Making Love Today

Anne and Patrick discuss how Drea and Nate demonstrate the relationship skill of Commitment. Healthy commitment in a relationship is about much more than just technically being together as a couple; it involves making conscientious choices on a daily basis to choose your partner and to choose to improve the relationship one day at a time. Unlocking the power of commitment involves focusing on the relationship process of improvement, rather than just the results. Follow us on Instagram at rekindle.love.today or on Facebook at fb.me/rekindle.love.today Know a couple that you want to see featured on the podcast? Let us know at podcast@rekindlelovetoday.com.

Sometimes you need to leave home to find something that was close to you all along. Drea and Nate grew up in the same small town, and even were in the same grade in high school, but did not truly "find" each other until they went off to college. They overcame attending rival colleges and Drea's commitment phobia to eventually get married after a few bumps along the way. After marriage, while their commitment to each other is now not in doubt, it hasn't always been easy! They've overcome being dirt poor, career stresses, and more to finally find a place to settle down together close to their hometown. They are living proof that life does not always turn out as you plan!

Anne and Patrick discuss how Earl and Meagan demonstrate the relationship skill of Translating Understanding and support. All of us have collected useful tools over the years that we have been promised will help our relationship. However, if we want to take these tools and turn them into relationship power tools we need to be able to understand enough about our partner's experiences, preferences, and personality in order to apply these tools at the right times and in the right ways. Relationship Challenge of the Week: Take the time (at least a 15-minute block) for you and your partner just to get to know each other a little better. What you learn can be deep and personal, or just small and silly. It can be about childhood experiences, or just how their day went. The better we understand our partner the better we'll be able to support them at the appropriate times and in the appropriate ways. Follow us on Instagram at rekindle.love.today or on Facebook at fb.me/rekindle.love.today Know a couple that you want to see featured on the podcast? Let us know at podcast@rekindlelovetoday.com.

In this bonus episode, we hear from Elaine and Abe, a real-life couple in a "commuter marriage" (one lives in Texas, the other California) who also co-host the relationship podcast, Love is in the Air. Elaine and Abe share some great insights into what it means to be in a long-distance relationship, as well as answer some relationship questions of their own. Be sure to check out their podcast, Love is in the Air, available through most major podcast hosting sites.

When Earl transferred law schools he wasn't necessarily expecting to find his future wife, but it didn't take long after meeting for Earl and Meagan to go from classmates to soulmates. Despite their immediate connection, the two of them came from very different worlds... well, at least from very distant states. With Meagan returning to California after graduation, and Earl taking a job in his hometown of Chicago, the two faced a relationship test perhaps more difficult than any of their law school exams. Separated by thousands of miles geographically, Earl and Meagan faced down how to make a long-distance relationship work. Perhaps even more challenging in some ways, when they finally did get married Meagan had to learn how to find her place in Chicago, where Earl already had a lifetime of experiences and connections. Listen in to hear about how they faced these challenges and more as they learn how to write their own relationship manual, one page at a time.

Anne and Patrick discuss how Mike and Vauna demonstrate the relationship skill of Courage throughout their 38+ years of marriage. While many of us consider relationship courage only to really apply at the beginning of our relationship, it's actually a skill that needs to be applied all throughout the course of our relationship. It's important to show courage in the decisions we make, in allowing ourselves to open up to our partner, and in doing all the daily little things which draw us closer together as a couple. Relationship Challenge of the Week: Identify what things you would like to be courageous about. Think about how you have shown courage in the past, how you can be courageous today, and in what ways you'd like to be courageous in the future. Follow us on Instagram at rekindle.love.today or on Facebook at fb.me/rekindle.love.today. Know a couple that you want to see featured on the podcast? Let us know at podcast@rekindlelovetoday.com.

A chance meeting at a movie theater while at college has turned into going on four decades of marriage. Now married for 38 years, Mike and Vauna will readily admit that things were not always easy for the two of them. With Mike an extrovert, and Vauna an introvert the two of them have had to learn from the very beginning how to blend and mix their different communication styles. They've had to overcome such challenges as job instability and personality clashes, all while maintaining a loving relationship. Almost 40 years into marriage, have they "arrived" as a couple, or is there more left to uncover together?

Anne and Patrick discuss how Brian and Farina use the relationship skill of Choosing Family to build their own family culture. All of us come from a different culture than our partner. While some relationship differences are more obvious than others, even small ones can lead to relationship conflict. It's important for us to recognize the culture that our partner came from and learn to use pieces from both family cultures to build a new unique culture all of your own. For a more in-depth explanation of this skill and more suggestions of how to incorporate it into your relationship check out makinglovetoday.com or our course on listenable.io. Relationship Challenge of the Week: Identify an action by your partner and try to understand why your partner did this. Give them the benefit of the doubt, believing that they had good reasons behind what they did, and try and figure out what that reason might have been. If you can't figure it out, go ahead and ask them in a non-confrontational way. Follow us on Instagram at rekindle.love.today or on Facebook at fb.me/rekindle.love.today. Know a couple that you want to see featured on the podcast? Let us know at podcast@rekindlelovetoday.com.

