You Cannot Be Serious

John-Michael Howson OAM (born 8 August 1936) is an Australian writer, reporter, entertainer and Melbourne radio commentator. His involvement in the Australian entertainment scene as a writer, producer and performer spans more than 50 years.

"Captain" Peter Janson (born 10 April 1940 in New Zealand) is an Australian socialite and former motor racing driver. Janson was born in New Zealand, emigrating to England at a young age. In 1967, he moved to Australia and settled in Melbourne. Janson, who listed his occupation as "Gentleman", established a playboy penthouse in the Federal Hotel before moving to the Hotel Windsor. In the 1980s he moved to Rutherglen House. Janson is renowned for the parties he throws and was a pioneer in transforming the Melbourne Cup into a major event on the Australian social calendar. Motor racing Janson was a competitor in Australian Touring Car Racing. He made 19 Bathurst 1000 starts between 1973 and 1992 primarily in Holden Toranas and Commodores, finishing second in 1979 and 1980 and third in 1977 (all of his podium finishes were with Larry Perkins who would go on to be a six-time winner of the race). With the end of the Group C era in 1984, Janson closed his team but continued to drive for other teams including joining Sydney based privateer Garry Wilmington in a V12 Jaguar XJS in the 1985 and 1986 races. He later scored a class win and fourth outright driving a BMW M3 with fellow Kiwi Trevor Crowe at the 1988 Bathurst 1000 Janson's last appearance at Bathurst was in 1992 where he and Bob Jones finished 20th in a Holden VL Commodore SS Group A SV. Always a colourful character who gave his sponsors a plug at every opportunity, especially when being interviewed in the pits, Janson briefly changed his name by deed poll in the mid-1970s to NGK Janson to circumvent a rule that only allowed a driver's name to be carried above the window line. His former co-driver Larry Perkins also told that one year on a parade lap at Bathurst, Janson continually pulled the car off onto the grass in order to throw Cherry Ripe chocolate bars out to the crowd (his major sponsor being Cadbury Schweppes).

An Australian-Russian group has denounced a Moscow propagandist as a “disposable pawn” of the Kremlin after he called on Vladimir Putin’s army to trade him for Australians captured in Ukraine. But the “Aussie Cossack” holed up in Sydney’s Russian consulate says he is trying to keep Australians from being executed on the battlefield. Simeon Boikov, known by his online moniker Aussie Cossack, has been hiding out in the consulate since a Sydney court issued an arrest warrant in December. He was on parole for breaching a suppression order and wanted for the alleged assault of a pro-Ukrainian protester when he sought asylum. Svoboda Alliance, a Russian community group, was disturbed to hear Boikov issue a plea to the commander of the loathed Wagner Group to orchestrate a prisoner swap under which he would be exchanged for a captured Australian. “The Kremlin tends to see even its supporters more like disposable pawns rather than valuable allies,” Svoboda president Ilya Fomin said. Boikov said he was seeking to save the lives of the Australians he named in a video and prevent Russian troops from “liquidating them on the spot”. “They’re in danger not because of me but because of their own choice to fight in Ukraine,” he said.

Georgina Damm is the founder and driving force behind Damm Fine Food Co., a Melbourne-based event and catering company that specializes in creating unique and socially responsible events throughout Victoria and beyond. Damm Fine Food Co. is passionate about food that speaks for itself—sourced from seasonal ingredients, locally produced, and presented with style. Their offerings include: Georgina’s journey began with years of experience in the hospitality industry before venturing out on her own. Her commitment to quality and creativity shines through in every event orchestrated by Damm Fine Food Co.

Michael Christian (born 21 August 1964) is a former Australian rules footballer and media personality from Busselton, Western Australia who played for East Perth in the West Australian Football League (WAFL) and Collingwood in the Victorian Football League/Australian Football League (VFL/AFL). Christian played 82 games for East Perth in the WAFL from 1981 to 1986 and then crossed to Collingwood to play out his football career. He played at centre half- back for the majority of his career but was also used sparingly as a forward. Christian was a member of Collingwood's 1990 premiership side and represented the West Australian team on three occasions. After retiring, Christian became a football commentator and has commentated on radio for Triple M, Geelong station K-Rock (3GL) and 3AW, as well as for Network Ten. He hosted the breakfast program, Prime Time Sports Interactive, on Sport 927 with Angela Pippos and The Fifth Quarter, a post-match show following Saturday night AFL games, between 2004 and 2007 with Andrew Maher and from 2008 to 2011, with rotating expert commentators Michael Voss, Malcolm Blight or Luke Darcy. Christian also commentated on weightlifting events at the 2010 Commonwealth Games. He compered The Final Siren, a Sunday night football review show, in 2011. Under reformed procedures introduced by the AFL, Christian was appointed Match Review Officer, the AFL's sole adjudicator for the Match Review Panel, in 2017.