Freedom from Attachment

Are you waiting for your life to be perfect before you let yourself enjoy it? Waiting for the relationship to work out, the job to come through, the problems to resolve? Bullshit. You're wasting your life. Nobody is perfectly happy all the time. You're going to have anger, sadness, exhaustion, and happiness all mixed together. That's being human. Your circumstances might suck. Your roof might be caving in. Have fun anyway. Stop making someone else responsible for your joy. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why mixed emotions don't stop fun * How attachment to perfect circumstances strangulates your life * The power of "this moment" vs overpromising forever * Breaking patterns by inserting different movements "Life is short. I don't give a shit if you're attached to somebody and you allow that to define your life—you still want to be fully present emotionally, physically, mentally for fun."

You think it's the person. The weight. The job. The relationship status. You think if you just solve that one thing, you'll finally feel okay inside. But here's what's actually happening: you're using that external problem to avoid the deeper feelings you don't want to touch. If you wait for everything to be okay before you have fun, you're going to be waiting till the 12th of never. Give yourself a fucking break. Start changing what you can actually change. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why solving external problems won't fix your insides * How to change your energy and relationship to situations * Escaping your feelings vs. connecting to them * Why fun feels dangerous * A simple tool to get back in your body "It's safer to feel like shit than it is to feel great." ~ Tracy Crossley

Tracy calls you out on your bullshit–the "I don't care what people think" persona you keep alive while secretly waiting for someone to make it safe before you take a risk. She breaks down how avoidants stay stuck in a comfortable box, never developing real self-worth, always waiting for something to rescue them. A relationship, money, the universe. Something. Here's the truth: nothing is coming to rescue you from you. Tracy shares how even years into this work, she had to learn that her husband showing up didn't mean he'd clean up her shit. She still had to be in charge of herself. The way out? Tiny, emotionally risky actions where you're not attached to approval or disapproval. "I cannot tell you how many years, even in doing this work, that I still felt there would be something, some payoff, something somewhere rescuing me from me." ~ Tracy Crossley

Something new for you! Check this out–Tracy shares part of her experience and view on romantic relationships. Right out of her new book, Tracy uses clay to demonstrate an activity from her new book, Unboxed: Four Doors to Abundance. She walks through the difference between the fantasy relationship in your head and what real love actually requires—spoiler: it's messier, harder, and way more fun than you think. "Self-help is really about helping yourself to have a good f-ing time." ~ Tracy Crossley

After 800+ episodes diving deep into attachment theory, Tracy's making a shift. Freedom from Attachment is becoming UNcomplicated. Why? Even after all that work, she was still treating herself like “what’s wrong?” The age-old question lingering from birth… what needs fixing? Ya know when things are happening that suck or it seems difficult to have what you want—some of us go to “what am I doing wrong?” Or “Is it just me, and if so how do I change it so I am happy?” You can do all the work and still be waiting to arrive at some magical place where you're finally "happy." That place doesn't exist. You don’t arrive to happy, you decide to be happy even when your life ain’t all that! The whole wrong thing–most anxious avoidant people don’t realize, you're an extremist. Black or white–right or wrong. No gray. And that's exhausting as f***. Anywho–even if you’re attached or you are not where you want to be—can’t things be okay now? Instead of finding the solution, it’s to allow things inside to move, shift and change without it being a lifelong pursuit. “If only I hadn’t said this or done that.” Let’s get Uncomplicated. It all came in a dream, simplicity is a choice and it’s how I want to live. How about you? So–the UNcomplicated series will be talking about how to get UNboxed. We are in a box, and I am not going to magically change you in a weary world. I’m supplying fun while growing. Yeah–so listen in and have some fun! In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why treating yourself as a science project keeps you stuck * "Not your fault" vs. "your responsibility" * Living in the gray instead of extremes * Having fun even when life totally sucks "It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Nobody can fix it for you. Nobody." ~ Tracy Crossley

