The Art of the Hook Up

We’re all familiar with the stereotype of the ‘nice guy’ - that straight bloke who bends over backwards to do favours for women, and expects attention in return. I’d like to introduce you to another kind of ‘nice guy’ - one who hides their sexual needs, feelings and desires for fear of offending or hurting others. Jordan Hackett is a sex coach and sexological bodyworker, and he’s also a recovered ‘nice guy’ of the latter variety. In this episode of the podcast, he’s joining us to share his story, and talk about the benefits of healthy, respectful sexual expression.

There’s a saying in the alternative sex scene: ‘Couples that play together, stay together.’ Obviously that might not always be true...but dating - or hooking up - as a couple definitely works for some! Today you have the chance to hear two sides of the story. I’ve had quite a few adventures with couples, it’s something I really enjoy. And today I’m also speaking with Imogen and Andy from The Inner Winner Show Podcast, who love picking up together. I can’t wait to compare notes, find out how they work as a team, and explore what we all need to have a good experience. Here are a couple of links that we mentioned in this episode: "It's you and me on the same team." (Podcast episode) "How to have threesomes." (blog post)

Often, the most difficult part of dating is the conversations that we know we need to have, but that are incredibly awkward. Things like refusing a second date or ending a relationship might feel impossible to discuss, so instead we run for the hills. But there’s a better way. Justine is an expert in finding the right words for sticky situations. She writes beautiful breakup messages on Instagram under the handle @_good.byes_ and calls herself ‘Your Friendly Ghostwriter’ and in this episode, she joins us to share her secrets for tackling the big conversations and making sure you’re heard.

This episode is about a sensitive topic – erection issues. I know SO MANY guys who give themselves a hard time when they can’t get it up! But not getting a hard-on is a pretty normal issue for all sorts of people. I’m even going to go one step further and say that I really love getting with people who have trouble staying hard. This episode, I’m talking dick problems – what to do about it, and whether it matters – with intimacy and sex coach Lorraine.

The pandemic has gotten a LOT of people interested in online dating. And because we’re chatting online more, and waiting longer to meet in person, knowing how to have a good conversation is essential. This episode I’ll be asking my friend Greg the eternally perplexing question, ‘How DO you talk to women online?’ Hopefully, He’ll have some ideas for all of us.

Earlier this year I heard on the grapevine that legendary writer Allison Moon – author of Girlsex101 – was working on a book about how to have good casual sex. And now it’s here, and I’m delighted to have the author herself on the show! It’s not often I get to put my head together with someone who cares about this topic as much as I do. So with that in mind, I’ve put together some of the big questions that listeners and readers have about hook ups, so we can all learn from what Allison has to say.

Shame is a universal human emotion. And I don’t know about you, but in my experience, it often shows up when I’m enjoying myself the most. Shame and sex are VERY hard to separate. Whether you’ve just been rejected, you said something dumb on a date, or you’re worried about your performance the day after, shame will seize any chance to steal the spotlight. Why does this happen? Let’s go backstage in the human psyche with sex educator Roger Butler from Curious Creatures. By sharing our own stories, we’ll try to get to the bottom of why this stuff so often ruins our fun, and what we can do about it.

Whew, so, this episode is…kind of personal. A few months ago, I reached out to my friend Tess, an accomplished sex educator and occupational therapist, to get some advice on a sensitive topic. You see, I’ve always has a LOT of trouble with orgasms, especially around hook-up partners. I don’t know if it’s performance anxiety, or the fact that I haven’t found the right approach yet…whatever it is, it’s started to really bug me lately and I’ve decided I’d like to do better. And then I thought, ‘Well, why not record our conversation? I’m sure I’m not the only person out there who struggles with this stuff.’ So here we are. Tess is an incredible therapist and educator who has worked with some people in very tricky situations, to help them have better sex. I can’t wait to hear what they have to say.

This episode is all about ethics – the practical moral choices we make in our day-to-day lives. And when it comes to sex and dating, moral dilemmas are everywhere. From how to un-match someone on Tinder to being honest about your other girlfriends, we’ve all found ourselves in situations where we need to make some tricky choices. Well, I’m not going to ask you to make them alone. Meet Gordon – he’s a university-educated ethicist who’s had some experience with online dating. Together, we’re going to work out what being ethical means, and why you should care in the first place.

