But Where Are You Really From?: An Asian-American Struggle

How do you go about seeking inner peace for yourself? We've spent many past episodes diving into mental health and self-growth. But as we strive to improve ourselves, how can we also embrace all that we currently are - the good and the bad? We individually found frameworks that helped us cope with the stresses of everyday life. Jesse found his calming mantra through a session on Calm, while Angela discovered "The Work" by Byron Katie*. Both frameworks help to process turbulent thoughts, by slowing down our thought processes to be both kinder and more objective. As with many other growth related topics, seeking inner peace is work done over a lifetime. Although we are far from perfect at practicing this calmness, we work towards it every day. Listeners, how do you work towards emotional balance? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in the comments on our social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom *Podcasters' Note: in the episode we mistakenly refer to the author as Katie Byron. "The Work" is by Byron Katie. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

What's it like to not only have an Olympic gold medalist mom but also have the chance to play her in a movie in China alongside the likes of Gong Li?! In this episode, we speak with Lydia Bai, a former Stanford volleyball star turned investment banker, now life coach, who had the rare opportunity to completely shake up her life and fly to China for this rare opportunity. *Her mom is legendary volleyball icon Lang Ping and the movie we're talking about is called "Leap" (2020)!* Through the process of learning how to act (in Mandarin, nonetheless!), Lydia was able to push through her own negative self talk and finally realize that the only person holding her back in life was herself. With this newfound realization, Lydia was inspired to forge a new path for herself as a life coach focused on helping women in tech overcome their own limiting beliefs in order to thrive in their careers. If you'd like to connect with Lydia, you can find her at https://www.lydiabai.com and on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/lydiabai/ Listeners - what did you resonate with most in this episode? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

As the pandemic recedes, the dream of remote work forever has also shrank. But for those who can still telecommute, the allure of planting roots elsewhere has become "the writing on the wall." Reports of Americans moving abroad have historically centered on an older demographic looking to stretch their retirement savings. However, this new cohort of high paid telecommuters has come into focus - a group that seeks to achieve the American Dream while living abroad. With the economics, safety, and livability of their home nation in decline, living abroad has become a rational choice for this group. But as more Americans seek their dream life abroad, only time will tell how well their assimilation into their destination countries will fare. We'd love to hear from our existing digital nomad listeners and those who aspire to live life abroad! Have you considered planting roots abroad instead of settling in your home nation? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in the comments on our social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Look, we think service and gig workers should be paid a fair wage for their work, but at what point did that responsibility shift to the consumer instead of the employer?! In this episode we talk about how egregious tipping culture has become in the US, regardless of the level of service you actually received. We compare and contrast with tip-less cultures outside of the US, and bemoan how tipping expectations and pressures have changed due to the iPad checkout systems being used in even non-service "regular" storefronts. What do you think about how tipping culture has evolved in the US over the past several years? Especially if you work in the service industry, we're very curious to hear from you since you experience both sides. Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in the comments on our social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Our relationship with grief changes as we get older. The range of loss we learn to absorb over time is so large - so where do we learn how to cope? In evaluating ourselves, we find that most of our responses to loss are unique, individual responses. Growing up with families that did not necessarily express much emotion, we weren't able to learn a model of grief from a young age. And yet when we look at our parents' emotional reactions to tragic life events, we can't help but consider the difference. Our life contexts are certainly not the same, but the commonality of grief runs through it - maybe just expressed differently. How were you taught (or not taught) to handle grieving? Let us know in our Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media. Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Family structures have changed throughout time and vary depending on which part of the world you're from. Recent surveys done by Pew Research in the US suggest that prevailing attitudes towards the institutions surrounding families have changed. The importance of family and marriage have dramatically transformed over the last few years. Some of these changes are more inclusive and benefit family structures that have traditionally sat outside the norm. Single parents and married gay parents have seen positive shifts in perception. But do these changes reflect the attitude of all of America? What kind of family structure do you belong to? Do you feel your family structure is largely accepted? Let us know in our Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Netflix has finally released its highly anticipated adaptation of the beloved sci-fi series "The Three Body Problem," and we're giving you our honest review from the perspective of someone who binged the entire book series as well as from someone who had no previous exposure to the trilogy at all. **This is a minimal spoilers review. We only discuss Episode 1 not the full season, so if you haven't watched the first episode this may not be for you. However, if you've just started the show, we won't be spoiling anything you don't already know.** From changing the setting from China to the UK, and thereby the protagonist Wang Miao into a diverse group of friends led by a female Auggie, we talk about what we think about these changes and whether they will materially change the appeal of the show or not. We also discuss the sub-plots fans of the book are likely eager to see play out in the show, like the virtual reality video game, vs. ones that we don't think the show producers did justice (explaining science, anyone?) and therefore flew over the heads of viewers with no exposure to the book series. What do you think of the 3 Body Problem show? What level of exposure did you have to the book series prior to the show coming out? Let us know in the comments of our Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

