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This Is Not What I Ordered

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31: Life Is Living Us with Allison Sattinger

Allison Sattinger is a mama and wife, leathercrafter, silversmith and singer-songwriter. She’s run her business, SunnyRising Leather and Metal, for twelve years and has lived with interstitial cystitis officially since 2016. Her condition went undiagnosed (though certainly experienced) beginning in her twenties. In addition to her own health journey, Allison shares her experience caring for her friend, Kelly Clark, who lived with metastatic breast cancer before passing away in July 2017....


30: Dating with Health Challenges with Niko

Niko is no stranger to adversity. Growing up as an undocumented immigrant in the US, he’s had to anticipate, face and overcome the harsh unpredictability of life on a daily basis. In 2001, Niko began developing a skin condition called Tinea Versicolor, an infection that causes discoloration of the skin in various forms. Living with a skin condition has inspired him to examine life from many different perspectives. In this episode, Niko shares how dating someone else with a skin condition...


29: Intuition + Epic Bathroom Tales with Gretchin Gifford

Gretchin Gifford is a supervisor at a publishing company, Tarot reader, and spiritual coach. She loves storytelling, everyday miracles, and road trips. She’s a wife and mom who also lives with Crohn's disease. In this episode, Gretchin candidly discusses her challenges with Crohn’s disease well before she was diagnosed over 5 years ago. Her stories are equal parts “bathroom humor” and insights into what it means to live well with health challenges. You can read the full show notes at...


28: The Biography of Your Biology with Celia Hilson

Celia Hilson is a psychotherapist, Social Justice Educator and Multicultural Coach. She is a 30-year resident of Amherst, MA and she also has an extensive performance and arts-based background. In this episode, Celia walks us through her experiences after a car accident in 2008. Not only did she have physical injuries to recover from, but she openly shares how the trauma of the event impacted her. Her candid discussion of trying to overcome the fear and anxiety of her accident, as well as...


27: Entrepreneurship + Chronic Illness with Allison Puryear

Allison Puryear has a lot on her plate. She's a mom to a toddler and a kindergartener and a partner to a man she assures me is the best on the planet. Her private practice consulting firm, Abundance Practice-Building, has helped tens of thousands of people in over 30 countries. Allison also owns a thriving therapy practice. In the midst of building this life, or as she says, maybe because of building this life, she was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis last year. She's new to this...


26: Being Curious Every Day with Sarah Sears

Sarah Sears loves personal growth and self-reflection. It has led her down paths like making art, being a mental health counselor, and practicing ashtanga yoga. In April 2017, she sustained a head injury resulting in a brain bleed that resolved quickly. However, she experiences other, longer-lasting TBI symptoms, like noise sensitivity, balance and vision difficulty, cognitive fatigue, and coordination issues. Her recovery journey has been another opportunity to learn about herself and to...


25: Season One Finale

This is Not What I ordered is wrapping up its first season. For this first of hopefully many season finales, I share some of my favorite moments from throughout the season. I'm also joined with many of Season One's previous guests who share their reflections, personal updates, and wishes for you. You’ll also hear from some of the folks who work behind the scenes to put this show together. You can read the full show notes at


24: Street Art Superhero [Part 2] with Blur

Blur is a street artist and poet based in Philadelphia. Her numerous experiences with chronic pain and Lyme disease, including a major setback in 2015, pushed her to take full advantage of the artistic tendencies she previously only explored in private. She wants her artwork to bring out the vulnerability and empathy in everyone who views it and forge a connection with her audience through that sense of catharsis. In the second half of this two-part interview, Blur shares some of her very...


23: Street Art Superhero [Part One] with Blur

Blur is a street artist and poet based in Philadelphia. Her experiences with multiple chronic illnesses--including Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Chronic Lyme Disease, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, and Cervical Dystonia--pushed her to take full advantage of the artistic tendencies she previously only explored in private. She wants her artwork to bring out the vulnerability and empathy in everyone who views it and forge a connection with her audience through that sense of...


22: Living with Joyful Urgency with Kirk Nurmi

Kirk Nurmi is an attorney-turned-life-coach who overcame not only the infamy associated with defending convicted murderer Jodi Arias, but stage 3 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma as well. After leaving the practice of law, Kirk has drawn on his experiences to fuel a new direction for a more fulfilling life and is now a transformational speaker, coaching lawyers to help unhook themselves from stressful thought patterns and live happier lives. In this episode, Kirk discusses which kinds of control are...


