For the Love of Climbing

On October 29, 2019, Michelle Xue and her climbing partner, Jenny Shedden, set off to climb Red Slate Mountain in the Sierra Nevada when they were struck by rockfall and killed. This story is told through the lens of her dear friend, Artem. While all genres of climbing can be dangerous, alpine climbing is likely the most. These stories of loss pay tribute to loved ones, but beyond that, the life of an alpine climber is complex. They say, “What’s done in love, is done well.” But the passion for this sport creates a catch-22. The cold paradox of alpine climbing leaves loved ones behind, pondering the timeworn question: Why do we climb? Why choose to continue a sport when the risks encountered could mean death? Everyone will grieve in this lifetime. And everyone will experience loss. It’s a painful but normal part of the human experience, and the process of grief, though it moves, will move in cycles. This episode is in loving memory of Michelle Xue and Jenny Shedden. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún. Music is licensed by Music Bed and Blue Dot Sessions. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Because therapy is for everyone. FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

“Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” Glinda asked Dorothy when she crash-landed in Oz for the first time. The theory of everything is that every element has an opposite. And by this logic, if there are, in fact, “good moms”, then it would follow that there must also be “bad moms”. But it doesn’t really work that way because the system of measurement that dictates the “good mom” / “bad mom” status is fundamentally flawed. When Tracy became a newly-minted mom, she was determined to find a way to stick with climbing while she navigated all the new hurdles motherhood brings. As the dual identity of parent and climber becomes more common, we hope stories like Tracy’s won’t stand out. Tracy will always be a mom. But, she can also be a climber. She can hold one in each hand while we work to dismantle the notion that motherhood has to come at the price of one’s identity—instead of being integrated as a part of it. The mental construct that ping pongs back and forth between being “good” or “bad” traps moms and parents in a place of “not-enoughness”, when the fact of the matter is: you are. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún. Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed and Blue Dot Sessions. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Because therapy is for everyone. FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Addiction is the kind of topic where judgment is easy, and empathy is hard. Shame is at the core of addiction. It thrives best in secrecy when we feel most alone, and keeps stories like these hidden in the dark. Lucas spent years, bouncing and skidding off the bottom before sobriety. But you know what they say: every unconscionable low point has a silver lining. Before long-term recovery, you could find Lucas on the road climbing full-time. He was the guy who could wax poetic around a campfire about all types of beverages of any kind, any continent. While the conditions that preceded him to drink were probably always there, living out of his truck and reducing his life to just climbing and nature made him realize he was empty on a different level. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún. Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed and Blue Dot Sessions. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Because therapy is for everyone. FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

This is Jess and Chelsea. They’re both climbers, they both live in Colorado. They both love dogs, and they’re forever inextricably tied together by these very common, uncomplicated things. They’re also forever connected because of this one very complicated big thing. In September of 2020, the climbing community lost Kris Ugarizza to suicide. Three years later, we’re sharing this story through the lens of two friends in order to promote more action and awareness on prevention. This podcast continues to work with Better Help to break down the stigma and persistent societal belief that mental health issues are a sign of weakness, and because everybody deserves a good support system, and sometimes that starts with one person. Go to betterhelp.com/climbing to find out more information about online therapy. If you’re having a crisis or thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you or someone you know is struggling, help is here. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún. Music is licensed by Music Bed. Additional music is licensed by Blue Dot Sessions. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights Therapy is for everyone: BetterHelp FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron.

