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Two Bumbling Idiots

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Location:

United States

Language:

English


Episodes

EP 48: "Lung Demons, Custom Condoms & The A SPOT"

10/14/2018
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Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - About Schmidt 0:01 - Chris’s lungs are possessed by proper demons 3:00 - Imagine if our families listened to this podcast? 5:00 - Chris spills hearty minestrone soup all over the mic and gets frightened 6:20 - John’s brakes of steel 8:00 - John’s motivational muscle madness 11:15 - Instagram/Gym Egos 17:00 - Selfies of DEATH 18:00 - Sugga Daddies/Mommies 25:40 - BDR/GDR (Bad dick review / Good dick review) 29:15 - G spot is played out. Chris teaches how...

Duration:01:04:09

EP 47: "Blue Balls, Foot Jobs & Killer Bees"

10/7/2018
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Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - Braveheart 1:00 - Automotive spiders from hell 6:00 - GOT live 8:00 - Blue balls.. a discussion 16:15- Foot jobs 17:45 - How did the two of you come out of the same womb 21:15 - Instant Karma’s gonna get you 24:00 - Instant Karma’s gonna get you…again 25:15 - Toys R’ Us coming back?! 28:00 - Long Horn Steakhouse coming to SI Mall. 28:45 - The dangers of assuming a woman is pregnant 35:10- Ass-pregnant 36:00 - Chris hates microscopic hair with a...

Duration:00:59:35

EP 46: "Cats, Clones & Sweaty Underwear"

9/29/2018
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Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - Kill Bill 0:10 - Hurricanes and pets 3:20 - The POS Cat abandoner 6:15 - Dexter is murdering cats in Seattle 9:45 - John the stray cat whisperer 11:30 - Chris’s random speech on the concept of “FUN” 13:00- Survival of the Weakest 15:00 - John’s solution to cellphone spam calls 18:00 - Elon Musks amazing solar panels 20:00 - Would you clone meat to eliminate butchering animals? 23:00 - The perils of cloning human beings 26:30 - Chris’s gross...

Duration:00:44:53

EP 45 "DEERS"

9/24/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Kill Bill 0:00 - SI Advance deems us “Too Adult” to enter into Best of SI contest 3:40 - Conor McGregor’s press conference 4:33 – The Stupid Story of how Chris smashed his car into a deer’s ass. 8:30 – The Stupid Story of why Chris has to re-paint his toilet bowl 13:00 – John’s sales pitch to Connor McGregor sponsor “Proper 12” whisky 14:30 – Chris’s shitastic story continues 16:35- Chris inadvertently eats his own ass kinda 20:30 - If you could blow...

Duration:00:58:33

EP 44: "Hooker With A Penis"

9/17/2018
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Table of Nonsense: 0:00: iRobot 0:05 - Rehashing of last weeks antics 8:00 - John’s apology to Rain Dove 9:30 - Have you ever sneezed farted and burped at the same time? 11:50 - A sneeze is 1/8th of an orgasm 14:00 - Two Bumbling Idiots, a podcast about nothing 14:45 - The anxiety of the ever-building UNREAD E-MAIL NOTIFICATION BUBBLE on the iPhone 20:45 - All women are trying to steal John’s shit 23:00 - 5 year old John’s brilliant plan 25:00 - The heavy bag debacle 26:10 - The...

Duration:01:13:36

EP 43: "Asia Argento & Jimmy Bennett"

9/10/2018
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Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - Underworld 1:00 - The Columbian Playboy boy who took drugs and lost his mind 4:20 - The mysterious journey of the jenga tile 13:00 - The all consuming debacle of Asia Argento, Jimmy Bennett and Rain Dove 30:52 - John meets Rose McGowan 38:00 - Chris looses his shit on Rain Dove 41:00 - Chris tries to give Rain Dove the benefit of the doubt 42:10 - Jimmy Bennett and his hush money 46:50 - John Matland’s million dollar rant of a lifetime

Duration:00:54:08

EP 42: "Dark Matter Pt. 2"

9/3/2018
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Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - The cheater’s point of view 3:00 - Chris tries to roll his tongue… oh Chris 8:00 - LaTorre and the bouncing balls 13:00 - Chris’s ultimate heartbreak 36:30 - John’s darkest time 37:50 - Chris’s darkest time 39:15 - Kristie’s darkest time 41:30 - Jane’s darkest time 52:00 - Tarot card readings 53:30 - Kristie’s reading 54:30 - John’s reading 56:00 - Chris’s reading 60:00 - Always horny on the express bus 60:40 - Jane’s reading 61:30 - Psychedelic Dave...

