The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast

What do you do when you've had a $28 million business exit — and then watch nearly all of it disappear? If you're Diane Prince, you eventually find Al-Anon, do the work, and rebuild a life and business that's more fulfilling than anything you had before. In this episode, Arlina sits down with Diane — entrepreneur, business strategist, and Al-Anon member of 17 years — for one of the most honest conversations about recovery, money, and entrepreneurship we've had on this show. The Exploding Doormat Diane didn't grow up with alcohol in her home. But she grew up with rage — a mother who saved her pleasant face for the outside world and unleashed her anger at home. That environment created what Diane calls the "exploding doormat" cycle: swallowing feelings, avoiding conflict, staying in denial — until everything finally blows. This pattern followed her into her marriage, her business partnerships, and her parenting. It took two specific moments — firing a family member who had been terrorizing her, and yelling at a boyfriend that he was "worse than her ex-husband" — to finally make her ask: what's the common denominator here? The answer was her. And that realization was the beginning of everything. From Atheist to Step 3 Diane resisted Al-Anon for years. She didn't believe in God. She thought the people in the rooms were the ones who were confused. It wasn't until her life felt truly unmanageable that she was willing to try. Working Step 3 at 2am — anxious, exhausted, worrying about college funds and the future — she asked herself: what if I just try this? What followed was a wave of peace she had never felt before. A spiritual experience she still can't fully explain, but one that changed everything. The $20 Moment and What Came After After the exit, after the divorce, after the financial unraveling — Diane found herself raising three kids with sometimes $20 or $50 to her name for an entire week. What she learned in that season: forcing solutions doesn't work. Letting things emerge does. When her Malibu rental situation collapsed, she didn't white-knuckle her way to a solution. She got still, turned it over, and within 24 hours had a lease on Malibu Road she never thought she could afford. Recovery Principles as Business Strategy Today, Diane runs a virtual assistant agency that helps entrepreneurs build scalable businesses. She attributes her success directly to what program has taught her: let go of control, trust the people around you, make amends quickly when you micromanage, and stay open to what wants to emerge. Action Items from This Episode: • Notice where the "exploding doormat" cycle shows up in your own life or business • Ask yourself: where are you forcing a solution right now? What would it feel like to let go? • If you're building a business and feel like you have to do it all yourself, consider: who could you bring in to help you scale? Books & Resources Mentioned: • Courage to Change — Al-Anon daily reader • Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Guest Website: https://dianeprince.co/ Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days – With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode onApple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

What if the biggest obstacle to your success isn't your skill set, your circumstances, or even your past — but your addiction to staying stuck? That's the central thread of my conversation with Peter Moulton, a 35-year recovery veteran, entrepreneur, and author of UP: A Journey of Intention, Focus, and Execution. Peter has spent nearly three decades coaching entrepreneurs and leaders, and what he's discovered cuts right through the noise: most of us don't fail because we lack information. We fail because we're unwilling to be seen. The Three-Year Prison Peter describes a pattern he calls the "three-year prison" — the tendency for people to rise to their current level of competence, then repeat the same cycle over and over without ever breaking through. The culprit? Imposter syndrome. The fear that if we become truly brilliant and visible, we'll be exposed. So we self-sabotage. We stay small. We hide. In recovery, this shows up all the time. We know what we're supposed to do — pray, journal, go to meetings, do the work. But the moment we start feeling better, we stop. And then we wonder why we're vulnerable again. The Addiction to Pain Here's where Peter really got me: he doesn't believe people primarily avoid pain. He believes they get addicted to it. After years of generational trauma and learned dysfunction, suffering becomes familiar. Safe, even. And anything that might bring joy — visibility, success, connection — feels threatening. The healing, he says, isn't about digging endlessly into the "why." It's about acknowledging reality, surrendering to it, and choosing to move anyway. The Ultradian Method: Work With Your Biology Based on research going back to 1953 by scientist Nathaniel Kleitman, our waking brains operate in 90-minute cycles — just like our sleep. Peter built his entire productivity system around this: 75 minutes of deep, singular-focus work followed by 15 minutes of complete disconnection. No phone. No screens. Touch grass. Breathe. His best clients do 3–4 sprints per day. Even two sprints — about 2.5 hours of focused work — consistently outperforms unfocused 8-hour days. Microsoft's own research confirms this: their employees averaged less than 3 hours of actual productive work per 8-hour day. Action Items From This Episode Who am I this morning — and who do I want to be by tonight? Books & Resources Mentioned UP: A Journey of Intention, Focus, and ExecutionUnwinding Anxietyultradianpartners.com Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days – With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode onApple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpBAmazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

You Don't Have to Lose Everything First: What Step One Really Teaches Us If you've ever looked at the 12 steps and thought that's not for me, you're not alone. I thought the same thing for years. The God stuff felt like a barrier. The word "powerless" felt insulting. And the idea that my life had to look like a wreck before I qualified? That kept me stuck longer than anything else. This week on the podcast, I sat down with Sonia Kahlon — founder of EverBlume and host of the Sisters in Sobriety podcast — to start working the 12 steps together, live, on air. Sonia has nearly nine years of sobriety and had never formally worked the steps. Sound familiar? She's doing it now, and we're bringing you along for the whole journey. What Powerlessness Actually Means Step One is this: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable. The key word most people miss is over alcohol. Not over your whole life. Not over your career or your relationships or your sense of self. Just over alcohol. When you look at the dictionary definition — powerless means without ability, influence, or resources — suddenly it clicks. Sonia said it perfectly: once I started drinking, I never knew how much I was going to drink. I told myself just one and ended up ten drinks in. Every single time. That's not a character flaw. That's powerlessness over a substance. Raising the Bottom One of the most powerful concepts we talked about is "raising the bottom." The 12 steps and 12 traditions describe it as sparing yourself the last 10 to 15 years of literal hell. You don't have to get a DUI, lose your marriage, or end up in a hospital before you decide to change. Sonia had what some call a "silk sheet bottom" — financially stable, healthy marriage, functioning career. But emotionally? She wanted to die. That's a bottom. It just didn't look like one from the outside. And that invisibility is exactly why so many high-functioning people wait too long. Sober vs. Recovered Here's something we don't talk about enough: you can be sober and still not be okay. Sonia and I talked about the difference between sobriety — not drinking — and recovery, which is the ongoing work of becoming emotionally healthy. You can have years of sobriety and still be running on old patterns, substituting one coping mechanism for another, and avoiding the deeper work. The steps are one path into that deeper work. Action Items: – Read Step One in the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions (free online) – Write down the dictionary definitions of "powerless" and "unmanageable" — then see how they apply to your drinking, not your whole life – List specific moments where you were powerless over alcohol — not your rock bottom stories, just examples where you couldn't keep a promise to yourself about drinking – Find a women's step study meeting near you (or online) and commit to going once Books & Resources Mentioned: – The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions (AA) – Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) – The 12 Step Guide for Skeptics by Arlina Allen – EverBlume — online recovery support groups founded by Sonia Kahlon: https://everblume.com – Open Recovery — free Wednesday night meetings: https://openrecovery.app Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days – With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpBAmazon Music:...

