Think Better, Live Better

This past Saturday, while Angel and I were enjoying a safe and peaceful backyard barbecue at our friend Sara’s house, her 16-year-old foster child, Cody, received an unexpected visit from his biological mother – a woman who has been in and out of prison and rehab her whole life. Although Sara was a bit hesitant about it, she let Cody and his mother talk privately on the front porch. We occasionally eavesdropped from the living room window just to make sure everything was okay.

Too often we let the little frustrations of each day blind us to the beauty in front of us. We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. We call people to complain or we spew out our gripes on social media. “Life is so unfair!” we yell. And everyone agrees and throws their two cents into the gossip pool.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who could do anything in the world she wanted. All she had to do was choose something and focus. So one day she sat down in front of a blank canvas and began to paint. Every stroke was more perfect than the next, slowly and gracefully converging to build a flawless masterpiece. And when she eventually finished painting, she stared proudly at her work and smiled.

Earlier today, I was sitting on a park bench eating a sandwich for lunch when an elderly couple pulled their car up under a nearby oak tree. They rolled down the windows and turned up some jazz music on the radio. Then the man got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side, and opened the door for the woman. He took her hand and helped her out of her seat, guided her about ten feet away from the car, and they slow danced for the next half hour under the oak tree.

The reason for our suffering, in all walks of life, is our resistance to the truth. Sometimes it’s brutally hard to accept life’s greatest lessons. And yet we must! Because it’s lessons like these that ultimately make our lives beautiful, by showing us how to thrive even through the toughest of times…

God willing, you’ll be gifted another 40 years of life experience. But even if you aren’t, the core principle of this article remains relevant: As you age, you’ll learn to value your time, genuine relationships, meaningful work, and peace of mind, much more. Little else will matter. Deep down you know this already, right?

It’s a dull, subdued sensation, when your heart is breaking, like the muffled sound of a distant gunshot. It doesn’t physically pierce your skin or tear you to pieces, but the sensation is physically present – the paralyzing discomfort of realizing that something you took for granted is leaving for good.

We are all beautiful human beings, just trying to find our way. Today and every day we seek to better understand the meaning of our lives. We long to discover our gifts and release them fully into the world, and we hope to find happiness, peace, and strength along the way. For some of us the key to these desires rings loud and clear, driving what we do and how we do it from moment to moment. For others, these deep seeded needs are buried below the noise of daily life, below ego, below fear, below the pressures and norms that we face in society… and thus, they are rarely addressed.

If you worry too much about what might be, or what might have been, you will ignore and overlook what is. Remember this. Happiness is letting go of what you assume life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating it for everything it is.

On my birthday many moons ago, when Google and I were both a lot younger, I Googled “how to change your life when you’re burning out” to see what would come up. I had been feeling hopelessly trapped in a cycle of busyness—like I was racing around in circles every day without any meaningful progress. And it was time to find a better roadmap because I was literally getting depressed with the same old grind.

As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected by someone or from something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed. Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough. I know because I’ve been there.

Undoubtedly, the days, weeks and months ahead will be filled with incredible highs and stressful lows. But in any case, we can train our minds to make the best of the present as it unfolds. Remind yourself that the mind is like a muscle, and just like every muscle in the human body, it needs to be exercised to gain strength. It needs to be trained daily to grow and develop gradually over time.

When life is pressing on you and stressing you out, pause, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you are not at the center of the universe. When you’re overwhelmed by life’s daily struggles, it’s so easy to feel like you’re at the center. But you aren’t. None of us are.

If you want to grow and move on to better things, you have to give up the things that hold you back.

One of the most incredible changes I’ve made in my life, which has undoubtedly made me a happier person and a better friend, is learning to let go of judging people. Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I don’t ever judge others – we all have a tendency to do so by default… it’s a human instinct, and I’m not the exception. But I have learned to catch myself, and to recognize how judging is harmful.

Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making good decisions and tiny steps of progress on a daily basis. The friction and frustration created by trying to change things you cannot change is the crucible where a ton of unhappiness is born. Accepting that most things are outside your influence gives you explicit permission to let them unfold as they may.

You are changing. The universe around you is changing. Just because something was right for you in the past doesn’t mean it still is. This could be a relationship, a job, a home, a habit, etc. It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you

When life has to be a certain way in order to be good enough for us, we close ourselves off from so many of the real and present opportunities available. On the contrary, when we let go of the way it “should be,” we free our minds to deal with life’s unexpected changes, challenges and chaos in the most effective way possible…

Don’t let the drama of today bring you down. Keep calm when stress or negativity surrounds you. Breathe, and let calmness be your superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally always gives you the upper hand.

Let’s start off here with a simple question: What does your perfect day look and feel like? Visualizing your perfect day is important not necessarily because it will be a recurring reality, but because it’s crucial to understand what a simple life — or an “uncomplicated life” — really means to you.