Against The Rocks

Morning, Afternoon or just Hello. Okay so I've been having a meltdown for the last few days. I have OCD, two autoimmune diseases and I'm currently being treated for depression as well as my anxiety. I need to come up with an acronym for that so I don't have to repeat all of it. So back to the meltdown. I've been job hunting since before my last day of work, which was June 9. I've applied for everything I can find that doesn't require a degree. I've applied for administrative assistant, entry level data entry clerks, document assistant, and anything else I think I can do or know I can do. No responses. Never in all my days of working, did I think I wouldn't be able to get a job. I think everyone see's that I'm 61 and they go, she is going to retire soon. Lets find someone that will be here longer. I get that, but retirement age is 67 in order to draw your full social security. I can retire at 62, but what I would get a month is not going to pay all the bills even with Norman's social security. I have signed up to do surveys, testing products and I just signed up to do research studies. I'm not sure what else I can do. I have to have a remote job for now anyway, because Norman needs help during the day. Although his physical therapy is working miracles this time. He is able to stand for a few minutes without holding on to the walker. I wish I had known we could have done this sooner but he had already gone through physical therapy but it didn't work. Things are a little different this time. I think he knew I was about at my wits end. I am constantly running different scenarios through my mind which is the OCD. Things like what am I going to do if we can pay the rent, buy groceries, pay the utilities? I have reached out for assistance from Texas Health and Human Services and hopefully I will hear from them next week. We have an appointment with another Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation doctor for next week. We just got the referral to the Neurologist. I will arrange that appointment today or tomorrow for next week or whenever they can get us in. Between the anxiety and the OCD, I stay in panic mode which is not good. I'm trying not to freak out because of the thoughts that keep going through my head. So I'm currently doing what I have been doing almost everyday since the 1st of June and that is looking for a job. Its going to get to the point that there isn't anything and I will probably wind up retiring. That's okay, but I will still need to do something to add a little bit of income. Of course, I am applying to become a notary which I think I mentioned but not sure. My mind runs a thousand miles an hour. I have to take a sleeping pill at night just so I can get some sleep. I know this post is a bunch of whining and I guess I needed to do that and I like it that my friends don't mind. Have a great day! Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

I sometimes feel like I’m walking around in a fog or a dream and I keep trying to wake up or get out of the fog. I’ve shared the issues I have since I don’t know when they started. I have two autoimmune diseases, anxiety, PTSD, depression and I’m very OCD. The PTSD just showed up in November of 2020, when I crashed my jeep, totaling it. Depression has occurred in the past but only once was I on medication. Fall of 2021, I was prescribed a sleeping pill, a pill for depression and one for anxiety. The autoimmune diseases have been around since 2014. Stress has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I was in 8th grade, my sister decided to marry a dumbass, he was also a pedophile. I have worked in the same profession for over 35 years. It is a stressful job, but it is well worth the work and the hours. You actually feel like you have accomplished something at the end of the day. There are bad days just like any profession and sometimes, more bad than good. I’ve made a lot of friends over the years and it just shows you that you’ve done something right in the end. In the last week we have set up our new Primary Care doctor. We were able to get Norman set up with weekly nurse visits and physical therapy twice a week. We are still looking for a dermatologist for him and the physical therapist wants him to see a neurologist as well as he thinks there is more going on than just the discs in his back. Yesterday for me was exceptionally off. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin and for 95% of the day I kept my jaw clenched because I was so close to an anxiety attack, I was afraid not to clench my jaw. Not that it would have helped. I’m almost to the point that I don’t want to leave the house for any reason. Actually, unless we have prescriptions to pick up or getting my granddaughter, I don’t leave the house in my vehicle. I do/was walking every day but have had a hard time getting started again, after my back regrouped. Last Thursday as I was driving us to the new doctor, I had at least 4 anxiety attacks because I didn’t know where I was going and it was all stupid because I didn’t push start on the directions, because I was afraid we were going to be late. I know stupid is as stupid does!!! Earlier this week I had another attack. They have not ever been this bad and they just increased my medicine for the attacks. Part of the problem I believe is that I have been unable to obtain new employment. Because of my OCD, I have bad thoughts about why I’m not being hired. Or is one of my previous employers giving me bad reviews or is it because I’m old. I have never considered myself as old and still don’t but I guess when you look at it from an employer’s view they might go “they are close to retiring”. I know they cannot discriminate because of age, sex, religion, etc. There are currently OCD trials going on for a potential medication to help. I never noticed the thoughts I was having until I saw the ad for the medical trials. However, my anxiety is worse than having OCD. When I have an episode, I can’t concentrate, I can’t breathe and I shake. They don’t usually last very long, but the triggers can be anything. Like going someplace I have never been, entering a place where there is a large crowd of people, a bunch of people talking at one time or really just anything. It’s not paranoia. There is no describing the feeling if you have never experienced or seen someone have an anxiety attack. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

