Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast

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True or False: Once she leaves the relationship, the abuse will stop. If you've been following me for a while, you probably know the answer to this one. It's, of course, 100% false. But unfortunately, a lot of people think this way when it comes to abusive relationships (I was one of those people too). Yes, leaving an abusive relationship is an important step but there are many other steps that come both before and after that. One of them is understanding the kind of post-separation abuse you and your kids will likely be subject to. So how do we know what the post-separation abuse will look like? We look at the pre-separation abuse. This week, in the silver position and #2 on our Listener's Choice Countdown is episode 39 originally aired March 14, 2023 called How an Abusive Relationship Works & Why Knowing is Crucial to your High-Conflict Divorce. If you like what you heard, why not share the episode with someone you love. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

You've just started dating someone and you're smitten. Long conversations, extravagant dates, over-the-top gestures, expensive gifts, constant 'checking in', talks of moving in together after only a few weeks... Could be a true connection with a potential life partner. Or, it could be a predator using love bombing tactics as a trap. So how do you know which one it is? On this week's episode I have 3 ways to help you tell. Take a listen and if you like what you hear, please share with a friend so we can spread the word. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

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Communication. This topic might be the #1 thing I'm asked about by clients as a high-conflict divorce coach. And as I dig deeper on the things that clients find the most challenging when it comes to communication, it all seems to break down into two main goals: (1) decreasing their reactivity to toxic communication from their co-parent and (2) learning how to craft effective communication that doesn't contribute to the conflict. Achieving these goals is relatively straight forward although not always easy. Step 1 is understanding exactly who you're dealing with (i.e. what makes them tick). Step 2 is developing realistic expectations around your co-parenting relationship (yes, it's going to look different). Step 3 is learning a framework to use for all communication (which takes the guesswork out of it). And that's what this week's Listener's Choice episode is about. In at #5 on our countdown is episode 29 from January 3, 2023 called How To Protect Your Peace While Communicating With Your High-Conflict Co-Parent . This 16-minute episode is well-worth the listen. If you prefer to read the transcript, you can find it on my website here. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

I had someone ask me a while back, ‘Sheryl, if you knew what you know now, would you still have gone through your divorce?’ I’ve been asked many versions of this question before, but I liked this one because it got me thinking about what I’ve learned. And when I learn stuff, I love sharing it with you. When I reflected on the question, this is what I concluded: despite all the challenges (and there are many), my answer was an unequivocal yes. That said, if I had to do it all over again, there are definitely things that I would do differently and that is what inspired me to write this episode. So let’s get to it. In at #6 this week, is the episode from November 29, 2022 called ‘7 Things I Wish I Knew Before My High Conflict Divorce’. Not only is this episode in the top 10 of season one, it also holds the #1 spot for first-day downloads! It’s a good one so let’s get on with it. I'd also love to hear what you've learned so if you've got something to add, send me a DM on social or shoot me an email at sheryl@healthymomafterdivorce.com. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

We're at #7 this week on our Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast Listener's Choice Countdown! Do you ever find yourself spinning your wheels not being able to figure out where to start on your journey to being a healthy mom after divorce? Maybe looking after your health is just not happening. Or your co-parent is filling your kids' heads with lies about you. Or perhaps you find yourself coveting non-divorced families. Don't worry... I did too. It's very natural... but it's also entirely useless and a giant waste of energy. On the latest episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce podcast, I share 5 divorced mom truths, why they are crucial to accept in order to move forward and what a neglected flower has to do with being a divorced mom. Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/16. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

Welcome back to the Healthy Mom After Divorce Listener's Choice Countdown! We are #8 this week. On this episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast, I share 3 hard truths about co-parenting, tell you why I'm so selective of the tv shows and movies I watch and talk about just how much is in our control to shape our kids' lives even if they're only with us half the time. Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/33. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

We're at #9 this week on the Healthy Mom After Divorce Listener's Choice Countdown for season 1! The smear campaign… Anyone who is going through or has been through a high-conflict divorce knows exactly what this is. A high-conflict ex is going around spreading lies about you to anyone who will listen in order to (unfairly) paint you as the villain. And maybe it isn’t just them. Maybe they even have their family or new partner doing it too. When this happens, I know how hard it can be. The anger and the hurt at the sheer injustice of it all can be debilitating and all consuming. On top of that, you are fighting the impulse to defend yourself. And although this is totally normal, it may end up making it worse. So what do you do instead? On this 31st episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast, I talk why it happens, how we all justify our behaviour (good or bad) and what we can do to be healthy moms to our kids despite it all. Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/31 Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

Protecting vs. preparing. What's your instinct when it comes to your kids? If you're like me, your instinct is to try and protect your kids from all of life's hardships, especially when it comes to their parent's divorce. They're grappling with two, homes, conflict between their parents, shuttling back and forth, missing those they love, confusion, feelings of responsibility for things they don't control... Our kids face a lot. And we'd like to be able to protect them from all of it, but of course we know that isn't possible. But even if it was, would it actually be best for them? That's what this episode is all about. This week at #10 on our Listener's Choice Countdown is episode 9 from August 16, 2022 where I talk about the challenges our kids face with divorce, what we can do about it and why protecting them is not always the best option. Find the transcript for this episode at healthymomafterdivorce.com/9. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

