The Grimm Truth

Pied Piper of Hamelin - So, you were just going to "hang out" with all those kids? You "swear" you "didn't know" Charli D'Amelio was "only 16?" A "friend" "gave" you that bag of buttplugs but you "didn't know" what was in it? Yeah, why don't you have a seat right over there, Piper. Death's Messengers - A vigorous man takes the challenge of a lifetime when he signs 40 pages of waivers he didn't bother to read, allowing death to torture him for a chance at winning a cash prize. Unfortunately,...

The Hare and the Hedgehog - An extremely based retelling of the tortoise and the hare but instead of all that dumb meaning and substance, there's a bunch of woman-hating and violence and maybe racism?? Grimm Truth after dark mode: engaged. No babies allowed. Rumpelstiltskin - King's daughter: "NOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T TAKE EVERYTHING I OWN AND MARRY ME AND GET ME PREGNANT! YOU CAN'T JUST SPIN STRAW AND MAKE ME GUESS WHAT YOUR NAME IS FOR ALL ETERNITY! YOU ARE GOING TO END UP SPLITTING YOURSELF IN...

The Turnip - Turn up for what, am I right? ..Tough crowd. So it's been a minute but we're back at it again! We got a brotherly feud that could put the Bluths to shame in this extremely anticlimactic tale of a turnip farmer, his brother, a king (without a hot daughter), and a scholar. There's some bad decisions and shenanigans and eventually the two brothers manage to get the scholar in the sack. ..Not in a gay way, though. I definitely wouldn't be into that haha I told you already I'm not...

The Young Giant - Remember the Thumb-Thumbs from Spy Kids? This is them now. Feel old yet?? Okay, we're a little rusty on the descriptions, BEAR WITH ME. Finally, after all this waiting, we've finally gotten to a story that is AS BAD as the Shuttering one?? (NOT CLICKBAIT) So here's the deal, we got a tiny thumb guy who gets stolen by a giant and raised to be a giant, except it's weird because literally every part of the story is oozing with homoerotic imagery so it's pretty distracting, I...

The Devil's Sooty Brother - Simple Hans hangs out with the devil in hell and cooks up some of his former superiors into soups (basically hot human water). All is well and good until somebody decides do something bad to him, then he doesn't like it and he cries like a dumb baby and runs back to the devil to tell him what happened. Then a king with a hot daughter gets forced into it for literally no reason and it's kind of a mess. Godfather Death (II) - OOPSIE WOOPSIE! UwU we made a fricky...

The Little Peasant - "You brought me myrrh? Thank you." "..Myrrh-DER!" "JUDAS! :O" A bunch of dumb townspeople sign a petition to storm a lake to steal as many sheep as possible because "they can't catch all of us." Big surprise, they get murdered. A little sheep wants to become mayor, but, and you won't believe this, he gets murdered. A cow is magically willed into existence, only to be, you guessed it, MURDERED. A raven is wrapped in the aforementioned cow's corpse and gets his head...

Little Red Cap - Spoiler alert, it's Little Red Riding Hood, so not a lot to see here. Scuffed descriptions for a scuffed podcast. Get over it. The Nixie in the Well - I want a water spirit that go to church... ~AND READ HER BIBLEEEEEE~ Become Friend of the Podcast Intro/Outro Music: From Russia With Love - Huma-Huma This podcast is powered by Pinecast.

The Queen Bee - The virgin simpleton vs. the chad brothers: Tiny creatures have a big day when a much less clever Tyrion Lannister teams up with an army of ants and some very questionable bees to do some dumb puzzles and win a wife. The bee queen sits on the faces of a bunch of young girls (not kidding) and makes out with them while they're drugged and unconscious in order to decide which one is the youngest/hottest (still not kidding). Then, the idiot's ALPHA brothers (who have been doing...

The Wolf and the Seven Little Goats - While mother is away, the kids will play... Until a hungry wolf enters the fray. "My, oh my, what great hiding spots you've chosen today," the wolf exclaimed in a condescending way. "No one wants to be tickled today? I promise it's fun and totally not gay." "No way, that sounds pretty gay" the goats brayed." If you want our little souls, a troll toll you must pay!" Will the poor little goats be taken away? Or will mom come back to save the day? The...

Mother Trudy - Yo dawg, we heard you like to be inquisitive so we're giving you a story with an inquisitive little girl so you can be inquisitive while we do the meme. Octavia Spencer plays Mother Trudy in this very short and dull tale about an old lady who is very racist against minorities and sends a little girl camping... Or to hell, we're not really sure. Or maybe Mother Trudy is the demon? Or maybe the minorities are actually demons? Or maybe WE ARE ALL THE DEMONS AND IT'S...