So if you have listened to any of my other episodes, you know I struggle with my weight constantly. I had a gastric bypass in October of 2003. I weighed 323 pounds I think that was the highest. I was a size 34 at the time. The weight did come off quickly. By the end of 2003, I was down to a size 24 or smaller. I lost enough weight that I was down to 161 by March or April of 2004. That is also when I developed food allergies. A couple of my friends that also had lost the weight by gastric bypass gave me bags and bags of clothes. It was weird looking through the clothes. I would pick out things that were too big. I would try them on and then was amazed that they were too big. I still saw me as the person that weighed over 300lbs. The strange thing about me weighing that much, was that neither my arms nor my legs were obese like some people that you see. My life changed immensely, except for two things. 1) I couldn’t see the change in my mind and 2) I still don’t like to shop. I weighed every day in the morning. I know a lot of people say that is just a number and that is right, but when you have always been laughed at or made fun of because of that number, it has a lot of impact on your life. So I always put too much emphasis on weighing but I can’t stop that. The highest weight I have been since the surgery was 269. I lost back down to 172. Recently I’ve gained back to 234. I’m slowly losing that off again. Walking, Jogging and running is my new passion and I’ve tried to start that back on a normal routine. I’m currently in a size 18 in shorts, but an extra-large in shirts but that is only because I don’t like my body being squeezed by my clothing. In 2005, I had just started trying to find smaller clothes that fit me correctly and I believe I was down to a 14 in some things, 16 in most and I was comfortable with my body then. However, the man I was dating during that time made fun of me for being overweight. I didn’t know that until my mom told me he would make faces when I sat in his lap. When you lose weight as fast as I did, your mind doesn’t have time to catch up to your body. I still don’t look at myself in the mirror and I don’t know that will ever change. So for anyone out there that is losing weight quickly, I guess my advice would be to train your mind to match your body. I do try to do that still to this day. I felt good the first time I put on a leopard print dress and wore it with black boots or when I found a pant suit that was a size 14 and fit me really good and I felt pretty. I’ve not felt that way a lot. I’ve always used jackets and sweaters to camouflage my body. I think part of that was a defense mechanism so I wouldn’t be laughed at or made fun of or whispered about. I guess the biggest thing I want to share is to be proud of what you accomplish with weight loss. Take time to get your body and mind in sync. Don’t be afraid to move out of the comfort zone with clothes and with hiding your new body. It wasn’t until 2019 that I was able to have the excess skin removed and some liposuction to remove some fat around my sides and my back. That was worth it as well. I will get back to the size 14; it’s just going to take some time for me to get there. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Please subscribe and I will send the notes for the full episode as a gift. This was originally under a podcast that I had called Dripping Blood, but it was not working. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Just some fun before she returns to school next week. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk with you again Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds while I was sleeping And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence That first chorus of that song has haunted me over the last few days. I’m not sure why or what is causing it to play on repeat. Every dream in the last week has had that song playing over and over in my head/dream. I was told that the story behind the song is a blind man, who was Garfunkel’s best friend in college and had a sudden on-set of blindness. However, Paul Simon actually wrote the song. I’m still trying to figure out why it has been playing over and over in my head. Maybe it is because I’m stressed and having anxiety over the whole job search thing. I was approved for my unemployment and that is some stress relief, but that is not going to carry us through the month of September. I read something this week that said maybe I’m looking to hard or have too much I’m trying to do at once in order to see what might be waiting. I can identify with Darkness. There have been times in my younger years where when I dreamed there was only darkness and a voice would talk to me, but I could never see the face of the man talking. I was never afraid of the man speaking and he was not evil or dangerous. I always believed he was trying to teach me something or show me something that I needed. Going to therapy is not something new to me. I’ve been several times and it was needed for different things. It’s funny how every time you go to see a therapist they always ask the same questions. “Do you ever think about hurting yourself or killing yourself?” My answer is always the same. “No I could never kill myself because it would hurt too much.” Pain is physical, mental and emotional and usually at the same time. When I was doing research on my OCD and the symptoms, one of the things I read was that picking at injuries and keeping them open is a side effect. It is almost automatic for me. I’ve been so stressed and going through menopause again or continuing, and so I have a lot of open places on my back. I wake up to blood on my gowns or on the sheets or the mattress. The pain makes me feel. I know that sounds stupid, but it does. I’m trying to control it which totally defeats the term OCD. In the last few days, a lot have healed enough that I can’t open them back up, which is good. I’ve also bought some scar cream to help me get rid of the scars and hopefully it works. I’m not sure that is part of the darkness in my life or not. I’ve been laid off once this year and fired once this year. I was so stressed out working for the company I was fired from that I had to start taking something for depression and anxiety. Sleeping pills help me to stop my brain for working overtime or at least slow it down. I am not a cutter and never have been, but the research I did on the OCD showed me a lot. I guess the darkness could be considered my depression I’m suffering. The other thing that is causing stress and is no one’s fault is the health of my husband. We have doctor’s appointments on 17th to see what if anything can be done to help him walk again, Also to see if we can get some help for him or for me so that I don’t have to worry so much about him. If he can’t get better he will wind up in a wheelchair. Wow! This post has turned into something that I wasn’t really planning. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Most clients as part of their relocation policies provide household goods move. What is a household goods move? It is the packing, loading and shipping of all the goods in a transferring employee’s home. There are things that the moving companies cannot move and things that are not permitted per the policy. Also, there is usually a weight limit. When you are explaining the relocation policy to an employee and spouse or just the employee, this is one piece of the program that you want to make sure you go over. One of the first things I usually mention is that depending on the time of year, the movers may need more than a couple of weeks to get your goods surveyed, packed loaded and move to the new location or stored. Summer is always extra busy because families are trying to get moved prior to school starting in the new location. Most employees want to get their kids to the new location and settled so that they can make some new friends before starting to school. From about Mid-April to September, is the busiest time of year for professional movers. When going over the policy regarding the household goods move, I always pointed in the policy, where it mentioned the movement of household goods and explained that they needed to read what was allowed and what was not. There were also specialty items that could be shipped with approval from the client. Such items were taxidermy, pool tables, foosball table, Ping-Pong table, gun safes and other items that aren’t considered to be normal household goods. There were also items that you don’t think about when moving that aren’t allowed, for example, chemicals, ammunition, wine, liquor, fuel and perishable food. Wine collections or liquor collections can be shipped by specialty movers at the cost of the employee. Otherwise, it’s going to be a great block party!There is also a service called Discard and Donate that a lot of clients allow the use of by the employees, as it reduces the weight of the household goods shipment. It can be really handy if you have collected items over the years and don’t really want to keep them, but haven’t had the chance to get rid of them. Ideally, it is best to place the order for the household goods movement at least 4 weeks in advance unless it is summertime or close to summertime and then you want to place the order as soon as possible. Don’t wait until you sell your home to request the household goods move. There could be the chance the movers cannot accommodate your move date. One other thing to think about is this, if your home doesn’t have enough allowable goods to fill an 18 wheeler, they there will be other household goods on the same truck. Most drivers do not take just one load. The goods are delivered in the opposite direction they were loaded. If your goods are loaded first, you will be the last delivery. You will receive a delivery window for your goods, once the truck is loaded. If you are moving to a downtown/metropolitan area, 18 wheelers are not always allowed. So a permit is usually needed and this is a cost that the client normally picks up. Also, if the area doesn’t allow room for an 18wheeler, then a shuttle truck/van would be needed. The relocation consultant goes over the household goods move, but the order doesn’t get placed until the employee is ready. The employees are reminded that the closer to summer the more time is needed to meet their move date. The employees start date in the new location drives a lot of those pieces.. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Sweat Band Waist Trainer 7/27/23 So anyone that knows me or has known me knows that I have struggled with my weight all my life from about 8 years old. I know you think that is really young, but it was always pointed out that I had to wear a half size larger than my sister. Half size? Yes. When I was young, we were sometimes bought dresses that were alike or similar and mine was always X size larger. So if she got an 8, mine was an 8X. Now no one understands the effect that has on a child when they were told they were too fat to wear the same size. Anyway, that is the past. The best thing I have purchased in the last few years is a waist trainer or sweat band. I bought it from Amazon and on the band itself it says “10X Sweat” and I love it. When I first started using it was in 2020 after I was laid off. I started out walking for 20 minutes every day or at least 3 times a week. I built up to a mile in 20 minutes and I just slowly increased that time and distance. When I lost enough weight that I had to buy small shorts, I also bought this waist band. I love it because it supports my back and helps to pull everything in to where it needs to be. Amazon has several that they sell. I moved and couldn’t find the one that I had been using so I bought a new one. It was pretty good but bigger than I thought it would be and didn’t give me the support I needed. I was able to finally find my older waist band and have been using it now for two weeks and I can already tell the difference. My back doesn’t hurt from walking and I’m slimming down some more. Weight Loss Gummies You can’t be on the internet or tiktok and not see ads or posts about weight loss gummies. Most of the gummies that are advertised, I can’t afford. Why would you offer a product and charge 60.00 a bottle? Anyway, I’ve watched the videos by Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood, Tim McGraw and Oprah, and I’ve seen the differences in their bodies now that they lost the weight. I’ve even seen the show where Dr. Oz promoted gummies. After reading the back of these bottles of different gummies to see what the ingredients were, I couldn’t really see anything different. So I went on Amazon and bought what I thought was an equal ingredient gummies. I bought two bottles and was very motivated to take them as