Amin has been climbing for over 23 years, starting in Shiraz, a historical city in Iran. In 2017, he moved to the U.S. to work as a head routesetter, and was shot in a senseless act of violence that critically injured him and shook friends and family to their core. The irony of growing up in the Islamic Republic of Iran and never being afraid of guns until he moved to America is...sobering. Today, Amin remains deeply engaged in advocacy for Iranian people, especially women. He believes the revolution is coming and is inspired by those who have put their lives on the line for change. This is part two of a two-part story. Visit GoFundMe.com/myshare4freedom to support those who have been directly affected during the Woman Life Freedom movement. Find Amin on Instagram at @amminabbasi for updates and more. Contact him if you’re willing and able to further amplify the voice of the Woman Life Freedom movement. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún. Music is licensed by Music Bed. Additional music is licensed by Blue Dot Sessions. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights This podcast gets support from BetterHelp. Because therapy is for everyone. FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Amin has been climbing for over 23 years, starting in Shiraz, a historical city in Iran. In 2017, he moved to the U.S. to work as a head routesetter, and was shot in a senseless act of violence that critically injured him and shook friends and family to their core. The irony of growing up in the Islamic Republic of Iran and never being afraid of guns until he moved to America is...sobering. Today, Amin remains deeply engaged in advocacy for Iranian people, especially women. He believes the revolution is coming and is inspired by those who have put their lives on the line for change. This is part one of a two-part story. Visit GoFundMe.com/myshare4freedom to support those who have been directly affected during the Woman Life Freedom movement. Find Amin on Instagram at @amminabbasi for updates and more. Contact him if you’re willing and able to further amplify the voice of the Woman Life Freedom movement. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún. Music is licensed by Music Bed. Additional music is licensed by Blue Dot Sessions. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights This podcast gets support from BetterHelp. Because therapy is for everyone. FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

There are those who see grief as the final form of love—this one final act that we give to those we’ve lost. It’s also been said that it’s the price we pay for love, which is a funny way to look at it. But these two things unrelentingly go hand-in-hand.On September 2nd, 2021, Tara lost her dad to Covid. But…it's complicated. During that time, well-meaning folk comprised of climbers, liberal activists—even celebrities—condemned those who refused vaccination. Social media was filled with far-left and far-right criticism. Like we said—it’s complicated.A year and a half after officially joining the Dead Dad Club, Tara sent one of her hardest multi-year climbing projects. But this story isn't really about that...well, sorta."Grief is an insurmountable pain. But at the same moment, I acknowledge that it is also a reflection of love. And while the mountains feel like they are falling over me, and the waves crashing into me, I can simultaneously understand that it is a result of such deep love. It is all love." - TKThis episode is in memory of James Reynvaan.***Content warning: This episode discusses adoption, briefly mentions suicide, and contains discussion about Native American Boarding Schools. Take care of yourselves while listening and reach out for help if you need it.For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún.Music by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed and Blue Dot Sessions.Read the transcript here.Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlightsThis podcast gets support from BetterHelp. Because therapy is for everyone.FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Civil discourse is a dying art, a complex practice that takes patience and well-rounded perspective to really master. Asking folks to be brave enough to make their convictions vulnerable means really listening, for both sides—it's not a one-way street. Surrounding ourselves with like-minded people is important to build community, but it doesn't mean that we should build walls to ignore opposition. That's not change. On an individual level, through clear and kind conversation, it's more possible than we think. GOP lawmakers are working aggressively to limit trans rights and there's a surge of anti-trans bills at the state level ahead of 2024. Supporters of these bills have a narrow-minded view of who trans people are, and this misinformation and disinformation abet more uncertainty and fear. Lex speaks to the importance of needing more people who aren't in danger to speak up and push back on anti-trans narrative while working toward a future where trans and genderqueer joy is a given and equality, representation, and inclusion aren't just buzzwords, but a glance backward at a stagnant past. Change is coming. Change is here. And trans people are undeniably the currents of these crucial changes, and for each other. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún. Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Sound effects by Jonathan Shaw. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights Therapy is for everyone: Better Help FLC is public media which means we're supported by listeners like you. Become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Kids have a lot of questions when someone in their family is sick. But when you don't know to ask, certain things become the norm. In our parents' generation, bipolar disorder wasn't as widely talked about, nor given the compassionate treatment it deserves. Becca is changing that. Becca grew up with a dad who has bipolar disorder. She, herself, has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and her research exploring the effects of climbing on women with mental illness and trauma, and the ways it can be used to increase self-efficacy, resiliency, and locus of control is currently under academic review. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún. Music is licensed by Music Bed. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights Therapy is for everyone: Better Help FLC is public media which means we're supported by listeners like you. Become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Welcome back to the podcast. I’ve always been a huge advocate of change, but not always the good kind. Usually the “shake the snow globe, throw caution to the wind” chaotic kind. Lorca from episode sixteen, season three, sporadically sends a newsletter which, as a person who hates all newsletters because they melt me down into an unproductive diatribe about marketers who clearly have no regard for CAN-SPAM laws—I love receiving this one. This week’s newsletter subject line was “Resilience Loves…Change”: “People who want clearly are dangerous to the status quo. They are natural catalysts. Things will change around them.” Up next is our eleventh mini-episode which is comprised of audio you sent in, answering the question: “How did climbing change your life?” We’re always taking audio submissions and pitches. Contact us through our submission form on fortheloveofclimbing.com, and tune in next Monday, April first, for the first episode of season six. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from deuter USA, Allez Outdoor, and Ocún. Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights. Therapy is for everyone: BetterHelp FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Welcome back to the podcast. This is season five’s final episode which may or may not be two months late, but what are deadlines if not social constructs that we build to plan and schedule our lives around? And sometimes, life blows the fuck up and you roll with the chaos and see where it takes you. Mason went from pro-climbing to no-climbing after a slow descent into the depths of his illness. In 2018, he was diagnosed with ME/CFS—a complex, debilitating, long-term medical condition. Living with invisible illness is a high-density experience. There are no breaks or days off. It’s not like being on a big wall where you could bail or get to the top and have it be over. Mason learned on the proverbial “other side” that in climbing, you could never have the intensity of experiences you could with prolonged circumstances like being sick. You are deep in the shit, and that comes with a lot of big, often ugly, emotions. Maybe one of the hardest parts of this condition is knowing that remission isn’t guaranteed. Healing from an incurable illness is exactly as unglamorous as it sounds, but Mason’s Come Back Tour proceeds as scheduled. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Allez Outdoors, and Ocún. Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights. Therapy is for everyone: BetterHelp FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Rebecca spent hours of her childhood, outside on her front lawn, catching caterpillars and fireflies. She was timid, liked to play alone, and was never one to venture off on her own to explore. Growing up, her mom’s addiction to alcohol infected so much of her life, so she wrote a letter about it. Rebecca so thoughtfully describes alcoholism as feeling like she’s losing someone, even though they’re alive. Climbing became the thing that allowed Rebecca to challenge the idea of who she was, in order for her to see who she could become. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Gnarly Nutrition, Allez Outdoors, and Ocún. Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Blue Dot Sessions and Music Bed. Cover art by Kika MacFarlane. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights. FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Lucho grew up in San Francisco’s Mission District with the belief that the only way to survive his neighborhood was with the protection of a gang. So, he did the most logical thing: he joined a gang. Lucho started hanging out on street corners along the 24th St. Corridor and the next few years of his life were filled with gang fights, crime, and some really bad decisions. But finally, his mom intervened and an inner city kids wilderness backpacking trip led Lucho to rock climbing. He moved into his truck in Lee Vining just down from the Eastern Yosemite entrance and climbed with some guy named Cedar Wright. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Gnarly Nutrition, Allez Outdoors, and Ocún. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Cover art by Kika MacFarlane. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights. FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