You think you're being nice. Accommodating. A good partner. But here's the truth: people-pleasing is killing your relationship. Every time you don't speak up because you're afraid of conflict, you're building distance. Every time you sacrifice and keep a mental scorecard, you're choosing resentment over love. Distance is not love. In this episode, Tracy gets raw about what really blocks intimacy—and it's not your partner's annoying habits. It's your refusal to own your feelings, speak your truth, and stop expecting the other person to make everything perfect. Using a real example from her own marriage (spoiler: it's about morning routines and walking the dogs), Tracy breaks down why speaking up isn't about changing your partner—it's about valuing yourself. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why people-pleasing is manipulation, not love * How to speak your truth without expecting your partner to change * The difference between accommodation and sacrifice * Why you need to stop punishing yourself (and your partner) * How to accept that you can disagree and still be together "If you expect the other person to take care of you emotionally, you're going to be [upset] all the time. I don't feel like living that way." ~ Tracy Crossley

Are you waiting for someone to change? Expecting a relationship to finally fill that emptiness inside? You're blocking love. And you don't even know it. Most of us grew up without a manual on how to actually build a relationship. We watched dysfunction. We learned to attach instead of love. We created expectations that keep us stuck. And here's the kicker: nothing outside of you will ever fill you up. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why your childhood conditioning blocks your ability to love as an adult * How expectations and entitlement destroy intimacy * The difference between living in reality versus fantasy about relationships * Why perfection is just another way of avoiding yourself * Her own mother as a mirror for what blocking love looks like * How to stop manipulating situations to get what you want * The four key steps to opening yourself to real love "Expectations block love. Every sense of entitlement you have blocks love." ~ Tracy Crossley This is part one of two. If you keep ending up in the same relationship patterns and can't figure out why—this is your wake-up call.

Does it feel like you're constantly striving to be enough but never quite reaching that point? Maybe you've been told that the key to feeling worthy is to keep achieving more and more, but deep down, you still struggle with feelings of inadequacy. The pain of not feeling like you're good enough can impact every aspect of your life, from relationships to work and your overall well-being. If you're tired of constantly chasing validation and want to experience greater self-acceptance and inner peace, then keep listening. In this episode, you will be able to: * Embrace self-acceptance and inner peace for a more fulfilling life. * Explore the impact of not feeling enough and unlock your true potential. * Begin your journey towards self-love and find inner contentment. * Address limiting beliefs for personal transformation and growth. * Discover the importance of emotional exploration and awareness for a more balanced life. "You're here to take up space, meaning to be you, to be with who you are right now in this moment. Why? Because you're opening your future up to be amazing then, because that is how magic happens." ~ Tracy Crossley

Think attachment is about love? It's not. It's about greed, power, and control. Whether you're hoarding love, money, or status—it all comes from the same place: feeling empty inside and thinking that getting the thing will finally make you whole. We excuse behavior in others when we think it benefits us. We make our lives complicated with our own bureaucracy—rules and patterns that keep us stuck on a merry-go-round of grasping for control we never had. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why attachment is really about greed and scarcity, not love * How hoarding (love, money, status) comes from feeling hollow * The difference between attachment and actual love * Living from the inside out instead of filling yourself from the outside in * Taking emotional risks instead of grasping for control "We excuse the behavior in others when we think it somehow benefits us." ~ Tracy Crossley

You know what we all do? We look at people through the filter of what we want them to be. Your parents. Your kids. Your partner. Even yourself. We're so busy projecting our expectations, our fears, our own experiences onto everyone else that we never actually see them. And here's the kicker—they can't see you either. Not really. Not if you can't see yourself. This isn't about getting people to understand you. It's about getting curious—about them, about yourself—without the agenda of trying to fix or control the outcome. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why learning who someone is matters more than trying to change them * How your judgment of others is really about your own fear * The difference between seeing someone and wanting validation from them * Why shame keeps you separate even when you're in a relationship * What it means to feel your feelings without running from the anxiety "We judge others out of fear." ~ Tracy Crossley