they directed on the bottles. I was so excited to see some difference in my weight. The ones I bought were put out by Toniq and they are simply labeled “Apple Cider Vinegar + Keto BHB Salts; 60 gummies in each bottle and you take two a day. I was religious in not missing any and I can honestly say that I didn’t lose any weight but I did get indigestion every time I took them because of the amount of apple cider vinegar. Now I know what you are thinking that I should have spent the money on the ones that the celebrities were advertising. Truth! But how many people can spend 60.00 a bottle knowing it is going to take more than one bottle? Now I haven’t given up on the gummies. I’ve actually bought a bottle that says it is the one Shark Tank promoted. I have started those and as soon as I finish the bottle I will do a review on those as well. I’m going to review any weight loss product that I buy and will share it here. I’ve tried a bunch over the years and some worked and most didn’t. Hopefully, someone will get some use from this post. Have a great day! Thanks! Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

I started working in relocation on January 28, 1985. At that time, I didn’t really understand what it was, but it didn’t take long for me to catch on. The name of the company was Equitable Relocation which no longer exists. It was gobbled up by a bigger relocation company, which is not unusual in this industry. When I started, there were no computers. Everything was done by hand and a file front was completed as things were done and received. I remember that the only inspections we ever ordered was a pest inspection and then well/water or septic if there was one on the property. In the last 38 years, relocation has changed. Clients are more attuned to their employees and their needs. There’s not just one single policy. Now you can have 2, 3 or more. Sometimes it depends on the client and the type of business. I have worked on many clients that have the normal policy. Normal policy would be some kind of lump sum or allowance, temp living, home sale, home purchase, spousal assistance, and house hold goods move. This is a full relocation policy for homeowners. Renters would typically get the same except for home sale and they would get rental assistance and lease cancellation reimbursement. Relocation Management Companies are hired to make sure the client’s employees are taken care of and that the policy is followed. Most Clients’ don’t have the man power to handle or watch over the relocation policy for their own employees and that is why it is outsourced to Relocation companies. Relocation Management Companies or RMCs meet with the clients and after finding out what the needs of the client are, they help put together a policy. Now most policies have particular ways things must be handled and if the employee doesn’t follow they could be penalized or lose some of their benefits. Policy is put together for renters and for homeowners, and the client submits the first move. Now while the policy has been put together, the RMC is assembling a team to handle the client. Depending on how many moves that are anticipated, usually determines the number of team members to handle the client. There is usually a consultant that will be the main contact for reaching out to the employee and to the point of contact for the client. There is also an associate consultant who assists the consultant with placing orders for services and keeping the database up to date. The associate consultant also helps when the consultant is off. If they are a good fit with each other is runs like a well-oiled machine. Client policies can range for the full services to maybe an allowance and movement of the household goods. If they are hiring college grads sometimes it can be just an allowance. Basically clients are looking for a relocation company that can get its employees from Point A to Point B and take the stress from the employee so that they can concentrate on their new jobs and keep the family from stressing out as well. That is the part of my career I truly enjoy; helping a family get from Point A to Point B. You work on some clients for years and so it is possible that you move a person and the family more than once. I have several friends from just that sort of thing happening. It is truly a rewarding job and it can be calm one day and total chaos the next day. I often refer to relocation as a black hole, once you are in, there’s no getting out. It is a very rewarding career. I will probably do this until I die. Full notes provided with subscription Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Follow your Intuition - January 2023 started over in a blast. Our lease was up in February or March, so we had to look for a new place. We found one and wound up moving at the end of the month and we are so close to my daughter and son in law now. I love it. I’ve been watching my granddaughter since school is out. We have so much fun. How am I able to do that? Always follow your intuition. It usually will not let you down, it may take a while for the evil to present itself, but it won’t be long. I should have listened to mine. I started to work for a pet travel company in November of 2020. This was during the midst of moving and then I totaled my jeep and the first time the job was offered to me, I turned it down and I wish I had just let it go. However, we needed more income and my unemployment had run out, so when it was offered a second time for a couple of thousand dollars more, I took it. Some money was better than none or so I thought. There was once a brick and mortar building for the business, but Covid shut that down. According to pictures she actually had quite a few employees. When I started with her there was just me and one other girl. The other girl was only there about two weeks before she was fired. She was fired, because she called the owner/manager an alcoholic. I cannot affirm or deny that about the manager. However, she did accuse me of drinking on the job. I had been working there about 3 or 4 months when a return customer was coming back to the states. The manager told me to use the pictures I had from the trip over and that they didn’t need another crate. I did as I was told. The morning after the flight, the manager called me and said that I had cost the company $5k, because the crate was too small for the last flight and they