While Brian and Farina both grew up within 20 miles of each other in Maryland, in many ways they came from very different worlds. Brian, the grandson of a congressman, comes from a traditional suburban background. Farina, a Native American and member of the Navajo Nation grew up witnessing extreme poverty. Despite coming from such diverse backgrounds, the two of them have learned to appreciate and embrace each other's cultures and heritage. With Farina a university professor and Brian a stay-at-home dad they've learned to build a culture of their own which both embraces their pasts and provides them what they need as a couple.

Anne and Patrick discuss how Andres and Phillip use the relationship skill of deepening to increase their intimacy. Increased relationship intimacy is not something that just "happens," but is developed through a process that we need to conscientiously decide to move through. As we move through the (often messy) steps of conflict, vulnerability, and repair, we can gain a deeper appreciation and understanding of our partner and a more intimate and fulfilling relationship. For a more in-depth explanation of this skill and more suggestions of how to incorporate it into your relationship check out makinglovetoday.com. Relationship Challenge of the Week: Identify a positive or happy thing in your life and unpack a good thing. Go underneath the surface level feels and really unpack what makes this experience so fun, happy, peaceful, exciting, interesting, satisfying, etc.? Why is that underlying aspect important to you? How can you bring this same sort of underlying positive aspect to other areas of your life? Bonus: Bring awareness to the repackaging process. Take what you discovered and integrate it into the story of what it means to be you. Follow us on Instagram at rekindle.love.today or on Facebook at fb.me/rekindle.love.today. Know a couple that you want to see featured on the podcast? Let us know at podcast@rekindlelovetoday.com.

As an interracial gay couple living in an extremely conservative state, Andres and Phillip don't exactly fit the stereotypical mold of most of the married couples that they see around them. But instead of spending too much time just trying to blend in, these two are learning to embrace what makes their relationship uniquely special and being comfortable with who they are. It's not always easy living in a world where the templates for how a relationship is "supposed" to work doesn't necessarily apply to you, but Andres and Phillip are working to build their own unique happiness. While both originally from Utah, Andres and Phillip first met through a dating app while both attending grad school in rural Oregon. What started as a seeming happy coincidence has grown into a happy marriage. Listen in as they discuss how their religious upbringing connects them, some of the often-overlooked challenges of being in a non-heterosexual relationship, as well as... Andres' Fuego? Biographical Info: -Phillip is a PR/Marketing Coordinator for a museum, and Andres is a Marriage and Family Therapist -They have been together for going on five years -Check out www.makinglovetoday.com to learn more about this couple as well as to read their statement on Pride Month, and what Pride means to them as a couple. Follow us on Instagram @rekindle.love.today or on Facebook at fb.me/rekindle.love.today.

All relationships require sacrifice. Blending two lives requires give and take by both people to decide where to live, what Netflix shows to watch together, etc. When children are added to the equation, those sacrifices multiply seemingly exponentially. So when Meagan and Nick, to well established young professionals, decided to get married and then have kids, something (or someone) had to give! Well, in truth, they both had to give, and still do! Meagan and Nick are a great example of how when both people sacrifice for the common good, a beautiful relationship can result! Meagan and Nick met on a blind date, set up by a mutual friend. Both being in their early 30s, neither were strangers to meeting new potential dating partners. With expectations set appropriately low, they were both pleasantly surprised that their friend was able to get things so right for both of them! Several years later with a child, they open up about the ups and downs of leaving behind your well-established life in the hopes of something better! They discuss merging households, making career sacrifices, the care of a child with health issues, and more! -Check out www.makinglovetoday.com to learn more about this couple. Follow us on Instagram @rekindle.love.today or on Facebook at fb.me/rekindle.love.today. If you have a couple to recommend for the show, please contact us at podcast@rekindlelovetoday.com.

Anne and Patrick discuss how Melissa and Robert use the relationship skill of asking great questions in order to strengthen their relationship! Despite coming from extremely different backgrounds, Melissa and Robert's openness and honest curiosity have helped them to make their relationship thrive! For a more in-depth explanation of this skill and more suggestions on how to incorporate it into your relationship check out makinglovetoday.com. Relationship Challenge of the Week: For one week, flag the great questions that you either ask or are asked as they happen. Verbally flag them by saying something like “that was a great question” or “thank you for asking that”, even if you're talking to yourself when you do so. Alternatively (or in addition), write the questions down as you notice them so they are easier to consider and come back to later. Want to take things a step further? Practice focusing on not just asking great questions but responding to the questions in an open and responsive way. Follow us on Instagram at rekindle.love.today or on Facebook at fb.me/Rekindle.Love.Today Know a couple you'd like to have featured on the podcast or want to get in touch with us for any other reason? Let us know at podcast@rekindlelovetoday.com.

