You Can't Do That

"Release your birth time." This episode is brought to you by Dylan Strome's third baby, Ethen Frank's singular face, and a blurry cell phone photo of the back of our heads as we enjoy a meal with Tate McRae. Plus: Kelly's grinchy grin for JT Miller, a buncha Connors, and the Thanksgiving Rule. This episode was recorded on November 23, 2025. Timecodes: (2:29) Isekai Title Generator | (8:16) Caps chat | (33:53) Elsewhere in the NHL Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"You're the unc now." What a delightfully magical and mystical month we're having! Rave, Eva, and Kelly are feeling inspired by Ovi's 900th, the Caps/Pens' long-haul relationship, a terrible "power" play, and Jacob Chychrun's new narrative. Plus: several parades of hockey Halloween costumes, special boys, gay little sweaters, and acute team suffering. This episode was recorded on November 9, 2025. Timecodes: (4:03) SOMEONE WANTS TO CUT A HOLE AND FUCK YOU THROUGH IT, BUDDY | (15:03) Caps chat | (48:13) Hockeys Halloween | (1:04:36) Elsewhere in the NHL Hockey Halloween costumes slideshow Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"Living rent-free in your prison restaurant." We can't all be Judi Jupiter bewitching young hockeys with our chaotic vibes for the purposes of content creation, but gosh darn it, Eva, Kelly, and Rave are gonna keep trying. Up for discussion: a foiled goalie fight, a beast named Tusky, a stubborn curse, and Geno supremacy. This episode was recorded on October 26, 2025. Timecodes: (3:19) Kentucky Hockey League | (12:35) Caps chat | (38:04) Elsewhere in the NHL Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"It's all just fine and NOT lies." WE'RE BACK. Kelly, Eva, and Rave have gathered 'round the mics to talk hockey once again and there's much to discuss, including Mitch Marner to VGK, Connor McDavid's hot poly summer, and the Washington Capitals' perma-bad power play. Plus: A tasteful and unbiased assessment of team jersey design updates. This episode was recorded on October 13, 2025. Timecodes: (2:11) Astro predictions | (9:39) Summer recap | (22:58) | Caps (41:21) | Elsewhere in the NHL | (54:49) Grading new uniforms Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

We’re about to start YCDT’s ninth hockey season and we’re feeling prettttty confident about what we're bringing to the table. See you soon, nerds. [Producers’ note: Ignore the hosts! Tell your friends!]

"A creature-shaped hole." Eva, Kelly, and Rave wrap up the '24-'25 NHL season by appreciating the narrative-free grit of the Florida Panthers, the charisma uniqueness nerve and talent of Flyers GM Danny Briere, and the many funny trades and goings-on in between. This episode was recorded on June 23, 2025. Timecodes: (4:10) Ol’ What’s His Name | (11:11) Congrats, Cats | (38:35) Caps chat | (41:53) Trades update | (1:09:18) What we forgot to remember Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"Rat accrual." After a couple crucial Caps updates, Kelly, Rave, and Eva pour one out for our dead Dallas Stars (and say sayonara to goalie mistreater Pete DeBoer), have an unexpectedly heated discussion about the handshake line, celebrate the Brad Marchand of it all as Florida takes on Edmonton again, and pull a few tarot cards to see what we're in for. This episode was recorded on June 8, 2025. Timecodes: (3:03) Ground Rules | (16:12) Caps chat | (28:59) Conference Finals | (46:43) Stanley Cup Final | (1:04:20) Impromptu tarot reading Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"Tragedy of the Mitch commons." As Round 2 fades fast from our short-term memories, Rave, Eva, and Kelly take the collective temperature about the Caps lowkey crash-out, crack open the rich tome of of The Maple Leafs' Whole Deal to analyze some themes, and hitch wagons to their preferred steed as we sally forth to the conference finals. This episode was recorded on May 19, 2025. Timecodes: (3:01) Caps vs. Canes | (37:40) Leafs vs. Panthers | (1:09:51) Stars vs. Jets | (1:21:26) Oilers vs. Golden Knights Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"The art of deception and pageantry." Round 1? She's done. Finished. Eva, Kelly, and Rave bid the eliminated teams a respectful farewell, weigh in on various and sundry shenanigans that occurred throughout, and look Round 2 right in the eye. Plus: The only person more desperate than Jim Rutherford to talk aloud in public about the Canucks right now is Kelly lol. This episode was recorded on May 5, 2025. Timecodes: (3:22) Caps vs. Habs | (26:59) Stars vs. Avs | (38:16) Oilers vs. Kings | (41:23) Golden Knights vs. Wild | (45:48) Canes vs. Devs | (50:08) Panthers vs. Bolts | (55:28) Maple Leafs vs. Sens | (1:00:23) Jets vs. Blues | (1:07:38) Looking ahead to Round 2 | (1:21:07) Kelly’s Canucks Corner Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"They stupidassbitch'd this." IT'S PLAYOFFS TIIIIIIME and Kelly, Eva, and Rave are doing FINE! THANK YOU FOR ASKING!! This one's a little all over the place as we check in on the Caps vs. the ghosts of 2010, the ongoing failures of the Vancouver Canucks, the triumphant return of Gabe Landeskog, our end-of-season awards recipients, and much much more. This episode was recorded on April 19, 2025. Timecodes: (4:37) Caps chat | (35:00) Our end-of-season awards | (41:28) The Canucks | (53:00) Son of Brind'amour | (58:00) Gabe's back, but will Nicke ever be?! | (1:08:49) Playoffs preview Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"Euthanasia like a horse." We weren't supposed to record this week but, welp, he did it. By "he," we mean Ovi. And by "it," we mean "Finally killed W*yne Gr*tzky." Sorry to that old man. This very special episode was recorded on April 8, 2025. Timecodes: (6:55) Goal #894 | (18:22) Goal #895 Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"Taste that pit." Eva checks in with Kelly and Rave about the latest in the world of the Washington Capitals, including some clever losses, some new Chychrun wellness theories, Protas ascendency, the signing of a new boy, and the return of a beloved color commenter. Plus: The Old Slut Playoffs and a farewell to Torts. This episode was recorded on March 31, 2025. Timecodes: (2:29) Nominative Determinism | (9:55) Caps chat | (50:23) Elsewhere in the NHL Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"Team breakfasts won't save you." This season's trade deadline really insisted upon itself, you know? Kelly, Rave, and Eva take a look at the goings-on to sort the Goofuses (Mikko to DAL, Brad to FLA, Rick Tocchet generally) from the Gallants (Fleury vs. Pens, Bedard vs. refs, the Capitals generally). This episode was recorded on March 17, 2025. Timecodes: (2:40) Fight Songs | (11:16) Trade deadline | (14:12) Mikko Rantanan | (19:55) The Canucks | (34:49) Brad Marchand | (53:25) Erik Johnson | (56:37) Caps chat | (1:50:20) Fleury vs. the Pens | (1:16:50) Connor Bedard vs. the refs Buy merch here! Support us on Patreon here!