What if the secret to lasting change isn't a single powerful moment, but thousands of tiny, unremarkable ones? That's the central idea behind Eric Zimmer's powerful new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life. Eric is the host of The One You Feed podcast and a long-time figure in the recovery community with 26 years of sobriety. In Episode 424, he and I explored why real transformation happens slowly — and why that's actually good news. The Hammer and the Chisel Eric opens his book with the story of Dasrath Manjhi, an Indian man who lost his wife because the road to the hospital was impossibly long. After her death, he took a hammer and chisel to the mountain separating his village from the town and spent decades chipping away at it — enduring ridicule and seemingly no progress — until he had carved a path that cut travel time by 90%. Eric calls this the ultimate story of how a little becomes a lot: not dynamite, just consistent effort. Why Progress Is Invisible Before It's Obvious One of the most important points Eric makes is that progress happens long before we can see it. Our brains, wired for negativity bias, are constantly scanning for what's not working — which makes it easy to miss all the marbles accumulating in the jar. He shared a story of a client who began putting a marble in a jar each sober day (without removing any for slips), and how seeing that jar fill up over months changed her entire relationship with her recovery. The Recipe for Change Eric's formula is simple but not easy: low-resistance actions, done consistently, over time, in the same direction. Low-resistance doesn't mean tiny — it means something you will actually do. Consistent means you don't stop when it gets hard or invisible. And same direction means you aren't scattered across 30 goals. The 6 Saboteurs of Self-Control Eric identifies six things that derail us at our "choice points": The Autopilot PitfallFatigue FalloutThe Shortsighted StumbleEmotional EscapismThe Self-Doubt StalemateThe Insignificance Trap Action Items from This Episode Books & Resources Mentioned How a Little Becomes a Lot by Eric ZimmerThe One You Feed Guest Website: https://oneyoufeed.net Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days – With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode onApple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

When Nothing Goes According to Plan — and That's the Point Andrew Lassise didn't get sober because he wanted to. He got sober because a judge gave him a choice: jail or rehab. He chose rehab. And as he'll tell you, that was the best decision he never really made. Andrew's story is the kind that makes you laugh out loud and then quietly reassess your own life. At 16, he was blacking out at parties. By college, it was a daily habit. By his mid-twenties, he had a 0.24 BAC DUI, three failed breathalyzer readings on his own car-mounted device, and a pocket breathalyzer he'd purchased on eBay to cheat the first one. "I could have just stopped drinking," he admits now. "But that wasn't an option until the judge made it one." What happened in the years that followed is a masterclass in what recovery actually looks like when you apply it everywhere — not just to the bottle, but to business, failure, and the relentless uncertainty of building something from scratch. Failure as Feedback After rehab, Andrew moved to Florida, brought the wrong resume to a job interview, and accidentally landed his first tech job. He joined a small IT company, loved it — and then watched it go out of business. His response? Offer to keep running the tech department for free from his living room. That's the company he spent the next decade building. In 2023, he sold it for 70 times the number someone once told him he was "crazy" to want. Along the way, there were credit card processors who held his money for years, campaigns that completely flopped, and moments where — as he says — "knowing what I know now, I would have quit." But he didn't. And the program was a big part of why. "My sponsor would tell me: you can keep fighting reality, or you can accept it for what it is," Andrew says. "Change what you can change. Let go of what you can't." The Community That Didn't Exist After selling his company and spending exactly one year in corporate (he quit three hours after he was legally required to stay), Andrew did an ikigai exercise — mapping out the intersection of what he loves, what he's good at, and what the world needs. The answer was clear: a community for sober entrepreneurs. When he went looking for it, it didn't exist. So he built it. Sober Founders is a nonprofit — Andrew makes $0 as president — built on 12-step principles and designed for entrepreneurs who want to bring their real business problems to a group that gets it. The results speak for themselves: connections made, deals done, and more than a few phone calls where people cry out of gratitude. Action Items: Visit soberfounders.org and attend a weekly meeting Try the Arthur Brooks failure journal exercise: write down what happened, then revisit in 3 months Ask yourself Andrew's question: When's the last time God let me down? Do your own ikigai exercise to find the intersection of purpose and skill My First Million — podcast Andrew mentioned listening to (about strikeouts before home runs) Arthur Brooks' Failure Journal Exercise — write down what happened after a failure, revisit in 3 months, then again 3 months after that The Ikigai Exercise — finding the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, and what the world needs (this is what led Andrew to start Sober Founders) Sober Founders — soberfounders.org, free weekly Thursday mastermind meetings Vistage / YPO / EO (Entrepreneur's Organization) — mentioned as peer groups with a similar model to Sober Founders Soberlink — the in-car breathalyzer brand Andrew referenced from his DUI story Guest Website: https://www.soberfounders.org 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple...

What if your energy was like a bag of Skittles? That's the metaphor Anne uses in this conversation, and once you hear it, you can't unsee it. Every day you wake up with a limited number of Skittles. Each one represents your energy — mentally, emotionally, and physically. The problem? Most of us are throwing our Skittles away without even realizing it. We spend them worrying about things we can't control, replaying conversations in our heads, arguing on social media, or saying yes to things we don't actually want to do. Before we know it, our energy is gone. And we're left feeling exhausted, resentful, and disconnected from the life we actually want. Anne knows this pattern well. For years, she lived in survival mode. After experiencing childhood trauma and later losing her sister unexpectedly, alcohol became a way to numb the pain. Eventually the chaos caught up with her. At 39, she checked into rehab and began the process of unpacking the deeper reasons behind her drinking. What she discovered changed everything. Healing wasn't about simply removing alcohol. It was about confronting the invisible weight she had been carrying for decades. Through therapy, journaling, somatic work, and eventually an ayahuasca experience, Anne began releasing the emotional burdens she had unknowingly held onto. As those burdens lifted, something surprising happened. Her energy came back. Suddenly, she had clarity about what mattered and what didn't. She stopped wasting Skittles. Anne believes the key to peace and purpose is understanding one simple truth: You are the architect of your life. Not your past. Not other people's expectations. Not your circumstances. You. That means you also have the power to change how you spend your energy. Here are a few simple ways to start: 1. Notice where your Skittles go. Pay attention to what drains your energy during the day. Arguments? Worry? Overcommitment? 2. Stop saying yes when you mean no. Every "yes" to someone else is a "no" to something else in your life. 3. Question old patterns. Ask yourself: "Why do I keep doing this?" Awareness is the first step toward change. 4. Take your power back. Blame gives away your power. Responsibility gives it back. The truth is, most people think life is happening to them. But Anne sees it differently. Life is happening for you. And once you stop wasting your Skittles on things that don't matter, you'll have the energy to build a life that actually does. Buy The Book: https://amzn.to/4sNdDDq 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

The Beliefs That Shape Our Behavior One of the most frustrating experiences in life is knowing exactly what to do, but still not doing it. If you've ever tried to quit drinking, build a new habit, improve your health, or pursue a goal and found yourself slipping back into old patterns, you're not alone. In this episode, I talk with behavioral design expert and bestselling author Nir Eyal about why this happens. The answer isn't a lack of knowledge. It's BELIEF. The Motivation Triangle Nir explains that motivation isn't just about wanting something. It's actually built on three elements: Behavior Benefit Belief If we don't believe the effort will work—or if we don't believe we're capable of change—our motivation collapses. We might know exactly what to do, but something inside stops us from taking action. This is why so many people struggle with the knowledge-action gap. The Power of Beliefs One of the most powerful ideas Nir shares is this: Beliefs are tools, not truths. Most of us assume our beliefs are facts. But many beliefs are simply interpretations we've repeated so often they feel true. And those beliefs shape everything: What we notice How we interpret events What actions we take This is why two people can experience the same situation and come away with completely different conclusions. Pain vs. Suffering Another important distinction we discuss is the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is a signal. Suffering is the interpretation of that signal. When we believe discomfort is unbearable, we escape it—often through unhealthy behaviors. But when we learn to reinterpret discomfort, we gain the ability to stay present instead of reacting impulsively. Persistence Is the Real Secret One fascinating study Nir shares involved rats swimming in water. Normally they gave up after about 15 minutes. But when the researchers briefly rescued them and then returned them to the water, the rats kept swimming for 60 hours. The only thing that changed was their belief that rescue might be possible. That belief unlocked persistence. And persistence is what ultimately determines success. Action Steps If you want to apply these ideas in your life, start with these steps: Identify a belief that might be limiting you. Ask yourself if it's absolutely true. Consider alternative explanations. Notice how that belief affects your behavior. Experiment with a more empowering belief. When we change our beliefs, we often change our actions—and our lives. Books Mentioned Beyond Belief — Nir Eyal Indistractable — Nir Eyal Guest Website: 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

The Root Cause of Emotional Eating In Sobriety There's something we don't talk about enough. You quit drinking. You do the work. You go to meetings. You build a life you're proud of. And then… You find yourself standing in the kitchen at 9pm. Again. Maybe it's sugar. Maybe it's "just a little snack." Maybe it's eating in secret. Maybe it's feeling out of control around food in a way that feels eerily familiar. A lot of people in recovery don't want to admit this part. But it's common. Very common. In this week's conversation with Ali Shapiro, we unpacked something that changed the way I think about food struggles — especially for sober people. She said something powerful: "You don't love food so much. You're trying to feel safe." Because if addiction is avoidance of pain… then food can absolutely become the next strategy. Not because you're weak. Not because you lack discipline. Not because you're broken. But because your nervous system still wants relief. It's Not About Food. It's About Belonging. Here's the framework that stopped me in my tracks. Ali asks her clients two questions: Think of a positive food memory. Think of a painful food moment. Then she looks for one thing. Belonging. When food memories feel warm and good, there's usually connection. Celebration. Safety. When food feels chaotic or secretive, there's usually isolation. Shame. Disconnection. It's not about calories. It's about whether you feel like you matter. That's a different conversation entirely. Why We Switch Addictions In recovery, we often say, "It's not the alcohol." The alcohol was the symptom. The deeper driver was emotional regulation, belonging, identity, safety. So when alcohol leaves… The system looks for another solution. Food is legal. Food is celebrated. Food is socially rewarded. And our culture makes overeating normal — especially during stress or the holidays. So if you're sober and struggling with food? You're not failing. Your nervous system is trying to solve a problem. The Question That Changes Everything Ali offered one simple question that reframes the whole struggle: "Why does this make sense?" Instead of: "What's wrong with me?" Try: Why does this make sense? Why does it make sense that after a stressful day, I want sugar? Why does it make sense that when I feel unseen, I want to eat? Why does it make sense that when I feel alone, I crave something soothing? That question moves you from shame to compassion. And compassion is where change actually begins. Practical Action Steps Here are 5 ways to start applying this immediately: 1. Run the Food Memory Exercise Journal two columns: A positive food memory. A difficult food moment. Ask: Where was belonging present? Where was it missing? 2. Ask "Why Does This Make Sense?" Every time you feel out of control around food this week, pause and ask that question. No fixing. No rules. Just curiosity. 3. Delay the Behavior by 5 Minutes Not to restrict — but to observe. What am I feeling right now? Lonely? Overstimulated? Unappreciated? 4. Expand Your Definition of Fun If you've tied indulgence to being "the fun one," ask: What else feels fun to me now? Rest? Deep conversation? Leaving early? Going to bed proud? 5. Create One Small Belonging Ritual Call someone. Go to a meeting. Text a friend. Sit on the porch instead of isolating. Food is often replacing connection. Replace it back. Resources Ali Shapiro's assessment + programs: 👉 https://trucewithfood.com Ali's Podcast (Insatiable → rebranding to Truce With Food) Concept: Functional Medicine (root cause vs symptom treatment) If you're sober and struggling privately, consider: Talking to your sponsor Sharing honestly at a meeting Exploring nervous system work Joining a recovery-focused coaching container Guest Website: 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free...

The Best Worst Thing That Ever Happened A conversation on sobriety, entrepreneurship, and rebuilding a life that actually works There's a certain kind of person who can build something from nothing. They're driven. Intense. Creative. Restless. They work hard. They push. They win. And sometimes… they self-destruct. In this conversation, Tim shares what it looked like to be both a high-achieving entrepreneur and a blackout drinker—and how recovery didn't just save his life, it reshaped his ambition, identity, and purpose. This isn't a story about "before and after." It's a story about learning how to live differently. The drive started early Tim began drinking in middle school after his parents divorced and he moved to a new town. Trying to fit in quickly became the gateway to alcohol and drugs. At the same time, he was already wired for achievement. In college, he launched a painting business, hired teams, ran sales and marketing, and made real money—while partying just as hard. That "work hard, play hard" rhythm followed him into adulthood. Success grew. So did the consequences. A devastating drunk-driving crash left him with a traumatic brain injury and months of recovery. Even then, he didn't stop drinking—he just learned how to drink harder and longer. If anything, achievement became another way to avoid looking at what was really happening. High performance can hide a lot Tim went on to build businesses, lead teams, and outperform expectations. But behind the scenes: drugs escalated relationships deteriorated burnout intensified drinking became non-negotiable He describes always being "the most messed up person at every event," even while breaking performance records. That's the part people don't talk about. Addiction doesn't always look like collapse. Sometimes it looks like productivity. The moment everything broke The turning point came after a blackout weekend that ended his marriage. It wasn't just one mistake—it was the undeniable accumulation of years of denial. Within days, he attended his first AA meeting. He hadn't planned a recovery journey. He just knew his life couldn't keep going like that. He started going to meetings every day. Sometimes two a day. He got a sponsor, worked the steps, and immersed himself in service. That structure became his lifeline. Recovery didn't shrink his life—it expanded it One of the biggest myths about sobriety is that it takes things away. For Tim, it gave him: community purpose emotional connection clarity direction He learned to build intimacy with other people without substances. He learned to cry, share honestly, and ask for help. He learned that vulnerability wasn't weakness—it was relief. And slowly, ambition changed shape. Instead of chasing validation, he started building a life rooted in service and meaning. Today, he works in recovery, supports others, and still channels his drive—but with balance and intention. The routines that keep him grounded Recovery isn't a single decision. It's a daily structure. Tim's core practices include: morning prayer and meditation gratitude lists exercise and physical health journaling and learning service and community time with people who support his growth He describes gratitude as essential: "If I'm grateful, then I'm not a victim." Exercise, too, became foundational—not just for fitness, but for mental and emotional stability. He calls it part of his "solution," not just a habit. The entrepreneurial paradox There's a pattern many high performers recognize: intense focus extreme discipline relentless drive These traits build companies. But without awareness, they also: fuel burnout mask emotional pain replace one addiction with another Recovery didn't remove Tim's intensity. It taught him how to channel it without destroying himself. Balance became the new metric—not output. Action Steps: What you can take from this...

The Respectable Addiction: When Work Becomes the Coping Mechanism A reflection on burnout, identity, and recovery — plus practical action steps There's an addiction we rarely talk about because it looks like ambition. It earns praise. Promotions. Respect. It hides behind phrases like "driven," "productive," and "hard-working." But for many high achievers, work isn't just effort — it's a coping mechanism. In this episode, Dawn shares her story of a "workaholic blackout" — the moment she realized work had become her drug. After years of recovery from substances, she found herself caught in a new cycle: overwork, anxiety, identity tied to productivity, and eventual burnout. At one point, she drove home from work and had no memory of the drive. That was the moment everything shifted. What followed was a diagnosis of extreme burnout and a realization that she wasn't just "busy" — she was addicted to working. When Work Stops Being Healthy One of the most powerful distinctions Dawn shared is this: Working hard doesn't make someone a workaholic. External pressure doesn't equal addiction. Workaholism comes from the inside. It's marked by: An internal compulsion to keep working Self-worth tied to productivity Constant thoughts about work Anxiety or guilt when not working Difficulty detaching — even during rest You can meet deadlines, put in long hours, and still be healthy. But when work becomes how you manage fear, grief, identity, or anxiety — it shifts from effort to escape. Burnout Isn't Just Exhaustion Burnout isn't just being tired. It's a full-system collapse: Physical Emotional Mental Spiritual For many high performers, burnout mirrors an addiction "bottom." You keep pushing… until your system can't. And then something breaks. Relationships suffer. Health declines. Meaning fades. And the work that once energized you begins to feel like pressure, obligation, or proof of worth. The Cultural Trap Our culture celebrates overworking. We glorify: Hustle Sacrifice Endless productivity "Grinding" for success But we rarely talk about the cost: Anxiety Family strain Loss of identity outside work Chronic stress Emotional detachment Workaholism is often called "the respectable addiction" because it looks admirable from the outside. Until it doesn't. Recovery Isn't About Quitting Work Unlike substances, you can't abstain from work. Recovery is about boundaries, awareness, and redefining your relationship to productivity. Dawn shared practices that helped her rebuild balance: Under-scheduling instead of over-planning Creating "top lines" (healthy behaviors to commit to) Creating "bottom lines" (behaviors to avoid) Protecting time for joy, relationships, and rest Spiritual grounding and daily reflection Detaching self-worth from output It's less about doing less — and more about working from a different place. Not fear. Not "not enough." Not urgency. But intention. Action Steps: Rebuilding a Healthy Relationship With Work If this episode resonated, here are simple starting points. 1) Notice the fuel behind your productivity Ask yourself: Am I working from joy… or fear? Is this aligned… or avoidance? Am I creating… or proving? 2) Separate urgency from importance Not everything urgent is important. And not everything important feels urgent. Pause before reacting. 3) Identify your "bottom lines" Examples: No work after a certain hour No phone during family time No checking email first thing in the morning 4) Define your "top lines" Healthy commitments like: Movement Hydration Connection Rest Creative time 5) Schedule spaciousness Recovery often begins with: Fewer commitments Fewer calls Fewer goals at once Space allows clarity. 6) Detach identity from productivity Practice this reframe: "I am enough — with or without what I produce today." 7) Watch for the "self-care productivity trap" Even healing can become another...

Can I Moderate? Why This Question Matters More Than We Talk About For most of my recovery journey, I held a pretty firm belief: If you're questioning your drinking, the answer is probably abstinence. That belief came from both lived experience, as well as observing other people who struggle with alcohol. Personally, I never drank normally. From the very first drink, the switch flipped on—and it stayed on. I hit a hard bottom early, and after years of trying to moderate, the answer for me was clear: I could not moderate. As it turned out, for me abstinence meant freedom. And still… Over time, something softened in me. Not because I changed my relationship with alcohol—but because I started listening more closely to other people's experiences. The Question Everyone Has to Answer for Themselves I've come to believe this: "Can I moderate?" is not a denial question. It's a developmental one. For many people, it's the pivot point of their entire recovery journey. Some people answer it quickly. Some answer it painfully. Some don't answer it until years—sometimes decades—later. But skipping the question doesn't make it disappear. And that's why my conversation with Nick Allen, CEO and co-founder of Sunnyside, felt so important. Nick grew up in an AA household. Both of his parents are in long-term recovery. He understands abstinence deeply—and still, his own relationship with alcohol took a different path. Instead of waiting for a crisis, he began asking a quieter question early on: What does a healthy relationship with alcohol look like for me—right now? That question eventually became Sunnyside: a platform designed to help people explore change before things fall apart. The Missing Middle Here's the reality I see again and again: Most people are offered two options: Figure it out Quit forever And when those are the only choices on the table, a huge number of people choose to keep trying to figure it out. Not because they're reckless. Not because they don't care. But because abstinence can feel overwhelming, stigmatizing, or premature—especially for people who are still functioning "well enough." Research suggests there's often a 10-year gap between when alcohol becomes a problem and when someone seeks help. Ten years. Think about what happens in ten years: Careers strained Health eroded Relationships damaged Kids absorbing instability they can't name yet Waiting is not neutral. Why Willpower Isn't the Answer One thing Nick and I aligned on immediately: Willpower is a terrible long-term strategy. Willpower is finite. It's lowest at the exact moments people need it most: After a long day During stress At the witching hour (5–7pm) On Fridays when it's "been a week" Sunnyside takes a different approach: Decisions are made ahead of time, when clarity is high Habits are supported with structure, not shame Accountability is externalized, not moralized This is how real behavior change works. A Word About Naltrexone (And Nuance) We also talked openly about naltrexone, a medication that's been FDA-approved for decades to help reduce alcohol cravings. Here's what matters: It doesn't make people sick It doesn't require abstinence It reduces the reward loop that drives compulsive drinking I've had clients use it successfully—particularly high-functioning people who struggled with the "off switch," not daily drinking. But for people earlier in the process—people quietly wondering, "Is this still working for me?"—tools like this can interrupt years of silent suffering. Language Matters More Than We Think One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was about vocabulary. Words like addict, alcoholic, relapse, recovery—they carry weight. For some people, they offer clarity and belonging. For others, they create shame, fear, and avoidance. If the language feels too heavy, people wait. Sunnyside intentionally avoids labels and instead talks about: Alcohol overuse Habit...

There's a point in many recovery journeys where insight stops being the problem. You know what to do. You understand your patterns. And yet… change still feels hard. In this episode, I talk with Paula Robbins, author of Hitchhiking Into Recovery, who has over 37 years of sobriety, about why that happens—and what actually sustains healing over the long haul. The Ride That Opened the Door Paula's recovery didn't begin with a dramatic intervention. It began when she was picked up hitchhiking in 1988 by someone living a sober, connected life. That single interaction mattered because it interrupted isolation. Not with willpower. With connection. Addiction Is a Disconnection Problem Paula grew up with trauma, neglect, and instability. Alcohol became a way to shut down overwhelming emotions long before she had language for what was happening. By age 12, she was drinking to blackout. What stands out isn't just the trauma—it's what was missing: Safety Emotional guidance Consistent connection Addiction wasn't a moral failure. It was a survival strategy. Feelings Aren't Facts One of Paula's most grounding principles is simple: Feelings and facts are not the same. Recovery didn't eliminate difficult emotions—it created space to respond instead of react. That pause is where real change happens. The Four Pillars That Sustain Recovery After decades of sobriety, Paula distilled what actually works into four stabilizing forces: Community – healing happens in relationship Mentorship – someone to help you see clearly Service – contribution rebuilds self-esteem Daily spiritual alignment – prayer, meditation, or quiet time These pillars show up in every effective recovery model because they address the root issue: disconnection. Divine Alignment vs. Self-Will Paula explains divine alignment not as certainty, but as a felt sense. When she's controlling outcomes, she feels restless and tight. When she surrenders—even briefly—things soften. Sometimes all it takes is the simple phrase: "Thy will be done." A Gentle Reminder If change feels hard, it doesn't mean you're failing. It may simply mean effort isn't the missing piece—connection is. One Small Action Try just one: Strengthen one pillar that feels weak Take a 5-minute daily pause Offer one small act of service Notice a feeling without acting on it Healing doesn't require fixing yourself. It starts with not doing it alone. Resources Mentioned Hitchhiking Into Recovery 12-Step Recovery Programs Step 3 Prayer Step 11: Prayer and Meditation Service work in recovery Guest Contact Info: 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Quitting Drinking Was Easy. Learning How to Parent Angry Kids Was Not. One of the things I loved about my conversation with Zach Brittle is how honest he was about what recovery really looks like—especially for parents. Zach said something that stopped me in my tracks: "Quitting drinking was the easiest part." For him, the real work began when alcohol was gone and anger, resentment, and emotional reactivity were suddenly front and center. And if you're a parent in recovery, you probably know exactly what he means. When one person in a family system gets sober, everything shifts. Kids who adapted to chaos don't always feel safer right away. Sometimes they act out more. Sometimes they get angrier. Sometimes they pull away. Zach shared how his daughter went through her own painful process after he and his wife got sober—and how his job wasn't to fix her, control her, or defend himself. It was to stay regulated. Instead of escalating, he practiced pausing. Instead of taking the bait, he learned to sit with discomfort. Instead of rushing in to fix, he learned to be present. That didn't come naturally. He practiced. He rehearsed. He failed and tried again. And over time, trust began to rebuild—not because he forced it, but because he showed up differently. Action Steps If this episode resonated with you, try this: Notice your triggers – especially anger. It's information, not a failure. Pause before responding – ask, "What would make this worse?" and don't do that. Practice regulation – not perfection. You get better by showing up. Let time do its work – healing can't be rushed, especially with kids. Ask instead of assuming – "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?" Recovery isn't just about removing alcohol. It's about learning how to be with yourself—and the people you love—when things get hard. Resources Mentioned Marriage Therapy Radio – Podcast by Zach Brittle Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Parts-based therapy model Alcoholics Anonymous – Step work and resentment inventory Therapy & Parenting Support – Individual, couples, and family systems work Zach Guest Contact Info: https://marriagetherapyradio.com/ 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