Yes, there is good in all of us. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore red flags in a relationship because you want to see the good in people. And it certainly doesn’t mean it’s your job to make those red flags go away; to shine that diamond in the rough! When you tell yourself what an amazing person you are for seeing the good in someone, that’s your ego talking. It’s the false part of yourself seeing the false part of others. And it’s totally rooted in insecure attachment. Emotionally healthy people don’t sacrifice their own wellbeing for others. When you believe this martyr story and ignore or excuse red flags, you sell yourself short. You do NOT deserve a “broken” person who needs rescuing. That road leads to unhappiness because it’s an impossible journey, and you’ll never find what you’re looking for. Focusing on the other person means you’re avoiding yourself. In today’s podcast we’ll explore this story we tend to create, and how to change it. Ignoring red flags doesn’t make you noble. Let’s dispel that belief so you can shift to the real work: the work that begins with you. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) You are your own red flag. Surrender to reality, stop the story and be that hero for yourself.

Are you constantly beating yourself up for past decisions? Judging every choice you've made and wondering why you feel so isolated? Here's the truth: We judge because it was meant to keep us alive. But now we use it to tear ourselves apart. And that harsh inner critic? It's keeping you lonely as hell. When you're constantly judging yourself, you don't want anyone close because you're terrified they'll judge you too. You hide parts of yourself, thinking you're protecting yourself, but you're actually cutting yourself off from real connection. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why judgment was meant for survival, not self-torture * How harsh self-judgment creates emotional isolation * Why everything is actually neutral until you assign meaning to it * The difference between having an experience and judging an experience * How to catch your judgment patterns before they spiral * Why your past "mistakes" aren't mistakes at all "Everything is neutral. It's what we assign to it, what we judge it to be. That's bad. That's good. Don't do that. That's good. Do that instead of, okay, this is what's happening." ~ Tracy Crossley

Having a hard time? Yeah, everybody goes through hard times. You're not alone. But here's what gets lost when life feels like a shit show: kindness to yourself. Not the bullshit "be kind to your neighbor" stuff—real kindness to YOU. When everything's falling apart, we get lost in all the circumstances and stories instead of asking: How can I be kind to myself right now? Most of us can think those thoughts, but actually feeling it and living it? That's the hard part. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why we exhaust ourselves beating up on ourselves during hard times * How avoidance and numbness keep us stuck in struggle * The difference between problem-solving and actual self-compassion * Why being honest about where you are IS kindness * How small promises to yourself create real change "It's not about the tenacity to get to the goal, it's actually the tenacity to be kind to yourself. The tenacity meaning staying on track." ~ Tracy Crossley

Are you exhausted from trying to make everything happen? From kicking down doors and forcing your way into opportunities that never quite pan out? Stop. Just stop. You think you're being proactive, but you're actually running from yourself. Every time you force something—a relationship, a job, a business opportunity—you're telling the universe you don't trust it to deliver. You're saying you're not enough as you are. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why forcing comes from not believing in yourself * How attachment keeps you stuck in patterns of scarcity and desperation * The difference between taking action and forcing outcomes * Why avoidants struggle to value what they already have * How to break the cycle of work hard → fail → repeat "When you force, you're never emotionally available. I was forcing because I thought that would open a door that would bring what was missing, but it never did." ~ Tracy Crossley

Are you stuck in your comfort zone, waiting for someone or something to rescue you from yourself? You're not alone. So many of us live in what Tracy calls "the box"—that familiar prison where we feel safe but never truly alive. We tell ourselves we don't need approval. We act like we don't give a shit what anyone thinks. But deep down? We're still waiting. Waiting for the right person to make it safe. Waiting for the universe to send a sign. Waiting for someone else to take the emotional risk first. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why seeking approval keeps you trapped in avoidance patterns * How "safe" actually means familiar (and why that's dangerous) * The difference between avoiding life and living in flow * Why emotionally risky action is the only path to freedom * How to break free from your own fucking prison, one small step at a time "You have to create your own safety. And stepping forward and taking an emotionally risky action is the only way that you live a life where you feel it's full of joy and happiness." ~ Tracy Crossley