had to put him in a bigger crate. I was told that I would be written up because of the error. I replied to her and said that was fine, but that I would not sign it and that I would write a rebuttal. So at this time, let me explain that I was given no formal training. I was thrown into the business, given a notebook to read and that was the extent of training. If she needed me to do something she would share her screen, show me one time and then I was supposed to understand and be able to do it. I’m a pretty quick study, so I was able to do some of the things. Let’s move forward, during the next few months, I made a few other mistakes, but not as much at the $5k. I have 35+ years of relocation experience with humans. With people if you make mistake it’s not going to kill them. It got to the point, that I never knew if I was going to be greeted friendly or be accused of some mistake. She monitored all the emails coming and going. All phone calls were recorded so that she could monitor everything that was said. There were several mornings that I was called or messaged way before hours of operations or on the weekends or in the evenings. There were a lot of Saturdays that I wound up working because of an issue. There wasn’t a lot of balance between work and life. It was so bad with the micromanaging that none of us wanted to send an email or make a call because we knew she would call us and tell us what we did wrong. We earn a week of vacation once a year. I completed my first year and she asked me not to take the whole week at once. I did as requested. For the remainder of the show notes - listen to the podcast. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

The Evil Inside Omgosh! Where to start? The past has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. Anyone who has known me for long knows, I’ve struggled all my life with my weight. A few of my friends, well actually I guess a lot of people know I struggle with memories from when I was molested. Normally I can watch shows on TV like SVU, Law and order and it doesn’t bother me most of the time. However, last night we watched an episode about an adopted girl finding out that her biological mother was raped and she was the outcome. The mom was 15 when it happened and didn’t remember a lot of what happened, but slowly it all came back. And just like that, all the memories flooded my mind. I’m not sure why it upset me, because I really thought I had made peace with what had happened. My molester is dead and I was doing really good. That is not the only thing that has me running from the evil inside. Since May of 2020 my, our life has been turned upside down, like many people. Everything was going fine, I organized my day with not having a job outside the house, adjusted to being at home, worked hard at trying to start a business. I started a podcast, a website but the other thing I was proud of was that I started exercising, running and losing weight. I fight my evil twin on a daily basis. She like to eat, not exercise and tells me its okay to be overweight, fat and not healthy. I guess she has be trapped. I don’t know how to fight her. Every day, I start with determination to not overeat, to exercise more, drink more water and just to stay on track. Every day I weigh and that number just keeps going up. Since November of 2020, I have gained 50 pounds. I’ m on antidepressants and I’m just so tired of fighting everything. I’m doing three different things to make money. Norman has basically become disabled. We are looking to see if he can get disability to go with his social security. I know we will be fine but I’m just tired. I know I can get this going, I just need a little bit of help. I just need that one break through that give me that boost, that small step up the ladder. I’ve been trying to remember how I got started, how I took that first step to running, to getting my exercise going, to jump start my life every day. Stress eats away at me, my body and my mental health. I don’t want to give in, I want to crawl back to the top. I miss my relocation job before COVID, but just the income. If I had that we would be fine and the stress would probably drop some. So I’m pushing forward, trying to start and if it takes a new start every day until I make it two days in a row, a week , a month and a year, I will succeed. I will defeat the evil inside. Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

This is the first episode of Season 3. We should probably start with what’s been happening and where we hope we are going! Since my last episode of season 2, there have been some major changes in the house. We adopted a dog for our dog Sugarbear. The new dog is a Jack russell/beagle mix named Shiloh. My husband wrecked his truck and we are down to one vehicle. My granddaughter started school this year. My husband injured his back at some point and has not worked since August. He had back surgery in October and has been doing physically therapy since then. His last official day as being employed is 31January. I have currently been at my job for over a year. My best friend from Florida works there as well and we have a good time. She will complete her one year on 1FEB. With all that being said, the loss of my husband’s income has affected us drastically and we are in the process of filing bankruptcy. There was no other way around the situation. I am trying to sell Posh which is lotions, anti-aging products, masks, and many other items. I am also selling crocheted blankets. When do I have time to do all of this, I don’t but you do what you need to do in order to survive. We renewed out lease where we are currently living and they promptly raised our rent once we agreed to extend our lease. I love my fulltime + job but right now it is driving me nuts. We are busy and trying to train someone to help takes more time than just working crazy hours and doing it myself. Also due to the pandemic and the wreck I had I am just now getting back to exercising and you can tell I haven’t been. I’ve gained back over 30 pounds in the last year so I’m trying hard to get back to where I was so that I can move forward. I know the pandemic has affected everyone in some way or another. I also know that there are a lot of people that are now battling depression. I had to start taking something for that myself. Its life though and you just have to learn to persevere and move forward. We would