The Comedian Next Door

Hey, Neighbor! There are babies due to be born in our family over the next few weeks, so we're talking about the birth process! What do "real" contractions feel like? How can we distinguish between "early" labor and "active" labor? Maybe you weren't expecting this conversation, Neighbor, but it sure beats talking about disc golf! Riiiiiiiight? Next: Communication with medical professionals can be challenging... (Here's an example.) Then: Communication as a pastor/speaker can ALSO be callenging--especially if you're trying too hard to be profound or memorable. (Here's an example.) (Also, here's our favorite riddle ever invented by a 3-year-old.) Somewhere in the midst of all these topics, we have an excellent book idea for the Podcast Ninja! Don't forget to laugh, Carl. Email the Comedian's Family at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. If nobody is in labor, we'll do our best to respond!

It's the season for MOLE HUNTING. If you don't remember The Podcast Ninja's technique, he shares all the gory details again in this episode. Next, John talks about his big plans to avoid yard work... (Psssst, he's going to be sorely disappointed, Neighbor!) Then, Luke tells us the thing that John shared at Church today that felt noteworthy and then he forgot and then remembered again. People's actions will tell you what they really think. It's easy to say, "I am a Christian who believes the Gospel." But, the choices made in daily life will reveal much! Finally, both "Christians" and "Atheists" in America are struggling with an Authority Problem. We'll unpack that the best we can--but if you know, you know! Email the Comedian's Family at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com .

First, let's talk about making cake for no reason... And,we need a short word-study, because the word "bi-weekly" has too many definitions. Next: John has been watching lots of videos of sermons from Charismatic preachers. This false doctrine happens to be the very first theological question that Luke and the Peaches tackled before they got married! Later: A friend of John's almost made him choke on his chicken caesar salad. What sort of "authority" are Christians "supposed" to have when it comes to raising the dead? Finally: Luke wants to know, "Is believing a false Gospel the same as not being a Christian at all?" How much truth about Jesus do you need in order to be saved? Email the Comedian's family at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com

Well, Neighbor, it has been TOO LONG since we talked about disc golf! Go get yourself some discs, so you don't have to be left out of the recurring conversation. Next: We're going to answer all your questions about how to schedule your time... No, wait, we're going to tell you whether or not to quit your job. No, actually we're going to talk about productivity. Luke feels guilty because he doesn't think he's bringing enough focus to his day job. How should bosses and employees measure "productivity?" (And what kind of "productivity" really brings the most value to the people you love?) There are so many different directions we could take this conversation! But, of course, it always comes back to home-education and family life. Contact the Comedian's family by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com .

Hey, Neighbor! Papa John's is selling a pizza featuring crispy "cuppy-roni." This is worth mentioning at LEAST a few times this episode... Next: there has been a little bit on controversy in the Fight Laugh Feast network. (But, really, what else is new?) Sometimes listeners feel like their favorite hosts aren't practicing what they preach... The Peaches thinks this speaks to the natural limitations of the podcast platform. It's impossible to get a complete picture of a person's beliefs, even if you consume several hours worth of their content every week! (There's sooooooo much that is still happening behind the scenes.) It's possible to hear a message about "Rowdy Christians" multiple times and STILL not understand how to apply it, until you've spent more in-person time with the messenger. Later: Some concepts and analogies we share on the podcast are not going to translate if listeners are not part of a real-life community. Podcasts have their place! Sermons are valuable! But there is no substitute for committed, imtimate relationships, where true disciples are made. Contact the Comedian's family by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com

Hey, neighbor! The Peaches and The Ninja have been together longer than they were "single." They've gone by many names over the years... But why does Uncle David call John "Scooter?" (Settle in, while Scooter unloads his coffee-related trauma.) Then: HAPPY TRANS VISIBILITY DAY! We actually know people--in real life--who have swallowed that Kool-Aid. AND: Our Comedy Clique has been talking about Foot-Washing Ceremonies. Some good questions have been raised in the last few days! What message is the Pope sending when he washes the feet of 12 female prisoners? Is there a better way to demonstrate "servanthood' to a modern culture? Finally: Jesus taught that being a servant makes you the GREATER in the Kingdom of Heaven. Many Christians are uncomfortable with the way they are elevated to places of Authority, while they keep trying to be perpetual doormats. How do we deal with the reality that our acts of service give us more responsibility and "power?" Contact the Comedian's family, nextdoor@johnbranyan.com

