How To Be Old

Hi, I'm Rachel McAlpine, I'm 84 and I'm learning how to be old. When vehicles get old, they need a certificate to prove they are safe on the road. Today I’ve got my grandson Hugo with me, he’s 12 years old and he’s going to help me renew my personal Warrant of Fitness. Like most young people, Hugo does know a lot about getting old, and he is very helpful. He is checking whether I can safely continue being out and about on roads and footpaths. Am I well maintained? Will I crash? Am I a danger to traffic? This seems reasonable, because my old body is a vehicle for myself, and I motor around on my legs. Hugo and I find human equivalents for tyres, lights, bodies, seat belts, suspension, and so forth. We have a contest to see who can keep singing the longest. This is to test my lung capacity. Hugo sees himself as a Nissan GTR and I'm a Baby Austin. Or maybe an old VW Beetle. To pass our personal Warrant of Fitness we old people-cars don't need to be perfect: we just need to be as safe as possible for another 12 months. Some organisations already offer a proactive medical check that they call a warrant of fitness. Buildings in New Zealand are required to have a Building or Housing Warrant of Fitness. Now I think we need a Warrant of Fitness specifically for old age. Of course it must be optional, not mandatory. One day! In the meantime, this rough-and-ready test will have to do. This old saying is highly relevant: "A stitch in time saves nine." We heard that all the time in the 1940s, and everything got mended. Cars, socks, shoes, houses and now humans. Another rare car-related blog post from me

Today — we’re lucky! Listen as oral historian Judith Fyfe shares insights and tips from her experience of recording older voices and stories. She says these recordings are like photographs: they capture a moment in time. She answers questions such as, why even do it? Why are older people more valuable subjects than teenagers? Best process? Potential problems? And what to do with that precious recording? I also get some personal advice about recording interviews for this podcast. I hope she'll inspire you to sit down with an older person, maybe a family member, maybe a friend. Establish trust, agree in writing about the purpose, get a good microphone, record in a quiet place, ask questions and above all ... listen. (Because "Tomorrow is too late.") I’m Rachel McAlpine and I’m 84. Like you, I'm Learning how to be old. Recording stories for a memoirWhat I learned from interviewing nonagenariansLife Stories Enhance the Quality of Life for our Seniorshealth benefits of listening to elders' stories PS If you enjoy this episode, please Subscribe to my podcast and give it some stars. This is all the reward I ask for my work.

Hello, I’m Rachel McAlpine, I’m 84 and I’m learning how to be old. I want to say a few words about this podcast. It was sound asleep for a couple of years. Now I am reviving it, with a new mission! It seems to be humanly impossible to imagine ourselves much older than we are. In fact, we all tend to think of ourselves as YOUNGER than we are, a lot younger. Our Dad was absolutely typical when he said, in his 80s, No, he didn’t want to go to a retirement home because they were full of old people. He wasn’t one of THEM. But sooner or later, if you’re lucky, you’re going to become that peculiar creature, an older person. Even, an old person. You will be one of THEM. Look, the alternative to being old is being dead. You know that, don’t you? And yes old age is weird. It's not what you signed up for. But you will discover that being old is mostly, most of the time, for most of us, heaps better than being dead. So why not be really alive? Why not make the most of this great gift? When you start to suspect that you will be old one day, this podcast will keep you company. We will soften the blow. We will be friendly. We will share tips and tricks and insights. Just try it, listen to a few episodes. It takes a while to warm up to a new podcast. Hit the SUBSCRIBE or FOLLOW button now so that you don’t lose track of us, and take it easy. (Don't worry, it's just as easy to opt out.) Some terrific guests are lined up ready to join us. They'll help you to get used to the idea of being old, and to flourish well into the third act — or fourth or fifth act — of your life. A word of warning: I’m inclined to get a bit earnest. On the other hand, I giggle a lot. You have been warned. We're all learning how to be old, and knowledge is power. Anyway, that’s the plan. Welcome aboard! Why I have given new life to my old podcast53% Of U.S. Adults Don’t Fear Growing OldFear of ageing is really fear of the unknown We're all learning how to be old and old people are walking books of knowledge (Image: public domain, Wikimedia)

