Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr. Joe Kort

Ray Aubel is a hypnotherapist, positivity coach, and founder of Intuitive Mind Hypnosis whose work focuses on helping people break free from anxiety, self-doubt, and deeply ingrained subconscious patterns. Through hypnosis and coaching, Ray helps clients understand how early experiences, shame, and social conditioning can shape the way they see themselves, relate to others, and move through the world. In this conversation, Ray and Dr. Joe Kort explore how hypnosis can be used to quiet the conscious mind and work directly with the subconscious. Ray explains how patterns such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, hypervigilance, and self-sabotage often develop as protective responses, especially for gay men who grew up feeling unsafe, unseen, or disconnected from their authentic selves. He shares how hypnosis can help people interrupt old patterns, build new pathways, and reconnect with a deeper sense of calm and self-trust. They also discuss the hidden emotional impact of growing up gay in a culture that often sexualizes, shames, or ignores LGBTQ+ identity. Dr. Kort introduces the concept of covert cultural sexual abuse, and Ray shares why this framework deeply resonates with the experiences he sees in his clients. Together, they explore how carrying a sexual secret, hiding parts of the self, and living in fear of rejection can create lasting anxiety, shame, and relationship struggles. The conversation also challenges common misconceptions about hypnosis. Ray explains that clinical hypnosis is not about losing control or being manipulated, but about entering a relaxed state where deeper healing and repatterning can take place. He describes his six-session process, including pattern interruption, age regression, releasing old emotional baggage, and building confidence, self-acceptance, and a more positive vision for the future. Listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love episode as Dr. Joe Kort talks with Ray Aubel about the hidden abuse and trauma of growing up gay, how subconscious patterns shape identity and relationships, and how hypnosis can help people feel safe enough to become who they already are. Support the show

Juliane Maxwald is a licensed psychoanalyst and AASECT certified sex therapist whose work focuses on the deeper psychological dynamics shaping sexuality, desire, and relationships. With over 15 years of experience, she integrates psychoanalytic theory with modern sex therapy to help individuals and couples understand how unconscious patterns, attachment, and past experiences influence their intimate lives. In this conversation, Juliane and Dr. Joe Kort explore the idea that sex is more than behavior, it is a window into the unconscious. Juliane shares how desire, arousal, and even sexual struggles often reflect deeper emotional patterns, including unresolved trauma, relational dynamics, and internalized shame. She introduces the concept of desire discrepancy and explains how differences in libido are rarely random, but instead reveal important insights about connection, stress, and personal history. They also discuss infidelity through a psychological lens, challenging the idea that it is simply about betrayal or attraction to another person. Instead, they explore what affairs can represent emotionally, how couples can repair and grow from them, and why major life transitions often trigger these experiences. The conversation also touches on shame, ethical non-monogamy, and how open communication plays a critical role in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. Together, they introduce the concept of outercourse, expanding the definition of sex beyond intercourse and encouraging a more flexible, creative, and individualized approach to intimacy. They discuss how rigid sexual scripts can create pressure and disconnection, and why redefining sex can help people experience more freedom, connection, and authenticity. Listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love episode as Dr. Joe Kort talks with Juliane Maxwald about the unconscious meaning of sexuality, navigating desire and infidelity, and why rethinking sex can lead to deeper understanding and transformation. Support the show

Jessica Levith is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and certified sex therapist whose work focuses on how life experiences shape sexuality. Trained in attachment focused EMDR and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, she helps clients understand their sexual identities through the lens of personal history, culture, relationships, and emotional development. In this conversation, Jessica and Dr. Joe Kort explore the idea of sexual contextualism, a framework that looks at sexuality as something shaped by our life experiences rather than something fixed or easily categorized. Jessica introduces the concept of sexual emergence, the moment when someone realizes a new aspect of their sexuality, whether that involves attraction, desire, identity, or erotic interests that were previously unrecognized. They also discuss how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can help people relate differently to their sexual thoughts, feelings, and conflicts, especially when desires change or partners discover unexpected aspects of each other’s sexuality. Together they talk about evolving attractions, kink, identity shifts, and why understanding context can help people feel less shame and more curiosity about their sexual development. Listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love episode as Dr. Joe Kort talks with Jessica Levith about sexual identity expansion, erotic evolution, and why discovering new parts of your sexuality can be a normal part of being human. Support the show

