Worst Foot Forward

Straighten your tie, sit up straight, eat up your greens and don't even think about listening to this podcast dressed in that short skirt as this week we're talking about the world's worst parents. We're joined by stand-up comedian (and former senior vice-president) Cally Beaton who shares with us tales of Hollywood amorality, dolphin-led birthing and spitting on babies to keep the devil away. Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @CallyBeaton Visit...

Well hey there good looking, let's say you and me head back to my place, hop on the good foot and do the bad thing? That's right, listen to a podcast all about terrible chat-up lines (whilst rutting.) We're joined by comedian Juliette Burton this week to talk about the worst wooing imaginable: why Casanova is more than just a charmer, how to pick up a partner in Ancient Rome, the horror of hack and one man's terrible moustache and even worse self-publishing empire. Follow us on...

For what you are about to hear, we are truly sorry. Which is appropriate, as we are all about the World’s Worst Apology this week in the company of the sorry excuse for a human that is Angus Dunican and with guest judge, Patreon supporter and friend of the show, the unforgivable Dr Keir Shiels. We have big hitters like Galileo and the US government, Barry goes round the board of the game Sorry!, Ben joins a Japanese measles cult and we all try to cast the stage adaptation of The Muppets...

It's the hottest day of the year in the UK as this episode drops, so perfect weather to sprawl on a beach or under a tree and get a bit of extra knowledge about one of our favourite people. We chose Emperor Norton I of the United States as our world's worst monarch so in this bonus episode, paid for by our Patreon donors, Barry and Ben take a longer, even more loving look at our glorious leader. A San Francisco eccentric with a penchant for proclamations, excellent uniforms and a benevolent...

As we still feel the ugly reverberations of the 2008 crash it's about time 2 1/2 decent minds got together and drilled to the bottom of it. Barry and Ben are joined by ex-wealth management expert and current stand-up comic Eshaan Akbar to talk about the world's worst banker. We find out who the worst scoundrel in the City of London is and whether they can compete with bent Vatican Financiers, a Scotsman who invented an entire South American country to commit fraud or the man who is really to...

We’ve got the World’s Worst Assassin firmly in our wavering crosshairs today, with comic and card-ninja Javier Jarquin as our killer guest. It’s jam-packed with familiar figures like Lincoln, Rasputin and Nero, as well as some lesser known stories. Ben tells tales of booby-trapped Nazi chocolate, Javi finds a ninja in his toilet and Barry reminds us all to check the best-before date on your cyanide before purchase. Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde...

After 120 episodes we thought we'd finally dispense with a guest and go toe to toe. Barry and Ben duke it out over who the worst host of all time is, with special guest judge (and $10/month Patreon donor) Lydia Mizon deciding the winner. Together they reveal morbid Roman dinner parties, give the elevator pitch for the new show 'Celebrity Slaps' and discover yet another very weird slice of Japanese hospitality. Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @lydiamizon Visit...

Spellcasting - AWFUL! We are led through the dark and dingy underworld of the legendary roleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons by writer, performer, video game expert, Eurogamer content-maker, and professional Dungeon Master Johnny Chiodini. With Johnny's expertise we seek out the World's Worst Class (that world being that of D&D, not the stratified capitalist hellscape we're all currently inhabiting). There are notable appearances by the wizards of the Ku Klux Klan, the Chesney Hawkes...

It’s your May Bonus Episode, thanks to our supporters on Patreon.com, and this time we are revisiting the episode with Dr Keir Shiels about the World’s Worst Doctor. Our winner was John R. Brinkley whose practice of putting goat-balls into human ballsacks to treat impotence leads Ben to take us through a history of fertility treatments. There are welcome returns for Pliny The Elder, the Malleus Maleficarum and the wandering womb, as well as plenty of animal body parts and urine - just a...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCHOOOOO! We bring you this week's episode with streaming eyes and ruby red nose as we dip or toes tentatively into the pretty grim world of allergies. Our guest - musical genius and comedy joy-bomb Katie Pritchard - shares her own unique tasting menu of allergies, whilst Ben fails to keep a straight face about allergies to electricity, semen and blackberries and Barry recalls the findings of our old friend Pliny the Elder and some truly horrifying dog-bothering. Follow...

