The Hardcore Self-Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

We talk a lot about parenting. But we don't talk nearly enough about being a daughter. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Allison Alford — communication scholar, professor at Baylor University, and author of Good Daughtering — to unpack the hidden emotional labor adult daughters carry inside their families. We explore the invisible work, the guilt, the pressure to be "enough," and how daughters can set boundaries without walking away from the people they love. This isn't about cutting family off. It's about understanding your role, recalibrating it, and finding pride instead of burnout. If you've ever felt like you're doing a lot… but it's never quite enough — this one will hit. What We Cover What "daughtering" actually means (and why it's invisible) The "specter of expectation" and where guilt really comes from The difference between healthy families and the "messy middle" Why boundaries aren't magic — they're strategy How to shift your role even if no one else in your family changes Why being a daughter can be a noble pursuit — not just a burden What changes when daughters finally see the system clearly Chapters 00:00 – Intro + Texas roots & communication background 01:00 – "Not by magic": boundaries during the holidays 02:00 – Why she wrote Good Daughtering (research → real-world tools) 06:45 – Growing up with a therapist mom + learning to "talk about talking" 12:00 – Emotions A–Z vs A–F (communication differences in relationships) 16:00 – Generational healing, enmeshment & the "messy middle" family 20:00 – What "daughtering" actually means (visible + invisible labor) 23:30 – The guilt, pressure & the "specter of expectation" 26:00 – Where to begin: notice → calibrate → communicate 29:00 – When family won't change: boundaries + internal work 36:00 – Realizing the invisible labor in her own life 42:00 – Daughters as an untapped community 46:00 – Is daughtering a noble pursuit? 49:00 – What's inside the book (tools, scripts, boundary setting) 53:00 – What changes if daughters "see the Matrix"? + Release date About Dr. Allison Alford Dr. Allison Alford is a communication scholar and Clinical Associate Professor at Baylor University. Her research focuses on family communication, identity, and the overlooked emotional labor of adult daughters. 🌐 Website: https://www.daughtering101.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daughtering101 📘 Good Daughtering (Releases February 17, 2026): https://www.harpercollins.com/products/good-daughtering-allison-m-alford (You can also find it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Bookshop, and other major retailers.)

Dating and relationships have never been simple — but in today's world of apps, algorithms, and endless options, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and disconnected. In this episode, I speak with Dr. Justin Garcia, Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute, evolutionary biologist, sex researcher, and author of the upcoming book The Intimate Animal. We talk about what our biology can (and can't) tell us about love and desire, how technology is reshaping intimacy, and why breakups can hit so hard. We also get personal — sharing stories about grief, recovery, non-monogamy, and navigating love in the real world. Dr. Garcia brings a refreshingly nuanced perspective, blending science, lived experience, and a deep respect for the complexities of modern relationships. Topics Covered The biological basis of pair bonding and why love is a survival strategy How dating apps are changing the way we connect — and the pitfalls of infinite choice Non-monogamy, open relationships, and what science really says about them Breakups, heartbreak, and why they feel like addiction withdrawal Infidelity: what motivates it, and why it's often about secrecy more than sex Practical dating advice backed by years of research The neuroscience of attraction, and how foreplay, communication, and intention keep passion alive How personal experience shaped Dr. Garcia's latest work — including his own recent marriage and fatherhood Guest Bio Dr. Justin Garcia is an evolutionary biologist, sex researcher, and Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. He's also the Chief Scientific Advisor for Match Group, guiding large-scale studies on modern relationships like the annual Singles in America survey. His research has been featured in outlets like The New York Times, TIME, and CNN, and his new book The Intimate Animal: The Science of Sex, Fidelity, and Why We Live and Die for Love will be released on January 27, 2026. Learn more: Kinsey Institute Bio – https://kinseyinstitute.org/about/staff/executive-director-justin-garcia.html Pre-order The Intimate Animal – https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/justin-r-garcia-phd/the-intimate-animal/9780316594035/ Resources Mentioned Singles in America study – https://www.singlesinamerica.com/ Kinsey Institute – https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/ Dr. Garcia's social media: Search "Dr. Justin Garcia" on major platforms or follow updates via the Kinsey Institute Key Takeaways Love and sex are biologically distinct but deeply intertwined. We're wired for long-term bonding, but novelty and desire often create tension within those bonds. Breakups are more than emotional — they're neurochemical. Love activates the brain's reward systems, and heartbreak can mimic drug withdrawal. Modern dating can feel overwhelming because our brains haven't evolved to handle endless digital choice. Intention and curiosity matter more than perfection. Non-monogamous relationships aren't inherently less loving or stable. They often demand high levels of communication and negotiation. Infidelity is less about desire and more about secrecy. Even in non-monogamous relationships, broken trust hurts. There's no perfect formula for love. Each connection is unique, and understanding yourself can help you show up better in relationships. Connect with Me Have a question, topic suggestion, or want to be a guest? Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com Website: https://duffthepsych.com Contact form: https://duffthepsych.com/contact Please rate and subscribe on your favorite podcast platform — it helps more people find the show!

In this episode, I'm honored to welcome Dr. Tracy Hicks, a dual-certified family and mental health nurse practitioner with over two decades of clinical experience—and a deeply personal connection to serious mental illness. Dr. Hicks is both the daughter of a parent and the mother of a child with schizophrenia spectrum disorders. Her perspective blends professional expertise with lived experience in a way that is both deeply compassionate and refreshingly practical. We talk about what schizophrenia really is (and isn't), the impact of stigma on individuals and families, and the importance of person-centered, empathetic care. Dr. Hicks shares her personal journey—raising a daughter with serious mental illness while navigating barriers in the healthcare system—and offers guidance for both providers and caregivers who want to better support those living with schizophrenia. This is a powerful and deeply human conversation for anyone touched by serious mental illness. Topics We Cover What schizophrenia is and how it's commonly misunderstood Growing up with a parent who has schizophrenia Early warning signs and delays in diagnosis for her daughter How stigma and systemic bias impact treatment access and quality Long-acting injectable medications: what they are and why they matter Creating space for curiosity and shared decision-making in care How to support loved ones without losing yourself Advice for providers on building trust and improving outcomes The power of grace, boundaries, and self-care for caregivers Timestamps 00:00 – Introduction to Dr. Tracy Hicks and her personal/professional background 03:00 – From nursing to psychiatry: building a whole-person care model 07:00 – Childhood memories of a parent with schizophrenia 11:00 – Explaining what schizophrenia is and is not 14:00 – Challenging stereotypes: what schizophrenia actually looks like 18:00 – Early signs in Dr. Hicks' daughter and missed opportunities for intervention 22:00 – Racism, bias, and provider assumptions 24:00 – Treatment begins with the story, not the symptoms 26:00 – Why empathy and curiosity matter more than credentials 28:00 – The question that opens everything: "What's your goal for today?" 32:00 – Including family and support systems in the care plan 36:00 – Communication shifts that changed lives 41:00 – What long-acting injectables are and how to present them as an option 47:00 – Combating clinical inertia and provider bias 51:00 – What Dr. Hicks would do differently as a parent 54:00 – Creating your own space when the system doesn't serve you 58:00 – Boundaries, burnout, and filling your own cup as a caregiver 1:02:00 – Final thoughts on stigma, advocacy, and asking for what you need 1:03:30 – Where to follow Dr. Hicks and access her work Guest Links Website: https://www.cfcmentalhealthoutreach.org Instagram: https://instagram.com/drhicksnp Stay Connected Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com Send a message or question: https://www.duffthepsych.com/contact YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who could benefit. Conversations like this one can make a world of difference for people who feel alone in their experience. Until next time, take care of yourself.

In this episode, I share the absolute honest truth about my life at the moment. I also talk about my focus for this year, the phrases I can't get out of my head, and the things I'm grateful for from the last year. Let's do this. Got a question for the show? Email duffthepsych@gmail.com or head over the http://duffthepsych.com/contact. Watch the video at http://youtube.com/duffthepsych Follow me on Instagram at http://instagram.com/duffthepsych and Facebook at http://facebook.com/duffthepsych More writings and additional podcast content over at https://robertduff.substack.com/

In this deeply informative episode, I'm joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Mose, LMFT, who brings 30 years of clinical experience to the table and a unique approach to treating OCD by integrating Internal Family Systems (IFS) with traditional methods like Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Melissa shares how a personal experience—her daughter's sudden-onset OCD—propelled her into the world of OCD treatment and changed the direction of her career. We talk through how OCD manifests, why traditional ERP can be both life-changing and difficult for people, and how IFS can offer a more compassionate, effective way to approach healing by helping clients access their internal "Self." We also discuss Melissa's new book for clinicians, her training work, and the upcoming OCD SoCal Conference happening online on November 15–16, 2025. 🧠 What We Discuss in This Episode: Melissa's unexpected path from literature and mythology to psychotherapy The sudden-onset OCD experience with her daughter that changed everything What OCD really is – beyond stereotypes – and why it's often misunderstood Core concepts of ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) How Internal Family Systems (IFS) works and its 8 C's of Self-energy Why combining IFS and ERP may provide better outcomes for some people "Self-led ERP" – Melissa's integrative model for treating OCD Real-life examples of recovery using this compassionate framework The importance of identifying OCD early, especially in kids Training efforts to help clinicians recognize and effectively treat OCD Hope for those who feel "too far gone" ⏱️ Episode Chapters & Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro to Melissa Mose and IFS for OCD 03:00 – Melissa's background and shift from English literature to psychology 08:00 – Early career in teen and family systems therapy 11:00 – Her daughter's sudden-onset OCD and the diagnosis of PANDAS 14:30 – Navigating confusion, misdiagnosis, and treatment discovery 18:00 – What OCD actually is: the obsession-compulsion cycle 22:00 – How compulsions generalize and worsen OCD 24:30 – Introduction to ERP and how it works 29:00 – What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)? 34:00 – Comparing IFS to ACT and other models 42:00 – Mapping OCD symptoms to internal "parts" using IFS 48:00 – A self-led approach to ERP: empowering the Self 50:30 – Client success stories and examples 55:00 – The rise of IFS in the OCD world 58:00 – Is IFS evidence-based for OCD? 01:00:00 – Melissa's "Self-led ERP" model explained 01:02:00 – Workbook and practical tools coming soon 01:04:00 – How to get started with IFS 01:08:00 – Inside Out, visualization, and self-awareness 01:10:00 – Making IFS for OCD more accessible worldwide 01:12:00 – Final thoughts: hope and next steps for those struggling 📚 Resources & Links from the Episode 🔹 Melissa Mose's Website https://www.melissamosemft.com/ 🔹 IFS for OCD Resources and Courses https://www.ifsforocd.com/blog 🔹 Melissa's Book: Internal Family Systems Therapy for OCD: A Clinician's Guide 📘 On Amazon: Buy here 📘 On Routledge: https://www.routledge.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-for-OCD-A-Clinicians-Guide/Mose/p/book/9781032583730 🔹 OCD SoCal 2025 Online Conference (November 15–16, 2025) 🌐 Full Program Info: https://ocdsocal.org/conference/ 🎟️ Register Here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/2025-online-ocd-conference-a-global-event-tickets-1531193865069?aff=oddtdtcreator 🎧 Stay Connected with Me 💌 Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com 🌐 Website: https://duffthepsych.com 📺 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych 📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych

In this heartfelt and candid episode, I'm joined by Chef Chris Valdes—TV personality, cookbook author, and lifelong culinary artist—to talk about his powerful personal journey through the culinary world and the mental health struggles he's faced along the way. From growing up in a Cuban restaurant in Miami to rising to national TV fame, Chris has seen both the bright lights and the dark corners of the kitchen. He shares stories of family, grief, hustle, and healing—including why he took a year off from everything to rediscover himself. Whether you're in food service, struggling with burnout, or just love a good story with heart and spice, this one's for you. Timestamps / Chapters: [00:00:00] Intro & Chris's background [00:03:00] Earliest food memory: the flan and whipped cream incident [00:06:45] Growing up in a family restaurant [00:08:30] Father's imprisonment and family disruption [00:13:00] Early entrepreneurial spirit (orange hustling!) [00:17:00] High school struggles & turning point with Le Cordon Bleu [00:23:00] Launching his catering company at 19 [00:26:00] First experience with depression & thoughts of ending it [00:29:00] Hitting a wall after a breakup & GMA meltdown [00:33:00] Psychedelic healing ceremony in Malibu [00:38:00] Rediscovering self through solitude, therapy, and boundaries [00:43:00] Toxic kitchen culture and normalizing mental health discussions [00:47:00] Holiday catering chaos and internal pressure [00:52:00] Advice on rest, recovery, and choosing yourself [00:56:00] What's next: books, new management, and the slow lane [00:57:00] Signature nostalgic dish [00:59:00] Go-to Latin spices (cumin, garlic, cilantro) [01:01:00] What young Chris would say to 2025 Chris [01:02:30] Where to follow and final thoughts Links - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chefchrisvaldes TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chefchrisvaldes His cookbook - One With the Kitchen: https://www.amazon.com/One-Kitchen-Recipes-stories-inspired/dp/0578886456

Friends, welcome back to the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. This is my first interview back after a bit of a journey. I thought there was no better way to kick off this next phase of the podcast than by introducing you to a friend and brilliant human that I met in the interim. Dr. Amy Andrea Martinez is a professor of sociology with a focus on Chicano gang culture, incarceration, and abolition. She is a total badass, and she gets vulnerable about her experiences in this conversation. We discuss how her younger brother's arrest, the development of her identity as a Xicana woman, her experiences with depression and suicidality, and her decision to build armor around her heart this year before diving back into the heart of academia and book-writing. I really hope you enjoy this one. In this conversation, Dr. Martinez mentions this book: https://www.amazon.com/AM-Club-Morning-Elevate-Life/dp/1443456624 Stay connected: Weekly newsletter: https://robertduff.substack.com – free tips, Q&A, and community updates. My website: https://duffthepsych.com – articles, resources, and ways to work with me. - Books & guides: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B00NDY4THK?ccs_id=5c5cac88-b920-4fc3-809c-f592ad3b55d3 – practical mental-health guides and workbooks. - Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych – daily insights, behind-the-scenes, and community chats.

Episode Summary: In this deeply personal solo episode, Dr. Duff returns to the mic after a hiatus to share what’s been going on behind the scenes with The Hardcore Self Help Podcast. He opens up about an almost-acquisition of the show by a larger mental health organization—a deal that initially looked promising but ultimately fell through. With transparency and vulnerability, Dr. Duff reflects on the emotional and professional impact of that experience, explains why the podcast paused, and announces the exciting new direction it’s headed in. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Why the podcast went quiet for a while A behind-the-scenes look at the attempted acquisition of the show The emotional and logistical toll of being let down by a potential deal Reflections on past professional disappointments outside of clinical work What’s next: rebranding, new episode formats, and a stronger emphasis on interviews Why connection and personal stories will be the heart of the podcast moving forward Dr. Duff’s renewed commitment to amplifying diverse voices and lived experiences Updates on the “Bipolar Answers” audiobook and Substack content Thoughts on staying consistent while prioritizing quality over quantity Timestamps: 00:00 – 00:52 — Welcome back! What this episode is about 00:52 – 02:00 — The podcast was almost sold—here's how it started 02:00 – 03:26 — Meeting the company, expectations, and initial excitement 03:26 – 06:04 — Multiple meetings and flying out to pitch in person 06:04 – 08:00 — In-person meetings and positive vibes, but no details yet 08:00 – 10:24 — Delays, excuses, and finally: the deal falls through 10:24 – 12:25 — Processing the disappointment and reflecting on past letdowns 12:25 – 13:21 — Token compensation offered, but trust was broken 13:21 – 14:00 — What’s next: staying open to future partnerships 14:00 – 15:22 — New focus: interviews over general Q&A 15:22 – 16:48 — The unique value of human connection in storytelling 16:48 – 17:15 — Rebranding plans and more diverse guest features 17:15 – 18:17 — Finishing the audiobook, editing, and prepping new interviews 18:17 – 19:05 — Where to find Dr. Duff in the meantime and the new YouTube direction Links & Resources: Website: https://duffthepsych.com Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych Substack: https://robertduff.substack.com Want to Help Relaunch the Show? If you’re excited about the return of the podcast, be sure to subscribe, share the new episodes with your community, and leave a review wherever you listen. Every bit of support helps relaunch this phoenix from the ashes.