We've talked about the culture shocks & challenges we've faced being American-born kids visiting the motherland (in our case, Taiwan), but all of those experiences have only been in the context of short-term vacations. What's it like trying to do "real" things like applying for health insurance, opening a bank account, and other "grown up" things in the motherland? In this episode, Angela shares exactly what that was like when she navigated these activities recently. Let's just say it was a humbling experience! While she and many of you may be lucky enough to have parents and other older relatives around who can help you through these mundane adulting activities now, they won't be around forever to help you. That's why, especially if you're looking to have options in the face of an ever-changing global climate, investing in developing these societally-functioning skill sets now is not such a bad idea. How about you listeners? Have you ever had to navigate "adulting" activities back in the motherland? Any tips & tricks? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in the comments on our social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

What's it like to search for and buy a house in the US vs. in Japan? Jesse purchased a co-op apartment in New York City two years ago, and Angela bought a house in Kyoto last year. In this episode, we compare and contrast everything from the search process, to contracting/making an offer, to renovations, and everything in between. Would you rather buy a house in the US or in Japan now that you've heard what those two processes entail? Let us know in our Spotify poll or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Did you know that there was a presidential election in Taiwan this year? While election madness is just starting in the US, it's already finished in Taiwan. The results have significant impacts on how the current major parties in Taiwan will govern in the future. While the Democratic Progressive Party's (DPP) candidate, Lai Ching-te, came out ahead in the presidential race, the party as a whole has lost significant influence in the legislature. Amidst that, the Taiwan People's Party (TPP), a newcomer in the Taiwanese general election, gained a significant share of the popular vote for their candidate Ko Wen-je. With the waning popularity of both the established political parties [DPP and Kuomingtang (KMT)], does this new political faction have what it takes to address Taiwan's problems head-on, especially with its tie-breaking power in the Legislature? Does this centrist third party's meteoric rise hold hope for other nations like our own (the US) with dissatisfied voters looking for another way? We'd love to hear from you, especially if you're a listener tuning in from Taiwan. What do you think will happen based on the results of this election? Let us know your thoughts in the Spotify Q&A section or in the comments on our social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- *Podcasters' Note: Sorry for the slightly awkward ending! Angela's internet gave out in the last bit so had to make do with what he had :) --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Do people around the world still believe that democratic institutions represent their best interests? Recent survey data reported by the Guardian shows that a portion of younger respondents favor more autocratic governments. A quick look around the world, and you can see more extreme political factions taking root in many nations. Does this instability come from democratic bodies that no longer represent their constituents? Does the general public now distrust democratic governments as the model for the future? These are the questions we dive into this week, as we take a look at whether or not democracy is still worth saving. Do you feel represented by your government? Do you believe that a democracy is still the best form of government? Let us know in our Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Are polyamory and open relationships becoming popular in modern society?! ...or is the media just presenting it that way and enabling problematic people to co-opt the concept of polyamory to justify their bad behaviors (i.e., cheating, using people, etc.)? Inspired by a recent read of the New Yorker article entitled "How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?" by Jennifer Wilson, we discuss what we think about all of this. How about you, listeners? Have you noticed a rise in polyamorous relationships within your social circles, or seen people use polyamory as an excuse to act on selfish desires? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

It's the Year of the Dragon y'all and we're looking to tap into that energy of success, power, luck, and excellence as we wade through the new changes that 2024 has to bring. In this episode, we share our respective big new life updates - namely that Angela has decided that she'll be moving to Japan in 2 years, and Jesse is imminently moving in with his boyfriend! What's new for you listeners in 2024 that you want to tap into that dragon energy for? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

The end of the year means that we're at the start of a fresh new beginning! It can be so exciting to start the year fresh, but new life chapters can be daunting! Coming into the holidays, we've decided to reflect on how we've progressed this past year. There have been so many changes that have happened to us - change in locations, careers, and social life. And there are so many new things to come! We chat about how some of these changes can bring new (but exciting) concerns back into our lives. Finally, we wish all of our listeners a wonderful holiday and a happy new year. We're going on break with our hearts full of love from your support, and we'll see you with fresh new topics soon! And, if you'd like to share, we'd also love to hear some of the things you'll be tackling in the new year, or if you have a new mini-chapter of your life unfolding. Write-in in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