It's basketball season, Neighbor, and our NCAA bracket is looking sad! But legend has it, the Branyan kids once predicted all four of the Final Four teams and won enough money for John to retire for about two hours. Also, there is DRAMA among the McKinney/West/Farkas cousins. (No, nothing scandalous.) A group of actors, aged 13 and under, are producing their own musical theater show. It's the most adorable thing we've seen in a while. Next: If a person can't explain WHY the believe something, do they really even believe it? Use your words, Pkarlgh! Pictures aren't really worth 1000 words, and you CAN'T preach the Gospel silently... Contact the Comedian's family by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com

If you're tuning in for this episode, you will be among the first to sample The Podcast Ninja's new Outgoing Personality! (Tell us if you think he's not being "serious" enough.) We tackle other questions like: should men wear a suit and tie to church? And should adults watch cartoons?... Later: If you want to add rocks to your health and wellness journey, we have a great opportunity for you! (It's basically witchcraft--but it's all the rage.) Email the Comedian's family: nextdoor@johnbranyan.com Tell us what kind of "crystal" John should take to the Quack Doctor's virtual event.

Welcome to the table, Pkarlgh. Our family participated in a huge fundraiser for our local Christian school--and we were very encouraged! Many hands make for light work... It's great to be part of a functioning community! Then: If you're hearing us talk about this well-oiled machine and wishing your community was as Perfect as ours, let us remind you that we are very critical of parachurch organizations! We really need to make some clarifications about WHY we focus on the Bad Stuff in the culture... (Someone wrote to us and said, "I'm struggling to find a church that I can trust. I don't understand the different denominations, but I know you guys disagree with most of them...") Keep this in mind at all times: God will not hold you accountable for things you DON'T understand; he holds you accountable for obeying what you DO understand. Later: Let's talk about the problem with popular Christian worship leaders. (But don't let fear of heretical music keep you from going to church!) Email the Comedian's family at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. (But don't ask us questions that should be directed at your elders. :) )

Hi, Neighbor! John and Luke called an "audible" at church last week and switched up the communion prep system. Who's going to be mad about that? (Well, some people might.) If you start taking responsibility and making decisions then you will deal with some pushback. But, overall, you will be a HUGE ASSET to a healthy church (or soccer program). Leaders take initiative! Later: Luke shares his fail-proof system for aspiring conversationalists. If you're wondering, "How does Luke always have something interesting to say???" be prepared to take notes! Email the Comedian's family at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com

Hey, Neighbor! We thought we uploaded this episode ON TIME, but technical difficulties occurred... Better late than never!

It's snowy in Indiana--but the Peaches broke a power pole back when the roads were basically clear. Luke did a show with Dave Dugan, and John did a show in Wisconsin (Wa-Keh-Shaw). Were these "good" events or "bad" ones? It totally depends on your perspective! Any single event could be both good and bad, or both challenging and successful at the same time. John still gets rushes of adrenaline when he's going on stage. Luke and his brother-in-law struggle to sleep immediately after a performance. But is that the same thing as stage fright or "nervousness?" The difference between "Excitement" and "anxiety" is simply whether you're looking forward to it or not. Later: Most people in the audience do not want the speaker to fail. They're on your side! But even the pros get sweaty while managing their adrenaline. It's normal! Can we learn to thank God regardless of whether we are feeling wide awake or ready to curl up and rest? Finally: Let's beat a dead horse...that is still trotting around... We know a pastor whose daughter found a questionable book in her school library. What should he do now? Contact the Comedian's family by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com

Hey, Neighbor, we're recording on Superbowl Sunday... not to be confused with Tuesdays with Taylor... (By the way, are you the Master of your own Sea?) Then: Not only do Christians like to identify as "Sinners," but we like to sanitize the behavior of the Unbelievers. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt--even though they are Lost. Later: We tried to raise Luke's bloodpressure with the story of a grumpy patient complaining about her stay at the hospital. But he is pretty unflappable. Do you know what the medical community does with particularly uncooperative patients? Finally: Let's talk about the idol of People Pleasing. What IS the difference between having a "servant's heart" and being a people-pleaser? Contact the comedian's family: nextdoor@johnbranyan.com

We have an extra guest at the table today, Neighbor! Also, John's sons-in-law created a video game character who is almost indescribably ugly. But we try anyway. Either way--let's get down to business... Transformers and electronic tablets are for Christians/Saints--not for Sinners. Boy, this is a controversial topic in our community right now. Is it wise to refer to Christians as "Sinners saved by grace?" The Peaches really feels encouraged, because she was called a "she-devil" several times. What inspired that kind of vitriol? It was the suggestion (no--insistence) that being a Saint who struggles with sin is very different from continuing to identify with your sin by calling yourself a "sinner." Saying "I am a sinner" is an identity statement. One person told us, "I was a sinner, I am a sinner, and it's what I ALWAYS WILL BE." Yuck. That comes from unthoughtful church culture--not from God's Word. The power of the Gospel is completely removed when Christians still cling to their sinful identity. God calls us Children (He calls us Saints). But Americans still call themselves "Sinners." Later: Listen to some truly unhinged accusations from really, really angry people. Email the Comedian's Family at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com.

