Tentpole Trauma

Hollywood had been looking to get the Planet of the Apes franchise back into orbit for 20 plus years, but it wasn’t until Tim Burton signed on to direct that the 2001 remake took sh(ape). But despite boasting incredible Rick Baker makeups, Marky Mark as the lead human and an impressive box office haul, the reaction to the film was so toxic that 20th Century Fox studios declined to opt for a sequel. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they make monkeys out of themselves trying to unpack the movie’s ruinously bananas twist endings.

Coming strong after the one-two punch of The Terminator and Aliens, director James Cameron was poised to reach A-level status with his wildly ambitious underwater sci fi action film The Abyss. But despite overcoming a torturous and fraught-filled production, the would-be blockbuster left audiences confused upon its 1989 theatrical release and did not ascend to the box office or critical heights Cameron hoped for. Join Sebastian, Chris and Rodney as they deep dive into the new spectacularly restored 4K director’s cut and argue over the merits of Michael Biehn’s villainous mustache.

After the billion dollar success of Captain Marvel, a sequel to the Brie Larson led superhero hit seemed destined for the stars. But even with the power of Marvel studios and Disney behind it, not to mention the addition of the characters of Ms. Marvel and Monica Rambeau, Nia DaCosta’s 220 million dollar team-up didn’t even make its budget back worldwide, a catastrophic blow for the once unstoppable brand. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they switch powers, herd man-eating alien cats and try to determine why The Marvels was the biggest bomb in the MCU’s history.

Special effects wizard Douglas Trumbull hoped to bring his mind-bending 2001: A Space Odyssey visuals down to earth with Brainstorm, a 1983 sci fi thriller starring Christopher Walken and Natalie Wood. Unfortunately Wood’s tragic death by drowning cast a pall over the film, delaying its release and resulting in a muddled narrative and baffling special effects sequences that failed to live up to Trumbull’s lofty ambitions along with any hope of box office redemption. Join Sebastian and Troy as they don their psychic headsets, record their innermost fears and seek answers to the afterlife by discussing this cursed mess of a production.

Russell Crowe returning to the historical epic genre at the peak of his post-Gladiator fame would seem a sure bet in 2003, and yet Peter Weir’s Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World met with a tepid box office response upon its maiden voyage. Despite being an exquisitely crafted adaptation of the beloved Patrick O’Brian novels and garnering several Oscars, the film failed to launch the hoped for franchise — though appreciation has grown for it over the years, particularly with millennials. Join Sebastian and Andrew as they hoist up the top sails and celebrate this high water mark of seafaring historical cinema.

Probably no one would have predicted that in 2023 the duo behind Game Night would deliver the definitive cinematic take on the genre-defining TRS role playing game Dungeons & Dragons, and yet John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein’s Honor Among Thieves managed that seemingly impossible task. But despite a great cast, a clever and funny script and blockbuster level production values, the film failed to conjure magic at the box office. Join Sebastian and Richard as they roll the dice against owlbears, gelatinous cubes and a pudgy red dragon while celebrating this treasure of a film.

The late 90s saw horror in a transitional phase, and while the trend was favoring the post-modern tact of Scream, many filmmakers were taking their end-of-the-millennium angst to the stars. Despite being arguably the best of the spacefaring bunch, Paul W.S. Anderson’s Event Horizon failed to conjure excitement with critics and quickly fell into a box office black hole. Join Sebastian and Rodney as they grapple with the vacuum of space, open a portal to hell and debate the merits of this Alien by way of The Shining cult classic.

In the wake of the meteoric success of Star Wars (and several decades before owning the franchise) Disney tried their hand at big budget space adventure with The Black Hole. But despite boasting impressive special effects and a promising premise, the movie’s dark tone, haunted house shenanigans and muddled science left audiences drifting in a void of indifference. Join Troy and Sebastian as they grapple with questionable physics, proverb pontificating robots and the far out ending to one of the Mouse House’s wildest late 70s misfires.

After acquiring Lucasfilm in 2012, Disney was banking big on a 5th installment of the beloved and lucrative Indiana Jones franchise. After years of development and the passing of the torch from original director Steven Spielberg to the capable James Mangold, Harrison Ford — now in his late 70s — agreed to don the whip and fedora for one last adventure. Unfortunately the resulting Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny bombed hard at the box office to the tune of an estimated 100 million dollar loss. Join Sebastian, Chris and Rodney as they turn back time, dust off some ancient tombs and wrestle with the world-altering consequences of this dial of disaster.

The first superhero film to emphasize Latino representation, Angel Manuel Soto's Blue Beetle was so well received by Warner Brothers executives that it was spared a straight-to streaming fate and awarded a theatrical release. But despite the presence of Cobra Kai's Xolo Mariduena, Latino comedian Geoge Lopez and Susan Sarandon in the villain role, the movie could not escape the DCEU death knell and fared poorly at the box office. Join Sebastian and Blue Beetle superfan Matt Anderson as they dive deep into the lore of this semi-obscure character, debate the quality and quantity of comic book movie tropes and wonder if James Gunn will honor his promise to keep the character around for the DCU reboot. Plus, what the heck is a space scarab anyway?