21: Beyond the Pink Ribbon with Emily Garnett

Emily Garnett is a former college swimmer and elder law attorney turned stay-at-home mom to her two-year-old son. She was also diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in November of 2017. Believing in the power of one’s own voice, she began blogging about her cancer and treatment as a way to foster community and educate others. In this episode, Emily discusses reevaluating the healthy/sick and happy/sad binaries, what she hopes to achieve through social media advocacy, and her own breast...


20: Endometriosis + High-Risk Pregnancy with Parijat Deshpande

Parijat Deshpande is a leading high-risk pregnancy expert who guides women to have healthy pregnancies even in the face of complications. She is the host and creator of the pregnancy-focused podcast, "Delivering Miracles." Parijat has also lived with endometriosis for many years, and over the years has managed chronic pain, a miscarriage, and a very complicated pregnancy. She now has a son she treasures immeasurably. In this episode, Parijat discusses how a delayed diagnosis complicated...


19: Fierceness + Surrender with Maria Vogel

Maria Vogel is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles who works with families and children, as well as those struggling with chronic illness and pain management. She has been working with families for a decade and doing clinical work for the last two and a half years. Maria has also been managing a chronic illness of her own and was recently diagnosed with Lyme disease. In our conversation, Maria dives into the political and bureaucratic difficulty of actually...


18: Fibromyalgia + Gender Identitiy with Freeman Willerton

Freeman Willerton is a business consultant and sits on a government advisory board in Alberta, Canada. He's been on a multifaceted health journey that has changed his relationship with his body and his identity. Freeman has been living with fibromyalgia since the early 1990s, impacting how his body responds to stress. He also began transitioning his gender in 2011 and lived as a woman for the following four years, though he has recently re-transitioned and currently identifies as a...


17: Embracing a New Normal with Rhonie McBerry

Rhonie McBerry is a licensed radiation therapist providing care to those living with cancer, and she's the author of Embracing a New Normal: Words That Surround Your Soul devotionals. Rhonie learned to embrace a new normal after being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in June of 2014 and now uses the power of words to encourage others to see past their darkest days and toward a brighter horizon. In this episode, Rhonie talks about the concept of devotional writing, using modern dance as a...


16: Reconnecting with Nature with Lanie Smith

Lanie Smith is the owner and founder of Integrative Art Therapy in Phoenix, Arizona, working with driven helping professionals whose success has come at the cost of their own health and well-being. After developing ulcerative colitis a few years ago, she has turned her attention toward supporting clients with a spiritual approach she calls “EcoArt Wellness,” which combines nature and the creative process to help people tune in as an antidote to burnout and chronic stress. In this episode,...


15: Loneliness + True Connection with Monica Ramil

San Francisco native Monica Ramil is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist. She began her path as a psychotherapist shortly after being hospitalized for acute disseminated encephalomyelitis (ADEM). She underwent aggressive treatments in the ICU and a complication left her temporarily blind. Monica says her illness had a profound impact on her life and relationships while shifting the way she sees illness and disability. In this conversation, Monica discusses some of the more...


14: An Olympian's Insights on Chronic Pain with Joanna Zeiger

Joanna Zeiger raced as a professional triathlete from 1998 to 2010, placing 4th in the 2000 Sydney Olympics triathlon and winning the 2008 Iron Man 70.3 world championship. She's a seven-time Olympic trials qualifier in three sports: marathon, triathlon and swimming. Joanna still pursues her passion for sports as a top masters runner. In 2009, Joanna was involved in a terrible bike accident that left her with multiple rib cage injuries, resulting in ten surgeries to correct structural and...


13: Everything About You Is Worthy of Love with Lauren Selfridge

Today I'd like to chat with you about why everything about you is worthy of love. I'll share some of the recent difficult and beautiful moments in my health journey, and the steps I took to transform a challenging experience by practicing acceptance and kindness towards myself. This episode was recorded live from a Facebook broadcast in The Podcast Cafe: an online community where "This Is Not What I Ordered" listeners gather and connect. I spend time thinking with listeners who submitted...


12: We Can Be Lighthouses with Courtney Brame

Courtney Brame is a personal trainer living in St. Louis, Missouri. After being diagnosed with herpes simplex virus 2 (HSV-2) six years ago, he experienced a personal and spiritual growth journey that led him to create and host his own monthly podcast called "Something Positive for Positive People." In each episode, he interviews STD-positive people from around the world who share their experiences living with these conditions. His goal is to reduce the stigma living with an STD so that...