The Heart

[Ep 3 of 4] Answers: Kaitlin’s search asking why coercion is so omnipresent lands her in one obvious place. Straight, cis-gendered men. In this episode, Kaitlin consults the men in her life that she loves, her friends, her father, her exes to see if they had ever pressured someone into having unwanted intimacy. But she knows she cannot end her search here. She must reach out to the men who have transgressed her to get their side of the story. Updates: we hear about the men who interviewed in the series and notable developments since 2017 in their journeys naviagting gender, power and consent. DONATE to support the creation of a final episode telling the story of all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will she ever learn. "Tending the Garden" is a new healing resource, launched by the Trauma Queen Jimanekia Eborn. FOLLOW THIS WOMAN: @jim Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices

[Ep 2 of 4] Why listen to this series now? KP's schpiel. And then: we catch up with our shero in her mid-twenties, waiting to fall in love. Over the years she has become an expert at advocating for her own pleasure. She has learned how to say no to the sex that she doesn’t want to have with tact and grace. Just as she thinks she has figured out the art of sexual negotiations, another unsettling experience becomes a catalyst for a search for answers. In the "reality check" section: we hear a 37 year old echoing the words of a 27 year old. An attempt at reconciliation gone wrong, the precursor for what we will hear in the next episode. DONATE to support the creation of a final episode telling the story of all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will she ever learn. Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices

[Ep 1 of 4] Inside a locked diary are the hopes and dreams of a little girl who wants one thing more than everything else: this little girl wants to be wanted. [TW: SA] When the little girl becomes a teenager and her deepest want comes to pass, it turns out she doesn't want it. She wanted. . . something else. Something more? Something less? Something sweeter. She doesn't know exactly what she wants, but she learns the hard way what she does not want. "Advance" a non-psychedelic trip into my girlhood was originally produced in May 2017. It was named after the type of advance that is made flirtatiously (or threateningly or shyly and on and on). In this 2025 update we lean into the double meaning: HAVE WE ADVANCED ON THESE ISSUES SINCE 2017? OR HAVE WE...RETREATED? ['retreat' is listed as the opposite of the word 'advance' on dictionary dot com. Not a word we generally use in reference to this topic, and yet it feels like an interesting way to look at what we usually call "regression"]. Listen to decide for yourself, and then send us a voicememo with your thoughts to kaitlin@mermaidpalace.org. 2025 UPDATE FROM KP: Drove by North Dundas the other day on a joyride. The smoking tree is not small anymore. DONATE to support the creation of a final episode detailing all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will we ever learn. Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices

Revisiting NO: after 8 years and several disappointing hook-ups wherein KP found herself wondering if the world forgot the lessons that shook 2017; she decides it's high time to listen again to the series that brings you inside of a 'no' that sounds like a 'yes', and all the 'yes's that really wanted to be 'no's. ----------- Donate to Mermaid Palace! Exciting new projects incubating in need of anti-capitalist support aka indie financing. Thank you to all who already donate, it makes a big difference and we love you <3 Sign up to get our trianual newsletter: the one email KP writes per every three years. Support the Jaber kids in their studies <3 Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices

In 2024 Ashtar Theatre started a new project: letters to Gaza. During the Leo Season Birthday extravaganza, KP, Tarneem and Ahmad all created audio art in what they called "Mermaid Palace: the Cairo Office" aka: the very spacious air bnb KP rented where they each had a room and a desk to create at. When Tarneem sat down to write a letter to her home, this work of poetry emerged in only a couple of hours. We didn't edit a single word. It’s been 6 months since she left her home in the north of Gaza. Every day she watches the news and prays for her family, her friends, her people. She waits for the world to wake up. She waits to see her pain reflected and acknowledged. Heartbroken and determined she wonders, “are we not even entitled to nostalgia?” The letter was written and recorded by Tarneem Jaber, age 19. Music and sound design directed by Ahmad Jaber. HELP AHMAD ENROLL IN UNIVERSITY: He found a university in Turkey that will accept his credits and let him continue from where he left off. We need 7k more to make enough for tuition! GET THIS YOUNG MAN INTO SCHOOL HERE.

