Who's That Pokémon?

Run, Quagsire, run! This gorgeous, bonking boy might have CTE, but that doesn’t stop him from being an excellent landlord. Join Brandon and Brielle as they learn about boat propellers, dodge lit monkey cigars, and give you a puppet-buying opportunity. So get slimed up and slide on down to this blobby king! Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

Who needs LUNGS when you have cold wet mud tucking you in at night? It’s the perfect unmetamorphisized baby Wooper! Join Brandon and Brielle as they discuss how Jesus would have LOVED a locker decorated for his birthday, get down to the truth of what celery REALLY is, and decide the weight of skunk bones. So grab a beer with the Goomster and saddle up—it’s a wild ride of an episode! Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

WELCOME TO THE CULT OF YANMA. Please have a glass of goo manna and take a seat in our cape made of 100 dead birds. A complimentary green mask has been provided for you, that may or may not have eyelids. Please reference our Ten Commandments, starting with the first: LOBSTERS ARE BUGS. Now please welcome our guest speaker, Denis Leary. Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

Dear Diary, Today Sunshine Grace and I went to church (the Church of Chonchie), gossiped with the worms, laughed in a room full of mannequins, and thwarted an assassination attempt on my life. I feel a darkness in me that could possibly be a moon variant, perhaps an evil force—oh, I have to go. It’s 9:00pm and I’m a useless slog of garbage when the sun sets. XOXO, Sunflora Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

In a world of elite fighters, no one is more elitist than this Pokémon: a pretentious seed chosen by God who brags about their physique that came from only eating manna. It’s Sunkern! Join Brandon and Brielle on a journey of answering worrisome phone calls, debating the shape of a Jewish dessert, and making out of place egg puns. Hold onto your hats and keep an eye out for wicked witches—this seed is out for blood! Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

Put your hands (all three of them) together for this mischievous little pick up artist—it’s Aipom! Join Brandon and Brielle as they cast Michael Caine in Harry Potter, discuss the complicated politics of stealing a boy’s hat at a high school party, and imagine a word where berries have bones. Rated TMMJ for Too Many Masturbation Jokes. Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

DON’T JUMP! It’s been a bleak evolution, but we finally got our period and are ready to move on from this terrible collection of creatures. It’s Jumpluff! Join Brandon and Brielle as they summon sandworms, pitch a hot new NBC drama, and make you regret ever hearing the phrase “purple cottage cheese.” So sit tight on that ledge, we’re all on this together. Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

In honor of being the METICULOUS Pokémon podcast (and because their pain entertains you), Brielle and Brandon present: 28 EPISODES OF UNOWN! Enjoy this preview from the "Q" episode, where we are already unravelling. All 28 NEW EPISODES Now Streaming! Only @ patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon!

You know how we tell teens “it gets better”? Sorry Hoppip, your future is BLEAK. It’s Skiploom! Join Brandon and Brielle as they try to marry this Pokémon off using a Rococo oil portrait painting, do the iceless bucket challenge, and completely ream Lorde out for her Solar Power era. Strap in folks—your heroic hosts turn this garbage creature into a glorious episode. Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

QUICK! BEFORE I FLOAT AWAY! Hold on tight and get ready to be disappointed—it’s Hoppip! Join Dr. Brandon Author Zelman and Brielle as they discuss reading Brielle’s splattered body like tea leaves, what kind of fart rolls a baby, and act out conversations with Squirtle. Also, they discover—OH NO I’M FLYING AWAAAYYYyyyy…… Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

A true king doesn’t need a crown to wield his power, and neither does this screaming frog. It’s Politoed! Brandon and Brielle laugh and cry at the wrong things, wonder if slugs can sting you emotionally, and differentiate between “wrong naked” and “right naked”. So grab a pint, sit at the king’s table, and let us tell you the good news of our King of Kings—the Jesus Frog Politoed! Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

Waterboard your rocks and peek behind that tree (no, not THAT tree, that’s a rock—yes it IS a rock, it just sneezed). It’s SUDOWOODO! Join Brandon and Brielle as they give lectures about happy genitalia, call out murderous elderly populations and their poaching habits, and finally answer the age old question about whether or not you hear a tree fall in a forest (you do, and it’s DESPERATE for you to hear it). Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

In this exciting episode, Brandon is ill! Our new Sudowoodo Episode and Patreon-Exclusive Episode are coming very soon (AKA once Brandon finishes all his soup and antibiotics)

Step right up and see Vegas’s latest magical attraction—it’s the underwhelming underwater bunny AZUMARILL (no refunds)! Join Brandon and Brielle as they embark on a discussion about if Pokémon can do interspecies mating, describe their ideal human evolution, and guess shapes dropped into water (ransom is due at midnight). Pop a Tide Pod in your mouth and grab an air balloon, it’s time to find out why ears are so tall! Really though, does anyone know? Anyone? Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

He would die for our sins if he could just drown himself but sadly he is destined with immortality—it’s MARILL (aka Pikablu)! Embark on a tragic journey with Brielle and Brandon as they reenact The Devil Wears Prada, educate you on Jesus’s baby abs, and get starstruck by salad dressing. And if you ever feel like you’re drowning in jokes, just hold tight to your oily tail ball. Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

Rustle your petals and hold in your queefs—we’re doin’ a little dance for BELLOSSOM, baby! Brandon and Brielle pine for long lost dance movies, warn you against watching Dinotopia (but you actually HAVE to watch Dinotopia), and realize that sometimes growth means losing something rather than gaining it. But don’t worry, any solemn sentimentality is immediately replaced by more queef jokes. So give that hot hot sun a kiss and press play! Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

Are those flashing paparazzi lights on the red carpet? No, they’re AMPHAROS (Cate Blanchett)! Come ride this rollercoaster of an episode where you *might* get hit in the face by a goose: Brandon and Brielle infuse themselves with Spider-Man hand blood, dream of whipped cream hair, and ask hard hitting questions like “how old is Jacob Tremblay NOW?”. Buckle up sailors and fear not, you’re safe (and blinded) by this beloved protective king. Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

The French are coming to behead us but FEAR NOT we have the thickest collar in all the land. We’re covering (but not the bottom half) FLAAFFY! Brandon and Brielle try on magical formal top hats, count how many Pokémon have fingers, and discover the true color of rubber. Break out your razor and say goodbye to any hair from the neck down—we’re going streaking, baby! Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

WAKE UP SHEEPLE. MAREEP IS HERE TO AGREE WITH ANYTHING YOU SAY. Give this episode a poke and find out who’s your REAL son-mom (it’s Brandon). Pop in those headphones (bonus points if they’re shaped like bee bodies) and tune into a movie executive’s dream scenario—Babe meets Transformers. Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle

Your future unfolds before us. We see you listening to this episode and telling everyone you know to subscribe—oh wait, we’re just seeing a sandwich. Open your eyes and feel the burden of limitless wisdom, it’s the Xatu episode! Brandon and Brielle discuss if Now That’s What I Call Music CDs are a luxury, imagine Xatu on Pawn Stars, and uncover his hidden identity (he is Dr. Manhattan). Sabrina Carpenter if you’re listening, we have a GREAT Halloween costume for you. Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle