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This Is Not What I Ordered

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44: Season Two Finale

For the season finale of This Is Not What I Ordered, I’d like to take a look back at the amazing guests of Season Two, share some updates from the guests on how they’re doing now, and give my State of the Podcast address as we head into the New Year. I’m also very excited to share a couple of offerings that I’ve created so we can connect on a more personal level during the show’s break. This season had so many beautifully vulnerable conversations and I’m incredibly grateful to have had the...


43: You Don't Have to Feel Happy with Lauren Selfridge

The days are getting shorter, sunlight is scarce, and the end of the year is rapidly approaching. That’s why I want to use this episode to check in with all of you before we wrap up 2018. I also want to share a very important (and surprisingly controversial) topic that’s been on my mind: happiness. We all enjoy being happy, especially during the holidays, but the darkest time of the year can also bring some difficult emotions with it. I want to shed some light on why we feel so much...


42: Creating Art Amidst Pain with Ramon Shitta

Ramon Shitta is a talented Nigerian storyteller and artist who has been battling a mysterious and ever-evolving undiagnosed chronic illness for most of his life. He strives to capture the beauty in pain through his art and believes that a story can creatively manifest in a myriad of ways; whether that be cooking, painting, dancing, or podcasting. In this episode, Ramon opens up about the isolation that comes with chronic illness and his uniquely positive views on depression. He also...


41: Evolving Dreams With Ehlers-Danlos with Monica Michelle

In this episode, I interview Monica Michelle, a children’s book writer, illustrator, and mother of two living with fibromyalgia and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. A passionate artist, photographer, and author, Monica is truly a woman of many talents. She now hosts the Invisible Not Broken podcast, as well as I Can’t Believe That Happened -- a history podcast for kids and curious grownups. Monica has lived with chronic illness from a young age but she’s never let that dampen her humorous and...


40: After the Silver Lining with Drew Althoff

Drew Althoff is a musician and songwriter, an aspiring middle school teacher, and a committed partner. Recently embarking on his journey with kidney disease, he’s learning how to integrate kidney failure into his life while finding unwavering support and joy through his relationship with his partner. Drew and I sit down for an intimate discussion on balancing the body and spirit and the impact illness has on couples, as well as how he channels his illness into creative energy through music...


39: The Hangry Woman with Mila Clarke Buckley

Mila Clarke Buckley is a type 2 diabetes advocate and digital storyteller who started her food blog, "The Hangry Woman," after being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and struggling to find approachable resources to help her manage the chronic condition. Her blog covers topics like diabetes management, cooking, and self-care from the perspective of someone living with type 2 diabetes. Mila’s work has been featured by GE, Social Media Today, Travel Noire, Healthline, and Let’s Get Checked. This...


38: Fatherhood + Vulnerability with Derek Avery

Derek Avery describes himself as a curious, fidgety, silly-hearted husband and father who has been inadvertently following his heart for years. From retail banking to energy efficiency work, from volunteer youth worker to worship music band leader, from personal development to spiritual formation, he has been on a journey of understanding about how he wants to be in this world, and has found that the key may be starting with vulnerability and self acceptance. Derek is the host of the Badass...


37: Creative Sex + Disability with Mariah Power

This week I sat down with Mariah Power, a Licensed Professional Counselor & Certified Sex Therapist, for an enlightening discussion about her health journey with multiple sclerosis. Utilizing her innate passion for connecting with others, she opened her own private practice in Georgia where she is able to aid clients in not just confronting their anxieties and sexual concerns, but in finding uniquely creative ways to work through them as well. Mariah’s lighthearted approach of finding humor...


36: Mortality + True Aliveness with Ned Buskirk

In this episode of This Is Not What I Ordered, I had the opportunity to sit down with Ned Buskirk. Ned embodies the definition of renaissance man -- he’s an artist, writer, educator, and founder of the “You’re Going To Die” movement. He’s integrated a distinctive way of confronting loss with compassion to organize events where he invites others to share their experiences with mortality creatively and in whatever way they can. His experiences with chronic illness, grieving, and loss have...


35: Building Spoonie Friendships with Jasmine Szantyr

Jasmine Szantyr is a chronic illness blogger & advocate, founder of a production company with her husband, and loving dog mom. Embracing her life with an autoimmune disorder, she used her unique blend of holistic healing and radiant positivity in the face of disbelief to create -- a blog detailing her health journey with Lyme disease with as few prescription drugs as possible. In this episode, Jasmine discusses how her challenges with Lyme led her on a journey to finding...


34: Illness as a Spiritual Guide with Emily Whitish

This week, I change with Emily Whitish, a psychotherapist practicing in Gig Harbor, WA. Emily works with people with medical conditions, injury, and disability and she herself was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease five years ago. In her life and work, she notices how illness reveals all the unworkable and stuck places in our lives, and gives us an opportunity to change the way we see ourselves, our relationships, and our bigger purpose. She loves helping her clients see illness as an invitation...


33: Making Friends with Lupus with Jen Matos

In this episode, I interview Jen Matos, a queer Latinx who has lived with lupus for the past 28 years. She graduated from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst with a concentration in social justice education and is a visiting lecturer in Psychology and Education at Mount Holyoke College in Massachusetts. Jen has been learning to live with Lupus since 16, but that hasn’t stopped her from adapting and pursuing her dreams. Bringing her inner light and love of life to the table, she...


32: Who You Are Is What We Need [Couple's Edition] with Leo Newman + Erynn Newman

Leo Newman, whom I interviewed back in Season 1 Episode 11, is back again… but this time with his wife, Erynn. Leo and Erynn were high school best friends who later realized their love for one another in college. They’ve now been married for 12 years and have one energetic 5 year old son, Hudson, who makes every day an absolute joy. Leo is a mental health counselor specializing in the treatment of chronic health challenges and stress, and Erynn is an author and freelance fiction editor....


31: Life Is Living Us with Allison Sattinger

Allison Sattinger is a mama and wife, leathercrafter, silversmith and singer-songwriter. She’s run her business, SunnyRising Leather and Metal, for twelve years and has lived with interstitial cystitis officially since 2016. Her condition went undiagnosed (though certainly experienced) beginning in her twenties. In addition to her own health journey, Allison shares her experience caring for her friend, Kelly Clark, who lived with metastatic breast cancer before passing away in July 2017....


30: Dating with Health Challenges with Niko

Niko is no stranger to adversity. Growing up as an undocumented immigrant in the US, he’s had to anticipate, face and overcome the harsh unpredictability of life on a daily basis. In 2001, Niko began developing a skin condition called Tinea Versicolor, an infection that causes discoloration of the skin in various forms. Living with a skin condition has inspired him to examine life from many different perspectives. In this episode, Niko shares how dating someone else with a skin condition...


29: Intuition + Epic Bathroom Tales with Gretchin Gifford

Gretchin Gifford is a supervisor at a publishing company, Tarot reader, and spiritual coach. She loves storytelling, everyday miracles, and road trips. She’s a wife and mom who also lives with Crohn's disease. In this episode, Gretchin candidly discusses her challenges with Crohn’s disease well before she was diagnosed over 5 years ago. Her stories are equal parts “bathroom humor” and insights into what it means to live well with health challenges. You can read the full show notes at...


28: The Biography of Your Biology with Celia Hilson

Celia Hilson is a psychotherapist, Social Justice Educator and Multicultural Coach. She is a 30-year resident of Amherst, MA and she also has an extensive performance and arts-based background. In this episode, Celia walks us through her experiences after a car accident in 2008. Not only did she have physical injuries to recover from, but she openly shares how the trauma of the event impacted her. Her candid discussion of trying to overcome the fear and anxiety of her accident, as well as...


27: Entrepreneurship + Chronic Illness with Allison Puryear

Allison Puryear has a lot on her plate. She's a mom to a toddler and a kindergartener and a partner to a man she assures me is the best on the planet. Her private practice consulting firm, Abundance Practice-Building, has helped tens of thousands of people in over 30 countries. Allison also owns a thriving therapy practice. In the midst of building this life, or as she says, maybe because of building this life, she was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis last year. She's new to this...


26: Being Curious Every Day with Sarah Sears

Sarah Sears loves personal growth and self-reflection. It has led her down paths like making art, being a mental health counselor, and practicing ashtanga yoga. In April 2017, she sustained a head injury resulting in a brain bleed that resolved quickly. However, she experiences other, longer-lasting TBI symptoms, like noise sensitivity, balance and vision difficulty, cognitive fatigue, and coordination issues. Her recovery journey has been another opportunity to learn about herself and to...


25: Season One Finale

This is Not What I ordered is wrapping up its first season. For this first of hopefully many season finales, I share some of my favorite moments from throughout the season. I'm also joined with many of Season One's previous guests who share their reflections, personal updates, and wishes for you. You’ll also hear from some of the folks who work behind the scenes to put this show together. You can read the full show notes at