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The Offensive

Comedy

An award-winning, critically acclaimed mockumentary podcast that follows fictional Premier League club Ashwood City FC. 'The Thick of it meets Fifa career mode - a must listen for football fans' - The Guardian 'Ultra-sharp satire' - GQ This podcast is a serial, begin at Episode 1. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Location:

United Kingdom

Genres:

Comedy

Description:

An award-winning, critically acclaimed mockumentary podcast that follows fictional Premier League club Ashwood City FC. 'The Thick of it meets Fifa career mode - a must listen for football fans' - The Guardian 'Ultra-sharp satire' - GQ This podcast is a serial, begin at Episode 1. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Language:

English


Episodes
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Introducing... BOOM Season Two | Out now

7/10/2023
The creators of The Offensive are back with Season Two of their groundbreaking audio drama, BOOM. The first two episodes are out now, with new episodes released every Monday. Search 'BOOM' in your podcast app and subscribe. And if you want to get the whole series straightaway, for the first time ever you can purchase all six episodes ad-free for £6.99 with Acast+ here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:01:09

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Bonus: Episode 189 - Thanks for Listening

5/29/2023
Behind the scenes for The Offensive finale. patreon.com/ashwoodcity Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:42:01

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Episode 188 - The Final Finale: Part 2

5/29/2023
The fate of the club and its staff hang in the balance as 5 years of mismanagement and greed come home to roost. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Joel Emery as Dan Watson Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Additional Voices: Natalie Green Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:41:27

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Episode 187 - The Final Finale: Part 1

5/22/2023
Having been relegated from the Premier League, the season's proceedings come to a close. Including an outstanding Court of Appeal appearance for Sir Patrick Nolan and Ashwood City FC. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Additional Voices: Harry Attwell Lauren Ingram Karim Kronfli George Still Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:25:44

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Episode 186 - Full Time

5/15/2023
Matchday 38 and just 90 minutes of football remain in the 2022/23 Premier League season as Ashwood City throw everything at survival. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Joel Emery as Dan Watson As themselves: Peter Drury Gary Lineker Alan Shearer Micah Richards Jules Breach Kate Mason Danny Jamieson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery Directed by: Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:35:37

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Episode 185 - Everton v Ashwood City

5/8/2023
It's Matchday 37 in the Premier League and we join Peter Reynolds and Billy Richards for Everton v Ashwood City at Goodison Park. Voices by: Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:25:16

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Episode 184 - Council Culture

5/1/2023
Off the back of a 4-0 defeat to Manchester United, Ashwood City need a result on the pitch. Meanwhile, a decision by a local magistrate gives them a result off the pitch. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Additional Voices: Joel Emery Thomas Mitchells Jemma Revell Lauren Hall Adam Jarrell Michael Lyons Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:24:34

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Episode 183 - Hove is where the Heart is

4/24/2023
As the financial cuts deepen, Ashwood City are barely keeping the league form together at the most important stage of the season. Chief-Executive Jess Tate and Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan finally discuss the fallout from administration. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Additional Voices: Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:23:51

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Episode 182 - All The Manager's Men

4/17/2023
In the grips of a brutal CVA, further cuts are made and this time the coaching staff are targeted. Sporting Director Chris 'Woody' Woodall looks to offer a beleaguered Dan Watson all the help he can during a wobble in form as Patrick Nolan continues to distance himself from the crisis. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Joel Emery as Dan Watson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:30:20

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Episode 181 - Risen from the Zoom

4/10/2023
Ashwood City travel to The Emirates Stadium on Easter Weekend. Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan informs Chris 'Woody' Woodall and Colin Walsh of his Zoom meeting with the local council. Meanwhile, Administrator Tom Beattie has completed his dreaded 'Black Folder'. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Natalie Green as Elaine Wright Chirstopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Additional Voices: Adam Jarrell Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:20:10

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Episode 180 - Uncivil War

4/3/2023
Ashwood City clash with the local council over who's to blame for the collapse of the iBET stand. Meanwhile, Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan makes a momentous call on the club's future. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie Darcey Ferguson as Leanne Potter Natalie Green as Elaine Wright Additional Voices: Adam Jarrell Joel Emery Vanessa Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:23:55

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Episode 179 - The Stand Before Time

3/20/2023
Ashwood City Football Club are hit by the news that the fabled iBET Stand has collapsed. The club hierarchy and local council clash over who's to blame. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Additional Voices: Thomas Mitchells Natalie Green Nalan Burgess Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:21:33

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Episode 178 - Stranger than Fantasy

3/13/2023
As the football world reacts to the BBC's treatment of Gary Lineker, Ashwood City have a social media issue of their own Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Luke Stevenson as Gareth McAskill Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:21:42

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Episode 177 - The Great Escape

3/6/2023
Stuck in traffic after the second leg of The Champions Fixture against PSG; Ashwood City Chief Executive Jess Tate questions Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan about rumours surrounding the future of the football club. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:27:23

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Episode 176 - Blind Tate

2/27/2023
Ashwood City Chief Executive Jess Tate spends her 'day off' visiting both her doctor and an old acquaintance, who may know more about the future of the club than Jess does. Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Lauren Ingram as Fiona Weed Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:22:25

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Episode 175 - Nude Awakening

2/20/2023
A day in the life of Ashwood City is interrupted by a protestor, who aims his fury at Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:20:33

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Episode 174 - Live and Let Liverpool

2/13/2023
Liverpool FC are in town as Ashwood CIty play their first home game since the catastrophic transfer window. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Joel Emery as Dan Watson Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:33:47

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Episode 173 - London Calling

2/6/2023
After a brutal transfer window, Sir Patrick Nolan heads to the City of London to seek new money from old friends. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Thomas Mitchells as Simon Napier-Fox Adam Jarrell as Chris Well Additional Voices: Joel Emery Nalan Burgess Jennifer Tierney Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:23:30

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Episode 172 - Deadline Day: Part 2

1/30/2023
A seismic day in the history of Ashwood City Football Club has arrived as the severe financial crisis, internal disputes, player disharmony and firesale of key team members comes to a head on a tumultuous Deadline Day. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Additional voices by Darcey Ferguson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell and Joel Emery Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:25:06

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Episode 171 - Deadline Day: Part 1

1/23/2023
The departure of Brazilian striker Kevin brings about yet more protests at The Credit Master Stadium. Despite a decent run of form in the league, the Ashwood CIty hierarchy find themselves locked in the offices, for their own safety. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:00:27:52