Death Dhamma Podcast

In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, we speak to Reverend Christine Davies, a hospital chaplain, writer, and an 'evangelist for grief'. Christine is also well-versed in cognitive behavioral therapy, Reiki, and is a seminary professor. Besides her professional interests, she is also a triathlete and a beekeeper. Christine shares her thoughts on suffering and how she views her main calling, which is to be with others who are suffering. She talks about her work as a hospital chaplain, teaching students and clergy on how to be at the bedside of someone who is suffering or dying. She also provides spiritual direction to individuals, helping them deepen their own spiritual life and ask larger questions that society doesn't always allow for. One of the central themes of this episode is the idea of suffering and the human condition, which Christine relates to spiritual distress. She talks about how suffering comes from a sense of disconnection, either with oneself, other people, or something transcendent. This concept is explored in depth, with Christine differentiating between adversity and suffering. A personal story is shared by Christine about her health struggles and how it led her to the path she is on now. She discusses how her journey through hospitalizations, guesswork, trial and error with medications, and eventually a diagnosis of generalized epilepsy, shaped her understanding of suffering and deepened her desire to help others navigate through their own experiences of suffering. This episode is a deep dive into the nature of suffering, the importance of spiritual care, and the immense value of providing a space for individuals to voice their feelings and make sense of their experiences. It illustrates how personal experiences can shape our professional paths and deepen our understanding of the human condition.

In this episode, we consider Simon Boaz and his perspective as he faces his own impending death. He shares his perspective on life and the importance of appreciating the experiences we have had, rather than focusing on what is missing. While not specifically a Buddhist, his outlook aligns with some Buddhist teachings. Specifically encouraging us to make good use of our human life and recognize the gift that it is. He acknowledges the letdown of the medical process in his own situation, but refuses to live with blame and anger, knowing that it will only serve to make his remaining time more difficult. Drawing from his letter, ‘A Beginners Guide to Death,’ we learn that he expresses gratitude for the support and compassion he has received from loved ones and strangers alike. He reflects on the accomplishments and adventures he has had throughout his life, emphasizing that it's not about the length of time lived, but the quality of the moments experienced. Carpe diem, seize the day, and enjoy the small ways in which we can bring happiness to others. He also shares his belief in the existence of something beyond this life, stating that what will truly survive of us is love. While he acknowledges that we don't know for certain what comes next, he finds it unlikely that our existence is simply a fleeting blip between eternities of nothingness. He emphasizes the incredible luck and improbable circumstances that have brought each of us into existence, comparing it to winning the jackpot every day. Ultimately, his words encourage us to reflect on our own lives, appreciate the joys and love experienced, and find gratitude for the opportunity to have lived at all. It serves as a reminder to make the most of our time and strive to bring happiness to others, embracing the uncertainty of what lies beyond with a sense of hope and wonder.

In this episode of the Death Dhamma Podcast, host Margaret welcomes Linda Hochstetler, an accomplished social worker, psychotherapist, Buddhist meditation teacher, and author of the book "21 Days to Die, The Canadian Guide to End of Life." Linda shares her passion for the topic of illness, dying, and death, and how she combines her expertise in grief work, hospice palliative care, Buddhism, and meditation to bring a unique perspective to her work. Margaret and Linda discuss the second noble truth of suffering and how it can be interpreted in different ways. Linda emphasizes the importance of recognizing both small T trauma and capital T trauma, and how these daily struggles and losses can wear on us. They also delve into the chronology of dying and death, highlighting the significance of the dying process and the cascading losses that occur leading up to the last breath. The conversation takes an intimate turn as Margaret shares a personal experience with her father's death and the relief that came with understanding the stages of dying. Linda explains how recognizing the signs of impending death can bring comfort to caregivers and loved ones, as it signifies that the suffering is almost over for the dying person. Lastly, Linda opens up about a tragic event in her own life that shaped her understanding of suffering at a young age. She shares the story of her boyfriend's sudden death and how it thrust her into a club she never wanted to join, but which ultimately deepened her connection to the truth of suffering. Tune in as Margaret and Linda explore the complexities of death, grief, and finding meaning in the face of suffering.