One of the most powerful moments in this conversation came when Amber said: "I didn't want to do what I was doing… but it became my comfort zone." If you've ever struggled with food, alcohol, or any compulsive behavior, you know exactly what she means. This episode isn't about dieting. It's about why the body holds on — to weight, habits, protection, and survival patterns — even when we desperately want to change. Amber walks us through her healing journey, from childhood trauma and food addiction to full recovery, and explains why binge eating isn't a lack of discipline — it's often a nervous system trying to self-soothe. We discuss: Why restriction and "all-or-nothing" thinking backfire How hormones quietly sabotage progress Why negative self-talk keeps the body in fight-or-flight The difference between managing symptoms and fully healing And why detachment — not obsession — is what allows real change The biggest takeaway? Your body isn't broken. It's protecting you. And once you understand why, everything changes. ✅ Action Steps for Listeners Identify your triggers Write down emotional, physical, and environmental triggers (fatigue, stress, scale-checking, restriction). Stop blaming willpower Start asking: "What does my body need right now?" Pay attention to self-talk Notice when inner criticism appears — it's often a stress response. Support your nervous system Breathwork, journaling, walking in nature, and rest are not optional — they're foundational. Get curious about hormones If weight or cravings feel "stuck," there may be a biological reason. 📚 Resources Mentioned Hormone testing & functional ranges EFT tapping Journaling & emotional processing Nervous system regulation practices Amber's Body Freedom work & free quiz The No Sugarcoating Podcast Guest Contact Info: https://amberapproved.ca/ 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

I recently sat down with my dear friend and author, John Loxley to discuss the fundamentals of sobriety. John is 15 years sober and works in mental health services in the UK. We weren't talking about shiny breakthroughs or dramatic transformations. We were talking about the basics — the things that quietly keep sobriety intact, year after year. Because here's the truth: most people don't relapse because they don't know enough. They relapse because they slowly stop doing the things that keep them emotionally regulated, supported, and self-aware. This episode was a reminder of what really matters. Lesson #1: Early Sobriety Is a Learning Phase — Listening Matters One of the first things we talked about was listening. When people are new to sobriety, there's often a strong urge to explain themselves, justify their story, or be understood. I remember feeling that way myself — desperate to make sure someone got me. But recovery starts to shift when listening becomes the priority. Listening to people who've been there. Listening to patterns. Listening instead of reacting. There's a time to talk — especially with sponsors, therapists, or trusted friends — but meetings and early recovery spaces are often best used as classrooms, not stages. Takeaway: You don't need to have the answers. You just need to be willing to learn. Lesson #2: You Can't Do Sobriety Alone (No Matter How Independent You Are) A lot of people want to get sober "on their own." Not because they're lazy — but because they're private, capable, or burned by past systems. But isolation is where addiction thrives. Whether it's 12-step programs, SMART Recovery, therapy, coaching, or peer support — connection isn't optional. You don't need everyone. You need someone. And just as important: those people aren't there to fix you. They're there to walk with you. Lesson #3: Sobriety Has to Stay the Top Priority This might be the most important lesson from the episode. Anytime sobriety stops being the priority — even years in — things start to unravel. Not always dramatically. Often quietly. You stop meditating. You stop checking in. You stop telling the truth. You stop doing the practices. And slowly… your nervous system takes over. John shared a powerful story about going on vacation, feeling great, and unintentionally leaving his recovery behind — only to realize how quickly emotional chaos can return when the practices stop. Sobriety isn't something you "graduate" from. It's something you maintain. Lesson #4: Identity Drives Behavior One thing I'm passionate about is identity. You're not trying to get sober. If you didn't drink today, you are sober. Every sober action is a vote for the kind of person you're becoming. Instead of obsessing over what's wrong with you, it can be incredibly powerful to ask: Who do I admire? What traits do they embody? What small actions would reinforce those traits? Sobriety is the foundation — not the finish line. Lesson #5: Triggers Are Teachers (Even Though We Hate That) We talked a lot about triggers — emotional reactions that feel bigger than the situation in front of us. If a response feels disproportionate, it's almost always about the past. Triggers aren't signs that you're failing. They're invitations to heal. When something activates fear, shame, or rage, there's usually something unresolved underneath. And once you work through it — whether through therapy, journaling, EMDR, or self-inquiry — that trigger loses its grip. There's often real growth hiding underneath discomfort. Lesson #6: You Don't Need to Win — You Need to Understand One of the most relatable moments in the conversation was about conflict. Many of us learned early on that arguments are about winning. But there are no winners in emotional battles — only distance. A simple shift like: "Help me understand how you feel" "This is what I'm hearing — is that right?" can completely...