This episode was named months ago: a prayer, a wish shared by one Tarneem Jaber and one Kaitlin Prest. "THE GENOCIDE IS A MEMORY, NOT AN ANNIVERSARY". The genocide has gotten even more terrifying as we mark an entire year of slaughter, terror and complacency. Attacks are now zeroing in on the North of Gaza: the home of Ahmad Tarneem and Hamza. Every day, sometimes every hour they try to call their mother and oldest brother (and his wife, who just had a baby) who are still there, with no way to escape. At the same time, we reflect on an entire year of collaboration, awakening and care. Ahmad Jaber celebrates a birthday that only reminds him of a year of his youth he has lost. In the penultimate episode of the series, KP, Ahmad, Tarneem and the rest of the team take stock of the past, the future and the way we and the world will never be the same. Help Ahmad Jaber enroll in University HERE. THE UPDATE: it is half way through the semester, he was accepted at a University in Turkey that will allow him to continue from where he left off! He cannot enroll unless we can make enough for tuition: 7k remaining!

Artist and business owner Doreen Toutikian, founder of Beirut Design Week (and many other beautiful things that she’s had to leave in her past due to war) sits down with KP on February 23rd 2024 and performs monologue #10: Taima Okasha. She reflects on growing up hiding from bombs, the “Palestinian exception” anti-Palestinian racism in the arts and her fears of what might happen to her own home, Lebanon, if Israel is not stopped. Six months and many voice memos later, some of the fears Doreen expressed in her interview start to occur as Israel attacks Lebanon. "This is some black mirror shit. We've never seen anything like this." says Doreen. Support Doreen's newest venture Omgyno! Help the Jaber Trifecta finish med school!

Audio artist and organizer Aliya Pabani takes Gaza Monologue #19 and binaural in-ear microphones (be sure to listen for the 3-dimensional effect: listen in headphones and you will walk with her) to a Toronto branch of the largest worldwide financier of weapons used by Israel.

“Before, you could count how many buildings they destroyed. Now, you count how many buildings they didn’t destroy” — Tarneem Jaber Tarneem Jaber (19 yrs old) was starting her first week of med school on October 7th. Her brother Ahmad (21 yrs old) was in his third year of dental school with only two remaining. Hamza, the oldest (24 yrs old), was supposed to graduate this June: He was a volunteer at Al-Shifa until it was obliterated. The three siblings survived the destruction of their home, food shortages, a long journey to the border, and finding an apartment to rent in Cairo, Egypt. Only a few weeks later they were doing an interview on zoom with a Canadian for a feminist podcast they’d never heard of, telling the story of what they lived and what goes on for the loved ones they left behind. Each of the Jaber siblings chooses a monologue to read: Hamza reads #30: Yasmeen Abu Amer. Ahmad reads #8: Ehab Elayan. Tarneem reads #13: Reema El Sadi. "We relate to every single word in this monologue," Tarneem says. "But this war, is worse than anything we lived before." Support them to complete their mother's parting wish: to finish their education. Thrust into complete independence and faced with international student fees and paying over again for years they already completed, these three brilliant students need your help to fix problems they never should have had to face. Please follow our link: https://gofund.me/854be259

Comedian Alaa Shahada talks about artist life in Jenin, West Bank. We hear a radiomagic excerpt of his one-man show "The Horse of Jenin". He talks about his dreams for the future of Palestine and performs Gaza Monologue #22 Mahmud Abu Shaa’ban. Alaa is a graduate of the Nobel prize nominated Freedom Theatre acting and the co-founder of the Palestine Comedy Club. EASE ANY GUILT YOU FEEL ABOUT WHERE YOUR TAX DOLLARS GO BY SUPPORTING SOME BRILLIANT KIDS TO FINISH THEIR EDUCATION.

Ali Dajani grew up in Jordan and studied in Canada, where he met KP, the friend that sits down with him in his Amsterdam home to read Gaza Monologue #1: the story of Ahmad El Ruzzi. Ali's paternal grandfather left Jerusalem in 1948. "What happened in 1948?" our radio friend asks. They both laugh. She apologizes for her ignorance. He begins to explain. Discussions of whether the cute-ass canals and oh-my-god-there’s-a-boat’s will become his permanent home frame the recording of the first monologue in Ashtar Theatre’s play: Ahmad El Ruzzi from Al Wehda street, who was 17 years old when he wrote the story of his experience of power outages, trust issues and karma. PLEASE DONATE TO OUR FRIENDS FROM GAZA WHO LOST EVERYTHING AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. If you can afford it: consider donating a thousand dollars and giving up 2 - 5 fancy dinners or 10 take-out meals for you and your boo — if 150 people donate 1k each, these young people don’t have to wait and watch donations trickle in over the course of the next few months. Afford them the security of knowing they have some power over their future.

