Jake Yapp presents: Not Today, Thank You

Hello! This week: By-election trollols, Andy n Mandy, and some STONKING observational comedy for you. I cannot get behind the word stonking. I am sorry. If you'd like to support me in the bizarre output I produce, I *think* there's a paypal QR code on this ep... Join us on Olvid! We're Having Fun. Email itsnottodaypod at gmail.com if you want to come and play. OK CALM DOWN OK BYE XXX Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I called this episode that because I think in all my staring-at-my-shoes waffle, I didn't actually mention the bloody URL. All a bit manic. How are you? You alright? Next week will be so much better. SO much. You don't even know. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sir Jim Ratcliffe feels like the UK has been colonised. NOT BY HIM. Meanwhile, my workroom has been colonised, by an Actual Rat. LOLS APLENTY. Plus an imaginary conversation with an LBC presenter, The Muppets Shawshank Redemption, and your latest Amol Rajan programme formats. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And Daddy Mamdani can look after us now. Have a look at peertube.tv. It's Definitely The Future Yeah No Definitely Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

That title is total clickbait m8. Don't fall for it. But a v amusing story for you from Jon Holmes nonetheless. Here are some links which won't make sense until you listen... https://european-alternatives.eu/ https://olvid.io/en/ Let It Be: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUBjWobCOXX/?igsh=MWRoaW9kdjhtOWZq You and I: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4HHNEK_ZOg&t=70s Voyager 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i11NQ5XKKRE There ok that's everything bye I need to paint my auntie's floor Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Always OVERPROMISE and UNDERDELIVER guys. Take it from me. Ok, look, thematically, I absolutely PROMISE I am thinking about how to move the pod on a bit. Really. Ok, look, I'll mention here that in this ep we talk about Sir Keir Starmer's distressing relationship with Trump, why we shouldn't fret too much about the US pulling out of climate accords, Muppet remakes, and billionaire nazi yachting gaffes. And I WON'T mention Amol Raj-oh bugger I've mentioned him. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Start spreading the news! Am's leaving Today! He didn't want to be a part of it. Also, cats, rats, and saturated fats. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

...And I think it might still be Peter Mandelson. Plus, Obsessive Money-Hoarder of the Week and Brian Perkins off of Radio 4 has an ass that just won't quit. Who would you least like to be married to and why? Email itsnottodaypod at gmail dot com xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which we meet Elvis Herod, one of the (many) people behind the extraordinary podcast 'Listen Through The Brown Window'. Plus a fun new Radio 4 quiz show based on lying, so fresh, and some sound effects. Happy New Year! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Presenting! The debut of our Christmas song. Sung by Steph, with a choir formed of Jamesy, David Ault, David YAPP ACTUALLY and Stevie H and Martin, and arranged for piano and played by Harry the Piano, with a vocal arrangement by Joe Yapp YES ALRIGHT WE'RE THE MAFIA. Sensational job, everybody. Beautiful. We'll put it on youtube somewhere, or on @itsnottodaypod. Or both. Also! Musk glitches out, and a Dickens of a Christmas, with a heavy emphasis on oh nvm xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How about you? But tbh most of the podcast is about Flat Pack Furniture and Christmas Trees and similar toothless observational comedy, gumming fruitlessly on the playpen bars of satire. I was thinking about Peter Mandelson, though, and I was thinking during the podcast how satisfying it would be, if ever I met him, to be able to say to him, 'you're a used condom, filled with dog shit'. That's pretty harsh, so I didn't say it in the podcast. But I keep coming back to it, because it's such a specific, and vivid, and revolting image, that it would stay with him, forever. He's been behind so many big, and grotesquely avaricious decisions taken on the taxpayers' behalf. But, really, don't take these episode notes as being representative of the podcast. It's quite jolly, really. Oh, and Flipping Eckhart Tolle is back xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello! This is not a normal episode, but instructions and guide tracks for anyone who would like to sing on the podcast's Christmas song. It's going to be glorious - Harry the Piano has arranged it and played bassoonPIANO I MEANT TO SAY PIANO and my extraordinarily talented brother Joe has done a vocal arrangement which I have massacred on his behalf. Here is a folder containing the guide scores and the guide mp3 for each part, or you can listen to the podcast. Please can you send me your recordings by (and including) Dec 15th and I will assemble them into something. https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1EBu8qSJ7GTPQDUxI43dqQIuPWz_zHExn?usp=sharing Thank you for taking part! I am dead excited! xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahhh, the Trainline. I love it, you love it, we could conjugate all night over that one. Some of your RFK poetry has been 'trickling in' *vomits everywhere* - thank you for that. I think. No progress on the singing front, but we may have an emergency episode before next week. Email itsnottodaypod at gmail dot com with any old gubbins. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which we '''''''''enjoy''''''''' some '''''''''poetry''''''''' . Welcoming all thoughts on the new email: itsnottodaypod at gmail dot com. Also a new choir idea thing, and assorted thoughts on AI, therapy, and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. There's thirty bleeps in this one. I'm my own worst enemy. Don't forget to join us on the socials - Julie is doing amazing work. @itsnottodaypod on Instagram. Ooh, and Tiktok, too, for the under-75s... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's... Lovely to be back! How are you? It's been er nearly two years, apparently. But it feels like the time is right. And even if it isn't, we're doing it anyway. In the pod I mentioned an interesting youtube video about Superman LOOK I WAS BORN IN 1973 THIS STUFF RESONATES. Here is that video: https://youtu.be/8_AYM_vmH1o?si=grTWl1iyyWFt0dLR Oh, just to warn you, there's LANGUAGE in this one. Email me ANYTHING AT ALL: jakeyappmusic at gmail dot com. HELLO xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which I finally actually figure out a format for the Unread Book Club... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A post-festive catchup on stuff, and the launch of two new fun talking points. Also some music I've been doing lately and er. Well. There's no skirting round it. A Quick Chat - can we have a Quick Chat? - about Gregg Wallace... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today! Never heard before* Dora Dale from 2007! Movie trailers courtesy of listener Pat! Music with a Very Slow Crescendo! Berlusconi's Art! Also, can we have a quick show of hands... Are you a Fast Eater or a Slow Eater? Email jakeyappmusic at gmail dot com xxx *Apart from about 60% of the jokes which were repurposed, and not for the first time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Srsly. The music. And definitely the jokes. What I WILL say, is that if you buy a bed, it should, like, actually function as a bed. You shouldn't have to go back and buy an extra bit, separately, without being told, without which the bed will not function as a bed. You don't go and buy a car, only to be told ohhh if you needed the chassis, that'll be an extra twenty quid. It feels like a shakedown. And another thing, ladies and gentlemen, what about them new ten pees? I made a video of the music part, which I'll put on my new musicky youtube at some point. If you want to stay in the loop on that, honk onto @jake.yapp.music on instabangs isn't it. Ok hugs x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

...And that's a PITY. So do tell. The new email address is jakeyappmusic at gmail dot com. I don't know why I'm typing that address all CRYPTIC, like. I'd welcome spam at this point. Oh! I meant to tell you on the podcast, I did a really lovely radio show with Bibi Lynch, in front of an audience. If you want to listen, it's the second half of this: https://www.totallyradio.com/shows/bibi-does-brighton/episodes/bibi-does-brighton-05-oct-23 Anyway. DO get in touch. Any requests? I need a brief. x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.