I recently sat down with my dear friend and author, John Loxley to discuss the fundamentals of sobriety. John is 15 years sober and works in mental health services in the UK. We weren't talking about shiny breakthroughs or dramatic transformations. We were talking about the basics — the things that quietly keep sobriety intact, year after year. Because here's the truth: most people don't relapse because they don't know enough. They relapse because they slowly stop doing the things that keep them emotionally regulated, supported, and self-aware. This episode was a reminder of what really matters. Lesson #1: Early Sobriety Is a Learning Phase — Listening Matters One of the first things we talked about was listening. When people are new to sobriety, there's often a strong urge to explain themselves, justify their story, or be understood. I remember feeling that way myself — desperate to make sure someone got me. But recovery starts to shift when listening becomes the priority. Listening to people who've been there. Listening to patterns. Listening instead of reacting. There's a time to talk — especially with sponsors, therapists, or trusted friends — but meetings and early recovery spaces are often best used as classrooms, not stages. Takeaway: You don't need to have the answers. You just need to be willing to learn. Lesson #2: You Can't Do Sobriety Alone (No Matter How Independent You Are) A lot of people want to get sober "on their own." Not because they're lazy — but because they're private, capable, or burned by past systems. But isolation is where addiction thrives. Whether it's 12-step programs, SMART Recovery, therapy, coaching, or peer support — connection isn't optional. You don't need everyone. You need someone. And just as important: those people aren't there to fix you. They're there to walk with you. Lesson #3: Sobriety Has to Stay the Top Priority This might be the most important lesson from the episode. Anytime sobriety stops being the priority — even years in — things start to unravel. Not always dramatically. Often quietly. You stop meditating. You stop checking in. You stop telling the truth. You stop doing the practices. And slowly… your nervous system takes over. John shared a powerful story about going on vacation, feeling great, and unintentionally leaving his recovery behind — only to realize how quickly emotional chaos can return when the practices stop. Sobriety isn't something you "graduate" from. It's something you maintain. Lesson #4: Identity Drives Behavior One thing I'm passionate about is identity. You're not trying to get sober. If you didn't drink today, you are sober. Every sober action is a vote for the kind of person you're becoming. Instead of obsessing over what's wrong with you, it can be incredibly powerful to ask: Who do I admire? What traits do they embody? What small actions would reinforce those traits? Sobriety is the foundation — not the finish line. Lesson #5: Triggers Are Teachers (Even Though We Hate That) We talked a lot about triggers — emotional reactions that feel bigger than the situation in front of us. If a response feels disproportionate, it's almost always about the past. Triggers aren't signs that you're failing. They're invitations to heal. When something activates fear, shame, or rage, there's usually something unresolved underneath. And once you work through it — whether through therapy, journaling, EMDR, or self-inquiry — that trigger loses its grip. There's often real growth hiding underneath discomfort. Lesson #6: You Don't Need to Win — You Need to Understand One of the most relatable moments in the conversation was about conflict. Many of us learned early on that arguments are about winning. But there are no winners in emotional battles — only distance. A simple shift like: "Help me understand how you feel" "This is what I'm hearing — is that right?" can completely...

Hi friend, thank you for downloading the episode, my name is Arlina and I'll be your host. In case you haven't seen it, the new show notes include all the action steps and links to resources mentioned in the podcast, along with a link to the YouTube interview. You can access them by visiting the website at odaatchat.com I keep hearing from listeners that they are missing some of the episodes and as it turns out, only 73% percent of listeners are subscribed. So if you could do me a favor and take a moment to make sure you are subscribed, that would be tremendously helpful. It's the free and easy way to support the podcast and help us keep things going. Thank you so much for being a part of our journey and the mission to help others struggling with addiction, mental health and personal growth. With your support, you are quite literally helping us to save lives. Thank you so much! This episode is with one of my biggest recovery heroes, Dr. Stephanie Covington. She is a pioneer in addiction recovery, and the author of "A Woman's Way Through The 12 Steps", published more than 30 years ago. It was the first book to interpret the steps specifically to address the unique issues women in recovery face, which has helped an untold number of people. Today I sit down with her to talk about her new book, Awaken Your Sexuality: A Guide to Connection and Intimacy after Addiction and Trauma This is a topic that has remained largely silent in recovery spaces for decades. We explore why sexuality is so often ignored in treatment and 12-step settings, how shame thrives in silence, and what it actually takes to rebuild a healthy, integrated relationship with our bodies, desires, and boundaries. Dr. Covington shares why healing must start with the self, how childhood trauma shapes adult intimacy. This episode is compassionate, practical, and incredibly validating for anyone in recovery who has ever felt lost and alone when dealing with their sexuality. So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Dr Stephanie Covington. SHOW NOTES: Guest Contact Info: 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Anxiety Isn't the Problem — It's the Habit Loop Behind It I recently had a conversation with psychiatrist and neuroscientist Jud Brewer that stopped me in my tracks — not because it was abstract or inspirational, but because it finally explained something I've lived with for decades. Even in long-term sobriety. Even with years of self-work, therapy, meetings, journaling, and personal development. That thing is anxiety — and more specifically, how anxiety quietly turns into habits like worrying, overthinking, scrolling, information hoarding, procrastinating, and self-judgment. What Dr. Brewer helped me see is this: Anxiety isn't a personal flaw. It's a learned habit loop. And once I saw that clearly, everything changed. Worry Is a Behavior — Not a Personality Trait One of the most powerful reframes from our conversation was this: Worry isn't just a feeling — it's something we do. Anxiety shows up as a sensation in the body. Worry is the mental behavior we use to try to control that sensation. And here's the trap: Worry feels productive. It feels like we're doing something. That tiny sense of relief is enough to reward the brain — which means the loop gets reinforced. Anxiety → Worry → Temporary relief → Repeat Over time, this becomes automatic. So automatic we don't even realize we're doing it. That's the definition of a habit. Why "Why Am I Like This?" Keeps Us Stuck As someone in recovery, I'm very familiar with the idea of "getting to the root cause." Childhood trauma, identity, shame, conditioning — all of that matters. But here's what surprised me: Dr. Brewer says the "why" is often the least important part when it comes to changing anxiety. Not because the past doesn't matter — but because focusing on why often keeps us stuck in our heads instead of helping us change what we're doing right now. When anxiety hits, the more helpful question isn't: "Why am I like this?" It's: "What am I getting from this behavior?" That question shifts us from self-blame to curiosity — and curiosity is where real change begins. The Default Mode Network (AKA: The Overthinking Machine) We also talked about the brain's default mode network — the system that activates when we're not focused on a task. This network lights up when we: Worry about the future Replay the past Judge ourselves Compare ourselves to others Crave, resist, or ruminate In other words: it's the "me, me, me" network. When fear (an urge to act now) gets crossed with planning (thinking about the future), we get anxiety. Anxiety doesn't help us act. It freezes us. That's why so many high-achievers know exactly what to do — and still don't do it. The Three Gears of Change (This Is the Part That Actually Helps) Dr. Brewer's work focuses on a simple but profound process he calls the three gears: ⚙️ Gear 1: Awareness Notice the behavior. Worrying. Scrolling. Self-judging. Avoiding. No fixing. No shaming. Just noticing. If it's automatic, it's a habit — and habits can be changed. ⚙️ Gear 2: Ask "What Am I Getting From This?" This is the most overlooked step. Not: "What should I be doing?" "What's wrong with me?" "Why can't I just stop?" But: What is this giving me right now? Safety? Distraction? Avoidance of shame? Temporary relief? When we see clearly that the reward is small — and the cost is high — the habit starts to lose its power. ⚙️ Gear 3: Find the Bigger, Better Offer This is where things shift. Instead of numbing, distracting, or fighting anxiety, we learn to meet it differently — and that feels better than the habit itself. That's where the RAIN practice comes in. RAIN: A Way to Be With Anxiety Without Escaping It RAIN stands for: R – Recognize what's happening A – Allow it to be there I – Investigate with curiosity (What does this feel like in my body?) N – Note what's happening moment to moment Here's the surprising part: When we stop trying to get rid...