Tune in as we explore the profound impact of a small act of kindness, reminding us all of the tremendous difference we can make in someone else's life if we are mindful and empathetic. This heartwarming story serves as a metaphor for how we can confront feelings of failure and despair in our lives and those around us. Could we not do the same, if we try? This episode asks you to reflect - is it not true that we all have the capacity to offer a helping hand, to lift someone's spirits, to remind them that they are not alone? How often do we let these moments pass us by, engrossed in our worlds, not realizing what a small act could mean for someone else? This episode invites you to think, to feel, and above all, to care. Come join us in this enriching journey as we challenge ourselves to live more consciously, more kindly.

Today we explore the deep, historical connection between humans and two of our most enduring companions - horses and dogs. We delve into the intricacies of how these magnificent creatures have shaped our evolution just as we have shaped theirs. From the wide-stretching plains where horses have galloped alongside us, to the edges of forests where dogs have keenly observed us- we uncover the deep-rooted bond that has formed over eons. Horses and dogs have been there for us, in countless ways that continue to evolve. Now, let's shine a light on how these wonderful creatures continue to give, as we explore the transformative world of horse and dog therapy. These animals play a crucial role in our journey towards healing and finding release from suffering. Yet, we are compelled to remember that our growth and evolution has a profound impact on these creatures and the ecosystems they inhabit. As we evolve, so do they. As we benefit, so should they. Our mission is not just to explore our relationship with them but to understand how we can ensure their well-being, and avoid causing them harm. Join us, as we explore the symbiotic relationship between humans, horses, and dogs. Tune in for a rich, insightful discussion that promises to be as educational as it is moving.

In this episode, we explore the unexpected ways in which caring for a pet can provide purpose and comfort during difficult times. Our pets can help bring us release from suffering. We discuss how, amidst the business of death and the turmoil of grief, the presence of pets can deliver a comforting sense of stability and routine. Some days, the company of a pet offers comfort when human interaction may be too overwhelming. With a pet you always having someone to come home to - someone who is always excitedly awaiting your return. And if you're someone who often talks to yourself, like many of us do, having a pet around ensures that there's a listener on the other side - a vivid reminder that you're not alone. This episode also addresses the sentimental connection that pets can hold as a cherished shared memory of a departed loved one. We also delve into the fun, quirky, and sometimes humbling aspects of having a pet, discussing how they're quick to remind us that we are not the center of the universe - and that they, sometimes, need to be fed too! Finally, we talk about the unexpected joys and distractions our pets provide, whether it's dragging ribbons out from the hidden corners of the home or initiating a wake-up call. We conclude by reminding our listeners that while pets are a fantastic source of companionship and support, they can't replace professional help when it's needed. So, tune in and join us as we unravel the deep, beautiful bond between humans and their furry friends!

Bodhisatta or Bodhisattva is a term often used to describe an enlightened individual who possesses wisdom and compassion. These are people who demonstrate the paramitas or perfections in their lifestyle. We says this as a compliment, a form of admiration. The definition of Bodhisattva extends beyond being a beacon of relief in a world of suffering, especially when considering the term across the three major ways of being Buddhist - Theravāda, Mahāyana, and Vajrayāna. However, we won't explore a full-scale exposition of what Bodhisattva signifies in these varied paths of Buddhism this time around. Instead, we ponder, how fully developed does one need to be in order to help others with their suffering? Are all those who help others deal with their suffering Bodhisattvas? Must one wait to embark on the noble journey of aiding others in their suffering?

In this thought-provoking episode, we delve Buddhist practice, exploring the profound connections between mettā practice and the concept of merit. We ponder whether these two aspects are separate or intertwined, and how they can complement each other in our journey towards inner peace and compassion. We begin with a contemplation of mettā, alternatively known as loving-kindness or goodwill, and its role in directing well-wishes and positive intentions towards others. We discuss how genuine mettā goes beyond mere words and is fundamentally about wishing genuine happiness and well-being for everyone- even those we find challenging. Transitioning smoothly into the concept of merit, we consider how it is intrinsically linked to our actions and intentions. Merit, as we discuss, is a positive force accruing from our good deeds, but it’s not just about the deeds themselves, it's about the intentions behind them. It is the actions we take with a mind free of ill will that truly generate merit. In the final segment, we explore how mettā and merit work hand-in-hand. We discuss how cultivating mettā can create an environment conducive for generating merit, and how, in turn, this merit can be dedicated to all beings, working towards a world free from suffering.

