More than Roommates

When it comes to having kids, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer—but there is a biblical framework. In this episode, the More than Roommates team explores how couples can navigate timing, fear, and cultural pressures by seeking God, aligning as a couple, and pursuing wise counsel. Discussion Questions: - Do we truly believe children are a blessing, or have we adopted cultural views that see them as a burden? - What fears (financial, personal, family history) might be influencing our timeline? - Have we clearly sought God together in prayer and Scripture about this? - Who are the wise, godly voices speaking into this decision for us? - If we’re waiting, are we still actively giving our lives away for the Kingdom?

Jason VanRuler joins More than Roommates to discuss his book "Discovering your Communication Type." This episode dives into how your communication style and attachment patterns are shaping your marriage—often without you realizing it. By understanding how you and your spouse are wired, you can stop repeating the same conflicts and start building deeper connection. Discussion Questions: 1- Which communication type do you think you are? What about your spouse? 2- Where do your differences help your marriage? Where do they create tension? 3- Do you tend to avoid hard conversations or over-address them? Why? 4- How did your family growing up shape the way you communicate now? 5- Which attachment style do you most relate to (secure, anxious, avoidant)? 6- What’s one small communication habit you can practice this week? Resources Instagram (@jason.vanruler) Discovering Your Communication Type by Jason VanRuler

Is our culture working against your marriage and family? Tim Carney, author of Family Unfriendly, joins the podcast to unpack why birth and marriage rates are falling — and what families can do to push back. From the "travel team trap" to helicopter parenting to radical individualism, this conversation is honest, practical, and deeply encouraging for couples who want to build a family that is countercultural and God-honoring. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 1- Are there any activities or commitments in our family schedule that are pulling us apart more than they're bringing us together? What would it look like to simplify? 2- Tim says we communicate what we value by how we spend our time. What does our current schedule communicate to our kids — and to each other? 3- How intentional are we about cultivating a community around our family? Are we taking more than we're giving in our church or neighborhood? 4- In what ways have we bought into a hyper-individualistic mindset — even subtly — in how we approach our marriage or parenting? 5- What is one small, countercultural step we could take this month to make our family more connected — to each other, to our church, or to our neighbors? 6- If you have or plan to have kids: how are we thinking about unstructured play and sibling relationships as building blocks for who our children become? RESOURCES Family Unfriendly by Tim Carney Away Game by Brian Smith and Ed Uszynski Youth Sports MTR Episode

Jonathan and Monica Pokluda join Derek and Gabrielle for a refreshingly honest conversation about marriage — the cycles, the conflict, and the slow, hard work of choosing to love. Together they unpack why criticism kills intimacy, how gratitude can transform your marriage faster than correction ever could, and what it practically looks like to encourage the change you desire in your spouse. Discussion Questions - In what ways have you slipped into a coaching or correcting posture with your spouse? What might it look like to lay that down? - Are there ways you hold back affirmation from your spouse for a reason that sounds spiritual but may actually be creating distance? - JP said "criticism is the enemy of intimacy." Do you agree? Where has criticism shown up in your marriage, and what has it cost you in closeness? - JP said to pray daily that your love and attraction for your spouse would grow. How intentional is your prayer life for your marriage? What would it look like to make that a daily practice? - Monica talked about looking back with gratitude when you feel stuck in a cycle — noticing how conflict looks different than it did 10 years ago. Where have you seen real growth in your marriage that you might be taking for granted?

AI is changing everything—including how we think, feel, and connect. In this episode, we explore the real risks and redemptive opportunities of artificial intelligence in marriage, and how to stay grounded in biblical wisdom in a rapidly shifting world. Discussion Questions - Where are we most tempted to choose convenience over connection? - Have we ever gone to technology instead of each other for emotional support? - What guardrails should we put on AI/phone usage in our marriage? - How can we use tools like AI to be more intentional—not less? - Who has authority in our lives when we need wisdom—AI, culture, or God? Resources: - Asklyte.ai

Pornography is one of the most common—and destructive—threats facing marriages today. In this episode, we talk honestly about lust, confession, repentance, and how couples can fight for holiness, healing, and intimacy in their marriage. Discussion Questions: - What boundaries do we currently have in place to guard our marriage from sexual temptation? Are they enough? - What does it look like practically to “make no provision for the flesh” in our home? - How can we create a culture of confession and grace in our marriage? - Who are trusted people or community members we can invite into accountability if needed? Resources - Freedom Starts Today by John Elmore - Your Brain on Porn - Fight the New Drug - Covenant Eyes

Healthy marriages aren’t built in isolation. In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Andrew talk about why authentic Christian community is essential for a thriving marriage—and why waiting until your marriage is on fire to ask for help is a mistake. Discussion Questions: - Who are the people in your life that truly know what’s going on in your marriage? - What fears keep you from being vulnerable with other couples? - What is one step you could take this month to deepen community in your marriage? Resources: - Community Message from Harris Creek - Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The early habits you form in marriage don’t just shape your first year — they set the trajectory for decades to come. In this episode, the More than Roommates team unpacks the foundational patterns that help couples build a marriage that doesn’t drift into “roommate mode,” but instead grows into a lifelong flourishing biblical marriage. Discussion Questions: - What kind of marriage do we want to “vote for” with our daily habits? - Are we consistently praying together? If not, what’s stopping us? - Who has permission to speak into our marriage? - Is sex something we are proactively nurturing or just hoping works itself out? - Do we address conflict quickly, or let things simmer? - Are there boundaries (work, family, schedule) we need to clarify? Resources: - Atomic Habits by James Clear - Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta - Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds by Douglas Rosenau - Mistake we made as newlyweds More than Roommates - Good Habits as Newlyweds More than Roommates - One Habit to strengthen your marriage More than Roommates

Many of the tensions and conflicts in marriage don’t come from a lack of love—but from living with a single mindset in a married reality. In this episode, the More Than Roommates team unpacks how autonomy, independence, and unchecked habits quietly undermine oneness—and how Scripture calls us to something better. Discussion Questions: 1- Where do you most see a single mindset show up in our marriage (time, money, body, tech, decisions)? 2- How can I renew my mind around gratitude for my marriage daily? 3- What’s one practical step we could take this week to move toward greater oneness?

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Andrew unpack four common negative communication patterns that can destroy marriages: withdrawing, escalating, negative interpretation, and invalidation. Through honest stories and biblical wisdom, they help couples identify their patterns, slow down conflict, and pursue Christ-honoring communication. Discussion Questions: 1. Which W.E.N.I. pattern do you most often fall into—and why do you think that is? 2. What does validation look like practically when one of us is emotional? 3. What boundaries or “pause plans” can we agree on before our next conflict? Resource: - Blog from Scott Kedersha about WENI

Busyness with work isn’t just a scheduling problem—it’s often a heart and priority problem that quietly harms marriages. In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and unpack how couples with two busy jobs can stay aligned, communicate expectations, and intentionally protect their marriage in demanding seasons. Discussion Questions: 1- What currently makes our schedules feel most overwhelming, and why? 2- What unspoken expectations do we have about work, availability, or lifestyle? 3- Which priorities might need to be temporarily scaled back to protect our marriage? 4- What would it look like for us to implement daily, weekly, and annual rhythms of connection?

Valentine’s Day can feel commercial, awkward, or unnecessary—but it’s actually a powerful opportunity to fight complacency and intentionally love your spouse. In this episode, the More Than Roommates crew unpacks why celebrating your marriage matters, how simple intentionality can transform connection, and practical ways to make this Valentine’s Day meaningful. Discussion Questions: 1- What makes you feel most loved on days like Valentine’s Day? 2- When Valentine’s Day approaches, what expectations (spoken or unspoken) do you each carry? 3- What can we do this week to celebrate our marriage? Resources: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and John Elmore to discuss what it looks like to walk faithfully with your spouse through mental illness. With biblical clarity, compassion, and practical wisdom, John shares how he and his wife Laura have navigated OCD, stigma, treatment, and the call to love your spouse as yourself even when it is difficult. Discussion Questions: 1- When one of us is struggling emotionally or mentally, do we tend to fix, minimize, or walk alongside? How can we grow in being more present? 2- Are there areas where mental or emotional health struggles feel stigmatized or unspoken in our marriage? 3- How do we discern when to show compassion versus when to gently coach one another forward? 4- What fears do we carry about seeking outside help (therapy, medication, counseling)? Resources: ReGeneration Recovery Ministry

Parenting introduces new pressures at every stage, but it doesn’t have to pull your marriage apart. In this episode, the MTR Team walk through four major parenting seasons and share how couples can stay united, intentional, and More Than Roommates at every stage. Discussion Questions: 1- Which parenting season are we currently in, and how is it impacting our marriage right now? 2- Do we feel like we’re truly on the same team—or unintentionally siding with our kids over one another? 3- How do our differences (personality, discipline style, love language) strengthen or strain our marriage? 4- What is one intentional habit we can reintroduce (or start) to protect our marriage in this season?

