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We all know relationships take work, but what is that work exactly, and how do we do it? Why do we fight if all we want is love? Where do we find passion after years of marriage? Should we bother getting married in the first place? Can we really make our relationship work? Reformed divorce lawyer Erik Newton explores these questions in a series of intimate and honest interviews with real couples.

We all know relationships take work, but what is that work exactly, and how do we do it? Why do we fight if all we want is love? Where do we find passion after years of marriage? Should we bother getting married in the first place? Can we really make our relationship work? Reformed divorce lawyer Erik Newton explores these questions in a series of intimate and honest interviews with real couples.
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We all know relationships take work, but what is that work exactly, and how do we do it? Why do we fight if all we want is love? Where do we find passion after years of marriage? Should we bother getting married in the first place? Can we really make our relationship work? Reformed divorce lawyer Erik Newton explores these questions in a series of intimate and honest interviews with real couples.




S2 E18 From Shame To Intimacy - Megan and Brave

Today’s conversation is about shame and how we can use it to explore the darker corners of our relationships. Our guests today, Megan and Brave have done some very useful work in this area - and specifically on what they refer to as “male shame.” Listen in to hear what they mean by that! I’ve you’d like to learn more about Megan and Brave, check out their website: - these two do some fantastic relationship coaching both on the individual and group levels,...


S2 E17 - Catholic Swingers – It's Definitely A Thing

Today's episode is about a couple you would never expect might have a secret life. Penn and Page, our guests today, grew up Catholic, married young, had six kids, and were perfectly content living a predictable life, until one day Penn had an idea... --- If you’d like to learn more about Penn and Page, you can find their podcast - Swinger Diaries on iTunes or any podcast player, and you can find their website at If you liked what you heard today,...


S2 E16 - Emotional Labor

A cultural conversation has been simmering recently about the concept of emotional labor. It’s a critical conversation to our relationships, but not many of us know what it means. Today on the podcast, we learn all about what it is, and what to do about it from our guests, Gemma and Rob Hartley. Gemma is a well known journalist, and recently wrote an article for Harpers about emotional labor that went viral. To learn more about Gemma and her writings, check out her website:...


S2 E15 We All Must Face Our Demons

Our guest today - Iris McAlpin is a survivor of multiple experiences with sexual abuse, and having recovered from those, she has some unique ideas about how we all should be relating to the perpetrators of these kind of abuses. She also has quite a bit too say about the healing process that’s available to all of us after abuse. If you’d like to learn more about Iris and her programs, you can find her website at: - I’ll put links to that in our show notes as...


E2 S14 The Power Of A Shared Narrative

Our guests today, Ned and Dorcas share a story about a depression that lasted nearly five years. They not only survived that depression as a couple, but built a massively successful company during that time and started a family that’s thriving. This episode is about the tools they used to manage. Dorcas has written a book about the experience called: START, LOVE, REPEAT - How to Stay in Love with Your Entrepreneur in a Crazy Start-up World. You can find out more about Dorcas at her...


S2 E13 Rape and Reconciliation

The title of this episode says what’s it’s about: rape and reconciliation. If rape is a topic you find difficult to hear about, you might want to take it easy with this episode. But know that this story is also about reconciliation. It’s about the healing process that’s available to all of us. Megan Flamer, our guest today is a mindfulness trainer and former broadcast journalist. She works on projects that marry human behavior, communication and tech. She creates retreats all over the...


Be Your Own Sexpert

Our guest today, Nenna Joiner, is an African American Lesbian porn producer and sex shop owner in downtown Oakland. Our conversation ranges all over the sex universe from impotence, to getting on your knees in church and in sex, to whether Lesbians are the new gay men, to - of course - toys and porn. If you’d like to find Nenna online or meet her in person, she’s often at her shop, Feelmore in Oakland. You can find their website at: If you liked what you heard...


Thanksgiving and Death (Essay)

We are community. We are our friends and family, and we cannot know ourselves without them.


Two Mormons Walks Into A Strip Club...

Today’s episode kicks of the first of several stories on the topic of pornography. Today, we’re hearing from Nate and Angilyn. Nate is the founder of a website and a podcast about marriage called He’s also done a lovely TedX talk about love. He and Angilyn are both lifelong Mormons. They were both raised to believe that porn was inherently evil. They have a different view about it now, but I’ll let them tell the story. In other news, we're planning a relationship...