“He's a soup combo for sure." This podcast has been marked safe from being scored on by Alex Ovechkin! But hopefully not for long. Kelly, Rave, and Eva check in on the Caps’ mAgiCaL cHemIsTrY, the poetry of the Gr8 Chase, the power of the Flyer’s Last Supper, the darksided energy of Connor McDavid’s McNightmare, and the Canucks’ various missteps. This episode was recorded on March 2, 2025. Timecodes: (3:42) Boybanding | (23:32) Caps chat | (42:53) Elsewhere in the NHL Buy merch here!Support us on Patreon here!

"I’ve seen that vest before." Have y'all heard about this Four Nations Face-Off thing? Rave, Eva, and Kelly tried to ignore it like its organizers ignored the Washington Capitals, but we should've known there'd be too much silliness for your hosts to avoid having opinions about for long. This episode was recorded on February 17, 2025. Timecodes: (4:29) Please Enjoy All Hockeys Equally [aka Severance Music] | (14:17) Caps chat | (35:44) This week in Four Nations | (51:32) Kelly's Canucks Corner Buy merch here! And/or support us on Patreon here!

"Confuses the eye and the mind." Our wonderful Kelly is ill, which means the loons are in charge of the asylum over here. Rave and Eva discuss the Capitals' agape love and nachos on ice, then weigh in on the Avs sending Mikko away (and freeing Taylor Hall in the process); the Canucks sending JT to hell; the Flyers sending those children to Calgary; and - dun dun DUNNN - the return of T*ny D*angelo to the NHL. Sigh.This episode was recorded on February 2, 2025. Timecodes: (4:31) How To??? | (21:47) Caps chat | (48:47) Elsewhere in the NHL"

"No object permanence." In honor of YCDT's overlapping 200th episode and 7th anniversary milestones, Producer Danielle leads Kelly, Eva, Rave, and Producer Laura through a retrospective of pod moments past. In honor of YCDT's overlapping 200th episode and 7th anniversary milestones, Producer Danielle leads Kelly, Eva, Rave, and Producer Laura through a retrospective of pod moments past. Thank you for listening for all these years!!This episode was recorded on January 12, 2025. Timecodes: (1:40) Who Said That?? | (34:45) Special Requests

"Consulting lesbian." IT'S OUR 200th EPISODE but we'll celebrate that milestone later. Right now Kelly has to lead Eva and Rave on a tour of NHL locker rooms to assess the wide range of conflicts blessing and/or haunting teams at the midpoint of the season, including PLD vs. the world, Pasta vs. Marchand, Miller vs. Pettersson, the Flyers vs. a child, and the Rangers (and this podcast) vs. Peter The Violet. This episode was recorded on January 12, 2025. Timecodes: (2:19) What Is WRONG With You | (21:47) Everything else

"Oozing with culture." If our admittedly shoddy record-keeping is to be believed, the Capitals haven’t embarrassed themselves since they lost to the Sharks on Pride Night - and even that was kinda worth it. Rave, Kelly, and Eva grapple with this new version of the Caps that’s horny as ever and somehow also…good? At…hockey. Also on the docket: the Rangers’ slow death, Matvei’s Michigan, and that whole thing with Paul Bissonnette. This episode was recorded on December 15, 2024. Timecodes: (3:05) '30s Ornithology | (11:50) Caps chat | (52:47) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:15:08) Paul Bissonnette's Big Night

"Alfredo caulk." Whew, busy couple weeks, huh? Join Eva, Rave, and Kelly to check in on the Caps’ increasingly not-bad play, Ovi's fibula, THE RETURN OF LARS ELLER!, hot witch Sid, Jumbo Joe's jersey retirement, Jonathan Toews' toxins, and, yes, sorry: Mats Zuccarello's balls. This episode was recorded on November 24, 2024. Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey Timecodes: (3:20) Petfinder | (7:40) Caps chat | (31:35) Elsewhere in the NHL