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The Unwritable Rant

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Ep 145 - Summer of Svengoolie, mangling the floor, and a Blinky bootleg shop

On this episode, Juliette comes off a bender, participates in The Last Drive-In event with Joe Bob Briggs, interns for Svengoolie, chucks chickens, dims her brain bulb, knocks on a coffin, hears voices, mimes her ego, enjoys a group activity, meets Blinky, plays hide and seek, realigns her moral compass, visits a bootleg shop and considers an old-fashioned house burning... all while drinking Jim Beam Black bourbon.


Ep 144 - House guest etiquette, flaming lanterns, and life-changing music

On this episode, Juliette returns to Michigan with her guy to see Mongo and The Dish, demonstrates etiquette, creates a weird herbal ball, saturates an ant hill, funds a fireworks tent, fears a burning hat, visits the Howler Monkey bar again, meets Santa, gets a busy signal, makes a winning call, promises greatness, and changes her playlist... All while drinking Gentleman Jack Daniels whiskey.


Ep 143 - Clingy friends, special name calling, and a two-wheeled disaster

On this episode, Juliette is called a name, ponders human skulls, meets a stalker, attempts exit strategies, rejects a wig, paints a wordy picture, rides a bike, visits Lake Hollywood, switches gears, assaults an A-list celebrity, and attempts to do the right thing... all while drinking Larceny bourbon & ginger beer.


Ep 142 - Summer school retribution, hit and run parade, and blowing up a concert

On this early Fourth of July special episode, Juliette avoids a bus stop, gets a red letter, sacrifices her summer, starts a new revolutionary war, encourages a hailstorm of candy, drops off a shoe, introduces The Snoozer, escapes a rigged bedroom, accepts a hack job, fuses fireworks, offers a lesson about musicians, and sets the sky ablaze… all while drinking Barrell Bourbon Batch #15


Ep 141 - Culinary contortions, chef swap, and peanut smut

On this episode, Juliette pays tribute to Anthony Bourdain, objects to diabolical demands, fishes for breakfast, grips a pocket knife, confronts a sterile slab, throws her hat, finds a clever workaround, dates The Chef, reveals her fatal flaw, and can’t jive with social etiquette… all while drinking Booker’s Bourbon.


Ep 140 - A stolen car, catfight and Crazytown summer night

On this episode, Juliette goes on an epic summer adventure, gets her paws on a Porsche, blathers like a moron, eats more cheese fries, receives an elusive invitation, gets gored, hits the forest preserve, finds a lusty nirvana, is engulfed by the Fabio twins, and inhales ripe funk… all while drinking Breaker Wheated bourbon.


Ep 139 - Sand trap surprise, thieving with Texas, and an overstuffed wonder

On this episode, Juliette explains malfunctions, hits things with a club, goes for an off-path joy ride, bumps into a bunker, has a love affair with The Chair, dresses like a gravedigger, attempts a heist with Texas, and faces potential jail time… all while drinking Orphan Barrel Rhetoric 24-year bourbon


Ep 138 - Grooming a groupie, waking up broken, and hustling Las Vegas

On this episode, Juliette gets corralled with old people, breaks down a drunken barricade, meets a mini-me, ambushes country singer Randy Houser, visits Las Vegas, gambles with a go-go dancer, breaks down, meets a spirit fleecer, and witnesses a Robin Hood hustler… all while drinking Heaven’s Door Tennessee Straight Bourbon from Bob Dylan


Ep 137 - Choppy intrusions, underestimating crazy, and a Derby disaster

On this episode, Juliette makes a neighborly announcement, plays suburban detective, confronts a Robodude, botches an introduction, heads to Derby Day, reunites with Jacques, debates betting style, gets her Shine on, and reinforces the crazy... all while drinking Russell's Reserve 6-year rye whiskey.


Ep 136 - Happy endings, instant besties, and finding a bushwhacker

On this episode, Juliette is forced to hustle, lies to Blind Melon, gets professional and sassy, refuses defeat, plays in the slop, takes a trip to Nashville, hollers and swallers, meets Cowpoke and Sugar, visits Tootsies Orchid Lounge, pounds beer at Bobby’s Idle Hour, and hunts down a bushwhacker… all while drinking Blood Oath Pact #4 bourbon.