As we journey deeper into this season, we anticipate the theme of compassion to be a recurring motif in our discussions with those who work tirelessly to ease the sufferings of others. Compassion, while not always verbally expressed, is often the undercurrent that drives their actions and fuels their motivations. This episode kicks off with an interesting anecdote from Margaret’s past - a statement made by an academic teacher claiming the absence of compassion in Theravada Buddhism. This claim, which left a deep impression, led her to an explorative quest on the existence of compassion in the Pali Canon. She spent time with these ancient texts to uncover the truth. Margaret seeks to debunk the misunderstood notion that the Pali Canon holds no teachings on compassion. Through research and critical examination of the texts, she reveals the innate presence of compassion within Theravada Buddhism. Here's a spoiler: compassion is real and it's powerful. It's in the way we recognize another's suffering, empathize with them, and are spurred into action to alleviate their pain. Join Margaret as she unravels the profound essence of compassion in the philosophy of Theravada Buddhism, and how it continues to inspire and drive people to make a difference in the world.

What if suffering acts as a compass, guiding us towards areas of our life that require care and attention? Suffering signals us that we are out of alignment with our true selves and need to course-correct. When we ignore this signal we will encounter tangible pain and emotional suffering both stemming from a resistance to change and progress. In a recent episode of the podcast, Reevaluating the Idea of Selfishness in Buddhism, we discussed the need to help ourselves. This concept surfaces again as Renee reminds us of the importance of the expression, “If you want to change the world, start by changing yourself.” Renee explains that disconnection is the root of human suffering. This feeling of disconnection, she suggests, is at the heart of many anxieties, depressions, and dysfunctions. If we each work to heal our own trauma and emotional wounds, we can be show up on the world feeling connected and healthy and ready to be who and what we are truly meant to be. Join Margaret and Renee as they navigate this existential journey, inviting you to look deeply at your own interconnectedness with the world around you. Be reminded of the elemental nature of your existence: the air you breathe, the gravity that grounds you, and the water that flows through your body. This episode promises to inspire introspection, what healing are you working on, and how does disconnection play a role in your suffering.

Let’s delve into a commonly misunderstood aspect of Buddhism, particularly Theravada Buddhism – the concept of helping others as part of you spiritual journey. There's a prevalent misconception that according to Buddhist teachings, you should solely focus on your own liberation before turning your attention to help others.. Does this really imply a dismissal of helping others? Margaret argues that this is not the case. She believes that Buddhism, in all its forms, encourages us to support others. Moreover, she suggests that our own liberation is intricately connected to the liberation of others. Through this discussion, Margaret aims to dispel misconceptions and provide deep insights into the compassionate core of Buddhism. She discusses the importance of helping others on their spiritual journey and how it contributes to your own progress and enlightenment. This episode will leave you with a renewed perspective on your own spiritual path and the role you play in others' journeys.

Dive into this thought-provoking episode as Stephen and Margaret delve into the most common suffering that many people encounter - low self-esteem. We explore the often overlooked consequence of self-doubt, the tendency to put others first to our own detriment, and how these feed into a cycle of disrespect – towards ourselves and from others. Their discussion shifts towards the complexity of relationships and how they can often become a battlefield of dominance, with the stronger personality frequently overpowering the less assertive one. Stephen points out the rarity of perfectly balanced relationships, reflecting on the significant amount of dedication, attentiveness, and most importantly, mindfulness they require. Continuing on philosophical journey, Stephen reminds us of the importance of respecting oneself and understanding our own needs. He emphasizes the critical role of fostering relationships that encourage this self-discovery and highlight when we compromise ourselves. In this candid discourse, Margaret and Stephen touch on the often neglected aspect of self-care – valuing ourselves and caring for our emotional and spiritual well-being. We contemplate how neglect in these areas can lead to unhappiness and suffering in our relationships. To wrap up, they return to the teachings of Buddha, not as a belief system, but as practical steps towards understanding ourselves and liberating ourselves from our own intense struggle. Drawing on the wisdom etched on the old temple at Delphi, "know thyself," they discuss the importance of self-realization and recognizing our own worth as crucial steps towards happiness. And be sure to access this eBook from Stephen on the art of letting go - https://schettini.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/ArtOfLettingGo.pdf

