How I Lost A Husband, 20 Pounds & A Doormat Mentality

The conclusion so far...

Aime found someone. He ticks all the boxes. So how can something so perfect go so wrong? Searching for a life partner the second time around should be easier. We know what we want and don't want. But how do we know we're not subconsciously making the same mistakes we did the first time around? How do we stop history repeating? Can we really change the kind of man we're attracted to?

I was on the road to getting my head together. I knew what went wrong last time. I knew the statistics of falling for the same kind of man as my ex-husband. I knew I had a tendency to need validation and a desire to be approved of. I knew I learnt more about myself on my own than I did with a partner. I needed a break from dating - to stop using it as a distraction from achieving my goals. It all made perfect sense. Until I met Samual.

My first time dating online was fun and exciting and like a brand new hobby. It became my favourite past-time. Who wouldn't love the challenge of trying to get men to fall in love with you? But how do you know when you find the right one? I might need a list.

An episode about dating again after a 25 year hiatus - with the added complication of social media. Who'd have thought, at 45, I'd start feeling like a teenager again. Or start obsessing about love songs and lyrics. Or worse, unable to leave the room without my phone in case he texted me. Surely I was too old and too wise to fall back into bad habits? Think again.

Aime is dusting off the lifelong dream of making a living from her creative work. Here she discusses the four roadblocks that stand in her way.

Aime discusses how she found life satisfaction after following this simple plan.

It's only taken 50 years (well nearly) to learn that being my authentic self is allowed. In fact it's downright encouraged. It's my imperfections that make me interesting and it's through our imperfections we connect to others.

I thought I had it all together. I thought my kids had come through unscathed. I thought I lot of crazy things. I thought wrong.

I used to organise my time into two categories - the stuff I enjoyed doing and the stuff I didn't. I'd run around madly to get things done in the smallest amount of time possible, so I could relax and do the stuff I liked (watch television, eat food, holidays.) I don't do that now.

On the outside, I was a nice person. On the inside, my thoughts were often cruel, bitter, negative and downright mean. The worst thing was, I'd become this way without even realising it. This one incredible, amazing practice changed my life. And along with it, every relationship I'll ever have.

How do you know if you're one? Here's a checklist.

If we're all born equal, why do I often feel so inferior? And how do I fix it?

I went to my high school reunion and caught up with old friends, including the recently single, Chris Cabbin. Why did I no longer feel like I was worthy of being with someone as great as this guy? I certainly didn't feel that way back in high school. What had happened to me? It became my mission to become worthy of someone like Chris Cabbin. And it didn't involve doing what you might think.

How I re-calibrated my taste buds, my appetite and my relationship with food. Includes a song about my break-up from the longest relationship of my life - 'Sugar (I'm Breaking Up With You).

Why would you want to take care of something you don't even really like? Monitoring your self-talk is the key to liking yourself. Liking yourself is the key to self-care. Self-care is the key to everything.

Addiction is not being able to stop something, even when you want to. Binging on junk food is an addiction I've struggled with my entire life. But "It’s Not That Bad". An innocent four word sentence used to make less of the fact that actually, on any level, addiction carries around with it a truckload of emotional pain. Trying to lose weight can feel impossible. Maybe we've just been coming at it from the wrong angle.

You think because your kids tell you they'll never grow up to do what their dad does (be an angry drunk) it actually works out that way? You explain to them why Dad can't help it, and to try and focus on the good stuff and not the bad stuff. You tell them to learn from his mistakes. They don't. They learn from what they experience. You model bad behaviour and a bad marriage, that's what they learn. I thought I could protect them from it. I couldn't and I didn't. And now I can't take it back....

If he couldn't change, then I would have to. I would be stronger. I would endure. I would manage better. I thought staying in a dysfunctional marriage was a show of strength. I discovered it's actually the opposite.

How does a smart, educated young woman fall for an alcoholic partner? Hindsight is 20/20. In this episode I look at how the process is gradual, how we don't go into a relationship wanting a miserable life, how in the beginning the good times far outweigh the bad so we dismiss the 'bad stuff' as not-that-big-of-a-deal and not see them for what they really are - red flags. We think we can save them from themselves and they make us think we can. We can't. The End.