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Why Do We Fear Future Success? LOP026

Pretend that you recently accomplished a really big goal. I’m talking the big-kahuna, significant life goal: a major promotion at work; a $30,000 sales target reached; you’ve moved into your dream home; you lost over 20 pounds of body fat; or whatever you have in mind as a meaningful, impactful goal. Now that you find yourself in a much better place than you were before achieving that goal, you feel uncomfortable. You might even be experiencing fear. That is not what you expected! It’s time...


Why You Deserve What You Are Worth – LOP025

Have you ever said (or heard others say) something like, “Is that for me? Oh, you shouldn’t have!” Or, “I don’t deserve this.” Too often I hear this from those of us who serve others in capacities like coaching, personal training, massage, teaching, blogging, and so on. For some reason we depreciate ourselves, as if we shouldn’t be proud of our accomplishments, including our gifts, skills, talents, products, and services. When you give something that is of value to others, you are entitled...


How to Finally Achieve Your Goals and Live Your Dream Life – LOP024

How to ADD to Your Life If you're excited by every new idea, jumping from one project to the next, you'll never get what you want. Instead, the outcome will be many small projects, some completed, and others abandoned; or jumping one job to another. You will be no closer to achieving your goals and creating the life of your dreams. But, once you know what you want to do – with clarity and on your own terms – you can then establish systems and structures that will keep you on the path to...


How Journaling Helps You Create What You Want in Life – LOP023

One of the core steps of my ADD Method to Live OUT the best of who you are is to keep a journal. We journal for self-awareness to work through our problems and struggles, to get clear on how to solve those problems, and to give form to our creative inspirations. When we journal regularly we stay connected with who we are. No one else has the power to assess, dream, or design our lives. You get to divine your own truth – by your own hand – and write your life’s story going forward, page by...


How to Let Go of People’s Opinions and Gain Personal Insight – LOP022

ADD To Your Life How many times have you sought out someone’s opinion, or wanted someone to agree with you? Maybe you didn’t know how to resolve a difficult situation and you asked what they thought. Or perhaps you were working to solve a problem and you wanted someone to tell you that you were doing the right thing. The truth is that other people’s opinions do not matter. They are simply their opinions and have nothing to do with you. Usually we are seeking validation in seeking people’s...


These Things Are Not Who You Are (The Shaun Proulx Show) – LOP021

This past weekend I was a guest on the Shaun Proulx Show on Canada Talks on SiriusXM Canada, channel 167. Shaun and I went deep into the discussion that you are not your problems or your past stories. We talked about what you can do to reframe your problems, and how to come up with creative and empowering solutions. Enjoy this special edition of the Living OUT Podcast and be sure to check out Shaun's website here: Support the Living OUT Podcast


Why the Stories of Your Past Are Not Who You Are – LOP020

For many years I held onto my past. I thought about people who made me feel bad and unworthy. I reacted to how heteronormative culture boxed me in and made me feel shame for being a gay man. I felt like a loser graduating high school with a 51% average. My past became my identity and I was stuck in the drama of that tired old story. What actions can you take to let go of what’s holding you back? How would it feel to move forward with ease, to live out the best of who you are, to explore what...


How to Take Care of YOU First to Live Life By Your Design – LOP019

Do you stick to the appointments you make with other people and compromise or cancel appointments that you make with yourself? What self-care habits are routine in your life? What do you do on a daily or weekly basis to take care of yourself that never appears on your calendar? What always gets done with consistency and without argument or resistance? Conversely, what appointments or habits do you NEED to book in your calendar? For example, in my past I would compromise many of my...


How to Let Go of Being Right to Be Who You Are – LOP018

Needing to be right is not who you are. In this episode I look at why we often go on the defensive about what we believe to be right, why we attack so easily when confronted with something we don’t agree with or believe in, and what that says about who we are. Below are the key quotations I reference from the podcast, Ram Dass Here and Now, “Reality of Who We Are”, episode 86. “You only try and protect your position when you don't have much faith in where you're at. Just like you only come...


How to Set Yourself Apart by Taking Creative Risks – LOP017

Taking risks is not about trying to be different or trying to make a name for yourself. This is not the same as riding a rollercoaster or sky-diving. This is a risk of the soul, exposing your truth, your abilities, and your creative genius to the world. You can’t predict anyone will care, follow you, or even support what you do — especially if you are only motivated by your ego. If the ego doesn’t get recognition (“Hey, look at me!”) your efforts feel diminished and wasted. If you want to...


