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Episodes

67: The Empath: biblical scholarship edition

5/22/2018
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this episode has an empath who gets experimented on a lot, which is rough. just say no to human experimentation! sem's mom guest stars as we try and figure out what the fuck scotty is talking about.

Duration:00:48:04

66: Wink of an Eye: Gotta Go Fast

4/16/2018
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some people go very very fast. i don't even know how to describe this episode. this episode was recorded in october 2017, oops!

Duration:00:42:47

65: Plato's Stepchildren: Galaxy Brain

2/6/2018
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please protect alexander, he's very good and we like him star trek happens so much y'all

Duration:02:09:00

64: The Tholian Web: brain holes

1/23/2018
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Sometime in September, we talked about Star Trek: TOS season three episode "The Tholian Web." Kirk goes missing, the Tholians are famed for their punctuality, everyone gets holes in their brains because of dimensions, and Chelsea wants pictures of Spider-Man.

Duration:00:40:13

63: For the World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky: Bones Is Married Now

1/17/2018
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bones is a married man now this episode was recorded in september, but it's out in january! that's the magic of time travel.

Duration:00:44:59

62: Day of the Dove: Stop Having Racism

11/28/2017
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hey, we're back! we watched "day of the dove" back in like august and then chelsea got caught up in moving stuff and forgot what the word editing meant. this episode has klingons, so there's plenty of cold war metaphors and blackface.

Duration:00:40:24

61: Spectre of the Gun: Wild Wild West

9/1/2017
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A spectre is haunting Star Trek: The Original Series season 3 - the Spectre of the Gun. All the powers of the Federation have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Kirk and Spock, human and Vulcan, Klingon and Romulan. Where is the federation starship on patrol that has not been waylaid by weird space beings and forced to do gunfights? Where is the federation starship that has not pissed off an alien race so bad those aliens made them hang out on a cobbled-together...

Duration:00:42:20

60: Is There No Truth In Beauty?: Hexagonal Prisms

8/17/2017
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chelsea and SEM watch TOS season 3 episode "Is There No Truth In Beauty?" the crew is super horny, an alien lives in a box, and spock wears special glasses. it's OK!

Duration:00:41:07

59: And The Children Shall Lead: Ring Around The Rosie [REMIX]

8/8/2017
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these are some bad kids, folks! chelsea and SEM talk season 3 TOS episode "And The Children Shall Lead," where kids are evil and you can't trust angels. oh, there's also a mass suicide in this one. in space!

Duration:00:39:53

Episode 58: The Paradise Syndrome: Nice Scenery

7/25/2017
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The crew lands on a planet and Kirk promptly falls in a hole and gets amnesia. Chelsea and SEM try to deal with the episode's events as best they can. This time, Long Trek Home discusses the Star Trek TOS season 3 episode "The Paradise Syndrome" ...! It's a weird, weird episode.

Duration:03:58:43

Episode 57: The Enterprise Incident: [borat voice] my wife

7/18/2017
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Hey, this episode's pretty good! Chelsea and SEM watch "The Enterprise Incident," the second episode of Star Trek: TOS season three. That's half of season three that's tolerable already! Anyway, Spock gets a rare love interest, Kirk needs a nap, and the Commander is your hosts' new collective fav. The Romulans have a point, Scotty's amazing except for his hair, and - did we mention the Commander?

Duration:00:32:56

Episode 56: Spock's Brain: Oh No

7/11/2017
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jeff comes back to help chelsea and SEM deal with the first episode of star trek: the original series season three, "spock's brain." oh jeez. just ... oh, jeez. oh no. oh boy. note: this episode is out a week late because SGDQ happened. oops? oops.

Duration:00:46:32

EPISODE X: Season 2 Wrap-Up: we got an email

6/27/2017
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At the end of season two, we got an e-mail! We also talked about season 2 and listed our favorite episodes. C'mon down and check it out.

Duration:00:32:43

Episode 55: Assignment: Earth: Your New Favorite Millennial History Podcast

6/20/2017
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we watched the final episode of star trek TOS season 2 - "assignment: earth" it's a failed pilot for a show that never happened, and your intrepid hosts don't need long to figure out why. chelsea and sem get on a conference call with guest host jeff to talk about conference calls, failed pilots, and stock footage. google teaches us all about half-remembered history. also, there's a cat. bonus: listen to this dope mashup of 99 red balloons x 99 problems

Duration:01:08:25

Episode 54: Bread and Circuses: Slaves to the NHS

6/13/2017
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this episode forces us to dig into the nitty gritty of slavery and also jesus. chelsea doesn't go in depth with marxist theory. modern day rome has a tv station that is a point of contention between the hosts. spock and bones do a lot of fighting for plot purposes. kirk has a dubious interaction with a woman. merikus is a tragic figure, but like, in the classical sense probably? just read the water margin instead of watching this episode of star trek. but definitely listen to this...

Duration:01:22:16

Episode 53: The Ultimate Computer: The Only Winning Move

6/6/2017
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We watched "The Ultimate Computer" from Star Trek TOS season 2! It was really good! unionize now and then you can rise from the dead

Duration:02:05:56

Episode 52: The Omega Glory: A Star Captain's Most Solemn Oath

5/30/2017
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In this very special Memorial Day episode, which was absolutely recorded that way on purpose, we swear, we watched Star Trek: TOS episode "The Omega Glory." You should absolutely watch "The Omega Glory" ASAP. Please, it is incredible and neither of us can figure out how or why it got made. Things get patriotic, we solve an anatomical riddle of the future, talk about mummies, and recite the pledge of allegiance as badly as possible. There's a bullshit space disease and a mad captain,...

Duration:02:45:07

Episode 51: By Any Other Name: Space Invaders

5/23/2017
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We're still watching season 2 of Star Trek: The Original Series! This time, we watched "By Any Other Name," an episode about horrifying tentacle monsters who basically just look like human beings who make slightly off fashion choices. This episode is extremely topical because we make references to orbs again, the hot new craze everyone loves and worships. Oh, and the Enterprise gets taken over by secret tentacle monsters or whatever. Seriously, we never see their true forms. Scotty makes...

Duration:00:58:28

Episode 50: Patterns of Force: Uniform Thieves Anonymous

5/18/2017
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it's the nazi episode. there's nazis, but in space! this is a weird, weird episode. but it's not bad? there's unsubtle metaphor, non-metaphor, and just so much heil-ing. so much. we barely mention it in the episode, but trust me, it's ever-present in this episode. this is why you don't break the prime directive, kids. anyway, nazis bad, enterprise good, spock wears a bunch of hats. listen to the episode to hear us puzzle over many things!

Duration:00:52:55

Episode 49: Return to Tomorrow: Podcaster's Fiat

5/9/2017
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We're still on season 2 of TOS, folks, the Star Trek season that never ends. This time we watched "Return to Tomorrow." A terrible man of online haunts this episode like a grim spectre. Bodies are stolen, women are real, and we love orb. Chelsea gets mad at a lot of things this time. SEM knows what's going on, and appreciates the details of science. Neither knows what warp speed actually is.

Duration:00:46:39