If you Google “Katie Brown” on the internet, there’s a Reddit thread called “What Ever Happened to Katie Brown?” and that’s a valid question. Katie wasn’t just a professional climber at the age of thirteen—she didn’t just win the X Games at fourteen or onsight the northwest face of Half Dome or snag the first female free ascent of the Leaning Tower with Lynn Hill. She wrote a book! She wrote two books, in fact. She became a mom. She started healing her old wounds from childhood and left behind a dysfunctional religion and toxic relationships that consumed her childhood and adolescent years. She bartended, made some jewelry, and reclaimed her past in order to tell her story. Here it is. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Gnarly Nutrition, Allez Outdoors, Ocún, and the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance (SUWA). Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Cover art by Kika MacFarlane. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights. FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

The world of adaptive sports is changing, and quickly. Ronnie’s disability hasn’t held him back, but social stigmas that are still caught behind in outdated narratives can. And that’s where change comes. It takes a community, and Ronnie asks himself every day how he can make a difference. The answer is simple—one at a time. Prosthetic and Orthotic Associates of Tennessee Instagram Facebook For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Gnarly Nutrition, Allez Outdoors, Ocún, and the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance (SUWA). Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Cover art by Kika MacFarlane. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron in exchange for a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Emily miscarried in March of 2021 and she struggled with how the experience felt so shameful. It was her job to keep him alive and growing, after all—right? Except, one of the worst parts about miscarriage is that it isn’t caused by the action, behavior, or even body of the pregnant person in the majority of cases, but despite this information, there’s still a lot of confusion and silence around this topic. “Mention the baby” is written all over the hashtags for miscarriage and pregnancy loss because ohmygosh—do people really think mothers-to-be have forgotten and they might somehow need a reminder? Emily’s unborn son is always on her mind. Whenever someone says his name, her heart still rings with joy. Because so much of him *is* joy, and he brought more love than she knew possible. And now he's dead. To hide his memory would take away the last bit of what Emily has left of that love. So, Emily has made one request: mention the baby. Producer’s note: This episode felt apropos in light of fifty years of a legally enshrined right to abortion in the United States brought to an end after the Supreme Court overturned its landmark ruling made in 1973. The loss of Roe vs. Wade means that millions of women across the U.S. no longer have their right to an abortion guaranteed by the constitution, and Emily’s present and future career is impacted by this decision.   For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Gnarly Nutrition, Allez Outdoors, Ocún, and the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance (SUWA). Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Cover art by Kika MacFarlane. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron.

Kyle destigmatizes substance use and mental health by opening up about his own journey through recovery after a two-decade-long battle with drugs and alcohol that almost took his life in October of 2021. His fear of failure, fear of falling, and fear of inadequacy don’t compare to the fear of not living a full life. Kyle’s path to being substance-free embraces some of fear’s corresponding counterparts—joy, success, the exhilaration of free-fall, and the inner sanctum of the non-comparative derivation of self-worth. Addiction…is a public health crisis. Just about any behavior or stimulus can go from well-adapted and functional to maladaptive and dysfunctional, but the more that we bring it into public discussion, the more that people can feel like they can support each other and talk about it openly, and not act like it’s this *thing* that we have to hide. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Gnarly Nutrition, Allez Outdoors, Ocún, and the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance (SUWA). Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Cover art by Kika MacFarlane. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron.

Savannah lived in a truck for a year in an attempt to pursue a career in adventure photography. She learned that the privilege to electively suffer still comes at a cost. It didn’t give her more time with her aunt, but it did give her the ability to bloom with a new season, to grow big enough to hold both love and grief simultaneously. Because grief, at its deepest core, is an act of love itself. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Gnarly Nutrition, Allez Outdoors, Ocún, and the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance (SUWA). Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Cover art by Kika MacFarlane. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron.

Dan always knew he was different growing up, but he didn’t have a name for it. Growing up gay in rural America shaped the way he moved through the world, and it led him to believe that the outdoors wasn’t a safe place for him. This podcast unequivocally supports the LGBTQIA community. Episode thirty-eight discusses suicide and depression. If you’re struggling with mental health, please check out the show notes for more resources at fortheloveofclimbing.com, and take care of yourselves while listening. This month through July 4th, use code LOVECLIMBING-20 at checkout for 20% off Deuter’s Guide Series packs. Deuter is one of the leading backpack brands that has been supporting this podcast from day one. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Gnarly Nutrition, Allez Outdoors, and Ocún. Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Cover art by Kika MacFarlane. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron.

Pam didn’t have a lot of tragedy in her life, so she didn’t know about the arc. And as a grieving person, it was hard to look forward to anything, especially on top of the pandemic. But the world started opening up again, and she and her husband Jim rode 1,300 miles self-supported from the coast of Oregon to Montana last summer. When Jim started not feeling well, they decided to return home to California. And it was almost like she had a little bump, so she was devastated when they had to come back. It felt dark and isolated, and Pam realized—she didn’t totally have it nailed. Pam knows about the arc, now. She knows that she has to build a future with things to look forward to and that give her purpose, if only to help her to not feel sad. And it might be like this for the rest of her life, so she takes the good when she receives it and doesn’t expect it to last. But when she’s stuck in a moment, she recognizes that it’s only a moment and to hold fast—that all storms pass. Episode 37 is in loving memory of Brad Gobright, & in dedication to Pam, Jim, and Jill. We love you. For the Love of Climbing is presented by Patagonia. Additional support is from Deuter USA, Gnarly Nutrition, Allez Outdoors, and Ocún. Music is by Chad Crouch. Additional music is licensed by Music Bed. Cover art by Kika MacFarlane. Read the transcript here. Catch up on podcast (pod-Kath?) updates and general life things: @inheadlights FLC is public media which means we’re supported by listeners like you. Donate or become a patron.