Are you exhausted from forcing everything to happen? From pushing through goals that leave you feeling empty once you reach them? Most avoidants live like they're perpetually on fire—reacting, controlling, forcing outcomes because "easy" feels dangerous. But here's the thing: all that forcing keeps you from the very flow state that would actually get you where you want to go. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why ease feels dangerous when you're avoidant * The difference between forcing and allowing * How perfectionism keeps you stuck in empty cycles * Sitting with discomfort instead of reacting * Recognizing when you're escaping versus flowing "When you're forcing, you're coming from a state of lack. You can't force a healthy relationship. You can't force anything meaningful. But we keep trying because we're afraid to let go of the false building we've created that everyone can admire." ~ Tracy Crossley

Do you crave connection but keep everyone at arm's length? You might be what Tracy calls an "accidental asshole." You're not trying to be a jerk. You built that wall as a kid to survive. But now it's blocking the very thing you want most. You date with one foot in, one foot out. You need drama to feel anything. When someone actually wants to love you? Boring. Or terrifying. Stop waiting for someone who won't trigger you. That person doesn't exist. The work is dealing with the discomfort of letting someone in. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why you need tension to feel attraction * How the "perfect person" fantasy keeps you unavailable * Why you get pissed when you actually get attached * Why you contact exes months later * How to feel without the protective facade "Emotionally available people do not seek out unavailability." ~ Tracy Crossley

Are you fun? Do you have a spark in your eye or are you just a sad sack? You put on your dating face. Your interview face. You're all excited and lighthearted at first. Then what the fuck happens? You turn serious. You start complaining. You focus on what's not happening instead of asking yourself - does this actually work for me? If your happiness depends on external circumstances, you are screwed. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why we go from fun to fucking serious when expectations aren't met * How much you complain about the person or job (that's your clue) * What happens when you lose your sense of humor * Why everything doesn't have to be your way * How to stop sacrificing your wellbeing for stories in your head "You have a choice. You do. Stop giving up your happiness in favor of trying to change someone else or feeling stuck in a prison you made." ~ Tracy Crossley

It’s that time folks! Tracy dives into a deeply personal journey of self-discovery and resilience. From unexpected life events to emotional struggles, Tracy shares her raw and unfiltered experiences, unveiling the surprising impact of stress on her life. While Tracy reveals her stuff around guilt, inner peace, and transforming her business, she will also lead you through an exercise in relieving yourself of stress. Join her for a newfound perspective on personal growth. In this episode, you will be able to: - Explore the depths of emotional well-being and relationships for a more fulfilling life. - Uncover the impact of stress on your well-being and how to effectively manage it. - Learn effective strategies for coping with life's challenges and emerging stronger. - Build resilience through the power of emotional processing for inner strength. - Embark on a journey of self-awareness to foster personal growth and empowerment. I don't need to be married to the stress just because shit is happening doesn't mean I need to be stressed by it. ~ Tracy Crossley

Tired of the endless cycle of self-help promises that never deliver? You consume podcast after podcast, read book after book, seeking that magic formula for perfection. But here's the truth nobody wants to tell you: you're chasing a fantasy. The "fake Candyland bullshit goal" is what's making you feel like crap about yourself. One day you're on top of the world, the next you're spiraling. What changed? You're still you. Stop waiting for external validation to feel okay. You already have everything you need inside you—you just don't know how to access it yet. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why seeking validation instead of actual help keeps you stuck * How victimhood and living in your head sabotage real growth * The difference between knowing something and actually living it * Why beating yourself up over past "mistakes" never brings peace * How to stop giving your power away to the "wishing and hoping farm" "The reality is if someone broke up with you, they broke up with you for their own reasons. That's how it works. If I have a problem with somebody, it's because of me and how I look at something." ~ Tracy Crossley