In this quick episode, I share what has been going on with the podcast and why I haven't been uploading. The truth is, that I am taking a step back from the show. I explain why and what comes next. Part of the episode is me reading off a post that I wrote, which you can read below. ------ I think it’s time to let go of my podcast. Episode 1 of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast aired on 3/16/2016. Nearly 450 episodes later, I think it might be time to let it go. When I began the show, podcasting wasn’t cool. This was before Huberman Lab and Diary of a CEO. This is before every influencer had their own podcast. I certainly wasn’t one of the first podcasts, but I was in the cohort of podcasters that were influenced by Pat Flynn, Cliff Ravenscraft, and Daniel J. Lewis. Podcasts were the up and coming way to generate an audience and scale your craft. For me, this was a way to bring mental health content to the masses. In 2014, I released my first book, Hardcore Self Help: F**k Anxiety. I wrote this during my pre-doctoral internship at Kaiser Permanente in San Diego. The book was written and published in a matter of a couple weeks, driven by my frustrations with the mental health field following my wife’s hospitalization (more about that in my TedX talk). Since the market was not yet saturated with potty-mouth self-help books, it was a hit and quickly became my primary source of income. With the popularity of the book came emails and direct messages asking me questions. As someone who was working toward becoming licensed as a psychologist, it was important that I didn’t give out direct advice to people in a private forum unless I had an established care relationship with the person. That’s when I realized I could make my childhood dreams of having a newspaper advice column come true by starting a podcast. Truthfully, this was not my first foray into podcasting. I tried to start a podcast about the 90s with my friends called The Good Old Days, but that failed to launch. Then I had a podcast that ran for a good while called The Voices Among Us, in which I interviewed unhoused people on the street about their lives. Those experiences meant that I had the tools and knowledge necessary to launch the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. And man, has it been great. I have had the opportunity to answer questions about anxiety, relationships, sexuality, school, neuroscience, medications, abusive families, PTSD, depression, bipolar, autism, mushrooms, ketamine, queerness, blackness, multiculturalism, gender identity and so much more. I’ve been able have great conversations with Seth Godin, Dr. Andrea Letamendi, Kati Morton, Gary Bishop, Dr. Anna Yusim, Tiffany Jenkins, Jenn Harris, Dr. Patrick McGrath, Tony Weaver Jr., Dr. Judy Ho, Dr. David Burns, and many others. And yet, as the years of the podcast march on, the interest is waning. I will always have pride for being something of an O.G. in the mental health podcasting space, but as my wife said recently, it’s important to make room for other voices and to not force something that isn’t working. I wouldn’t say the podcast isn’t working, but it certainly isn’t what it once was. At one point in time, I was getting enough listens to garner thousands per month in advertising revenue. These days, I’m lucky if an episode hits 5,000 listens in a month. To be clear, that is still a substantial amount, but for the hours that I put into the podcast, the decline in listenership over time becomes hard to justify at a certain point. Here’s a graph from my podcast hosting platform so you can see what I mean: I worry a bit about coming off as ungrateful or just chasing numbers. Hopefully it’s clear that I am immensely proud of what I’ve been able to do with the podcast and so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to have a platform like this. I have a folder in my email with feedback from people that I have answered questions for, and trust me when I say there is no better pick-me-up on a rainy day...

In this insightful interview, I’m joined by Marcia Bonato Warren, a trauma-informed body therapist, somatic counselor, interculturalist, and author. Marcia brings over 30 years of experience working with cross-cultural mental health, and she shares a powerful lens on how identity, culture, and trauma intersect in the body. Together, we explore the concept of embodied code switching, how our bodies carry cultural and ancestral imprints, and how healing often involves not just the mind, but movement, sensation, and deep awareness of the self. Marcia discusses her personal journey as a Brazilian and Native American woman navigating multiple cultural worlds—and how her lived experience shaped her professional path and inspired her new book. This episode is a rich blend of personal storytelling, professional insight, and hope for a more connected, empathetic world. Key Discussion Points: Marcia’s multicultural background growing up between Pueblo traditions and Brazilian culture What it means to experience culture somatically when language isn’t accessible The definition and practice of embodied code switching How somatic therapy works and how the body holds trauma, history, and healing Cultural embodiment and the importance of body-based awareness across social, emotional, and environmental realms The internal work of bridging identities that may feel in conflict Intergenerational trauma and healing as a form of cultural resilience Marcia’s new book as a form of protest and empowerment amid sociopolitical turmoil The value of curiosity and reclaiming our sense of wonder Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro to Marcia and her multicultural upbringing 04:30 – Advocating through names and early sense of identity 09:00 – Growing up between cultures and learning through somatic experience 14:00 – Noticing what it feels like to “not belong” in any cultural space 17:00 – The physical experience of fitting in (or not) 20:00 – What is somatic counseling and body-based psychotherapy? 24:00 – Holding multiple identities and forming relationships between them 28:00 – Embodied code switching: definitions and origins 35:00 – Identity, trauma, and resilience in the nervous system 40:00 – Diversity, empathy, and learning across differences 43:30 – Somatics, symbolism, and healing in therapy 47:00 – Marcia’s career in advocacy and transition to therapy 52:00 – Her new book as resistance and hope in a polarized world 58:30 – Book structure, audience, and why it matters now 1:06:00 – Final reflections on curiosity, awareness, and personal power Guest Links: Website: https://www.embodiedculture.com Book Info & Resources: https://www.embodiedcodeswitching.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marciabonatowarren Buy the Book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Movement-Identity-Multiculturalism-Awareness-Code-Switching/dp/1839978376 Contact Me: Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com Website: https://duffthepsych.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych If you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving a review, sharing it with a friend, or tagging me on social to let me know your thoughts. And if Marcia’s story resonated with you, I’d love to hear how this conversation landed.