Today I’m lucky — you’re lucky!—because Lois Daish is here to talk about some aspects of food and eating in old age. Our food habits necessarily change as we start to get old. In Lois's long life as a food writer and cook, two things have changed radically: our national food culture and her personal food habits. If you’re a Kiwi, you will be very familiar with the work of today's guest. She is one of New Zealand’s most distinguished and beloved culinary guides, actively involved for darn near 50 years. She has been a restauranteur and a regular writer for the New Zealand Listener. She has always been a splendid cook. Her most recent honour occurred in 2023, when she was installed in the Hall of Fame for Women in Food & Drink, Aotearoa New Zealand. Lois Daish is an essential ingredient of our national memory of food. From her long experience, Lois has seen many changes in our national food habits. She also talks about the most mundane effects of aging, such as farting as you go up the stairs. Can you guess what the nursery rhyme is today?

I'm one of 6 sisters who will all be over 80 by the end of September this year (2024). I quizzed us all about age-related changes, good things about aging, and tips and tricks for dealing with life in old age. Some answers surprised even me! And guess which nursery rhyme goes with a family of six girls? Old legs: of beauty and utilityOnce we were special becauseHow perception of time changes with age

Popular fitness instructor Trudi Fleetwood says that exercise is all about moving — in old age, too. And having fun at the same time. She remembers her grandmother doing Jazzergetics and her mother following a Jane Fonda LP, wearing leg warmers, leotard, and a belt. Rachel talks about "the Taylor legs" and sings a nursery rhyme, appallingly. That did at least involve moving her mouth, and after all, it's all about moving in old age. At 75, Rachel made multiple attempts to find a gym that suited her. Again and again a gym would move, or close, or change so that she had to try again. Finally she joined a community gym, Club Active, run by the Wellington City Council. This one suits her down to the ground for mixed ability Pump and Pilates classes and a shower after swimming in the sea. There she found a variety of great instructors, including Trudi. If you're learning how to be old (and whether you know it or not, you are), you know that exercise performs miracles. If "exercise" is a scary word to you, change the word to "moving." That includes walking. Getting off the chair, if you can, nodding your head, scrunching your shoulders, bending your knees or wiggling your toes. Your favourite kind of exercise is the only one that worksDon't take exercise like a pillThe full story of the Les Mills Gym empire

With the current rise in research on ageing and longevity, there's a flood of news and tips about living long and well. If you feel overwhelmed, you're not alone. The results are intriguing, encouraging, and revolutionary. But why did ageing became a hot topic thirty years ago? And how can we deal with this information overload? I've been thinking about this and have come up with a couple of suggestions. And a poem. And one woman's impressive vision of how her life will be at 95 years old. HALL: A comprehensive database for human aging and longevity studiesSlowing human ageing is now the subject of serious research

It's time I began reviving and revamping this podcast. I feel sad whenever a favourite podcast stops — yet I let mine lapse. This episode of "How To Be Old" explains a shift in my attitude to podcasting. Once I did it for my own amusement. Now I'm focused on you, not me. Because we're all learning how to be old: no expert has all the answers. Welcome to the second life of How To Be Old, the podcast! Let's chat. For an approximate transcript of this podcast episode, go here

Many people say they have fear of old age, not death or dying. But my role model is the woman who wasn't afraid of open heart surgery—or loneliness—or lazy brain. This poem has danced off the page and has its own chorus and a subterranean tune.

Scottish super-poet reads "Gravity" and talks about poems, people, and his future old age. Recorded November 2019 and still as fresh as a purple thistle head. About Michael Pedersen: The Scottish Poetry Library Neu! Reekie! Kim Hill interviews Michael Pedersen

A young poet reads a poem to an old poet. An old poet learns about eating green apples with chili, and a new snack is invented. You can read the original poem on my blog.