Despite being released a mere six months after the hit western Tombstone, Kevin Costner was confident that his telling of the Wyatt Earp story, with director Lawrence Kasdan in tow, would be the definitive take on the legendary lawman. But the film’s epic length and self-serious tone met with tepid critical reception despite strong performances, and roped in a disastrously small take at the box office, resulting in the first in a string of Costner-fronted mega bombs. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they mosey down to the OK Corral and rustle up some reconsideration for this messy but ambitious biopic.

Trick or treat motherf**ker! After the triumphant return of Jamie Lee Curtis and the cathartic killing of Michael Myers in 1998’s H20, there was nowhere to go but down. Unfortunately, Rick Rosenthal’s 2002 follow-up failed to meet even the lowest of fan expectations with an ignominious death for Laurie Stride, a terrible Blair Witch inspired premise and a karate kicking Bustah Rhymes. Join Sebastian and the Mighty Peculiar podcast’s Matt Anderson as they investigate this rotten pumpkin of a sequel.

Though not a hit upon release, Frank Darabont’s adaptation of Stephen King’s The Shawshank Redemption was a beloved classic by the mid aughts, so hopes were high that the director’s post Green Mile return to King territory with 2007’s The Mist would deliver. And though critics were kind to the bleak, apocalyptic creature-fest, audience reaction and box office numbers were decidedly lukewarm. Join Troy and Sebastian as they gaze into a whole new dimension in terror and celebrate the sweet despair of this yet-to-be minted classic.

Sports movies enjoyed a renaissance in the 90s, so it was all but inevitable that by the year 2000 rising superstar Will Smith would get his shot at starring in one. Unfortunately, The Legend of Bagger Vance, directed by Robert Redford and co-starring Matt Damon and Charlize Theron, weathered criticism for its liberal use of problematic racial tropes and failed to generate boffo box office or the awards season heat it was clearly swinging for. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and Greatest Games Never Played co-host Andrew Te as they take to the green to discuss this magically sub-par sports drama.

Hopes were high for bringing DC comics’ preeminent scarlet speedster to the big screen, and the addition of Michael Keaton — returning to the role of Batman — only added fuel to the pre-release hype. But a deeply troubled leading man and countless delays decelerated the excitement, resulting in one of the biggest box office flops of the 2023 blockbuster season. Join Sebastian and DC superfan Matt Anderson as they reckon with the the failure of the DCEU, the toxic effect of Ezra Miller’s legacy and consider better realities for Andy Muschetti’s otherwise enjoyable The Flash.

Before landing the job of running the revamped DC cinematic universe, auteur James Gunn jumped ship from Marvel to direct The Suicide Squad, a sequel to the 2016 film of (almost) the same name. Bringing with him his unique blend of twisted heart and humor, as well as a penchant for D-list comic book characters, Gunn’s film landed well with fans but suffered serious casualties at the box office. Join Sebastian and Jennifer on a mission to celebrate all things Gunn, consider why the film fumbled financially, and prognosticate on the future of the DC cinematic universe.

The original Speed was a huge hit that cemented Keanu Reeves as an action hero and made a star of Sandra Bullock, so naturally the studio and director Jan de Bont were eager to get the band back together for the sequel. But Keanu didn’t return, leaving Sandy to shoulder Speed 2: Cruise Control with replacement Jason Patric, new villain Willem Dafoe and a questionable terrorist plot involving a not very fast moving cruise ship, resulting in one of the 90s’ biggest blockbuster bombs. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they head for the tropics on the ship that sunk a once promising action franchise.

Despite the fact that the door seemed to be closed on the Indiana Jones series, creators George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, along with star Harrison Ford, decided to don the iconic hat and whip for a fourth entry with 2008’s Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And while the film was financially successful, fans roundly rejected its central saucermen conceit, the addition of Shia LaBeouf as Indy’s son Mutt, and the overuse of questionable CG. With a fifth film in theaters and the franchise in the doldrums under Disney, Sebastian, Chris and Rodney join Indy on one last globetrotting archeological adventure to discuss this much maligned entry in one of cinema’s most beloved intellectual properties.

Horror remakes were all the rage by the mid 2000s, so a remake of the seminal folk horror classic The Wicker Man was all but inevitable. Armed with a crazy Nic Cage performance and seasoned indie director Neil LaBute at the helm, the 2006 reimagining was set to catch fire at the box office but fizzled instead, failing to justify its hefty 40 million dollar budget. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and Troy as they travel to Summer’s Isle to reevaluate this much maligned effort and sacrifice their sanity in worship of the modern era’s most bizarre and fascinating remakes.

H.G. Wells’ tale of genetic tampering had been adapted for the big screen before Richard Stanley attempted it again in 1996, but never before had a version gone so horribly awry. Plagued by misbehaving stars Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando, Stanley himself being fired and replaced by veteran director John Frankenheimer, and numerous onset mishaps, the production would live in infamy for its wildly troubled evolution, one that resulted in a monstrous mess of a finished product. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they dig into the DNA of this experiment gone wrong and try to escape from the famously doomed adaptation of The Island of Dr. Moreau.