Are you single and living alone during the coronavirus pandemic? Are you starting to feel #lockdownthirsty? Throughout the ages, sex workers have always been there for folks who know what they need and aren’t afraid to pay for it. Now that we’re socially isolated, can we still access sexy services? The answer is YES. I’m talking with an incredible guest on this episode: escort, writer and vlogger Jenna Love. She’s here to have a really open and honest conversation about the industry, so we can explore your options for connecting with the pros online and getting your needs met. PS. Want to donate to the Scarlet Alliance emergency fund for Aussie sex workers during the pandemic? Here's the link: https://chuffed.org/project/emergency-support-sex-workers-australia

When it comes to online dating, the good ‘ol ‘unsolicited dick pic’ is one of the most common hazards people – especially women – have to deal with. But not everyone hates the idea of getting a dick pic – if it’s properly negotiated first. When we’re swapping sexy photos with someone online there are tons of people out there who appreciate a good penis picture. This time around I’m welcoming my friend Gabriel back for a second conversation. You might remember him from episode 11, the one about sex disasters…but as it turns out, he’s also pretty darn good at taking sexy selfies. Join us as we discuss the dos and don’ts of dick pics…and where to put the camera when your hands are busy.

This is an unusual episode, because it’s happening right in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic. Opportunities for hooking up are looking slim at the moment…but it’s not a total disaster! Having sex online is totally a thing, and it’s something many of us have been doing for years. Whether you’re into sexting, dirty talk on the phone, Skype sex or just writing really hot slash fanfic and sending it to your crushes, there are SO many ways to get off that don’t involve meeting in person. Today I’ll be talking with Ariadne Starling – she’s a writer, literary critic and text-based erotic artist who’s been doing some of this stuff for years. Between her magic words and my experience with taking a good sexy selfie, I’m sure we’ll have a few useful tips to share with you.

When was the last time you got a bit of sex education? For many of us, the only time it happens is during sex ed at school, or if we have to go to an expert to solve a problem. But we can all benefit from learning to do sex better - and it’s totally possible to boost your sex skills solo. This is where Nat Cee comes in. She’s a queer sexual health promotion project worker, writer and podcaster who’s on a quest to start conversations around sexual health and sexuality. Now she’s joining me on this episode of the podcast to share her thoughts on sexual self-education, and how to get started having better sex – no previous qualifications required.

Ever since I started messing around with online dating a few years ago, I’ve been SO curious about what other people are getting up to on dating apps, and how my experience compares to theirs. But it’s not always something we talk about, especially when it’s not going well. I’m super excited to be able to talk with Idan in this episode. He produces a podcast called Unmatch Me Now in which he convinces people from all walks of life to share their weird, awkward and incredible dating stories. Join us for a chat about how to get those conversations started – and what happens when we do.

When mental health problems are getting you down, does seeking out sex makes the situation better or worse? Sam from smutbuttons.com is back to answer the question ‘Should I go out and get laid? Or should I see my therapist?’ Content warning: We’re talking about some heavy stuff, including a bit about suicide. If anything in this conversation makes you feel bad, and you’re in Australia, you can give Lifeline a call on 13 11 14.

Any sex pro will tell you that trusting your gut is the number-one rule when connecting with new sexual partners. But what does that actually mean? On this episode I’m joined by Kit, a writer and sex worker, to find out how we can use our intuition for better hook-ups.

There’s this standard cultural assumption that you’re either good at sex, or you’re not. But the truth is, sex is something we all need to practise… and we don’t always get it right the first time! On this cringe-tastic episode of the podcast, I’m talking with my friend Gabriel about the times in our lives when things have gone wrong in the bedroom – and how we managed to bounce back.

This podcast episode is all about the sex advice I wish I’d learned earlier. If I could hop in a time machine and go back to when I was eighteen, or twenty, or twenty-five, I’d have SO much to say to my younger self! Also joining me on this time travel journey is Eva Sless - a writer, sex worker and the author of ‘The Teen Girls’ Guide to Getting Off.’

You might think threesomes are something that only happen in porn or in the movies, but more and more folks these days are experimenting with the ménage-a-trois. How can we get a threesome happening? And how do we make sure it goes well? This episode seeks to answer these questions, with the help of independent escort Alice Grey.

We all know consent is supposed to be a thing, right? But how do we do it properly, without things getting awkward? I'm sitting down with a new friend, Gus, to work it out.