Melissa and Robert in many ways come from extreme opposite backgrounds. Melissa is white, Robert is Black. Melissa comes from an upper-middle-class upbringing in the suburbs, Robert comes from a poor upbringing in the city. Melissa's family members are Republican, Robert's family members are Democrats. When they first met, Melissa was an accountant with multiple college degrees, Robert was a high school graduate. Despite their differences, and often because of their differences, Melissa and Robert have built a beautiful and unified family together, with their two young children. Melissa and Robert first met at church in Colorado. Robert was smitten! Melissa was not. But despite a bumpy beginning, Melissa finally came around and the two of them have been inseparable ever since! In this episode, they discuss the challenges of creating a relationship out of such different backgrounds. They tackle such challenging issues as racial heritage, in-laws, and financial struggles. Biographical Info: -Melissa is an accountant and Robert is a stay at home dad -They have two children -Check out www.makinglovetoday.com to learn more about this couple. Follow us on Instagram @ rekindle.love.today or on Facebook at fb.me/Rekindle.Love.Today

In this final episode of Love in the Time of Corona, Patrick and Anne discuss the relationship challenges that we're likely to face as things start to open up again post-lockdown. When will things return to normal? Will they ever return to normal? What sort of strain will this uncertain have on us and our relationships? They talk about this and more! While it's certainly exciting for the world to be starting to open back up again, there are still plenty of new and unique challenges to navigate! The good news is that we can take all of the relationship skills and techniques that have been taught in this bonus series and apply them to the new difficulties and uncertainties in life. Things might still be a bit scary, and the pandemic is far from over, but by using the relationship advice shared to us by the many therapists through this mini-series, we can find ways to make our relationship an anchor and source of calm in the storm!

"Say thank you!" It's a phrase all parents tell their children countless times. It's been ingrained in all of us that saying thank you is a necessary part of being a good person. However, if our outward displays of gratitude never extend beyond repeating two culturally ingrained words, is it actually doing us any good? Does it matter if I'm actually grateful when I say I am, or is it fine if I'm just good at faking it? Who really ends up being benefited most from genuine acts of gratitude: the giver or the receiver? Shouldn't my partner just know that I'm grateful? Why do I actually have to say that I am? In this episode, Anne and fellow therapist Rebecka Parker tackle these questions and more as they discuss how we unleash the power of gratitude in enhancing both our relationships, but also our own individual wellbeing. It turns out that the benefits of gratitude go far beyond what you might expect. It can influence our mental, emotional, and physical health as well as improving just about every aspect of our relationship. Perhaps more than just about anything else, gratitude properly applied has the power to change lives for the better, starting with your own.

Introducing, The Man's Space: a new recurring bonus series specifically geared toward what it means to be a man in a modern relationship. Society in general, and pop culture in particular, does not look kindly on the relationship skills of most men. For every positive husband and father figure depicted on TV for in movies, there are at least a dozen Homer Simpsons and Fred Flintstones. Is that how most men really are in relationships? Oafish and clumsy at best, and emotionally detached and uncaring at worst? In this series we hear from Dr. Matt Brown, a marriage and family therapist who specializes in helping men understand their critical role in relationships and allowing them to live emotionally open and healthy lives. In this episode Matt and Anne take a close look at modern masculinity and how it's changed over time, and what women often don't understand about their male partners!

Society has perpetuated this romantic notion that our partner needs to be our everything and our sole source of support and happiness. In practice, we all need a broad support network of friends and family to truly get the mental and emotional help that all of us need. With social distancing and stay-in-place orders widespread, many of us are finding our typical robust support networks reduced down to a single person: our partner. In this episode, Anne and fellow marriage and family therapist Andres Brown discuss what level of support from, and to our partner is healthy. They give practical tips and advice on how to find the balance between finding much-needed support from our partner and also growing our own inner strength and resilience. They outline what we all can do to lift ourselves up when our partner isn't able to (and probably shouldn't) give us the support that we think that we need.

Has the emotional distress of living through a pandemic turned you and those around you into emotional porcupines? Do you find yourself unintentionally lashing out at your partner in ways that you don't normally do and vice versa? Has everyone in your household put up their emotional defenses while working through the stresses of social distancing? If so, you just might be a porcupine! It's natural and normal in times of stress and uncertainties for us put up our emotional defenses, similar to the quills of a porcupine. However, in order to not get hurt, we often end up unintentionally harming those we want to be the closest to right now. In this episode, Anne and Patrick discuss five practical ways we're able to address our porcupineness and find a comfortable and healthy way of emotionally connecting with others during difficult times.