In this episode, Dr. Duff takes on two powerful listener questions in a raw and compassionate Q&A format. The first question comes from a survivor of extensive childhood abuse, religious trauma, and complex family dynamics, who is wrestling with the decision of whether or not to publish a deeply personal memoir. Dr. Duff dives into the emotional, psychological, and ethical layers of this situation, offering validation, insight, and a heartfelt reminder that healing and storytelling can be acts of empowerment. The second question comes from a newly single parent facing feelings of loneliness and hopelessness after a recent divorce. After a disappointing family trip, they wonder if happiness is still possible in this new chapter of life. Dr. Duff breaks down the process of emotional adjustment, the importance of realistic expectations, and how small steps can lead to renewed hope and connection. As always, this episode is filled with empathy, nuance, and practical encouragement for anyone going through dark or uncertain times. Key Discussion Points The complexities of publishing a memoir about trauma and abuse Understanding the impact of complex PTSD and generational trauma Navigating family threats and estrangement with personal boundaries Grieving the loss of an idealized future after divorce Why happiness doesn’t have to look how you thought it would Tips for finding support and resilience as a single parent The value of community, therapy, and chosen family Timestamps 00:00 – Intro and personal update 03:00 – Content warning for the first question 04:05 – Listener story: Surviving severe childhood abuse and family rejection 07:00 – Dr. Duff reflects on complex PTSD and trauma recovery 08:30 – The power of isolation in abusive systems 10:00 – Complicated dynamics with the listener’s mother 11:30 – Should I publish my book about my trauma? 13:00 – Weighing the risks and benefits of publishing under a pseudonym 14:30 – Standing in your truth despite family pushback 15:00 – Listener story: Facing loneliness and doubt after divorce 16:30 – Grieving the version of life you hoped for 18:00 – Family disappointment and changing dynamics 19:30 – The importance of time and realistic expectations 21:00 – Children often remember things differently than we expect 22:00 – Challenging fatalistic thoughts about the future 23:30 – Modeling resilience and authenticity for your kids 24:30 – Final thoughts and encouragement Mentioned in This Episode Episode 130: Complex PTSD – What It Is and How to Recover YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych More mental health content at: https://www.duffthepsych.com Submit a Question Have a question you'd like answered on the show? Reach out any time: 📧 Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com 🌐 Website: duffthepsych.com 📷 Instagram: instagram.com/duffthepsych 📺 YouTube: youtube.com/@duffthepsych Support the Show If you’ve gotten something out of the podcast and haven’t left a review yet, now’s a perfect time—especially if you’re an Apple Podcasts listener. We're close to hitting 1,000 reviews, and every one helps others find the show and supports the mission of accessible mental health content.

In this episode, I address two deeply personal listener questions that highlight the complex nature of anxiety and emotional healing in relationships. The first question comes from a listener who has struggled with anxiety for most of their life, recently facing severe limitations due to Generalized Anxiety Disorder and medication changes. We talk about the genetic components of anxiety, the risks of benzodiazepines in older adults, and the importance of advocating for the right care—even if that means seeking new providers or considering higher levels of treatment. The second question dives into the emotional fallout after infidelity. A listener is working to rebuild their marriage after their wife’s emotional and physical affairs but finds themselves overwhelmed by anger and trauma in the aftermath. I explore the importance of time, trauma-informed coping strategies, and how rebuilding trust is possible with consistent effort and support. Whether you're dealing with anxiety yourself or navigating complex relationship dynamics, this episode offers validation, practical advice, and hope. Key Discussion Points Question 1: Genetic Anxiety and Benzodiazepines Anxiety can be partially genetic—up to 50% of risk may be inherited. Environmental factors, early life experiences, and chronic stress also play key roles. Long-term anxiety can even change brain structures like the amygdala. Benzodiazepines such as Xanax and Klonopin can be risky for older adults, but abrupt changes in medication are harmful and inappropriate. Importance of finding the right provider—psychiatric care may be more appropriate than primary care in severe cases. Options like partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient programs, or even voluntary hospitalization if suicidal thoughts worsen. Consideration of alternative treatments like TMS, ketamine therapy, EMDR, or comprehensive medical workups. Encouragement and validation that meaningful change is possible—even later in life. Question 2: Healing from Infidelity Emotional and physical infidelity can lead to feelings of inadequacy and intense emotional reactivity. The resurfacing of past wounds during present-day arguments is a trauma response. Healing takes time; both partners must commit to rebuilding trust. Grounding, breathing, and self-regulation tools are essential in emotional moments. Individual therapy and journaling can help process complex feelings and trauma. Couples therapy with a specialist in infidelity recovery can provide structure and support. It's possible to rebuild a stronger relationship—but it takes honest effort from both sides. Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 01:12 – Listener question: Is anxiety genetic? 03:22 – Genetics vs. environment in anxiety development 05:10 – Medication history and benzodiazepine concerns for older adults 08:45 – Advocating for appropriate psychiatric care 12:30 – Suicidal thoughts and higher levels of support 14:50 – Exploring alternative and emerging treatment options 17:15 – Words of encouragement and validation 19:45 – Listener question: Coping with infidelity and feeling inadequate 21:20 – Emotional fallout and trauma from betrayal 24:10 – Regulating emotional responses during arguments 26:00 – The role of time, patience, and couples therapy 28:20 – Journaling and individual processing for long-term healing 31:10 – Rebuilding a stronger relationship after infidelity 33:00 – Closing thoughts and takeaways Resources & Links Website: http://duffthepsych.com Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych If today’s episode resonated with you, consider leaving a review or sharing it with someone who could use the support. Your stories and questions continue to make this podcast what it is—thank you for being here. Until next time, take care and keep pushing forward. You've got this.