Often, we perceive Buddhists as solitary figures, lost in the realms of meditation and self-reflection. But is this the whole picture? Is Buddhism just about individual enlightenment, or does it also advocate service to others? The story of Buddhism begins with the Buddha, who walked a path of solitude, wisdom, and enlightenment. Yet, he initially hesitated to share his profound understanding of life and existence, fearing that it might be too complex for others to grasp. Nonetheless, he was persuaded that at least some would comprehend and benefit from his teachings. His decision to share his enlightenment sprouted from a profound sense of compassion and a desire to alleviate suffering. Thus began the cycle of passing on wisdom and compassion, with disciples becoming teachers, and teachings resonating through the ages. This chain of enlightenment continues to this very day. Could it be then, that the essence of Buddhism lies not only in the pursuit of personal enlightenment but also in compassionately helping others?

Season 4 of the Death Dhamma podcast kicks off on Monday, February 5, 2024. It's time to take a look at the people in this world who help to alleviate the suffering of other beings. Maybe they help people, maybe they help animals, we want to know them. To learn how they do it, and how they spark their compassion. We also want to explore teachings, practices, and stories around freeing others from suffering. Why? Because each of us, in our way can help. We too, can bring relief to ourselves and others.

One day, a member of the group I meditated with said to me, “You write and talk about when a friend or family member dies, but what about when we lose our pets?” She had recently lost a cat who had been by her side for nineteen years. This loss was deep and painful. I carried her question with me and contemplated how best to write about grieving our animal friends. Around the same time, another friend told me they thought it would be interesting if my next book was about the spiritual nature of our pets. This, too, was a compelling idea. I began to realize that I did not have anything new to add to the topic of grieving our pets. If I wrote something, I would most likely be recycling my thoughts around how Buddhism can help us with death and grief. For me, the teachings that helped with the death of family and friends were also helpful when it came time to say goodbye to pets because at some point, many of us have stopped looking at our pets as animals, and we have elevated them to a place where we might even hold them in higher regard than the people around us. From theses thoughts emerged my new book, Enlightenment Unleashed: How Your Pet Can Lead You to Spiritual Transformation. Today, I share with you some thoughts on our pets, and attachment and suffering.

In this heartwarming episode, we delve into an often overlooked aspect of legacy planning: emotional life insurance. We acknowledge the importance of financial life insurance and how it protects our loved ones in our absence. But our conversation takes a unique turn as we ponder on the importance of leaving an emotional cushion for our dear ones. Dr. Kimberly Harms, shares her compelling views on how our culture tends to shy away from such dialogues, and the impact of continuous conversations can have on providing emotional stability. Margaret shares her forward-thinking parents approach and how they prepared her for their departure, providing a safety net she didn't even realize she needed. Our conversation then moves to practical ways to offer emotional support to our loved ones. The last part of our Kimberly’s book provides a comprehensive ‘death preppers workbook.' Listen in as she discusses her personal endeavors from the workbook, such as writing posthumous letters to her children and grandchildren, detailing her love and gratitude for them. The episode ends on a hopeful note, emphasizing the importance of reflecting on the happy times with our loved ones, despite the inevitable pain of loss. Join us in this emotionally charged episode, as we explore how we can provide our loved ones with the emotional support they'll need after we pass. And be sure to check out, Are You Ready? How to Build a Legacy to Die For

In this thought-provoking episode, our guest Seth delves into the primary sources of inspiration for his latest book, The House We Live In: Virtue, Wisdom, and Pluralism. In the wake of the 2016 elections, he felt compelled to discuss the competencies, understandings, habits, and skills vital for the survival of democracy, as he perceived it to be under threat. Seth also draws from his previous work comparing Buddhist and Aristotelian views of the good life, extending this comparison to Confucianism. He examines these three ancient approaches to understanding flourishing, virtue, and wisdom, and seeks to derive commonalities applicable in a modern ethical context. Our conversation takes a turn as Seth and Margaret discuss the continuing threat to democracy in 2023. Seth emphasizes the need for constant vigilance and renewal of our commitment to democracy, as it is always at risk. The conversation evolves into an exploration of pluralism, the conflict of differing visions of a good life, and the challenges of cohabitation amidst diversity. Seth provides a detailed explanation of flourishing-based ethics, stating that virtues like honesty, courage, fairness, and the ability to control emotions are crucial to leading a better life. He also highlights the importance of being emotionally satisfied, having meaningful relationships, appreciating aesthetics, and being fully present in life to achieve a state of flourishing. Seth believes that classical virtues and wisdom, as emphasized by Aristotle, Buddha, and Confucius, are crucial to leading such a life. Seth calls for an ethical reset, asserting that engaging in virtues not only helps us live better lives but also contributes to a better society. This episode makes for a thought-provoking listen on the intertwining of ethics, democracy, and human flourishing.

