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Two Bumbling Idiots

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EP. 40: “Chris’ Sexual Meltdown”

Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Catch Me If You Can 2:45 - Chris sweating through Hot Yoga 10:45 – John shuts shit down at Dave & Busters 23:00 - Chris’ plans to start a dick donation foundation 25:30 - Chris’ Sexual Meltdown 31:00 – Chris wants to donate sex to nerds 33:30 – John explains how he’s managed to make out with 300+ women 38:45 – John and the hot Spanish couger 44:30 - John’s tale of how Chris lit his fuse 52:10 – Christopher’s excellent advice for aspiring artists and...


EP. 39: “Live from Wildwood”

Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Wildwood Boardwalk 1:30- John’s really nice tight back skin 3:00 – Chris’s dangerous masturbation position that makes him lose his phone 7:00 – Chris wants to visit jail 9:23- Happy endings… are they cheating? 19:15- Prenuptial agreements.. good or bad. 26:45 – Peeing in public pools 30:00 – Chris wants to put urine detection chemicals in the lazy river 36:00 – Being grown up doesn’t mean you don’t have fun like a child 38:30- John’s shady fireworks drug...


EP 38: Complete Siri Meltdown

Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Gang of New York 0:00 – Complete Siri meltdown 2:15 - Neice W. polite dick pic requests 5:00 – Chris can move his tongue real fast 5:30 - What does the word “Skinny” mean 8:30- Give me a word in the English language ending in “y” that doesn’t mean plentiful amount of 10:30 – John’s battle scars from fighting cuntie 13:00 – John channels Eddie Veder perfectly 14:30 - Do I have a cyst on my balls? 16:00 – Chris shouts obscenities at project brunch while...


EP. 37: Return of the Ragent & Gaygent PT 2

Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Django (continues to be) Unchained 0:45- If you could clone yourself to the opposite sex, would you fuck yourself. 5:10- You go to bed and wake up as the opposite sex and have only 24 hours to experience life as that sex… WHAT DO YOU DO.. 13:00 - As the opposite sex, Chris would be obliterated with cocks 17:30 - Cuntie gets finger wipped 18:00- John receives presents from the rest of the group 22:00 - Chris scratches the hell out of John’s Leg 24:00-...


EP. 36- Return of the Ragent & Gaygent PT 1

Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Django Unchained 1:11: Chris gets molested by a gaggle of teenagers at Qdoba 5:00: Who robbed John? The mystery is unveiled… 8:00: Trashtalk - John Vs. Cuntie Round 1 10:00 - Which insta-model would Chris fuck? (cuntie trap) 17:30 - Would TJ suck a dick made out of pussy? 18:20- Chris asks God why he plays games with people’s sexual identities. 19:50- Would Chris date a post-op transgender surprise? 21:15- Cuntie’s amazing family stories pt. 1 24:00 -...


EP. 35 - “Surprise Muthafckkers”

Table Of Nonsense: Intro: The Incredibles 5:00- Surprise #1 8:00 -Surprise #2 18:00 – Somalian Internet Pirates 20:00 - John robs Walden Books 21:11 - Chris robs K-Mart 23:20 – Chris robs a nice girl 29:00 - Our friend mike gets robbed and john almost fights 8 guys. 35:00- Chris’s overlooked rage & sex 40:00 – John completely loses his shit at a union negotiation 45:00- The human nature of wanting what we can’t have 48:15- Black & Blue Penis backyard neighbor incident 50:15-...


EP. 34 - All About The Butt

Table of Nonsense: Intro: The Wolf of Wall Street 1:00 – My couch pulls out but I don’t 3:15 - Everything about licking butts 15:30 - Disturbing Porn: Chris watches “2 Girls 1 Cup” for the first time 17:30 - Social A.D.D. 20:30 - Chris wonders the very first time in the history of the planet that someone shat into another persons mouth as a sexual fetish. 24:30 - Don’t mess with John or he’ll buy a billboard for 3 months to humiliate you 25:45 - The last time I got hit in the...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 33

Table of Nonsense: Intro: Oceans 13 – special guest Chris’s Cousin Danny 4:50 - The unsustainable life of polyamory 10:25 – Chris falls and almost impales himself through the taint/anus area 12:50 – Chris finally goes to the doctor.. He’s 100% healthy and STD free! 18:40 - John’s embarrassing 5 grade toe fungus 21:00 - Chris’s horrifying concrete toenail rip smash miracle (praise jesus) 30:00 - Discussion of Chris’s everlasting patience breaking down and him burning the world...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 32

Table Of Nonsense: Intro- Ocean’s 12 6:12- “What color are your nails?” - The creepy sexual nail guy that harasses all of John’s female employees 11:00- Prank phone call - John pretends to be the creepy sexual nail guy 13:20- Christopher’s take on Long Distance relationships. 19:00- Chris’s favorite concept: The 5 Love Languages: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts & Acts of Service 21:50 - We digress & bumble about pet names in relationships, Chris’s grandma,...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 31

Table of Nonsense: Intro: Shawn of the Dead 1:30 - Chris’s fear of zombies and Haiti 6:00 - Bilingual brain appreciation 8:00 - “Alexa, play the program Two Bumbling Idiots” 9:20 - Airdrop Assaulting on the express bus scores a new fan 10:40 - Ultimate podcast promotion: die on the episode via jungle juice 11:30 - John saves a pooch. 14:20 - Christopher’s Tinder fail… 15:40 - John’s Plenty of fish bladder adventure 19:20 – Christopher’s Tinder fail continued.. 23:40 - Chris...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 30

Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Jurassic World 4:25- Chris’s completely unimaginable Connecticut Highway Fiasco (circa 2008) 12:00- John’s recollection of Chris’s terrible parking job. 14:50- John’s existential speech on the journey of life 24:00- John might rap battle some teenager he works with 24:30- Apple develops walkie talkie feature on the apple watch and john ejaculates everywhere 26:20 - John’s cat folly. Bodily fluids are involved. 30:00 - Discussion of “The Arm Pit” (the body...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 29

Table of Nonsense: Intro: Anchor Man 1:30- Chris wants to know just how long he’s gonna have to wait for these “slow cooked” beef short ribs 3:00- Christopher’s haphazard salmon consumption 5:00 - The unintended consequences of shaving your ass (unanswered) 9:15 - John’s highschool pubic haircut 12:00- Christopher’s haphazard ass shaving tools 14:00- Christopher’s bizarre face shaving practices 16:00- Education on how not to destroy your plumbing 17:35 – The pros of shaving your...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 28 “Female Field Research” Pt 2

Table of Nonsense: Our guests this week: Ana, Melissa, Lauren 0:00- Sexy ASMR Chris Boner 2:00 – Chris literally jumps someone’s bones 4:00 – tummies, thighbrows and stomach rolls 6:00 – John’s services are requested 8:55 - Melissa’s first time 9:40 - Ana gets rejected 14:45 – Lauren dates a zombie 17:45 - John’s tinder fail & wildwood fail 21:40 – What’s something your partner does that drives you crazy 25:00 – Ana fucks so hard she broke her bed 26:25 - What drives John...


Two Bumbling idiots EP. 27 “Female Field Research” Pt 1.

Table of Nonsense: Our guests this week: Ana, Melissa, Lauren 2:40 - Ana’s long island ice team bloody dark room story 6:30 - John’s bloody wildwood story 9:00 – Why women fake their period to put the breaks on sex 9:38 - John’s mouth surprise 11:10 – Melissa’s No Bullshit Hobrah Ho down 13:50 - Lauren… and the queen of spades 18:20 - Chris’s sexual mechanics 20:35 - The meathooks 23:10 - Revisiting Christopher’s College squirt fiasco 27:00 - Ana’s foreign sex object 31:30 -...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 26

Table of Nonsense: Intro: Dodgeball 0:00 - 26 episodes in, we are at the half year mark for 2 Bumbling Idiots! 1:00 – Chris’ NOLA strip club review 8:00 – Chris throws up once? or 7 times, depending on how you count.. 14:20 - Ugly Kesha 20:00 - Christopher’s Last Lap Dance.. 24:00 - Mile high club.. all the crazy sex that goes on in the airline industry. 27:00 – If someone ripped off your ballsack, would you bleed to death? 28:00 – Death Branding 31:10 - Apple shrapnel...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 25

Intro: Bourbon Street 4:00 - London Mike & Mr. Numerology (clingers) 9:20 - Chris sits on a public toilet on the plane by mistake and then almost breaks a woman’s foot. 14:00 - Kristie tells a story that could have resulted in her complete paralysis 17:40 – Annoying drug dealers 20:15 - Kristie reveals a disturbing part of her childhood 21:20 - Chris starts to get drunk and talks about his future bachelor party location. 23:20 - A drunken discussion of Oedipus 24:51 - How often...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 24

Table of Nonsense: Intro: Austin Powers 2, a memorandum to the late great Verne Troyer 1:50 – @1manthrillride shouts out “Boom Boom Kitty Lick” 4:40 - In the year 2100 death itself will die as we backup our brains to the new digital metaverse, and brain computer interfaces will expose the world to the greatest amount of corruption that the human race has ever known. 16:30 - Resting bitch face? A real thing? 20:00 - Plastic surgery, Jenner, and Chris can’t prounce words for SHIT 26:00...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 23

Table of Nonsense: Intro: Austin Powers 1:30 – Chris wants to know if you can offset the neon pee coloring effects of asparagus by drinking a gallon of water beforehand. 4:00 - John is ready for the spring time and sauter wants to slaughter mother nature 7:50 - Chris is the mussolini of mosquitos and burns their children with bleach 13:50 – John is the stalin of flies and hunts them like crocodile dundee 17:30 - the dirty smelly vagina pussy trees of spring 20:00 - colonoscopies and...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 22

Table of Nonsense: Intro: Office Space 2:30 - 18 year old John working at Blockbuster & Best Buy 6:50 - Chris suggests a really shitty way to quit 7:50 - Divine gas 9:00 - John’s Best Buy interview 10:20 - Chris thinks he can make his farts smell like blueberries by eating 5 pounds of blueberries. 14:27 - “Bad Girls” takes over our podcast for 30 seconds 18:15 - Chris foolishly smashes his glasses with his size 13 foot. 20:08 – Chris foolishly disregards signs that his body is...


Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 21

Table of Nonsense: Intro: Freddie Got Fingered 2:00 - John rents a go cart and has an illegal adventure in NOLA 7:30 - Why is Tom Green jerking off a horse? 8:00 - Chris’s Fortune Teller from Royal street 10:00 - Chris and John get invited to join the New Orleans drug cartel 17:00 - WILDWOOD.. and the fire extinguisher fiasco 24:00 - Chris gets a chunk of his nose ripped off from a wildwood speedraft.. blood everywhere.. 24:35 - Why is Tom Green swinging a new born baby around by...