Just a quick update! Back to regularly scheduled programming next week!

Pre-Order Bipolar Answers https://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Answers-Questions-Answered-Psychologist-ebook/dp/B0F1DW5WQZ/ In this special episode, Dr. Robert Duff announces the pre-order launch of his latest book, Bipolar Answers: Questions from Real People Answered by a Real Psychologist. To celebrate, he provides listeners with an exclusive reading of the book’s introduction and one full chapter, giving a firsthand look at what to expect. This book is built from real questions asked on The Hardcore Self Help Podcast, expanded with deeper insights, case studies, and practical strategies for managing bipolar disorder. Dr. Duff shares details about the book’s structure, how it tackles common misconceptions, and why he felt compelled to write it. He also reads a powerful chapter about navigating college after a bipolar episode, offering valuable guidance on advocacy, accommodations, and resilience. Timestamps: [00:00] – Introduction and book announcement: Bipolar Answers is now available for pre-order on Amazon! [02:00] – What the book covers: real questions, practical answers, case studies, and clear explanations. [03:00] – Full reading of the book’s introduction, covering the basics of bipolar disorder, diagnostic criteria, and case study of Olivia, a professional managing bipolar I. [18:00] – Full chapter reading: Navigating college after a bipolar episode. [24:00] – The importance of self-advocacy, understanding accommodations, and legal rights for students and employees with bipolar disorder. [37:00] – Encouragement and final thoughts: Pre-order now and stay tuned for updates on the print and audiobook releases. Key Takeaways: Bipolar Answers is designed to cut through misinformation and offer real, actionable advice. Bipolar disorder is complex and often misunderstood—this book provides a clear and stigma-free breakdown. Returning to school or work after a bipolar episode can be daunting, but knowing your rights and advocating for yourself can make all the difference. The book includes real-life examples, diagnostic clarifications, and practical tools for individuals living with bipolar and those supporting them. Connect with Dr. Robert Duff: Website: https://www.duffthepsych.com Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might find it helpful! Your support means the world.

Episode 433: Navigating PTSD Triggers & Overcoming Shame In this episode of The Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I tackle two listener questions related to PTSD, trauma, and the emotional challenges that come with them. The first question is from someone who is deeply affected by their environment, living in a house that serves as a constant PTSD trigger. They want to move forward but feel completely stuck. The second question is about dealing with strong emotional reactions in public and the embarrassment that follows. I offer compassionate, practical advice to help both listeners begin taking steps toward healing and self-acceptance. What We Cover in This Episode: Understanding why trauma responses persist and how they impact daily life The role of avoidance in PTSD and how to begin addressing it Practical strategies for tackling overwhelming life changes How to communicate with a therapist about deeply buried trauma The importance of seeking trauma-informed therapy and possible medication options Exposure techniques for gradually confronting PTSD triggers Journaling as a tool for processing trauma at your own pace Overcoming embarrassment when experiencing emotional reactions in public Using gratitude as a way to shift focus from shame to connection Coping strategies to regulate emotions and build resilience Timestamps: 00:00 – Introduction & request for listener questions 02:00 – Listener question: Living in a house that triggers PTSD 05:00 – Why trauma responses persist and the role of avoidance 10:00 – Communicating openly with a therapist about severe trauma 12:00 – Seeking trauma-informed therapy and medication considerations 16:00 – Making an actionable plan to move forward and sell the house 21:00 – Practical steps to start addressing home repairs and tasks 22:00 – Listener question: Managing PTSD emotional reactions in public 24:00 – Using gratitude to counter feelings of shame and embarrassment 27:00 – Grounding techniques and exposure exercises to build resilience 30:00 – The importance of seeking support from others 32:00 – Closing thoughts & listener engagement request Connect with Me: Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com Website: https://www.duffthepsych.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. And as always, take care of yourself!