What do you get when you take a Hong Kong-born kid, move him to New Zealand for the next 13 years, and then have him cross over the ocean to the US as an adult? ... this episode's guest, Henry! You, our dear listeners, asked us to share more and different types of Asian diaspora stories beyond the US, and we listened! In this episode, we hear about Henry's story of identity and finding himself. How did Henry's experience growing up in New Zealand, learning a perfect "Kiwi" accent differ from his mom's experience of finding comfort in the fully immigrant neighborhoods she could blend more fully into? How connected to Hong Kong did Henry feel, having been born there, being able to speak Cantonese fluently, and visiting every year, while spending the majority of his formative years immersed in the western culture of New Zealand? And why is he so heated about Americanized Chinese food?! We compare how Chinese food is seen, referred to, and appreciated by your everyday Kiwi vs. your average American. What parts of Henry's experience resonates with you the most? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section, or in the comments on our social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

What made a white college kid from the midwest decide to move to the other side of the world to live in China?! In this episode, we're joined by Nick Anderson, an LA-based Mandarin teacher who spent his formative young adult years living in China and other Asia-Pacific countries learning and teaching Mandarin. We talk about what that experience was like, compounded with his experience coming out and living his best life as a gay man while abroad. Despite what many may think, Nick's experience being gay in China was overall quite positive - although, we discuss how that experience contrasts with local queer people who are more subjected to the local cultural norms, pressures, and regulations. After his many years abroad and his ongoing work helping individuals, businesses, moviemakers, and more understand the Chinese culture and language, Nick continues to have a strong passion for and connection to Mandarin and the various cultures that the language bridges. If you're interested in working with or connecting with Nick, check out his website, his Mandarin-based Discord community, and TikTok at the below links: https://www.mandarinstudies.comhttps://discord.gg/RGXmJD9CvCwww.tiktok.com/@queermandarin --- Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @whereareyoufrompod --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Have you ever wondered what parenting in 2023 looks like? Are more parents disciplinarians or have more parents found their way to gentle parent? Our topic in this episode, gentle parenting, is a newer approach to raising children. Instead of the more traditional authoritarian approach that we were raised by in our own childhoods, gentle parenting parents approach their children with more empathy and focus on letting the child express their emotions. Does it sound a little new-age to you? While we love the idea of gentle parenting in theory, we have our own reservations about it in practicality. We talk through how our parents' more traditional parenting styles, while troublesome in its own right, also gave us ammunition in challenging areas of life. We also chat about how our personalities would mesh with the idea of gentle parenting if we were to apply it to our own future children. Have you practiced gentle parenting before? What are some pros and cons to this approach? Write-in in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Finding new friends is challenging at any age, but it seems to get particularly more difficult as we get older. As we age out of experiences and environments that are more conducive to socialization (i.e., school), we naturally find less opportunities to make friends. Even in areas like the workplace, most people seem less open to making friends outside of certain environments. We also find that we are more conscious of the people we make friends with. We focus on finding connection over quantity, and we are inclined to not take a risk on a new friend if we don't think it's worth it. But that doesn't stop us from continuing to try and find new connections - whether at parties, cultural events, or just in our day-to-day lives. Where have you found success in finding new friends? Write-in in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Modern science has truly come a long way with regards to fertility and alternative ways to start families. However, even with these science-aided options like surrogacy and egg freezing/IVF, women are still forced to think about their options with regard to whether or not they want to have children when they are in their mid 20s to mid 30s. Since Angela is in this age range currently and has many friends who have either already had kids or have gone through science-aided options, this topic is very top of mind for her - hence, this episode! We discuss what we think about surrogacy and egg freezing, our personal and friends' experiences with these options, and also the unnecessary taboos and judgments people have around these alternatives and the ways that parents choose to go about their lives before and after a child's birth (i.e., going back to work vs. being a stay at home parent). Are you already a parent or thinking of having children in the near future? What has society tried to shame you for about this process? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in the comments of our social media so we can commiserate! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support

Even though we're pushing towards our mid-30s, finding a healthy sense of self and self-worth can still be challenging. Sense of self and self-worth can be tied to the different types of validation we look for in life. Some of that validation comes from external factors - career, relationships, and personal history. Other types of validation come from within - peace with yourself, satisfaction with your achievements, and self-compassion. We talk about how all of these things have affected our own sense of self and self-worth. We also take a look at how growing up in an Asian household may have affected self-affirming behaviors. And finally, we each share a strategy we employ to help build ourselves up. What's something that you do to help increase your self-worth? Write-in in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media! Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/butwhereareyoureallyfrom/support