Godfather Death - We back in Bible times! A man chooses Satan over Jesus (not cool), but the child ends up becoming a doctor because of it (very cool). The problem is, the doctor keeps trying to help babies but death just wants to send them to Hell. So death keeps showing up to take the babies to Hell, but the doctor is like "no pls don't." But if Satan is at a baby's feet, the doctor isn't allowed to save them and they gotta go to Hell. BUT, if Satan is at the baby's head, they allowed to...

The Old Woman in the Woods - A young girl gets super stranded in some spooky woods and trusts in God to rescue her. Unfortunately, God doesn't get the memo, so he never shows up. FORTUNATELY, a fox does, so he gives the girl some magical keys that unlock a bunch of stuff, like the cookie factory where the Keebler Elfs live and reverse Narnia (Earth). Unfortunately, the girl comes across a nasty old witch who wants to check her receipts. FORTUNATELY, she knows her rights and tells the witch...

The Brave Little Tailor - The previously untold story of the greatest warrior you've never heard of. A simple man with an unimpressive job beats up on local wildlife to win the affection of a king's hot daughter. Unfortunately for him, no one actually wants him to succeed. Unfortunately for THEM, he somehow manages to. FORTUNATELY for US, it all makes for a pretty great story. Bluebeard - BeArD dIsCrImInAtIoN is real and we are FORCED to face the HARSH REALITY of it in THIS GRIMM TALE! A...

The Iron Stove - Hot Chicks Do Boring Stuff! A beautiful girl falls in love with a stove, but not a stove in the cool way like Brave Little Toaster, because it turns out that there's actually a man inside, but not in the cool way like a man wearing a skinsuit like in Hans My Hedgehog, because he's literally just trapped in the oven. There's another beautiful girl who does something, but it's not interesting either. There's almost date rape and a shoutout to Nut Mountain, but not quite....

The Little Magic Table, the Golden Ass, and the Cudgel in the Sack - A tale about a table that sets itself, a donkey that shoots gold out of its orifices, a dancing weapon, and the three sons who were bamboozled by them. There's also a goat that tries to eat everything, but never stops being hungry. They all get beaten. Somehow, that takes 30 minutes to talk about. Enjoy! The Stolen Pennies - A little ghost baby takes a great plot and ruins it when he decides that he'd rather flex on...

The Story of a Boy Who Went Forth to Learn How to Shudder - "Hey, you're super dead and I'm a bit crazy, but you're also my cousin, so call me Maeby?" A creepy boy with an unprecedented lack of self-awareness tries to give himself a spook by harassing literally every living, dead, and living dead thing he comes across. The Stubborn Child - God strikes down some idiot kid for not listening to his mom... And that's it. Much like dead children, this story proves that good things really do come...

The Three Snake Leaves - Some slithery boys give Corpse Bride a whiff of the devil's lettuce and she decides that she's a strong, independent woman who don't need no husband. Your move, Nicholas Sparks. The Maiden Without Hands - Another miller, another hot daughter, another deal with the devil. Will a desparate father's hands-off approach to parenting go too far, or will a friend request from God be enough to save a helpless girl? Herr Korbes - A caravan of small animals and inanimate...

The Castle of Murder - Well, that title sure went to waste. It's basically The Sixth Sense if the plot twist was "actually nobody dead ya'll been alive the whole time lol. ISSA TWIST!" The Death of the Little Hen - The most ambitious crossover in fairy tale history. An episode of Dora the Explorer is invaded by the Happy Tree Friends and it turns out about as well as you might expect. Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne! The Jew and the Brambles - Oy vey! The gang gets...

Simple Hans - When life gives you lemons, give 'em to your dad. Unless the lemons are in UNACCEPTABLE CONDITION. Or you don't have a dad. (No, your step-dad Craig doesn't count) Either way, be careful what you wish for. Unless you have unlimited wishes and no restrictions on what you can wish for. In that case, please wish this story out of existence. Hans My Hedgehog - OwO what's this? From the absolute mad lads who brought you Puss in Boots comes the long-awaited and highly anticipated...

Rapunzel - Rapunzel first! We're going to build a wall and make the fairies pay for it. CROOKED Flynn thinks he can get away with taking RAPUNZEL but he is a LIAR and a PERVERT and should be LOCKED UP! Our Rapunzel is GREAT, we have some of the BEST Rapunzel, maybe EVER, and once her hair grows back and FLYNN is GONE, we WILL #MAKERAPUNZELGREATAGAIN! Puss in Boots - Is your cat making too much gold all the time? Is your cat constantly chasing sorcerers around, driving you crazy? Well, we...