In this episode of The Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I sit down with the incredible psychotherapist and author, Terri Cole, to discuss high-functioning codependency, boundaries, and how we can break free from people-pleasing tendencies. Terri shares her own journey from working in the entertainment industry to becoming a therapist and how her personal struggles with boundaries led her to specialize in this area. We dive deep into the traits of high-functioning codependency, where it comes from, and actionable steps you can take to create healthier relationships and reclaim your inner peace. What We Cover in This Episode: Terri’s journey from talent agent to psychotherapist Recognizing high-functioning codependency in yourself How childhood and societal expectations shape codependency The role of self-awareness and therapy in breaking codependency patterns Practical tools for overcoming codependent tendencies The importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no How to conduct a resentment inventory and why it’s helpful Addressing difficult family dynamics around social and political issues How Terri’s book, Too Much, can help you break free from codependency Timestamps: 00:00 – Introduction to Terri Cole and her background 01:00 – How Terri transitioned from talent agent to psychotherapist 16:00 – Recognizing high-functioning codependency 25:00 – Childhood & societal influences on codependency 30:00 – The importance of self-awareness and therapy 39:00 – Practical tools for overcoming codependency 42:00 – Navigating difficult family dynamics 49:00 – Setting boundaries and learning to say no 52:00 – Conducting a resentment inventory 58:00 – How Too Much can help you break free Resources Mentioned: Too Much by Terri Cole: https://www.terricole.com High-Functioning Codependency Toolkit: https://www.terricole.com/HFC Mastermind program (Flourish): https://www.terricole.com/flourish Terri’s membership community: https://www.terricole.com/TCM The Terri Cole Show Podcast: https://www.terricole.com/podcast Connect with Me: Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com Website: https://www.duffthepsych.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. And as always, take care of yourself!

Episode 431: Pathological Demand Avoidance in Coaching & Persistent Depression Welcome to another episode of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Dr. Robert Duff! In this Q&A episode, Dr. Duff tackles two insightful listener questions on very different but equally important mental health topics. Question 1: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) in Coaching A listener working as an individual sports coach seeks advice on how to best support a talented but highly resistant student who displays signs of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Dr. Duff dives into: What PDA is and how it manifests in individuals, particularly in relation to autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent conditions. The importance of reframing PDA as a high drive for autonomy rather than defiance. Practical coaching strategies to work around demand avoidance, including collaborative goal setting, offering choices, and making training sessions more engaging and playful. The significance of open-ended questions and genuine curiosity in understanding the root of a student’s resistance. Question 2: Chronic Low-Grade Depression (Persistent Depressive Disorder) A listener describes their struggle with long-term, low-grade depression despite attempts with medication and therapy. Dr. Duff provides insights into: Understanding Persistent Depressive Disorder (formerly known as dysthymia) and how it differs from episodic major depression. Behavioral activation as a treatment approach, including strategies for identifying and engaging in potentially enjoyable activities despite a lack of motivation or pleasure. The five-minute rule to help overcome resistance to activities. Medication considerations, including alternatives like Wellbutrin (bupropion) and the combination drug Auvelity, which may have fewer side effects. Non-medication treatments such as Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) and ketamine therapy. The importance of evaluating life circumstances to identify external contributors to chronic depression, such as hidden identity struggles or unsatisfying relationships. Chapters [00:00] Intro and updates on Dr. Duff’s upcoming bipolar book [03:00] Question 1: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) in coaching [12:00] Strategies for engaging students with PDA [14:00] Question 2: Chronic low-grade depression and treatment options [19:00] Behavioral activation and the five-minute rule [23:00] Medication alternatives and non-pharmacological treatments [27:00] Life circumstances and their role in persistent depression [28:00] Outro and listener support requests Resources & Links Dr. Duff’s website: http://duffthepsych.com Email your questions: duffthepsych@gmail.com Follow Dr. Duff on Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych Dr. Duff’s book “Hardcore Self Help: F**k Depression”: https://www.amazon.com/Hardcore-Self-Help-Depression/dp/B01J4H5A40 Previous episodes on TMS and ketamine treatments: http://duffthepsych.com/podcast More on ketamine treatments: https://duffthepsych.com/ect-and-ketamine/ Thank you for tuning in! If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with a friend or leaving a review. Your support helps the podcast grow and reach more people who need it. See you next time!

Episode 430: Integrative Approaches to Recovery with Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri In this episode of The Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri, also known as Dr. Mala, to discuss her integrative approach to addiction recovery, rehabilitation, and mental health treatment. Dr. Mala shares her personal journey that led her into the field, the importance of holistic and individualized treatment, and how she has worked to break down barriers in accessing quality care. What We Cover in This Episode: Dr. Mala’s personal journey into psychology and addiction recovery work The challenges of pushing for integrative mental health care How trauma informed her approach to treatment The importance of cultural competence in mental health and recovery Understanding addiction recovery as a non-linear process The necessity of breaking isolation in the recovery journey The evolving role of virtual therapy and accessibility in mental health care How alternative and holistic approaches such as yoga, meditation, and adventure therapy are valuable in rehabilitation The role of family and loved ones in supporting recovery How to advocate for personalized treatment if current options aren’t working Resources available through Recovery.com for both individuals and families Timestamps: 00:00 – Introduction to Dr. Mala and her background 02:00 – How Dr. Mala entered the field of psychology and recovery 06:00 – Why she emphasizes integrative approaches in treatment 10:00 – Challenges in advocating for a holistic recovery model 12:00 – Misconceptions about addiction and recovery 16:00 – The importance of connection and breaking isolation 21:00 – Alternative therapeutic approaches that work 27:00 – The role of family and community in recovery 33:00 – Steps to take if current treatment isn’t effective 38:00 – Recovery.com and available resources 44:00 – Final words of wisdom for those struggling or supporting a loved one Resources: Recovery.com: https://www.recovery.com https://recovery.com/news/the-2025-state-of-recovery-5-trends-in-behavioral-health-you-need-to-know-about/https://www.givingvoicetodepression.com Connect with Dr. Mala: Recovery.com Podcast: https://www.recovery.com/podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/recoverydotcom Connect with Me: Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com Website: https://www.duffthepsych.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. And as always, take care of yourself!