S2 E9 If Not Everything, Nothing - Thomas and Lauren

The thing about the choice to stay or to go in any given relationship, is that we can never know what might have been. There’s no control group to test against for happiness in our life choices. We only know what’s right here, right now. Our guests this week – Thomas and Lauren – are facing that question of choice. How do you know when it’s right, and how do you know when it’s wrong? In some sense, you can’t know - you just have to take action. In other news, we're planning a...


S2 E8 - Natalie and Bob - The Fascinations of Taboo and Turn On

Our episode today is about the unpredictable results of difficult conversations. There’s gold in those hills if you have the courage to dig. Our guests today are avid prospectors, and they have a lot to teach us about the process of emotional inquiry. If you’d like to learn more about Bob, you can find his website at: You can find Natalie and her new podcast, Taboo and Turn On at: In other news, we're planning a relationship...


S2 E7 - Al Turtle

Last week during our interview with Michael and Sara, you may remember they told us about a therapist they had worked with over Skype named Al Turtle. Well I reached out to Al, and today we’ve got him on the show! It was a long interview. The portion of the conversation we’re playing focuses mostly on a specific debate: is all the inquiry into childhood trauma really necessary, or should we focus instead on behavior? Al’s answer is a good one. Listen in to find out what he says. You can...


S2EP7 Sometimes You're Gonna Hate

Every once in awhile you're going to hear yourself say the words: "I hate you" to the one you love. Not that we're encouraging it, but let's just normalize the fact that sometimes, anger and frustration bubble over into something we're not proud of. Today's episode is about learning from those feelings, and moving forward. Our guests today, Michael and Sara have a lot to say on the topic, and their story is an inspiring one -- but I'll let them tell it rather than rewrite it here. You...


S2 E6 - Your Type Doesn't Matter

So long as we’re stuck on an internal idea of perfection, we can never fully experience the magic of what’s right before our eyes. That's why searching for one's "type," or the "perfect match" can be such a dead end. Our guests today, Jo and Nick–understand this better than most, and share with us their insights about how to be in the relationship you actually have. Jo Piazza is an author with six very popular titles under her belt, and she’s also a rather well loved travel journalist....


S2E5 Rules Of Play

Successful couples seem to have an instinct about where to find those moments of giggly surrender that are so effective at helping us all drop the drama and reconnect. This skill is absolutely learnable. It’s not a matter of luck, it’s a matter of practice. Ryan and Jordana, are guests this week, are are exceptionally talented in the area of simple fun. They’re both musicians in addition to their other passions (it’s their music played throughout this episode), and their playfulness comes...


S2E4 What Is Love, Actually?

We need philosophers and the rigor they bring to the discussions that inform our daily lives. It's critical–particularly in our current political climate–for all of us to consider what we mean by the words we use and the concepts we refer to. So what about love? What does that mean, really? To ask that question properly (but never entirely answer it), we turn to Dr. Carrie Jenkins, Professor of Philosophy at the University of British Columbia, and a Professor at the Northern Institute of...


S2E3 The Thing About Love And Money...

Money and sex–last week I claimed that these are the two most direct access points to our unconscious selves, and so we focused on a story about sexual trauma. This week, it’s a story–at least partly–about money. The identity shift is a common reason for breakups that we often hear about. We’re all human, and so inevitably we change. Our relationships need to change as well, or they become stale and hold us back. But it's never easy, and couples are in the constant process of managing all...


S2E2 - The Ins And Outs Of Mindful Sex

Our episode today is about sex and awakening. Sex can trigger our deepest challenges, and our most exalted selves. Whatever the reason, exploring our sexuality is one of our greatest opportunities for personal growth, if we allow it to be. But it's scary. Sure, the sex itself is fun, but we don't like trauma it can unearth. We resist fear as humans, and for good reason: it's how we survive. On the other hand, this exploration is where the greatest of adventures lies. This is how we can...


Two Straight Guys Walk Into Burning Man...

We're Back! Today's episode is the first episode of Season 2! Our story today has many layers, but at it's core it's about sexual identity and the value of story itself. Rasmus and Michel–two men who had never considered anything other than heterosexual relationships–met on a dance floor in the middle of the desert, and... well, you'll have to listen in to find out what happens. The deeper issue is how we all use narrative to experience our lives–it's the stories we tell ourselves that...


We're All Simultaneously Crying Wolf

We're still on break! We're taking a little time to catch our breath and refresh the format of the The Together Show. In the meantime, we're reading essays – usually those we publish at Together Magazine. I wrote today’s essay, as part of a forthcoming book I'm working on, so it hasn't been published anywhere in written form. I'm going to keep it that way for a while. Please don't be shy about letting us know if you have any ideas for what you'd like to see in our next iteration. We love...


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