In a storm of regrets or negative thoughts, when you feel broken or haunted, a poem can help you to mend. That's informal poetic therapy. Today Kintsugi by Janis Freegard and When Befriending Ghosts by Siobhan Harvey are poetic therapy for me. Which poems do you turn to? I'm Rachel McAlpine, 81, a New Zealand poet. Kintsugi by Janis Freegard You will break and break and keep breaking until you’re on the floor Wondering whether you can ever rise. (You can.) You’ll break until you feel you may never be whole again. (You will be.) But you’ll be altered. Now is the time for kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing with gold, mending the cracks in smashed ceramics to make something more beautiful. You’ll reassemble yourself and use gold to seal the fissures. You’ll be better than before. Don’t stay damaged — That’s no use to anyone. Don’t give yourself more pity than you need. As soon as you’re ready, heal. (On second thoughts, You may never be ready. Do it anyway.) Trust me when I say: it’s going to be better. Trust me when I say: This isn’t your fault. This shouldn’t have happened. But it has and you couldn’t have stopped it. Make sure whatever happens next is good. Really good. Prepare your lacquer pot, Mix in the gold. Janis Freegard's Weblog If Befriending Ghosts Siobhan Harvey If they are the legacy left in lost code If they are the beginning of broken soul If they are the bitter end of love If they are the sour taste of rejection If they are the other side of the story If they are the curses cast into oblivion If they are the chemical rendering of light If they are the sky at the point of breaking If they are a house troubled by occupants If they are a dwelling upon difficult territory If they are my crying out of pain If they are my tearing open old wounds If they are my looking deep inside If they are my viscera, blood and bile I will give them oxygen and time I will give them fuel and flame I will raise them to ruin, to wreck I will raise them as lovers, as pets I will wear them up like a leash I will wear them down to a dust I will be their armour, their second skin I will be their padded cell, their asylum Siobhan Harvey

Today I'm reading a few poems that I wrote for particular friends or relatives—not love poems, just a message of delight or affection. Have you ever written a poem like that—and given it to them? That's pretty special for both the poet and the receiver.

Wonder what children think about hell, careers and catastrophes? Sit back and listen to three poems with some insights into their private worries. Theology of hell I was worried. I was seven and Daddy (as we called him then) was tucking me into bed. I was worried about hell. I wasn’t sure how bad you had to be. So I asked him, “When I die will I go to heaven or to hell?” Not a chatterbox he thought before he answered. We always could see him thinking with his eyeballs and his mouth. He said, “I don’t believe in hell for God is a loving God. But if there is a hell, I’m sure that only a very very few would go to hell, and only after doing something very very bad.” “Like what?” I pushed. Again he pondered. Then he said, “Like killing a person on purpose and never feeling sorry.” He was a vicar, and he knew. He kissed me goodnight and left me healed. I knew for sure and certain I would never kill a person, not on purpose and if I did, I would be sorry— so I wouldn’t go to hell. Vocational Guidance You have to say something when they ask and they always ask. But I haven’t decided yet. I might be an anthropologist or I might be a lady with a nail polish shop or I might be both, and in my spare time I might be a ballerina. When I get tired of being a ballerina I will have a baby called Hannah and she will be my friend. But I can’t have two friends called Hannah so I will give my baby Hannah to my other friend, Layla. Actually I won’t get tired of being a ballerina. Elsie's Scale of Terribleness Having no one to play with is four out of ten if it’s only a single day. A sunburn on your bones is an eight. Dropping your lunch in the dirt is a five. A zombie attack is about a nine A ten would be if my dog died (that would make me very sad) or if all the humans of the world got destructed by the God of Mud but Granny dying would only be a five, because she’s old. All poems are from How To Be Old, for sale at any New Zealand book store (if not, they'll order it) or buy direct from The Cuba Press.

After 2020, we may need help to achieve a happy new year. Sit back and listen to 3 poems about happiness that might help you to find it or notice it squatting in your life.

It's not easy making new friends but when old friends move or die or cut contact with you. Two poems with some ideas that might help at those times.

A poem about my mother's elaborate plan to end her life at 70 by throwing herself down a crevasse in the Franz Josef Glacier or Fox Glacier. I can't remember which. End of life choice is complicated and personal. Her own choice was purely imaginary when she was young.

Take a few minutes off and let me read to you. Today, I’ll read some tiny little poems that I call fortune cookies. They are feather light. Maybe one of them is about your own life. You’ll know it when you hear it. The poems are from How To Be Old published by The Cuba Press.

Listen to two poems about decluttering and letting go of stuff. They’re about the kind of transformation that needs to happen as old age approaches. It’s not just material things that clutter up your life. There’s a sort of psychic clutter that has also got to go.

Hello again. I’m Rachel McAlpine bringing you a Friday night poetry reading. Tonight I’ve got a special treat: two poems about murder. Don’t worry, they’re not too scary. The main poem is about the Parker-Hulme murder of 1954.