Justin Depow is the inventor of C*ck Block, the first sex tech product designed specifically to combine penetration and frot in one shared experience. After leaving a successful corporate career in product management, Justin took a personal challenge and turned it into a bold entrepreneurial journey. Following years of struggling with undiagnosed pelvic floor dysfunction that made anal sex painful and anxiety producing, he began questioning why intimacy in gay male culture was so narrowly defined. What started as a deeply personal frustration evolved into more than a decade of research, prototyping, and persistence to create a product that expands how queer men and other penis havers can experience connection and pleasure face to face. In this candid and wide ranging conversation, Justin and Dr. Joe Kort explore the meaning of frot, why outercourse is often dismissed as not real sex, and how rigid top and bottom roles can limit sexual expression. Justin shares the emotional impact of finally receiving the correct medical diagnosis, how pelvic floor physical therapy changed his life, and why he felt compelled to design something that offered an alternative to anal intercourse without sacrificing intimacy. He also opens up about the realities of launching a sex toy company, from manufacturing challenges and international supply chains to unexpected barriers from banks, warehouses, and online advertising platforms that continue to stigmatize sexual wellness businesses. The discussion also highlights the growing visibility of sides and others who prefer non anal sex, and the cultural resistance that still exists within and outside the LGBTQ community. Justin explains how customer feedback has shaped the evolution of C*ck Block into a customizable system with different textures and upcoming innovations, including new form factors and vibration options. At its core, his mission aligns closely with Joe’s long standing message that pleasure, connection, and sexual satisfaction do not have to revolve around penetration. Listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love episode as Dr. Joe Kort talks with Justin Depow about redefining gay intimacy, challenging sexual scripts, innovating in queer sex tech, and expanding what counts as real sex. Support the show

Dr. Paul Benson is the founder, owner, and Medical Director of Be Well Medical Center in Berkley, Michigan, a family medicine practice established 45 years ago. He is proud to share he was the first LGBTQ physician to open a medical practice in Metro Detroit, creating a safe, affirming space for patients of all backgrounds, especially those too often overlooked or mistreated in healthcare. While he did not set out to become an HIV specialist, the timing of opening his practice in 1980 placed him at the very beginning of the AIDS epidemic, when fear and stigma kept many providers from treating gay men. What began with caring for friends quickly grew into a trusted medical home for LGBTQ patients and a lifelong commitment to HIV medicine and advocacy. In this candid conversation, Dr. Benson and Dr. Joe Kort reflect on the early years of the epidemic, the loneliness many patients endured, and the enormous changes that arrived as treatments evolved and prevention became possible. Dr. Benson explains why HIV care is an intellectual challenge, not just medically, but emotionally and psychologically, because great care requires seeing the whole person, including mental health. They also discuss today’s realities. PrEP is highly effective, but many people who could benefit from it still are not using it consistently. Dr. Benson shares optimism about long acting injectable prevention options and the future of cure research, and he gives a clear, reassuring answer to a question Joe hears often. If someone is not having intercourse, do they need PrEP or other HIV prevention medications? His answer is no. The episode also dives into gender affirming care and what responsible, ethical transgender healthcare actually looks like in a primary care setting. Dr. Benson talks about his decades of experience providing hormone therapy, why careful lab monitoring matters, the risks of using higher than recommended dosing, and his measured approach to puberty blockers and surgical interventions for adolescents. He closes with a message he wants every listener to hear. Mental health is a vital part of total healthcare, and patients deserve a strong support team, including providers who collaborate and patients who advocate for themselves, and who cancel appointments when they cannot make them. Listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love episode as Dr. Joe Kort talks with Dr. Paul Benson about LGBTQ affirming primary care, the evolution of HIV treatment and prevention, the reality behind transgender medicine, and why mental health support belongs in every healthcare plan. Support the show

“I often am asked, ‘why on earth would you want to run for office in such dangerous political times?’ My response is simple: if we back down now when we are afraid, we’ve already lost.” Kali Scales is running for State Representative of District 5, which encompasses Oak Park, Royal Oak Township and Northwest Detroit. If she wins, she will be the first transgender person elected to an office in Michigan. The question that naturally comes to mind for many, including Scales, is this: “will they vote for me because I am trans, or will they vote for me because they support the issues I stand by?” Her campaign focuses on “Back to Basics” – AEIOU: autonomy, education, inclusivity, opportunities and unions. “A good and honest life is built on these,” she asserts. The nationally syndicated radio host, writer, performer and storyteller has been in the public eye since she was 16. “I came out of the closet publicly, I did my whole transition publicly, and I’ve seen some of the best and worst that humanity has to offer,” she notes. “It’s time to make the world know we are not going to stand for what is happening now. This will help combat the feelings of hopelessness and loneliness a lot of people are dealing with. Fear thrives in loneliness; many feel the decision already has been made, but that day is not here yet! There still is hope. Get involved! Stay in the fight. We need you, and we will see the other side of this,” she says with confidence. Listen to this inspiring Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast where I ask Kali Scales some tough questions about the current political climate, the new pressures and divisiveness the LGBTQIA community is encountering, and how she will handle the personal attacks that already are coming her way since she has entered the political race. Support the show