Welcome back to the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast Listener's Choice Countdown for season 1 where I'm counting down the top 12 episodes from the first season of the podcast. Last week, we started with #12 on our list, an episode from July 19, 2022 called ‘My Hardest Post-Divorce Lesson’. This week, we move on to #11 on our list. This episode, first released last summer on August 23, 2022, is about something I think we all struggle with. Missing special days with our kids is very painful, so much so that we often cannot imagine what our lives even look without these celebrations. When we had kids, we created images in our minds of what these days were ‘supposed’ to look like and when those ideals are challenged by a shared parenting schedule, our very identity as a parent is threatened. And threats to our identity can leave us feeling desperate, lost and confused. Sound familiar? Then hit play and let's get through it together. Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/10. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

Welcome to the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast Listener's Choice Countdown for season 1 where I'm counting down the top 12 episodes from the first season of the podcast. First up this week at #12 is episode 5 from July 19, 2022 simply called 'My Hardest Post-Divorce Lesson'. We are starting with a really good one because this is one of the hardest lessons for all of us: we do not control anyone other than ourselves (yes, that includes your impossible co-parent). Tough pill to swallow, I know, especially when they're doing things so clearly not in your children's best interests. So what do you do? Well that's what this episode is all about and I've got 3 steps to help you get past this frustrating reality. Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/5. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/40. It's tax time! Well, in Canada at least... Question... do you know the answers to these questions? If you're not sure, that's ok. I don't either. But there are people that do... and you need to talk to them. On this 40th episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast (and the last episode in season 1), I talk about divorce finances, why getting independent accounting advice is so important and give you a list of starter questions to ask your accountant so you can go into divorce negotiations with your eyes wide open. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

Have you spent time reflecting on what happened during your relationship? I'm don't mean reliving all the painful moments. I mean spending time thinking about the dynamics of an abusive relationship, how an abuser operates and what made you susceptible to it in the first place. The more you understand what happened during your relationship (when you were confused and lost), the more you will be prepared and able to predict what's coming your way through the divorce process in the form of post-separation abuse. Last week I talked about identifying an abuser early on by recognizing phase 1 of the abusive relationship: the love-bombing phase. Take a listen to that one if you haven't had the chance yet. On this 39th episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast, I talk about phase 2 of an abusive relationship (the devaluation phase), how it happens so easily (how is it possible we miss the signs?!) and why it's so important to your ability to divorce and co-parent with your abuser. Find the full transcript for the episode here. Have an idea for the show? Email me at sheryl@healthymomafterdivorce.com. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

Lots of gifts, fancy dates, all-day texting, long conversations about being about 'soul mates', talking about moving in together on date 3, the relationship going at Mach-speed... It can feel amazing to connect so quickly with someone you're dating. And although these things may be signs you two of you are head-over-heels for one another and are meant to be, it's also possible they're early indicators of a narcissitic abuser or coercive controller. But how do you know for sure? On this 38th episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast, I talk about the predictable patterns of behaviour by an abuser in the early stages of abuse, why they're so easy to miss and what you can do (and teach your kids to do) to protect yourself from ever being caught in the net. Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/38. The book I reference in the episode is The Gift of Fear- Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence by Gavin de Becker. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

“But how can he do this to the kids? It just doesn’t make sense?” Sound familiar? It’s ok, we’ve all been there. On this 37th episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast, I explain the cognitive bias called the Just-World Fallacy, why we have it and what we can do to free ourselves from its grips and move forward with our lives, even when the world doesn’t make sense. 00:00 – Intro 03:50 – What is the Just-World Fallacy? 06:10 – Why is it a problem? 07:13 – What strategies do we use to deal with it? 12:03 – How does knowing all this help us in our high-conflict divorce? Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/37. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

On this 36th episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast, I offer my thoughts on how to tell if someone is a safe person for you to share information about your abusive relationship and high-conflict divorce with, discuss 5 of the most common responses survivors hear when they do open up and provide some new perspectives to survivors and potential supporters alike. Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/36. 00:00 – Intro 04:18 – Step 1: Start from this assumption. 05:41 – Step 2: How to tell if the person is safe for you 07:09 – Step 3: What to listen for to keep yourself safe 08:36 – Response #1: “Geez, you two always seemed like the perfect couple.” 09:55 – Response #2: “He just doesn’t seem like the type.” 12:27 – Response #3: “Why didn’t you leave sooner if he was doing that?” 14:35 – Response #4: “It must be so nice to not have your kids half the time! You get to do whatever you want. I’d love to be free from mine more.” 16:26 – Response #5: “I never thought someone like you would end up in a situation like that.” Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

Transition days. They're challenging for kids and parents alike and often, transition days bring about terrible anxiety and dread. So on this 35th episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast, I talk about 3 areas that you can focus on to make transition days a little bit easier on you and your kids and I share a few tools that are tangible, manageable and most importantly, within your control. Find the full transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/35. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

On this 34th episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast, which is also part 3 of 3 in this series, I share 3 hard truths about acceptance and healing, why being the villain in your story might actually be a compliment and a tool I use for managing self-criticism. Find the transcript at healthymomafterdivorce.com/34. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn

On this episode of the Healthy Mom After Divorce Podcast, I share 3 hard truths about co-parenting, tell you why I'm so selective of the tv shows and movies I watch and talk about just how much is in our control to shape our kids' lives even if they're only with us half the time. Find the full transcript for this episode at healthymomafterdivorce.com/33. Download my free guide Book a free 45-min Discovery Call Follow me on TikTok, IG, FB & LinkedIn