Memento Mori- A healthy way to remember that we are going to die. That doesn’t make it easy. Join as Margaret Meloni and Francesca Arnoldy thoughtfully, joyfully, and peacefully discusses what it means to do the work. And how all of us can benefit from being prepared to face death. This is a special between-season episode of The Deatth Dhamma podcast. If you are willing to do the work, then the Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared will by your gentle guide. With thoughtful exercises and meaningful reflections, you can proceed at your own pace, and gain peace and perspective as you help yourself and others prepare for the end of life. And please enjoy this gift from Francesca, an excerpt from the Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared https://contemplativedoula.files.wordpress.com/2023/08/excerpt_deathdoulasguide.pdf

Welcome back to another episode of the Death Dhamma podcast! In our previous episode, we were deeply inspired by Whitney Sause's transformative journey and her insights into Buddhism, attachment, and personal growth. Whitney's story resonated with us as she shared her experiences of disconnecting from a challenging lifestyle and finding a new path. During her six-month retreat, Whitney embraced the practice of Buddhism and meditation, which became an integral part of her life. However, she also came to a point where she realized that she needed to find equanimity with the role of Buddhism in her journey. This led to a profound realization that she could imagine a life without it, without clinging or becoming overly attached to any particular belief or practice. We also delved into the idea of the future self, acknowledging that the person we are today is simply passing the baton to the future version of ourselves. Whitney embraced this concept with openness, refusing to hold onto a fixed idea of who she must become. This sentiment perfectly aligns with the teachings from the Bhaddekaratta Sutta, where we are encouraged to let go of chasing the past and placing expectations on the future. By reflecting on this passage, we are reminded that dwelling on the past or fixating on the future only leads to suffering. Instead, we can focus on the present moment and embrace the practice of letting go. In doing so, we can work towards making amends for past mistakes and not be burdened by them. Similarly, overly anticipating the future and becoming attached to specific outcomes can also bring about suffering. As we take a brief hiatus before Season 4, we can rest assured that the theme of attachment will resurface in future episodes. After all, attachment is an inherent part of our human experience as we navigate the world and seek to alleviate suffering. The teachings and discussions shared by our wise teachers aim to help us make the most of this lifetime and ultimately prepare for a peaceful death, while accepting the inevitable loss of our loved ones along the way. So, until we meet again, dear listeners, keep practicing in the present moment and stay open to the ever-changing journey of life. Who knows what tomorrow holds? See you soon!

In this episode of the podcast, Margaret introduces Whitney Sause, a Buddhist practitioner who has used Buddhism to navigate through significant challenges in her life. Whitney shares her journey of how she integrated Buddhism and attachment to overcome anger management issues and other difficulties. Whitney explains that her journey with anger began before her time in the military, as she was raised in an abusive and chaotic environment that lacked emotional processing skills. Seeking a way to escape the trauma, she enlisted in the military, which only reinforced her emotional walls and guardedness. Whitney discusses the unique challenges faced by veterans and how Buddhism can help them navigate through their experiences. She reflects on the expectation for veterans to be tough and stoic, while vulnerability is often frowned upon. Whitney shares a pivotal moment in her life when the death of a friend made her realize the need for change. She made the decision to detach from her old lifestyle, disconnect from all her friends and family, and embark on a six-month journey of retreat and sobriety. Throughout the episode, Whitney emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and breaking free from societal expectations. She recounts the moment she decided to visit her old partying scene after six months of retreat and sobriety, only to realize that people had let go of the person they thought she was. This experience reaffirmed her commitment to her new path and reinforced her faith in sobriety. Join Margaret and Whitney as they delve into the intersection of Buddhism, attachment, and personal growth, exploring how these practices can provide guidance and healing in the face of life's challenges.