Patriarchal expectations of men remain strongly embedded in our society and culture, but it’s time to break the guy code. Men are stuck in a bubble internally; they are supposed to be stoic, strong and masculine, and uphold rigid norms placed on them from the past several generations, reports Dr. Christopher Wilson, a certified sex therapist who works with cishet and non-cishet men who are struggling with the patriarchal negative and want to break free of it. Women have been hurt disproportionately through the years by the patriarchal model – voting rights, wage discrepancies, financial freedom – but this is changing. Unfortunately, the traditional model for men is not. They feel an internal battle; they don’t want to give up their position, but at the same time, they feel trapped in a small rigid box of social expectations that they cannot step out of or there will be repercussions, they feel. Men want emotional expression, but in many cases, their female partners shut them down because they, too, are not prepared for this patriarchal change and don’t know how to handle it. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Wilson will talk about why men struggle with emotional recognition, the four domains where men can get hurt, and how men can break the guy code in a healthy way and be free to be who they are, which ultimately will lead to a better society for everyone. Support the show

For many years, researchers categorized sex as a biological drive like thirst, hunger, sleep or temperature control. But the question lingered, “what if you don’t have sex? What will happen to you?” Unlike thirst or hunger, individuals will survive without sex, says Dr. Adrienne Rowland, an AASECT-certified sex therapist specializing in sexual health and LGBTQIA+ affirming care. During this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, she discusses the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire and why both are normal, how to manage desire discrepancies, and what to do about male patriarchy systems that remain present today. “When I talk with couples, many still follow the traditional male patriarchy system: a man’s sexual desire is a woman’s responsibility,” Dr. Rowland finds. “In our patriarchal society, women often grow up learning that sex is not for them; it is their role to pleasure their male partner. It is important to empower primarily women to feel confident with their body autonomy, and to not feel guilty for saying ‘no’ to a sexual encounter they don’t want,” she asserts. “We are responsible for our own pleasure. Normalize it. Negotiate your desires, and the result will be very freeing,” Dr. Rowland announces. “No one should give permission to explore their own pleasure.”

A New Zealand-born, Australian-raised writer, director, actor, model and fetish content creator, Julian Shaw began his filmmaking career in his teens. When COVID dried up his earnings, a friend suggested he explore Only Fans, an app that is redefining the sex industry. He found he could make easy money and get back on his feet monetarily, but he learned far more. In 2020, Shaw launched a subscription site, and to his amazement, some of his content placed him at the site’s top 1 percent. Fetish and sexuality can make for a lucrative career, he quickly found out. His content was not pornographic; the fitness guru would flex his muscles, oil himself up and pose fully clothed. As his site gained subscribers, the special requests followed: smashing his foot into a pie, sitting on a cake, showing off his feet for the camera. Shaw gave his audiences what they wanted – a lot of non-nude fetish content. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Shaw openly and honestly talks about his fetish career publicly for the first time. “You can be a serious filmmaker and an unapologetic adult creator,” he announces. “I own my own fetishes, and it has been amazing for my mental health! Take a fearless step forward and own who you are, and that is the pathway to happiness,” he says.

An internationally renowned champion for saving marriages, best-selling author and marriage coach Michele Weiner-Davis has written eight books, covering topics such as divorce busting, sex-starved marriages, and her most recent one – “Healing from Infidelity,” a topic we delve deeply into during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. “If it weren’t for the kids, we wouldn’t be trying to save our marriage,” is a statement Weiner-Davis hears often in her sessions with couples heading for divorce. How a therapist responds to that statement can make all the difference in what transpires, she has found from her years of experience working with couples who are struggling in their marriage. She courageously speaks out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce – she founded The Divorce Busting Center in Boulder, Colorado – and urges couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together, an often unpopular sentiment among many therapists. In this podcast, she offers some valuable advice to help couples rebuild trust and repair their fragile relationship.