Are You Living Out Your Dream Life? LOP016

Do you have a vision of what your dream life looks like? Or do you have a mission, or what some refer to as having a calling in life? You can have all of the above. As an example, I am consciously creating my dream life every day (and sometimes I doubt it will ever happen, but that’s another story). My focus on growing my business is connected with my mission and my calling. So how do you create that vision of your dream life, and more importantly, how do you take steps every day to live...


Use This Process to Solve Your Problems and Challenges – LOP015

The outcome of this self-assessment process is to gain clarity on the reasons for your problems, struggles or challenges. Once you get clarity on what’s holding you back, you can then come up with solutions and create an action plan to solve those problems and challenges. This process is part of my ADD Coaching Methodology: a coaching program designed to help you, Assess the foundations of your life. How did you get to this point? What are you proud of? What is holding your back from getting...


A Treatise On How We Treat Others – LOP014

Why do we act mean or disrespectful towards others? Why don't we realize that this is a lack of self-respect? When we attack, harass, bully, defame, or call someone names, it is a reflection of our own self-image. Our actions are a reflection of our lack of control and emotional intelligence. It's easy to go down the path of anger, attack, and self- protection. The ancient parts of our brain serve to keep us safe and comfortable. They react instantly and seemingly without logical, conscious...


“ADD” to Your Life to Live Out the Best of Who You Are – LOP013

Have you left the best parts of you in the closet? As a metaphor, the closet can be the place where you’ve suppressed and hidden away the best parts of who you are. These are your hidden dreams and desires, which might feel too heavy to drag out of the closet. The things we’re most afraid of doing are in fact the things that make us evolve. What we are afraid of is leaning out of our comfort zone. Comfort is safe, but it’s not expanding; it’s not where personal growth happens, it’s not where...


How Privilege Limits the Nature of Abundance – LOP012

A contemplative tale One early morning last week on my way to the gym, I saw a homeless man wandering aimlessly. I looked away, avoiding eye contact, and kept going, pretending that it shouldn't matter. But by thinking the thought, it did matter. It mattered that he was “homeless” and I did nothing about it – other than to recognize this awareness bothered me. I had so much going for me compared to him. I realized the privilege in my abundance. I know nothing of the homeless man's story. Who...


Bullshitting Myself and Other Excuses – LOP011

Do you ever catch yourself in your own bullshit, making excuses for why you can’t do something, or why you don’t want to do something? What are the things you’re lying to yourself about that are holding you back from something that would make you happy; some action that, when completed, would improve the quality of your life? Personal growth happens when you lean out of your comfort zone long enough to cause permanent expansion. I am not an advocate of the expressions, “Feel the pain and do...


Ask Better Questions To Get What You Need – LOP010

This episode was inspired by a recent post on my publication, Th-Ink Queerly about one person’s coming out process, and specifically her fears. I found it interesting because her article became a long list of fears that could keep her forever trapped in a state of low self-worth and limited growth, unless she finds a way to reframe her fears. The questions we ask ourselves determine our perspective and world view within the formation of our answers. It’s vital we ask the kind of questions...


Questions We Should Be Asking About the Fatal Shooting in Toronto Greektown – LOP009

A special episode of The Living OUT Podcast This past Sunday night on July 22 in Toronto, Faisal Hussain, a 29-year-old resident went on a shooting rampage at a number of Danforth Avenue restaurants. A 10-year-old girl and and and 18-year-old woman were killed, with many more injured in the attack. This is a terrible tragedy and my heart goes out to all those who have lost someone in this and other violent attacks. The news headlines and the media over the last few days have made it seem...


How Gay Shame Limits Self-Worth and Personal Growth – LOP008

Something I learned about myself some time ago, was how gay shame was holding me back and limiting my success. I was afraid of other people’s opinions of me. For many gay men it’s challenging to feel good enough, to feel like we belong, and to feel equal within society. Not feeling good enough started in my childhood, as it does for anyone who feels “different” (as I did) at a very early age. I felt isolated and rejected by my peers, which had a profound affect on my emotional, intellectual,...


How Do We Effectively Respond To So Much Injustice? LOP007

Responding to the Perpetrators who cause pain and injustice On a daily basis – if you read headline news – there appears to be so much pain and anguish in the world. Often our intrinsic, immediate response to those who make us feel this way is to lash out or bash back. Is outrage and / or physical violence an appropriate response, and if not, how can we better respond to injustice? What individual and collective power do we have to make an unjust situation better? What's been happening over...