Once more we go back into the past with some positive vibes this time. We revisit episode 21 to 25 in search of the World's BEST in the categories of MMA Fighter, Kids Movie, Cook, Lodgings and Screen Actor. There are some big hitters in here with the likes of The Wizard Of Oz, Heston Blumenthal and Frank Lloyd Wright's masterpiece, Fallingwater. And there are some more surprising appearances for the likes of a Greek statue falling on its opponent, Glenn Close in a beard, and Ben's...

This week we enter the surprisingly murky world of mascots with stand-up comic (and former Crystal Palace mascot) Chloe Petts for company. There's a cornucopia of delights inside this week including cocaine-dealing parrots, indestructible cats, swans committing GBH and a former Tory MP, with tattooed eyebrows being transformed into a ship's figurehead... Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @ChloePetts Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes...

Pop on your lab coats and join us down in the Worst Foot Forward labs as we uncover a carnival of quackery, forgery and all sorts of morally dubious activity done in the name of human progress. At the behest of one of our Patreon supporters we took a look at some of the world's worst scientific frauds and uncovered the story of the Piltdown Man (mammoth tusk cricket bat and all), how to make gold from seawater and why a certain species of toad are really into S&M. Follow us on Twitter:...

Behind every king or queen there always seems to be a witless eldest son, a dissipating and disappointing heir or some conniving offspring waiting next in line. We're joined by historian and author Lauren Johnson who takes us through some lacklustre lineage in search of the World's Worst Prince. We hear some classic gaffes from Prince Philip, encounter some badass con artists, shed light on the Dark Ages and meet the man behind the legend that is Disney's Prince John. Follow us on Twitter:...

In the second of our monthly bonus episodes, courtesy of our fantastic fans on Patreon, we revisit a former winner of an episode: Theophilus Marzials, our World's Worst Poet. Barry recites some of his poetry including the legendary 'A Tragedy' (plop!) as well as some of the critical reaction at the time, we hear of his shenanigans in the British Museum and we also learn about his alma mater's other famous alumni. Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde Visit...

This week's episode has been thoroughly spot-checked by a crack team of cardinals preparing Barry, Ben and their guest, comedian and animator Alasdair Beckett-King for canonisation. There's the usual rogues gallery you'd come to expect from the Catholic Church, plus a very good dog, a very bad murderer and our old pal Simeon Stylites, doing unspeakable things from atop an enormous pillar. Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @MisterABK @Loremenpod Visit...

Our guest this week is perfectly designed in every way to give us an insight into the World's Worst Design Flaw. A designer and author of the book Tragic Design, Jonathan Shariat is also a podcaster with a bone to pick with the Florida ballot papers during the 2000 US Presidential Election. Ben turns his fire on badly designed guns (and promptly shoots himself) and Barry has a wander through the history of QWERTY. Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde...

This week we don our sheepskin jacket (with a bribe sown in the lining), enjoy a cheeky post-match half (plus a wee nip from our hip flask) and stand on the sidelines hollering impotently into the wind, as we reveal the worst managers of all time. Alongside our guests from the Absolute Worldie podcast we discover the very formal early history of Scottish football, a black magic bank job, the astonishing tale of Nicholas Anelka's blagging younger brother and why you should never prank a...

We're in uncharted waters this week, as Ben and Barry are confronted with technology far beyond their understanding, otherwise known as our guest Andrew Somerville. An immersive theatre-maker and tech whizz (we don't really understand IT job titles...), Andrew's experience is brought to bear on the World's Worst Algorithms, with the boys tagging along gamely in his brainy wake. There's plenty to enjoy, from the story of Ada Lovelace, the chilling effects of living in online bubbles, and the...

Hold your noses and dive into the open sewer of the most olfactorily repulsive episode yet. Joined by Sarah Jones, an expert on microbes, minerals and a bunch of really pungent jobs we delve into the eye-watering world of the world's worst smell. There are tales of the Asian "King of Fruits", canine flatuomancy and The Great Stink, plus our old friends at the World War 2 Special Operations unit turn up again with yet another plan to win the war using maverick means. We might all come up...