We can't simply squeeze ourselves into expected heteronormative structures and find happiness. It’s not going to happen! That’s why Tom Bruett, a therapist and founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, wrote the book, The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, a guide that provides the tools to build a rich, deep gay relationship. In any romantic relationship or friendship, there will be differences. This is how we learn about our partners and ourselves, and how we can grow in a relationship. If we do not go through the differentiation process, it creates angry fighting and static toxicity, Bruett finds. In this podcast, we talk about how to connect with your partner when you are not on the same page, and how to start the differentiation process and end with problem solving and a deep, sustaining and committed relationship. It will not happen if you are trying to create a carbon copy of a heterosexual relationship. It’s time to find queer joy, Bruett exclaims.

“I am promiscuous because I am curious,” reads an introduction to Soulmates: A History of Our Fetish for Feet,” a book authored by Adam Zmith, a writer and podcast producer whose work focuses on sex, queer identity, LGBTQ+ lives, history, art and desire. In my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Zmith shares that fetishes with feet are a centuries’ old pleasure that most cultural groups have explored. In fact, one in 6 people have fantasized about feet, and it is one of the most googled fetishes. It is a whole universe of pleasure, he has discovered. In my podcast, Zmith also talks about another book he wrote, Deep Sniff: A History of Poppers and Queer Futures, a “manifesto to pleasure,” he describes. Through his work, including a weekly podcast entitled, Free Sex, Zmith’s goal is to build a world where everyone can have sex the way they want it.

In this powerful episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort sits down with world-renowned trauma expert, psychiatrist, and author Dr. Frank Anderson. Together, they explore the many forms of trauma—relational, cultural, global, and more—and how our responses, not just our experiences, shape our healing journeys. Dr. Anderson opens up about his personal transformation, the writing of his memoir To Be Loved, and the deep belief that love and connection can heal trauma. You’ll hear insights on: is Dr. Anderson's personal journey, professional insight, and heartfelt message remind us that no one is broken—and that healing is not only possible, but a path to living a more authentic, purpose-driven life.

You can build the body you want and live a healthy lifestyle with a few simple changes, says Amadeo Aram, a sports and exercise professional, certified personal trainer, and online fitness coach who works with gay men all over the world to help them build the body they always have dreamed of. It’s not complicated to achieve your goals, he emphasizes. Born and raised in Berlin, Germany, Aram conducts trainings online with his “tribe” of gay men – his community of like-minded individuals who face many of the same struggles when it comes to body image and health. Aram got into the business of helping other gay men reach their fitness goals because he himself had his own struggles as a young man. He found working out in the gym helped him overcome his fears and shortcomings, boosted his self-esteem and made him feel good “in so many ways,” he says. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Aram talks about some of the biggest mistakes men (and women) make when setting fitness goals, how you can stay fit at any age, and why it never is too late to start a fitness routine. “It is not complicated or overwhelming when trying to stay in shape and healthy with the right routines, practices and habits,” he professes.

In this insightful episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, host Dr. Joe Kort welcomes Dr. Ronald Hellman, a distinguished psychiatrist and pioneer in LGBTQ+ mental health advocacy. Together, they delve into the concepts of "homosexism" and "sides," challenging longstanding cultural assumptions about gay male sexuality. Dr. Kort and Dr. Hellman discuss the evolution of the term "side"—coined by Dr. Kort to describe gay men who prefer sexual activities other than anal intercourse—and how it has gained acceptance across dating apps and the broader LGBTQ+ community. Dr. Hellman shares his academic perspective on homosexism, a form of prejudice that narrowly defines gay male sex as exclusively involving anal intercourse, while invalidating other forms of erotic intimacy. He emphasizes that research spanning over a century shows that oral sex and mutual masturbation are actually more common among gay men than anal sex. The conversation also explores how media portrayals, outdated medical assessments, and a lack of proper education reinforce these misconceptions, negatively impacting self-esteem and sexual identity within the gay community. Dr. Hellman calls for more accurate representations of male intimacy and greater awareness across all spectrums of sexuality. Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of the diversity of sexual expression, the importance of validating different experiences, and the need to dismantle cultural biases in both popular media and healthcare. Dr. Hellman also hints at his upcoming book, Loving Arrangements, focused on open relationships, due out from Rutgers University Press in 2025.