love to find a sponsor for the podcast. This season will be about weight loss again and me sharing my goals with that.. Also I will share about the blankets and the posh. Please tune in and if so lead, please donate to our podcast to stay on the air. Have a blessed day! Come back and keep listening share with your friends. And as a reminder, I don’t have a flippin’ filter to keep me from saying whatever comes to mind. Thanks, Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Recently I learned that the person who molested me at the age of 14 died. I thought when that happened I would feel some kind of emotion. I would feel some kind of justice, but I didn’t really feel anything, nothing, nada. I know this is going to sound bad but I was truly disappointed that I didn’t feel something, some kind of emotion. I realized that the hate I felt and guilt I felt had diminished. For years I wished him dead and even recently hoped his death would be painful. My only thought now is the world is free from the evil and hopefully the damage that he caused to several families can be healed. You can feel evil when you are in its presence and I tried several times to ignore that feeling when I was forced to be at the same place that he was in/at, family functions. After I was married it was easier but that evil feeling was still there, just not as strong. I have felt that same evil a couple of other times. Once when my dad died and once when my daughter was small and a man came to the door of the house we were renting, to invite us to his church. I don’t know if I can explain it or describe the feeling. It’s just a feeling that crawls over your body and makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck. It’s been a long year since COVID put me at home, which was March of 2020. I started my podcast in August of 2020. It is/was a personal journal. This has been m therapy for the last 9 months. There were days that if I had not had the podcast as an outlet I would have lost my mind. I’ve shared a lot over the last 9 months and I plan to keep podcasting. I just feel like I want to try a different kind of podcast. I haven’t fully decided yet what I will do, but as soon as it is ready I will be sharing with everyone and until then I will still be recording and sharing on this one. I’ve enjoyed doing this and it is a lot of fun. I like being able to share. Thanks to everyone that listens, downloads and shares. Have a blessed day! Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Growing up, I never thought of myself as being overweight until someone called me “Fatty”. Once that happened, my whole perspective changed. I was very self-conscious about how I looked and what I wore. As a teenager, I wore shirts that hung loose and jeans. Nothing I owned fit tight, was ever tucked in or belted. As I started high school, my clothes became darker and the funny thing is I probably weighed 150 pounds which is where I’m trying to get now. My clothes were always solid no prints and never any stripes. My clothes were dark blue or black. Sometimes I would have a white sweater or a white peasant shirt, but that was very seldom. As I started to lose weight and to drop sizes in clothes, I started venturing to other colors. Colors like Army green, light brown, dark red and a couple of white shirts. The other day at Wally World I was looking for some extra summer shirts. Before the weight loss started I bought shirts that were 3x and 4x and was happy when I got down to a 2x, but not I’m in larges and mediums and they look so tiny. I’m the smallest I have been since 1982. I still see myself as a 300lb person. Being overweight is not just physical. It is emotional and mental. Some people that are overweight walk like an obese person. They walk heavy or sitting down heavy if that makes any sense. But I was never like that and my arms were never big. Some people that are overweight are not always overweight all over. I don’t know that even if I weighed 125 if I would see myself any different. The last time I weighed 125 I was a sophomore in high school and my hip bones were they only thing that held my jeans up. I know this won’t make any sense to a person who has never experienced being overweight. There are some people that are overweight and it doesn’t bother them. They wear tight clothes and two piece bathing suits and never even blink an eye. I was never able to do that and I still don’t wear a bikini. I wear a two piece but it has a long top. To me that means they are comfortable with their bodies and I am not and not sure I will ever be. I still do not look in a mirror at myself and I don’t walk around naked even in front of my husband. I know that some of this sounds silly, but for me, it is a matter of not wanting to be noticed. A lot of people gain weight to keep attention away from them. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn’t. I think I continue to gain weight because of being molested. That way I didn’t draw attention to myself. This is something I continually fight. Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

I take any task assigned to me very seriously. Working in relocation whether it is pets or people, there are a lot of moving parts. No matter what you do for a living there are always things that can happen, but in people relocation, missing something or making an error on paperwork, doesn’t cost a life. In pet relocation, if it is not correct an animal’s life is at stake. I am very diligent about doing things in order, correctly and making sure I check everything before I complete paperwork. I didn’t have a lot of a training curve when I started this job either. I felt like after being shown once maybe twice I was supposed to have it down. So I really try to make sure I’ve followed the guidelines and do a good job, so when an error is pointed out, I do get upset. Some days it just doesn’t seem to matter how hard I try, things are not correct. There is a new person learning to do the same position as I am doing. He has been here about three weeks. It really aggravates me when you ask someone a question and it should be a yes or no answer and you get a dissertation. I also don’t like it when there are different rules for different people. I’ve seen that many times over the years in corporate America. It sucks when you have those people that are treated differently and you are doing the same position and have the same