"It's kind of corny, but I think about this quote from Che Guevara: "the true revolutionary is guided by feelings of great love." Aliya Pabani, artist, organizer and collaborator. A glimpse into the friends and friends of friends that share their stories in our upcoming series: an adaptation of the Gaza Monologues by Ashtar Theatre (Ramallah). A group of artists, activists and students from Palestine and beyond read the famed monologues from 2010. Speaking words written by teenagers experiencing war in Gaza over a decade ago, we reflect on what's happening today. “We relate with every single word in this monologue. [But] this is bigger than any war we’ve lived before.” Tarneem Jaber. Please give generously to the young people from Gaza who shared their stories in the series: empower them to reclaim their dreams HERE. Music: : Marj Ibn Amer - Muqata’a

In this update-isode, we follow KP's whereabouts and goings-on since the Processing Palestine episode and the events that led to the genesis of our upcoming series: GREAT LOVE: The Gaza Monologues Revisited. Responding to Ashtar Theatre’s global call to share testimonies from young Gazans first performed in 2010, the series features a chain of personal connections from New York to Toronto to Jordan to Athens to Beirut to Nazareth to Jenin and most importantly: to Gaza. Connections that were forged in a moment of grief and at the same time share some dark-as-hell comedy, appreciation for the sublime, a little too much wine and the most important kind of love: the kind that makes you care about people far away that you haven't met yet. PLZ PLZ PLZ DONATE TO THE MERMAID JABER SCHOLARSHIP FUND PLZ PLZ PLZ [this is kp and she is on her knees begging you with tears in her eyes mkay] AKA the GO FUND ME we made: https://gofund.me/159b10af Music Credits: Simya - Muqata’a [Kamil Manqus] Mayss Invites Xlmxhkfi (in The Ruins Of A Tender Hearts) Mayssa Jallad - Markaz Azraq (December 6)

KP says sweet nothings about the great love of her life: SOUND. A shared moment and meditation: recorded at 4AM in Athens Greece with the window open as the rain fell, gazing at the Athenian mountains aka: former home of the Gods. Use this episode like you would a meditation app: come back to it when you need a moment of peace. Take out the meditation pillow. Play it when you’re taking psychedelic drugs. Use it to relax during your break at work. Play it with a group of friends on a road trip. Play while you take a bath. Half ambient music, half guided meditation, half transcendental experience across the space-time continuum. Don't forget to DONATE to Mermaid Palace <3 We need your dollars to keep making feminist sound art! In this episode: Zeus [from KP: this was not staged. the moment I mentioned his name, he threw a thunderbolt and I happened to be recording. I share the moment AS IS.] The apartment of the badass artist and feminist Doreen Toutikian (check out her work! For pix of her gorgeous pad: follow KP on insta @kaitlinprest). An audience in LA singing with KP: the premiere of this performance, originally commissioned by the On Air Festival 2019. (thanks Scott and Jemma!). An audience in Milan singing with KP: the reason she was in Europe! (thank you to the friends who came all the way to Milan to see the piece: Juj, Ali, Rosa, Ariel and Doreen. Thank you Sarah, Martina and Andrea from Chora Media, and to the opera singers who practiced in the conservatory as KP walked in to do her sound check). Send us a recording of you singing along at hello@mermaidpalace.org!

The love story underneath the love story. We finally meet the real-life Charlie Park. Audio artist and friend Brendan Baker: the sound genius who inspired and supported KP to be the artist she is today. Real moments from the real relationship that started it all. If you are an artist or a writer interested in the complicated journey of translating real life into a fictional universe, this one is for you. If you are a regular human being interested in how love is born and grows and changes over the course of decades, this one is for you. We start with a full length audio doc about all of that. And then: the end of a romance. The anatomy of a breakup. The final chapter of “The Shadows”. This is the 6th episode of The Shadows, from CBC Podcasts. Made by Kaitlin Prest with production and co-writing from Phoebe Wang, editing by Sharon Mashihi, and associate production by Yasmine Mathurin. Cameos from Greg, Nancy, and Natalie Prest, Eliot Feenstra, Ian Field Stewart Raven Castle and the residency SMT. You hear Brendan Baker’s award-winning creations from the Love+Radio era. He is an audio fiction director, composer, and installation artist specializing in spatial audio and ambisonics currently scanning the horizon for his next big creative project. Leonard Cohen clip from “Leonard And Marianne” - Falling Tree Productions