In this solo Q&A episode of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I answer two deeply personal and important listener questions. The first comes from a trans man struggling with the impact of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, fear for his safety, and overwhelming feelings of hopelessness. We talk about tangible ways to navigate the stress of doomscrolling, finding community, and taking back control in uncertain times. The second question dives into the pain of heartbreak—specifically, the loss of a best friend after unrequited love. I discuss how to process grief, handle regret, and move forward when a relationship changes in ways you didn’t expect. Whether you're facing fear, loss, or uncertainty, this episode offers support, validation, and practical steps to help you through it. Chapters: 00:00 — Intro: You Are Seen, You Are Valid 02:00 — Shoutout to the Finch App: A Fun Self-Care Tool 03:00 — Coping with Fear & Uncertainty as a Trans Person in a Hostile Climate 10:30 — Managing Doomscrolling & Social Media Overwhelm 14:00 — The Importance of Community & Seeking Safe Spaces 18:00 — Mental Health Resources & Seeking Support 19:00 — Handling Unrequited Love & The Pain of Heartbreak 22:30 — Why You’re Not to Blame for How Things Changed 24:00 — Navigating Grief & Loss in Relationships 27:30 — The Power of Solo Time & Rebuilding Your Life 29:00 — Closing Thoughts & Next Episode Preview Resources & Links: • Finch App – A self-care companion that makes mental health a little more fun! Download here • Trans Lifeline – www.translifeline.org | (877) 565-8860 • The Trevor Project – www.thetrevorproject.org | Crisis support for LGBTQ+ youth • Find a Therapist – www.psychologytoday.com About the Podcast I’m Dr. Robert Duff, a clinical psychologist and the host of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. My goal is to break down mental health topics into real, relatable, and actionable advice. Whether it's tackling anxiety, navigating personal challenges, or discussing the latest in psychology, I’m here to help you thrive. Connect With Me: 🌐 Website: www.duffthepsych.com 📷 Instagram: @duffthepsych 🎥 YouTube: Dr. Duff’s Channel 💙 If this episode resonates with you, please rate & review the podcast, and share it with someone who might need it. You are not alone. #MentalHealth #LGBTQSupport #Heartbreak #CopingSkills #SelfCare #Doomscrolling #HardcoreSelfHelp

In today’s episode of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I sit down with world-renowned psychiatrist, author, and DBT expert Dr. Blaise Aguirre to tackle the complex topic of self-hatred. As a pioneer in the treatment of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and adolescent mental health at McLean Hospital, Dr. Aguirre offers a compassionate and illuminating perspective on how self-hatred forms, why it’s so persistent, and how we can work toward healing. Dr. Aguirre explains why self-hatred is often learned early in life through invalidating experiences and abusive environments and why it differs from self-criticism or depression. He introduces practical tools to break free from self-loathing, such as identifying its roots, recognizing toxic relationships, and taking steps to separate identity from these damaging beliefs. We also discuss the challenges of treating patients with self-hatred, the transformative power of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and how his latest book, I Hate Myself, provides a groundbreaking resource for those suffering from this deeply ingrained struggle. If you’ve ever wrestled with feelings of unworthiness or struggled to overcome negative beliefs about yourself, this episode is packed with strategies, hope, and actionable advice to help you move toward a healthier relationship with yourself. Chapters: 00:15 — Introduction: Meet Dr. Blaise Aguirre 02:00 — From Philosophy to Psychiatry: Dr. Aguirre’s Career Path 07:30 — Understanding Self-Hatred: How It Develops and Why It Persists 15:00 — The Role of Validation in Parenting and Mental Health 20:45 — The DBT Approach: Why Skills-Based Therapy Works for BPD and Self-Hatred 27:00 — Breaking Down Self-Hatred: Separating It from the Self 34:20 — Overcoming Self-Hatred: Practical Tools and Steps for Healing 40:15 — The Importance of Compassionate Treatment in Mental Health Care 45:00 — A Sneak Peek Into I Hate Myself 50:20 — What Parents and Caregivers Need to Know 57:00 — Dr. Aguirre’s Final Thoughts on Healing and Hope About the Podcast I’m Dr. Robert Duff, a clinical psychologist and the host of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. My mission is to break down complex mental health topics into relatable, actionable advice. On this podcast, we dive deep into mental health, personal development, and the strategies that help us thrive. Each episode features expert interviews, practical tips, and answers to listener questions, all designed to help you live a healthier, more fulfilled life. Guest Links: www.IHateMyselfBook.comMcLean Hospital’s DBT ProgramI Hate Myself Connect With Me: duffthepsych.com@duffthepsychDr. Duff’s Channel Sponsored By: This episode is brought to you by NoCD, a leading provider of virtual therapy for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). If intrusive thoughts and compulsions are impacting your daily life, NoCD offers specialized Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to learn more at www.nocd.com. Hope you find this conversation as inspiring and thought-provoking as I did! Don’t forget to share your thoughts and takeaways in the comments. Tags: #MentalHealth #SelfHatred #BlaiseAguirre #DBT #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SelfCompassion #TraumaHealing #Parenting #Mindfulness #SelfHelp