Ep 135 - Adoption shakedown, relationship callbacks, and a wounded rebel

On this episode, Juliette takes her chances adulting, evaluates intentions, gets Loopy, receives an unwanted letter, adopts a debt, calls a bluff, is threatened by jail, refuses to celebrate National Record Store day, meets a wounded rebel, declines bribery, and learns the awful truth… all while drinking Booker’s Bourbon Kathleen’s Batch.


Ep 134 - Attic animals, drag strip pick-ups, and whiskey life lessons

On this episode, Juliette has a horror movie reaction, loses sleep, opens a hostel for vermin, wields a baseball bat, calls in the experts, recovers a rotor arm, visits a drag strip, enjoys an illicit cocktail, and survives an after-school special situation… all while drinking Buffalo Trace bourbon whiskey. Sponsored by Sudio


Ep 133 - Interview with Doc McGhee

On this interview episode, Juliette talks with legendary music manager Doc McGhee. They discuss his career, from managing James Brown to Bon Jovi and Motley Crue, to today and his work with Kiss. Doc also details how country music has taken the place of rock ‘n’ roll and breaks down how to be successful in the current digital music scene. Juliette’s bourbon of choice on this episode is Russell’s Reserve 10 year.


Ep 132 - Celebrity bets, hate dates, and a pedantic wonder

On this episode, Juliette stops a meal, remembers Las Vegas, enjoys a winning streak, meets an army of munchkins, sits at the VIP booth, goes on a hate date, questions logic, and unplugs a face… all while drinking Dry Fly Cask Strength Wheat Whiskey.


Ep 131 - Stage wife, magical exploitation, and revenge cheers

On this episode, Juliette hits channel 364, contemplates priorities, becomes something sinister, swills dreamy punch, exploits her guy, wanders on stage, romanticizes high school, tries out for cheerleading, throws a tantrum, and rebels against the system ... all while drinking Barrell Bourbon Batch15.


Ep 130 - Counterfeit cowboy, relationship double dare, and bowl of carnage

On this episode, Juliette appreciates a man on a horse, uncovers a past romance, dares her guy, gets padded up, meets Moonshine and Namaste, watches a wild jump, visits Chinatown, translates a shrug, passes by happy cats and demands dim sum… all while drinking Stolen Spirits smoked whiskey. Sponsor - Sudio headphones The NEW Unwritable Rant Flask


Ep 129 - Fired from hell, bunny dips, and disrupting a legend

On this episode, Juliette gets unexpected contact, ignores all signs, becomes indentured to Satan, tests her treason skills, does a dip, properly introduces Mongo and The Dish, visits Caesar, smells like a distillery, and disrupts a legend… all while drinking Last Feather Rye whiskey from Journeyman Distillery.


Ep 128 - Plans of deception, an epic adventure, and a sketchy slumber party

On this episode, Juliette channels Ferris Bueller, concocts a poor plan, introduces her friend Texas, gets legally questionable, meets Salamander, rejects sleeping arrangements, walks the length of Milwaukee, engages seduction mode, and enjoys carefree abandon… all while drinking Blanton’s Single Barrel Bourbon.


Ep 127 - A bacon assault, Art Deco graveyard, and hunting a gigolo

On this episode, Juliette combats boredom, gets antagonistic, explores wonder foods, shoos smoke, gets unintentionally physical, calls a bluff, experiences a prom of the living dead, has a birthday re-do, seeks out a gigolo, wanders upstairs, and crawls out of the back of a Studebaker… all while drinking Very Old Barton Bottled in Bond bourbon whiskey.


Ep 126 - A Crazytown vacation, trust circles, and the Collector

On this episode, Juliette hates the cold, makes questionable decisions, heads to Mexico with Crazytown, loses a friend faster than a flip-flop, meets the Collector, mentors a youth program, and hatches a plan of fortune... all while drinking Eagle Rare 10 year bourbon.