One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation with Emma is that anxiety, depression, and burnout aren't character flaws—they're nervous system responses to feeling unsafe. We talked about how depression often mirrors the nervous system's shutdown response, and how anxiety shows up as fight-or-flight. When your body feels overwhelmed for too long, it doesn't motivate you—it protects you. Why Worry Keeps You Stuck Emma explained that worry is actually reinforced behavior. When we worry and nothing bad happens, our brain learns, "That worked—do it again." Over time, worry becomes automatic. This is why telling yourself to "just stop worrying" never works. One Tool That Can Reduce Anxiety by Up to 80% One of the most practical tools we discussed is Scheduled Worry: Instead of worrying all day, you train your brain to worry at a specific time—usually 10–15 minutes in the afternoon. Outside of that window, you gently remind yourself, "I'll deal with this at 5pm." This retrains the brain instead of fighting it. Burnout and Fear-Based Fuel Emma shared how she burned out after years of pushing herself—weekly YouTube videos, pregnancy, parenting, and running a business. What stood out most was this idea: Fear is a dirty fuel source. When we're driven by fear—of failure, not being enough, or letting others down—we eventually crash. Healing often means switching fuel sources to trust, values, and self-permission to slow down. ✅ Action Steps for Listeners Set a daily check-in alarm (once an hour) to notice: What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What's happening in my body? Practice willingness instead of avoidance Let the feeling exist without trying to fix it. Try Scheduled Worry for 7 days 10–15 minutes/day, written out. Clarify your locus of control Separate what you can control from what you can't. Choose one value-aligned action Small, doable, and grounded—not fear-driven. 🔗 Resources Mentioned Therapy in a Nutshell (YouTube) Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) Burnout by Emily Nagoski Slow Productivity by Cal Newport The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry Guest Contact Info: https://therapyinanutshell.com/ 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Choosing Yourself Isn't Selfish — It's Necessary In this episode of The One Day at a Time Recovery Podcast, I sit down with Hakeem to talk about what happens when performance, substances, and distractions can no longer protect us from unresolved pain. Hakeem shares how the death of his younger brother, years of buried grief, elite athletics, addiction, and eventually incarceration led him to a moment of total reckoning. Sitting alone in a jail cell — without substances, screens, or distractions — he was finally forced to face himself. What stood out to me most is Hakeem's belief that recovery isn't just about abstinence. It's about returning to our natural state — mentally, emotionally, and physically. Key Takeaways From Our Conversation 1. Addiction Is About Toxic Consumption Many people quit drinking but replace it with sugar, gambling, porn, caffeine, or overworking. The substance changes, but the avoidance doesn't. 2. The Work Has to Happen Before the Trigger If the inner work isn't done first, triggers become breaking points. When the work is done, triggers become opportunities for growth. 3. The TEFIC Framework Triggers – noticing what activates you Environment – what and who surrounds you Foundation – sleep, routines, structure Invest – time, energy, and money into growth Contribution – giving from overflow, not depletion 4. Community Is Where Healing Accelerates There's something powerful about being seen and understood by people who have lived it — not just professionals talking at you, but peers walking alongside you. Action Steps I Encourage You to Try Identify one "acceptable addiction" you might be using to avoid discomfort Build a minimum daily foundation you can keep even on hard days Journal on this question: What keeps showing up as a trigger in my life — and what might it be pointing to? Seek connection, not just more information 📚 Books & Resources Mentioned Choose Yourself to Be Chosen — Hakeem Bourn McFarlane The Untethered Soul — Michael A. Singer The Way of the Superior Man — David Deida Outwitting the Devil — Napoleon Hill Can't Hurt Me — David Goggins Atomic Habits — James Clear (referenced) So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think! Guest Contact Info: Instagram: @bigdreamhakeem 👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? Here are 3 ways to get started: 🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com ☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick https://www.makesobrietystick.com Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast