Together. A Podcast About Relationships

Our guest today is Andy Horning from the Elephant Talk podcast. Andy is a fascinating guy – he's two kids and over 13 years into his second marriage, he's been a couple's therapist for more than 15 years, and he's a course leader for the Hoffman Institute. In this episode we talk about everything from pain and loss to how your relationship is your greatest meditation. If you'd like to learn more about Andy, you can find him at his website: https://www.elephanttalk.org/ – definitely check out his podcast. If you love Together, you'll love Elephant Talk. If you'd like to support our program, you can do that at patreon.com/together. Thank you! If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, My personal twitter handle is @newtonlaw, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue. The show is produced & edited by Charlene Goto with Go-To Productions.

First some updates: software startupUrbit.org Now to our guests! Linda and Charlie Bloom have been a mainstay of the relationship seminar business for decades, but the seminar experience almost ruined their marriage. We get to hear how they managed and what they learned. It’s a fun episode with a very sweet couple. Let me know what you think! If you’d like to learn more about Charlie and Linda Bloom, you can find their website at http://bloomwork.com/ Their latest book, That Which Doesn’t Kill Us, is available on their website, and of course at Amazon. If you want to support our program, you can do that at patreon.com/together. Thank you! If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, My personal twitter handle is @newtonlaw, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue. Show is produced & edited by Charlene Goto with Go-To Productions

Today’s Episode – number 131 – is the last episode of season two, which means we’re off for the summer! We’ll be back in September with more interviews! Our guest today, Rachel Dwight is a self described super fat, queer, transgender, disabled superhero. And I’ll add that they’re a force of nature as well! We discuss all of those identities, and we cover a fundamental truth we should all internalize: everyone is entitled to pleasure, no matter their body type. Check out Rachel’s amazing blog: theBadAssFatAss.com. You can also support Rachel’s work at their patreon page here: https://www.patreon.com/BadassFatass In other news, I’ve agreed to take on a very small number of couples to help them prepare for long term commitment. I don't have a lot of spaces for this, but if you’d like to hear more about that program, reach out to me via email, or the contact page on our website. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Today’s conversation is about shame and how we can use it to explore the darker corners of our relationships. Our guests today, Megan and Brave have done some very useful work in this area - and specifically on what they refer to as “male shame.” Listen in to hear what they mean by that! I’ve you’d like to learn more about Megan and Brave, check out their website: https://www.thealchemyofwe.com/ - these two do some fantastic relationship coaching both on the individual and group levels, so check it out. We’ve only got one more episodes in season two of Together, and then I’m taking a break. More about changes and upcoming improvements to the show in that last episode, so stay tuned. Don’t forget to check out our sponsors today: The Date/Able podcast. You can find them at dateablepodcast.com. If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Today's episode is about a couple you would never expect might have a secret life. Penn and Page, our guests today, grew up Catholic, married young, had six kids, and were perfectly content living a predictable life, until one day Penn had an idea... --- If you’d like to learn more about Penn and Page, you can find their podcast - Swinger Diaries on iTunes or any podcast player, and you can find their website at https://swingerdiaries.wordpress.com/ If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

A cultural conversation has been simmering recently about the concept of emotional labor. It’s a critical conversation to our relationships, but not many of us know what it means. Today on the podcast, we learn all about what it is, and what to do about it from our guests, Gemma and Rob Hartley. Gemma is a well known journalist, and recently wrote an article for Harpers about emotional labor that went viral. To learn more about Gemma and her writings, check out her website: gemmahartley.com. She has a forthcoming book about emotional labor due out in the fall of 2018. You find information about the book on her site. If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together. If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, or email me at host@together.guide. The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Our guest today - Iris McAlpin is a survivor of multiple experiences with sexual abuse, and having recovered from those, she has some unique ideas about how we all should be relating to the perpetrators of these kind of abuses. She also has quite a bit too say about the healing process that’s available to all of us after abuse. If you’d like to learn more about Iris and her programs, you can find her website at: http://irismcalpin.com - I’ll put links to that in our show notes as well. Don’t forget about our sponsors for today’s show, Zola.com - for a $50 credit towards your registry, go to zola.com/couples. If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Our guests today, Ned and Dorcas share a story about a depression that lasted nearly five years. They not only survived that depression as a couple, but built a massively successful company during that time and started a family that’s thriving. This episode is about the tools they used to manage. Dorcas has written a book about the experience called: START, LOVE, REPEAT - How to Stay in Love with Your Entrepreneur in a Crazy Start-up World. You can find out more about Dorcas at her website: https://www.chengtozun.com/. You can learn about Ned's company at their website: http://www.dlight.com/. Don't forget to check out our sponsors for this episode, and if you'd like to claim a $50 credit towards your wedding registry, visit their site at: Zola.com/couples If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

The title of this episode says what’s it’s about: rape and reconciliation. If rape is a topic you find difficult to hear about, you might want to take it easy with this episode. But know that this story is also about reconciliation. It’s about the healing process that’s available to all of us. Megan Flamer, our guest today is a mindfulness trainer and former broadcast journalist. She works on projects that marry human behavior, communication and tech. She creates retreats all over the world with Shiny Happy Healthy and runs corporate trainings with Mindful Under Fire. If you liked what you heard today, please subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide The music in today’s episode is by Blue Dot Sessions, and you can find them at sessions.blue.

Our guest today, Nenna Joiner, is an African American Lesbian porn producer and sex shop owner in downtown Oakland. Our conversation ranges all over the sex universe from impotence, to getting on your knees in church and in sex, to whether Lesbians are the new gay men, to - of course - toys and porn. If you’d like to find Nenna online or meet her in person, she’s often at her shop, Feelmore in Oakland. You can find their website at: https://feelmore510.com/ If you liked what you heard today, please do subscribe. It’s not free to produce this show, and I would absolutely love your support. You can support our show by going to patreon.com/together If you’ve got questions or comments, or if you just want to connect, you can find on social media. Our facebook page is facebook.com/togethershow Twitter and instagram are both @together_show, And you can always email me at host@together.guide

We are community. We are our friends and family, and we cannot know ourselves without them.

Today’s episode kicks of the first of several stories on the topic of pornography. Today, we’re hearing from Nate and Angilyn. Nate is the founder of a website and a podcast about marriage called First7Years.com. He’s also done a lovely TedX talk about love. He and Angilyn are both lifelong Mormons. They were both raised to believe that porn was inherently evil. They have a different view about it now, but I’ll let them tell the story. In other news, we're planning a relationship retreat, and we'd love your help getting it right. If you have the time, please fill out a one minute survey to help us make this the best it can be. Here's a link to the survey: http://bit.ly/tgthrwknd If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show. The music on today’s episode was provided courtesy of Blue Dot Sessions. You can find them at sessions.blue

The thing about the choice to stay or to go in any given relationship, is that we can never know what might have been. There’s no control group to test against for happiness in our life choices. We only know what’s right here, right now. Our guests this week – Thomas and Lauren – are facing that question of choice. How do you know when it’s right, and how do you know when it’s wrong? In some sense, you can’t know - you just have to take action. In other news, we're planning a relationship retreat, and we'd love your help getting it right. If you have the time, please fill out a one minute survey to help us make this the best it can be. Here's a link to the survey: http://bit.ly/tgthrwknd If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show. The music on today’s episode was provided courtesy of Squire Tuck. You can find him at https://soundcloud.com/squier-tuck

Our episode today is about the unpredictable results of difficult conversations. There’s gold in those hills if you have the courage to dig. Our guests today are avid prospectors, and they have a lot to teach us about the process of emotional inquiry. If you’d like to learn more about Bob, you can find his website at: http://bobschwenkler.com/ You can find Natalie and her new podcast, Taboo and Turn On at: http://natalievartanian.com/ In other news, we're planning a relationship retreat, and we'd love your help getting it right. If you have the time, please fill out a quick survey to help us make this the best it can be. Here's a link to the survey: http://bit.ly/tgthrwknd If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

Last week during our interview with Michael and Sara, you may remember they told us about a therapist they had worked with over Skype named Al Turtle. Well I reached out to Al, and today we’ve got him on the show! It was a long interview. The portion of the conversation we’re playing focuses mostly on a specific debate: is all the inquiry into childhood trauma really necessary, or should we focus instead on behavior? Al’s answer is a good one. Listen in to find out what he says. You can find Al and all his writings at http://www.alturtle.com/ If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

Every once in awhile you're going to hear yourself say the words: "I hate you" to the one you love. Not that we're encouraging it, but let's just normalize the fact that sometimes, anger and frustration bubble over into something we're not proud of. Today's episode is about learning from those feelings, and moving forward. Our guests today, Michael and Sara have a lot to say on the topic, and their story is an inspiring one -- but I'll let them tell it rather than rewrite it here. You can find the book Michael wrote following their breakup, Left Alone To Learn here: http://amzn.to/2yiEW1c; His book The Love Metric is also available on Amazon, and they're both fantastic. Here's a link to the article I wrote on this topic of hate (which I mention in the episode): http://together.guide/ever-hate-partner-heres/ If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

So long as we’re stuck on an internal idea of perfection, we can never fully experience the magic of what’s right before our eyes. That's why searching for one's "type," or the "perfect match" can be such a dead end. Our guests today, Jo and Nick–understand this better than most, and share with us their insights about how to be in the relationship you actually have. Jo Piazza is an author with six very popular titles under her belt, and she’s also a rather well loved travel journalist. Most recently she wrote a book called How To Be Married, which is a collection of advice from women all over the world about how to survive the first year of marriage. It’s a delightful read, and very much worth your time. Nick is a journalist as well, and he runs a website called triplepundit.com. Here's a link to the article I wrote on this topic of the ideal mate (which I mention in the episode): http://together.guide/good-news-your-ideal-mate-does-not-exist/ If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

Successful couples seem to have an instinct about where to find those moments of giggly surrender that are so effective at helping us all drop the drama and reconnect. This skill is absolutely learnable. It’s not a matter of luck, it’s a matter of practice. Ryan and Jordana, are guests this week, are are exceptionally talented in the area of simple fun. They’re both musicians in addition to their other passions (it’s their music played throughout this episode), and their playfulness comes pouring in the music and countless other ways. There’s a lot to listen for in this episode, but I suggest you keep one ear open for how these two cultivate their balance between work and play. If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter, or on Instagram @together_show.

We need philosophers and the rigor they bring to the discussions that inform our daily lives. It's critical–particularly in our current political climate–for all of us to consider what we mean by the words we use and the concepts we refer to. So what about love? What does that mean, really? To ask that question properly (but never entirely answer it), we turn to Dr. Carrie Jenkins, Professor of Philosophy at the University of British Columbia, and a Professor at the Northern Institute of Philosophy, University of Aberdeen. Dr. Jenkins just released a book called: What Love Is And What It Could Be. It’s a delightful read, and I highly suggest you pick it up. You can find Dr. Jenkin’s personal website at Carriejenkins.com. If you like what you’ve heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don’t be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter or on Instagram @together_show. The music on our show today is from Blue Dot Sessions, and you can them at sessions.blue

Money and sex–last week I claimed that these are the two most direct access points to our unconscious selves, and so we focused on a story about sexual trauma. This week, it’s a story–at least partly–about money. The identity shift is a common reason for breakups that we often hear about. We’re all human, and so inevitably we change. Our relationships need to change as well, or they become stale and hold us back. But it's never easy, and couples are in the constant process of managing all this change; it’s one of the most important skills we all need to cultivate. Which brings us to our guests today: Paul and Sarah. These two are in the midst of a series of major life changes, and they haven't quite found their way through yet. Their relationship remains solid, but it's facing the stress of these changes, and we get an inside peak into how they're managing it. If you like what you've heard on our show, please support us by becoming a subscriber. Members get access to unedited interviews, bonus clips, early access to some of our episodes, and a community of other listeners. You can become a sponsor/subscriber on our website, or at patreon.com/together. Please don't be shy about letting us know what you think of our program. We love hearing from you. You can email Erik at host@together.guide. Or contact us on our Facebook page, on Twitter or on Instagram @together_show.