The original unpublished title was “Anatomy of a Resentment”. This episode chronicles the era of a relationship wherein every minor annoyance is a symbol of the very major sacrifices we make to accommodate the shortcomings of the person we love. The story underneath the story: Mitchell Akiyama and KP spending 80+ hours pretending to be in a relationship in the summer of 2018. Fortunately, the frustrations you hear in this episode are (mostly) fiction. Six years later, Mitch and KP are Toronto besties. This is episode 5 of The Shadows, from CBC Podcasts, written and directed by Kaitlin Prest with production and sound design help from senior producer Phoebe Wang. Story editing by Sharon Mashihi. Associate producer Yasmine Mathurin made this episode sparkle. Mitchell Akiyama as Charlie Park with cameos from Kaitlin’s friends as well as Greg, Nancy, and Natalie Prest. Assistant production on this episode of The Heart by Yasaman Mansoori.

What is love? What is it really? bell hooks writes that love is something that we do. Not something that we feel. Not a story. So what do we do when we’re inside of a love that feels like a great love of the ages? The kind of romance that has a life of its own? The story underneath the story in this episode is meeting Johnny Spence. The performer and musician that breathed life into the character “Devon”. Former owner of sweater. This is episode 4 of The Shadows, from CBC Podcasts, made by Kaitlin Prest in collaboration with Phoebe Wang. Musician and artist Johnny Spence performs as Devon. Mitchell Akiyama as Charlie Park. Edited by Sharon Mashihi. Appearances by playwright and animator (former puppeteer) Bekky O’Neill and Max Kelly. Assistant production on this episode by Yasaman Mansoori.

There are certain kinds of things a sweater spends its life dreaming about. Primarily: achieving the coveted position of: favourite. The story underneath the story of this episode is one that we will never tell. What we CAN tell: is that the sweater who speaks in this episode is real and it lives to this very day in KP’s trunk. It was given to her in the year 2014, 9 years ago this very week of November. She washed the sweater once and only once since then. The last time she wore it was last week. This is episode 3 of The Shadows, made by Kaitlin Prest in collaboration with Phoebe Wang and CBC Podcasts. Musician and artist Johnny Spence performs as Devon. Radio goddess Veronica Simmonds performs as Jean Simmonds. The series was edited by Sharon Mashihi, who also appears in this episode as the other sweaters abandoned in the sweater graveyard. “Palestine is a feminist issue”, Yazan Zahzah. Keep showing up. Donate to Ashtar Theater’s initiative for psycho-social relief interventions for affected youth in Ramallah. If you like this show and the other incredible shows on Radiotopia like Weight For It, Hang Up, Normal Gossip, Articles of Interest, The Stoop and more, participate in our fundraiser!

A window into the set-up from which an audio heartthrob emerged: Charlie Park. A neurotic and immensely talented puppeteer conceived of by artist Phoebe Wang and performed by sound artist Mitchell Akiyama. This is episode 2 of The Shadows from CBC Podcasts: an auto-fictional series in which KP explores the life she would have had if she’d become a puppeteer instead of a radio producer. There IS a Terry Gross cameo in this episode. Listen closely. You also hear the real life puppetry aficionados: Jessie Orr, Max Kelly and Bekky O’Neil. It’s fundraiser time! Donate to Radiotopia to support new Heart content and all of the other incredible shows on the network. We need your help to make more beautiful and heartfelt audio! AND: Don’t forget to call your representatives and support a ceasefire in Palestine. In the U.S. In Canada. In the U.K. Jewish Voice for Peace

As people all over the world grieve and struggle, KP invites you to take a moment to reflect, meditate, pray, manifest and grapple with the question of what those of us who are not there can do. Links and Resources from this episode: How to Stop a Genocide (while in the global north), Hussan S.K The Inside Story Podcast: What Influence Can International Opinion Have on the War In Gaza? [Al Jazeera] Jewish Voice for Peace: visit this site for straightforward actions to take in the U.S.A Save Palestine: Justice for All Canada: visit this site for straightforward actions to take in Canada 5 Solidarity Actions You Can Take in the UK Do Better: Spiritual Activism for Fighting and Healing from White Supremacy by Rachel Ricketts @officialjakegyllenhalal MC Abdul Thank you to all of the friends of KP who lent their voices and their experiences to this episode.