Duration:01:10:04

EP. 41: "Dark Matter Pt. 1"

8/28/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Dark Matter Pt. 1 Intro: Our guest Jane LaVoro 0:00 - Our podcast is fuckable 1:57 – Jane’s 5:7 orgasm ratio 3:10 - Chris’s raw song 5:05 – Chris can’t roll his tongue 7:20 – The subject matter of this episode 8:40 – The fuzzy white bunny of death 12:50 - The tragedy that brought Jane back into our lives 16:10 - John’s middle school bully 21:50 - Good Will Hunting- “It’s Not Your Fault” 26:30 – John’s connor body dismorphia 27:00 – Matt Damon made Chris feel...

Duration:00:58:17

EP. 40: "Chris' Sexual Meltdown"

8/17/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Catch Me If You Can 2:45 - Chris sweating through Hot Yoga 10:45 – John shuts shit down at Dave & Busters 23:00 - Chris’ plans to start a dick donation foundation 25:30 - Chris’ Sexual Meltdown 31:00 – Chris wants to donate sex to nerds 33:30 – John explains how he’s managed to make out with 300+ women 38:45 – John and the hot Spanish couger 44:30 - John’s tale of how Chris lit his fuse 52:10 – Christopher’s excellent advice for aspiring artists and...

Duration:00:56:53

EP. 39: "Live from Wildwood"

8/13/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Wildwood Boardwalk 1:30- John’s really nice tight back skin 3:00 – Chris’s dangerous masturbation position that makes him lose his phone 7:00 – Chris wants to visit jail 9:23- Happy endings… are they cheating? 19:15- Prenuptial agreements.. good or bad. 26:45 – Peeing in public pools 30:00 – Chris wants to put urine detection chemicals in the lazy river 36:00 – Being grown up doesn’t mean you don’t have fun like a child 38:30- John’s shady fireworks drug...

Duration:00:55:44

EP 38: "Complete Siri Meltdown"

8/7/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Gang of New York 0:00 – Complete Siri meltdown 2:15 - Neice W. polite dick pic requests 5:00 – Chris can move his tongue real fast 5:30 - What does the word “Skinny” mean 8:30- Give me a word in the English language ending in “y” that doesn’t mean plentiful amount of 10:30 – John’s battle scars from fighting cuntie 13:00 – John channels Eddie Veder perfectly 14:30 - Do I have a cyst on my balls? 16:00 – Chris shouts obscenities at project brunch while an...

Duration:00:59:09

EP. 37: Return of the Ragent & Gaygent PT 2

7/30/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Django (continues to be) Unchained 0:45- If you could clone yourself to the opposite sex, would you fuck yourself. 5:10- You go to bed and wake up as the opposite sex and have only 24 hours to experience life as that sex… WHAT DO YOU DO.. 13:00 - As the opposite sex, Chris would be obliterated with cocks 17:30 - Cuntie gets finger wipped 18:00- John receives presents from the rest of the group 22:00 - Chris scratches the hell out of John’s Leg 24:00-...

Duration:00:47:06

EP. 36: Return of the Ragent & Gaygent PT 1

7/24/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Django Unchained 1:11: Chris gets molested by a gaggle of teenagers at Qdoba 5:00: Who robbed John? The mystery is unveiled… 8:00: Trashtalk - John Vs. Cuntie Round 1 10:00 - Which insta-model would Chris fuck? (cuntie trap) 17:30 - Would TJ suck a dick made out of pussy? 18:20- Chris asks God why he plays games with people’s sexual identities. 19:50- Would Chris date a post-op transgender surprise? 21:15- Cuntie’s amazing family stories pt. 1 24:00 - John...