job title. I hate having to go back and clean up files after someone else has screwed them up. I’ve been doing that in relocation for most of my life. You clean up after someone and then they get all the recognition and praise. I really just want to scream sometimes. Sometimes I just wonder if it is worth it! But then reality hits. I have to have a job. Money is not everything but without it you can’t have a roof over your head, food on your table or clothes on your back. Someone once said it is just a job. That is true, but when my daughter was about 3, the manager at the company I worked for told me that I could not let my personal life cause my work life issues. I guess I took that to heart. I try very hard to keep them separated. I worked my way up in the relocation industry from secretary or wait that an administrative assistant now to a senior consultant making good money. I’m very detailed oriented and I am very good at remembering what someone tells me to do. I make notes, keep examples and follow guidelines when I’m learning something new. I started that after that manager stated that I had to keep work and life separate. I’m very good at time management. I believe you lay out your day and you work to accomplish each and every task until it is finished before you quit for the day. If that means not taking a lunch or working a little late, than that is what I do or was doing. Just like with every job, an email or a call can change your schedule in a heartbeat. I guess I’m just too old school. I believe you do a job, you do it right and you don’t make excuses. If you screw up, then you take the responsibility. However, I also believe if you were following the directions of someone else and did exactly what you were told to do and there is an error, then that error belongs to everyone. Then again, I’ve always been very responsible. I’ve never tried to blame someone else for my error, if it was truly my error. People are just different now. I was trust to do my job and I did that job and the only time m Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

I'm just sharing with my new goals for the Month of May - on May 1. We are going to be making some changes to the podcast. I'm a going to try to go back to three a week, it will be a little more work, but I need to get some income from the podcast. I do this for fun, but its not free. Also I weighed this morning and I'm back up to 177 which is 11 lbs more than what I weighed in November so my goal for May is 5 pounds and I will be going back to do Keto. Thanks for listening to my podcast, please keep sharing, downloading and please support us! Thanks, Laura Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

All my life I’ve heard the phrase “I’m my own worst enemy.” I never truly understood that as a teenager or a young adult, but today I can tell you that is true for a lot of people and I am one of them. For most of my life I have fought an ongoing battle with myself because of my weight. Just as I started to feel like I was in control, I had a wreck and now six months later, I’m still having issues that keep me from exercising and I’ve gained back 9 pounds. I can’t run/walk/jog the 2.5 or 2.75 miles that I was doing in the first part of November. I’m stress eating and like I said I’m gaining weight and my body feels awful. I know 9 pounds doesn’t sound like a lot, but to someone who fights their weight on a daily basis that is almost the end of the world. Now to add to the stress of the weight, I still feel very inadequate when it come to my job. I don’t feel like I have a true grasp of everything that has to happen to move people’s pets. Part of the stress in this is knowing that if I miss something or forget something it could be catastrophic. Also, for the first time in over 30 years I am being written up for something that I don’t feel like was totally my fault. Of course then we come to the podcast. I’ve had a few supporters which is awesome and I’m so thankful for those few. I think however to grow more I need to make some changes to the program and see if I can pull in more supporters. Maybe, instead of changing this one, I start a new one. This one is my therapy. I want to increase my listener base and I’m still hoping for that sponsor that is willing to sign a contract and pays on a monthly basis for mentions in the podcast. Today, one of my close friends reached out and asked how I was, had I received any job offers/leads and how was work. My reply was simply, “I’m good. Work is work and no leads/offers and I guess I’m where I’m supposed to be for now.” Her response, “For Now.” She still works for the company where I was laid off. I know that God has more plans for me, but some days it is more than I can handle. I don’t even like leaving the house now. I cry a lot and for no apparent reason. My anger flares up and is uncontrollable some times. I can’t stop worrying about what’s going to happen when we have to move again. Do we rent and not try to buy? My brain never shuts down. I feel like I have let everyone down in my family. I constantly try to control my appetite, make money, do the best I can at my job and be a good person. I go to bed every night feeling like a failure. Then to make matters worse, I don’t sleep good at all. I know I have shared many times about my addiction to antacids. I was doing well! I was down to three bottles a week from 14 a week. No I run out before it is time to buy groceries again. I eat them and then I hate my inability to refrain from eating them. It is the same with food in general. My other daily struggle is dealing with pain. I have two autoimmune disorders one of which is fibromyalgia. I’m fine most of the time during the day but at night when I lay down that is when the pain is the worst My left side is where the pain is and I don’t understand because it was the front right of the car that had all the damage. So shouldn’t it be my right side with the pain from the wreck? I can take pain pills and I can drink alcohol to help ease it at night, but that is not something I want to do. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Hey everyone, Just sharing some updates on my fitness and life in general. Finally made it walking a mile last week . That was the first time since the wreck in November. Still having issues with my left knee and hip. Next step is an MRI and I don't want to pay out that money. We are going to be changing up the podcast some. Try to do a simulcast in Spanish maybe. Maybe some true crime stories. Also trying to figure out what is the next step in life. It is busy in pet relocation, just like people relocation, summer time gets busy. Please listen, download and share with family and friends! If you would like to support us, please click on buy me a cup of coffee. Have a blessed day! Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Fairy tales that start with Once upon a time are not really fairy tales of love and happily ever after. They are tales of distress, entrapment and normally some horrible outcomes. Some of the outcomes are death, life imprisonment or suffering cruelty at the hands of someone with more power or more money. Power and money don’t always belong to one person. Sometimes one will possess the power and another possesses the money. Occasionally those items are both controlled by one single entity. Evil exists in all places in this world. Sometimes it is so bad you can feel it when you walk into a place or up to a person. It is a feeling that you can’t wash off or back away from. You have to leave and get away as far as possible from the person or the place. I’ve felt that a few times in my life and I should have gone with my gut feeling. There is always hindsight in those situations. What do you do? How do you act? How do you get away? I’m not sure I have those answers. In one such situation, it was only after several weeks of heartache and problems, did I finally find the courage to say no and leave. Sometimes the cruelty we suffer at the hands of another person is not physical but mental. That is the cruelty that is the hardest to recognize and the hardest to break away from and most of the time there is guilt felt by the victim and not by the abuser. There is no hero on white horse to come save the fair maiden. There is no hero to slay the dragon and sometimes, with no hope insight, the fair maiden will decide to make the ultimate sacrifice instead of enduring the abuse. Sometimes with the sadness and despair become too much, the victim doesn’t see any other way to get away. They will take the poison, plunge the dagger into their own heart, or jump off the ledge. They don’t have any hope left. They’ve waited and waited for someone to help them. They don’t know how to ask for that help or where to find the help that they need to escape. As a last resort, they believe their only hope is to seek death by whatever means that might be for them. Breaking a glass, using a knife, taking the pills, drinking the poison, jumping off the ledge or in some cases they attack the abuser hoping they will get angry and kill them. It is a sad and bleak day when the news has to be broken to a family that their loved one has died either by their own hands or at the hands of an abuser. Suicidal thoughts are not as uncommon as some people would think. There have been a couple of times that I have thought about it, but I’m too much of a coward and could never do it. There are people that are past the point of caring, hoping and feeling or they feel too much. If you are someone you know has those thoughts or you know they need help, reach out to them or call someone to get them some help. The suicide hotline is a toll free call: 800-273-8255. If you feel like you are in a situation where you can’t win or get away and you think the only way out is death, make the call. If you can’t make the call because of the situation, get a message to a family member or a friend. Go to someone you do feel you can trust. And if someone tells you to get a restraining order against your abuser, remember that is just a piece of paper. It won’t stop anyone who is hell bent on hurting you. Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura

Life or death? Those two words have a lot of meanings separate or together. Sometimes one person can hold another person’s life and death in their hands. It is said that over 150,000 people die roughly a day across the world. How does that break down? That is 6,250 people per hour, 104 people per minute and 1.74 people per second. Let that sink in? How many people do you know that have lost someone. Over the last year, lots of people have lost love ones to the Covid 19 virus. So let’s take this one step further. How many people die each day at the hands of another person, like being murdered? 400,000 homicides per year, 1096 homicides per day, 18.2 homicides per minute, .30 people per second are murdered. The question now is how many of those go unsolved. How many unsolved murders are there in the world, in the United States, in Texas and in your city? It is estimated that there are about 250,000 unsolved murders in the world and that number increases by about 6,000 a year. According to Project Cold Case there are 15, 050 that are unsolved for Texas. So how long does it take before a case is deemed a cold case? That is defined by the agency. A cold case is a case where probative leads have been exhausted. That could mean a case that is only a few months old can be deemed as a cold case. The oldest unsolved cold case in Texas, took place in Denton, Texas at the campus known today as Texas Women’s University in June of 1948 and is yet unsolved. Many of those familiar with Carpenter’s case speculate that she might have been a victim of an unidentified serial killer. Known as The Phantom Killer of Texarkana, the serial killer attacked eight people, five of whom were killed, in the Texarkana area in the span of several months in 1946. Interestingly enough, Carpenter did know three of the victims of this serial killer. To date, the Phantom Killer has never been caught or named. Serial killers have always been an interest to me since the movies about Hannibal Lecter who is totally fictional. So how many serial killers have been identified in Texas? There are at least 17 that I have been able to find and we are going to be exploring those over the next few weeks and other unsolved murders and ghost stories. My niece’s murder is considered a cold case. I will try to do one on her case but I’m not sure I can as it causes lots of emotions and heart ache. Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the showhttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1246568/support Hey there listeners! I hope you liked the episode! We would appreciate your support. Please click the link! Thanks, Laura