https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-brighton-bop License code: VWDJ4C60GOAIPACW

The second installment of Hard Choices is on the viewscreen and it’s a doozy. Join Miles Schneiderman and Ensign MeganBob, along with special guests Sharon Schneiderman and Kris Newton, as they beam aboard the USS Horny to bone where no podcast has dared to bone before. The show sets a course to discover the median of fuckability in the 90s Star Trek universe and learns a lot about our crew members along the way. So, put on your best jumpsuit and head to the holodeck for some quality hot takes on the Star Trek characters you grew up with. Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/soundroll/funk-me License code: PY3X4XBA59ZDUAVZ https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/funky-junk License code: KIXMIV9S2VDVUHLW https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-gentleman License code: UWXG3BXPCASTYIHY https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/lets-get-it License code: MGTNINNDEXYJBAZQ https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/high-life License code: GE9B1XIV9R1VKMML https://uppbeat.io/t/doug-organ/boogie-time License code: QOVELAYOE1SDZQ4Y https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-brighton-bop License code: VWDJ4C60GOAIPACW

Welcome to Smash Fiction Presents: Hard Choices, a podcast appearing approximately whenever the mood strikes and guaranteed to explore new vistas of horniness! In this episode, Miles Schneiderman, Kit Mulkerin, MeganBob, and special guest Katrina Ehrnman-Newton rank the fuckability of 21 notable Lord of the Rings characters in an attempt to uncover who is the median most fuckable character in the LOTR universe. Turn down the torchlight, stuff your pipe with the finest weed in the Southfarthing, and get ready for some big feelings (the ones that really matter) in this sensual journey that Tolkien would absolutely never have approved of. Music and sound credit to: "Long Road Ahead", "Light Sting", "Der Kleber Sting," "Hero Theme," "In The West" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.filmmusic.io) License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

It's been awhile, old friend, but Smash Fiction could never let go of that most sacred of holiday traditions, the Cagemas match. Gather around and let us spin you a tale of some Cages, a Cage Match arena, a man named Ebenezer, and the spirit of Cagemas that lives within us all. In this episode, Dan gives Spider Man Noir from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse an opening argument that demands a standing ovation and Kit spills all the Alpaca dad knowledge on Nathan Gardner from Color Out of Space. But can Miles use his future sight to bring Cris Johnson from Next to victory? Can Liz make a hard left into Star Wars to secure a win for Wylie from Jiu Jitsu? Will MeganBob ever give us the recipe for a Cage Match winner while telling us all about Behmen von Bleibruck from Season of the Witch? Claire takes the reins in this Smash Fiction reunion show for the ages, so grab a warm drink and settle in for the Sixth Annual Cagemas Match!

Back when we recorded the fiftieth and final episode of Extraordinary League, Claire prepared one of her Mordin songs just in case we introduced ourselves at the beginning, going with a riff on the main theme from the opera "Maria and Draco" from the game Final Fantasy VI. We ended up not doing the usual type of intro for League episode 50, but we decided we didn't want Claire's effort going to waste. Now that the bonus content has been added to the feed, this seemed like a fitting note to go out on. We love you, ohana!

Sometimes when we have to take a break mid-recording, magical things happen. In this case we were treated to an impromptu piece of live theater courtesy of Liz and a host of dragon sound effects. Gather round for a tale of dragons, divisible hearts, Draco Malfoy, and how cool gold is!

Didn't feel right, not putting out a supercut of the last stretch of episodes on August 1st. Happy anniversary!

This episode originally aired on Patreon as a public bonus episode in November 2017. The original description follows: Since we try to keep our episodes around an hour long, sometimes Miles has to leave a lot of side talk on the cutting room floor. But sometimes that side talk is just a little too...flavorful. Enjoy this free-for-all pre-show bonus snippet from our Thor/Wonder Woman episode, but beware. It's a little spicy.

This episode originally aired on Patreon as a public bonus episode in September 2017. The original description follows: During some behind-the-scenes silliness, Space Jam came up in a random discussion (because of course it did). Kit requested that Miles isolate this clip of Liz and Bob's combined awesomeness to turn into an alert tone for her phone. Miles did the thing. And it was good. Now we leave it here for all to enjoy and use for whatever space and hoop needs you may have.

Everyone loves an encore, right? Book, music, and lyrics by Claire Mulkerin, with assistance from Miles Schneiderman, Kit Mulkerin, Dan Mulkerin, Liz Logan, and Meganbob.

If you're hurting for some more Smash Fiction content, we have a blast from the past for you! Cast your mind to Phoenix, Arizona, back to the halcyon days of 2018, where Miles, Sharon, and Matias hosted a Surprise Party panel! Listen as three unwitting volunteers find themselves drawing characters from sources like Ben 10, Akira, Warhammer 40,000, Gravity Falls, and a surprising number of actual living people, and then send their parties on an epic quest for real, physical prizes! It's fun for the whole family! Presuming, of course, your family is a bunch of nerds.

Our heroes say goodbye. Music from https://filmmusic.io "Motherlode" and "District Four" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com). License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/) Additional music and sounds from tabletopaudio.com

This is it: the final, climactic end of the Smash Fiction saga! As we prepare to draw the curtain on this story, we gather together for one final, over-the-top contest of strength, wits, and bullshit. We've seen fifty characters rise to victory over the course of season 3, but only one of them will ascend to the truly elevated status of SMASH BASH champion! The show may be coming to a close, but we have plenty of plans for the future, so make sure you stick around till the end of the episode to hear what to expect from us very soon. Thank you for such an amazing ride! Theme song is from https://filmmusic.io - "Hitman" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com). License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

The Smash Fiction saga comes to a climactic finish with our final match! That Tome of Eternal Darkness is up to its old tricks, and with its current hamburger-obsessed host proving to be a bit lackluster, the book stretches its dark tendrils across time and space in search of more fertile minds to corrupt. What it finds are three Jedi at the height of their respective powers. All three want to destroy the book... but none are willing to trust the tome's destruction to a lesser Force user. Rafael Medina joins us once more as we ask: Will Revenge of the Sith-era Obi-Wan's training, experience, and command of the high ground lead him to success? Will Rise of Skywalker-era Rey prove that these other two should stay in the past where they belong? Or will Return of the Jedi-era Luke Skywalker go down to Tosche Station to pick up the power converters... of victory?

It all comes down to this. Additional music from https://filmmusic.io - "Take a Chance" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com). License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Sometimes the holidays come and go and you still haven't gotten everything on your wishlist. Somehow, no one noticed your specific requests for bad accents and worse puns. Well, fret no more, because we're sending off 2019 in style with the final episode of Ship Wrecked! That's right, we've gathered together four of the nastiest characters from fiction in an effort to see if any of them are capable of finding true love. Can characters from Final Fantasy, Steven Universe, Call of Duty, and the works of Dr. Seuss navigate both the pitfalls of relationships and the challenges put forth by our capricious host? Come for the shipping, stay for the unexpected plot developments! Additional sound effects from sydneyturner.com and from youtube.com/watch?v=U34MegCHlig.

It's that time of year once again, listeners: time for the fifth annual Cage Match! That's right, we have a collection of characters from across Nicolas Cage's filmography gathered together in the squared circle for a no-holds-barred fight to the finish. Will The Rock's Stanley Goodspeed avoid the flaming trolley car of defeat? Can Terence McDonagh of Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans put enough drugs into his system to alchemically transform himself into a winner? Can Sean Archer succeed where his Face/Off costar Castor Troy failed? And what the hell is Joe Majors from Between Worlds doing here anyway?