What if the difference between feeling like roommates and feeling deeply connected was as simple as dating your spouse again? In this episode, the team unpacks the powerful framework of DATE—Dialogue, Affection, Time, and Ephesians 5 (love and respect)—and how practicing it can transform your marriage in any season. Discussion Questions: 1- Which part of DATE do we currently do best? Which one do we tend to neglect? 2- How has busyness, kids, or phones affected our dialogue? 3- How can I love or respect you more clearly this week—in how I say things, not just what I say? 4- What would one simple, realistic date look like in our current season?

Separation is often presented as a healthy solution when marriage feels hard—but is it really? In this episode, the More Than Roommates team explores what separation actually means, why it so often leads to divorce, when it may be necessary, and how couples can pursue healing and restoration with Biblical wisdom and community. Discussion Questions: 1- Why do you think separation so often leads to divorce rather than healing? 2- How does selfishness subtly show up in your marriage during hard seasons? 3- What role does community currently play in helping you protect and strengthen your marriage? 4- How could you better “water your own grass” in this season? Resources: Episode 83 Divorce part 1 Episode 84 Divorce part 2 Episode 127 Healing from Sexual Abuse Watermark statement on marriage and divorce

Joy in marriage isn’t about perfect circumstances—it’s about a deep, Spirit-formed posture of the heart. In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and special guest Andrew Owen explore how biblical joy sustains marriages through hardship, disappointment, and everyday life, and how couples can actively choose joy together. Discussion Questions: 1- When you think about your marriage right now, would you describe it as joyful? Why or why not? 2- How would you define the difference between joy and happiness in your relationship? 3- What currently tends to rob joy in your marriage (fear, anxiety, unmet expectations, bitterness)? 4- How can you better encourage one another daily so your hearts don’t become hardened?

As the year comes to a close, join the More Than Roommates team for a short conversation about what it looks like to look back and look ahead as we all seek to be more intentional in our marriages. The MTR team reflects on what God's Word says about rememberance and how that applies to our marriages. Discussion Questions: 1- Start, Stop, Continue- as you apply that idea to your marriage, what do you want to focus on in this new year? 2- How have you seen God move in the last year? What are you grateful for? 3- What is a place in your life you are still waiting to see God move?

In the midst of a busy and often distracting Christmas season, this episode challenges couples to choose presence over just more presents. The More Than Roommates team offer practical, biblical encouragement to help you slow down, be intentional, and truly connect with your spouse and Jesus during the holidays. Discussion Questions: 1- When you think about this Christmas season so far, where have you been most distracted? Where have you felt most present? 2- What tends to pull your attention away from your spouse during the holidays (phones, stress, schedules, comparison, etc.)? 3- What does presence look like for you personally? What about for your spouse? 4- How can you intentionally create moments of connection in the days ahead—even if Christmas has already passed?

Scott is changing jobs! This week, the team honors Scott as he transitions off Harris Creek's staff and shares the story behind his big vocational change—how he processed the decision, invited community, and listened to the Lord’s leading. The conversation offers couples a model for making major decisions with humility, unity, and intentionality. The MTR team also discusses the exciting future to come with the podcast! Discussion Questions for Couples 1- When you face a big decision, do you tend to move fast or slow? How does that impact your spouse? 2- What role does community currently play in your decision-making? What role should it play? 3- How do you personally respond to vulnerability—your spouse’s and your own? 4- Are there areas where you might be making decisions independently rather than mutually? Resources: Episode 43- The not so secret Guide to In Laws (ft. Dave Willis) Episode 49- We are Made for People (ft. Justin Whitmel Earley) Episode 63 - Celebrating One Year of MTR Episode 102 - A Story of Redemption and Forgiveness (ft. Kevin Kelli Mainz) Episode 103 - Protecting Your Marriage from Infidelity Episode 121- Christ is the Melody of Your Marriage (ft. John Elmore)