Duration:00:53:28

EP. 35: "Surprise Muthafckkers"

7/16/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Intro: The Incredibles 5:00- Surprise #1 8:00 -Surprise #2 18:00 – Somalian Internet Pirates 20:00 - John robs Walden Books 21:11 - Chris robs K-Mart 23:20 – Chris robs a nice girl 29:00 - Our friend mike gets robbed and john almost fights 8 guys. 35:00- Chris’s overlooked rage & sex 40:00 – John completely loses his shit at a union negotiation 45:00- The human nature of wanting what we can’t have 48:15- Black & Blue Penis backyard neighbor incident 50:15-...

Duration:01:05:24

EP. 34: "All About The Butt"

7/9/2018
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Table of Nonsense: Intro: The Wolf of Wall Street 1:00 – My couch pulls out but I don’t 3:15 - Everything about licking butts 15:30 - Disturbing Porn: Chris watches “2 Girls 1 Cup” for the first time 17:30 - Social A.D.D. 20:30 - Chris wonders the very first time in the history of the planet that someone shat into another persons mouth as a sexual fetish. 24:30 - Don’t mess with John or he’ll buy a billboard for 3 months to humiliate you 25:45 - The last time I got hit in the...

Duration:00:53:18

Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 33

7/2/2018
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Table of Nonsense: Intro: Oceans 13 – special guest Chris’s Cousin Danny 4:50 - The unsustainable life of polyamory 10:25 – Chris falls and almost impales himself through the taint/anus area 12:50 – Chris finally goes to the doctor.. He’s 100% healthy and STD free! 18:40 - John’s embarrassing 5 grade toe fungus 21:00 - Chris’s horrifying concrete toenail rip smash miracle (praise jesus) 30:00 - Discussion of Chris’s everlasting patience breaking down and him burning the world alive...

Duration:01:22:17

Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 32

6/25/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Intro- Ocean’s 12 6:12- “What color are your nails?” - The creepy sexual nail guy that harasses all of John’s female employees 11:00- Prank phone call - John pretends to be the creepy sexual nail guy 13:20- Christopher’s take on Long Distance relationships. 19:00- Chris’s favorite concept: The 5 Love Languages: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts & Acts of Service 21:50 - We digress & bumble about pet names in relationships, Chris’s grandma,...

Duration:00:57:59

Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 31

6/17/2018
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Table of Nonsense: Intro: Shawn of the Dead 1:30 - Chris’s fear of zombies and Haiti 6:00 - Bilingual brain appreciation 8:00 - “Alexa, play the program Two Bumbling Idiots” 9:20 - Airdrop Assaulting on the express bus scores a new fan 10:40 - Ultimate podcast promotion: die on the episode via jungle juice 11:30 - John saves a pooch. 14:20 - Christopher’s Tinder fail… 15:40 - John’s Plenty of fish bladder adventure 19:20 – Christopher’s Tinder fail continued.. 23:40 - Chris...

Duration:01:00:38

Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 30

6/11/2018
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Table Of Nonsense: Intro: Jurassic World 4:25- Chris’s completely unimaginable Connecticut Highway Fiasco (circa 2008) 12:00- John’s recollection of Chris’s terrible parking job. 14:50- John’s existential speech on the journey of life 24:00- John might rap battle some teenager he works with 24:30- Apple develops walkie talkie feature on the apple watch and john ejaculates everywhere 26:20 - John’s cat folly. Bodily fluids are involved. 30:00 - Discussion of “The Arm Pit” (the body...

Duration:00:46:14

Two Bumbling Idiots EP. 29

6/4/2018
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Table of Nonsense: Intro: Anchor Man 1:30- Chris wants to know just how long he’s gonna have to wait for these “slow cooked” beef short ribs 3:00- Christopher’s haphazard salmon consumption 5:00 - The unintended consequences of shaving your ass (unanswered) 9:15 - John’s highschool pubic haircut 12:00- Christopher’s haphazard ass shaving tools 14:00- Christopher’s bizarre face shaving practices 16:00- Education on how not to destroy your plumbing 17:35 – The pros of shaving your...

Duration:00:56:17