In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort interviews Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, and Dr. Jennifer Vencill dive into the complexities of sexual desire discrepancies between partners. They discuss the differences between libido, sexual desire, and sex drive, emphasizing that sexual desire discrepancies are common and should be normalized rather than pathologized. The episode highlights two types of libido: spontaneous and responsive, and how cultural narratives often misrepresent sexual experiences. The experts provide insights on how partners can navigate these discrepancies, focusing on communication, understanding individual motivations, and exploring pleasure beyond traditional scripts. Listeners are encouraged to embrace diverse sexual experiences and to seek resources that reflect their unique situations. The episode aims to educate and empower individuals and couples to foster healthier sexual relationships.

In this first episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love's sixth season, Dr. Joe Kort talks with Jay Kaplan, an attorney for the ACLU of Michigan’s LGBTQ+ Project. Jay shares insights on the Trump 2.0 administration’s executive orders affecting LGBTQ+ rights, particularly policies targeting transgender individuals. They discuss the removal of LGBTQ+ references from federal websites, restrictions on gender-affirming care, and the reinstatement of the transgender military ban. Jay explains the legal challenges being filed to stop these policies and how they impact civil rights. The conversation also covers how the LGBTQ+ community can respond, the importance of unity, and the broader impact of these policies beyond transgender individuals. Jay encourages listeners to stay informed, speak up, and support advocacy efforts. 🎧 Listen now at or follow Dr. Joe Kort on Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook @DrJoeKort.

“For a while, we thought we were a fluke in the system,” announces Samantha Wynn Greenstone, a social media influencer and actor who “came out” less than two years ago about her unconventional marriage to a gay man. Through social media communications with Smart Sex, Smart Love host, Joe Kort, Greenstone and her husband, Jacob Hoff, finally were able to “label” their relationship as “mixed orientation.” The couple fell in love, were married last November, and have been talking about their monogamous relationship – a “soulful connection” – as Hoff describes it, in People Magazine, The New York Times and social media. “It was a pivotal moment to finally take the leap and decide to share our story,” says Hoff during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. It’s natural for the couple to be under critical eyes when they chose to go public with their story. Greenstone is straight, and she knew Hoff was gay soon after their friendship began eight years ago. People don’t believe they can be monogamous; they suspect Hoff will be (or has been) unfaithful, they label him bisexual and not gay, they say the marriage is a sham, they believe conversion therapy is involved, they assume Greenstone couldn’t find a straight man to marry … and the theories go on and on because most people are skeptical that a straight woman and a gay man can be in a loving, monogamous relationship. The reality of this mixed orientation marriage is that it is working very well, and the couple is in love, happy, content, secure and completely committed to each other. “Jacob shows up for me more than anyone has ever shown up for me in my life,” Greenstone says. “He makes it clear how important I am to him every day and how much me being in his life means to him. Any doubt in my head is gone. He is in it for the long run.” Listen to my podcast to learn about the “pure love story” of Samantha Wynn Greenstone and Jacob Hoff and how mixed orientation marriages can be successful.

“I remember my dad telling me when I was 12 or 13 that I was too old to play with toys,” reports internationally known Barbie collector Jim Taylor. He opened Season 4 of Smart Sex, Smart Love by talking about why he began collecting Barbies, and now is the proud owner of more than 3,000 dolls. “I played with traditional boy toys growing up,” he points out. “I loved transformers.” As he got older, his desire to play with toys never diminished. Finally, when Taylor was well into his 20s, he decided, “I can do what I want, and I’m going to buy toys if I feel like it.” He has no “scientific” process for doll collecting. “Some people collect celebrity dolls; others collect ball gown dolls or Kens. Buy what you love, and you will love your collection,” he announces. “It’s what makes me happy.” He urges others: “Follow your bliss. I no longer say to myself, ‘you’re a grown man, you can’t buy that.’ Buy yourself a doll if it makes you happy!” Learn more about doll collecting and Jim Taylor’s story in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.

“I wanted to call my book, Go F**** Yourself, but I didn’t think the publishing world would accept it or get it,” laughs Eric Sprankle, PhD, author of DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation. The professor of clinical psychology and co-director of the sexuality studies program at Minnesota State University in Mankato was a guest on my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. He talked about his DIY book, which debunks dozens of century old myths about masturbation that many still believe today. Here's a glimpse into his book and my podcast: Dr. Sprankle discusses these myths in detail and shares a lot more on the subject of masturbation, jackoff clubs, safe anus insertion practices, and enjoying masturbation moments without shame or guilt.