Hey, Neighbor. Our beloved YouTube show, Starving Comics, is coming to an end. (Or, it has already come to an end--since you're listening after the end.) We hope you're thoroughly confused. Or at least angry. If you're sad, we can definitely give you a different emotion to experience... By the way, make note of the fact that Kevin James has a new comedy special, but John doesn't want to say anything else about it. Then: Lots of comedians struggle with needing validation from strangers. But that's not really John's temptation. For the Peaches, taking a picture with Elijah Wood is actually VOMITOUS. Later: What does any of this have to do with a hoarder who keeps bottles of human waste near her fridge? People need to have their conscience trained...but nobody is willing to tell them when they're GROSS. Email the Comedian's family at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com.

We are pretty cold over here, Neighbor! Wrap up in your fleece blanket, and you'll fit right in... Luke wants to talk about CHURCH DISCIPLINE today. Let's see if this topic is as controversial as the last one he picked... Plus, the Peaches went to an MLK service at an urban church. (What a trip!) Can we weave these two things together? Later: Luke shares a post from a woman who is outraged that she was excommunicated. Everybody likes the idea of church discipline, as long as it goes one way... The same way everyone loves to talk about "conquering" and fighting for political power--as long as it's in the context of an MLK service and not being applied by a white "Christian Nationalist." Finally: John talked with a guy this week who wants to help thousands of people "make decisions for Christ." But--he doesn't want to have an awkward conversation with his own kids. Contact the Comedian's family by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com

Welcome to the table, Neighbor! The kids are playing in the background, and the PodNinja is feeling more talkative than usual... To kick things off, John shares why he hopes he gets invited to host the Golden Globes. Next: he Church love to retreat. Most Christians think they are leaving a "neutral ground" in the middle of the battle field, but that's not how it works! When we step back, it leaves a vacuum that "sucks" the anti-religious Nut Jobs into our old spot that we were too cowardly to stand in. Later: There's a campground near our home that is "rebranding." (Their words.) They are moving away from a family-style nature...and now, they will be "catering to the LGBT, Adults-Only crowd." (Their words again.) Yes, really! You must be 18 just to walk out on the disc golf course. Finally, the Pod Ninja (known for his powerful silence) actually brought a topic of discussion! There are some theologically-questionable things on Reddit. Did Jesus hang out with Sinners? Should we take stuff personally? Should we abandon our kids when we don't feel affection, like the animals do? Don't have fellowship with Sinners, neighbor! You can email the Comedian's family at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com.

Hey, Neighbor! The Podcast Ninja had a run-in with a power tool that might leave you feeling a bit light headed. Then, John shares his New Year's Message for young people... don't promise stuff if you don't really mean it. Words matter, and "semantics" matter. Which brings us to another point: AMERICANS ARE SHOCKINGLY ILLITERATE. (We bring statistics!) Why does John hate audiobooks so much? Also: The Podcast Ninja reads an amazing book review from Amazon that will make you laugh if you understand the words. Thanks for listening! Email the Comedian's family at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com

Hey, Neighbor! This episode was supposed to air on Christmas Day... but OOPS! Enjoy this late gift, from us. --The Comedian's Family

Hey, Neighbor. This is PART TWO of the conversation with Juan DeVevo regarding the parable of the sower. (You know, some people are going to reject the Gospel no matter how we present it. So what do we make of that reality?!) We humans love to take credit for our own goodness. But--taking God's glory for ourselves is literally the worst sin we can commit. Meanwhile, we like to give our neighbors the benefit of the doubt. But when we assume they are a pretty good, charitable person, that is still judging their heart! (Plus: why did a U.S. President snub Juan?) Later: -Celebrities are still strangers, even when they profess to be Christians. -"What's up with Jesus having to DIE on the CROSS?!" -Most church people will let absolutely anyone teach the kids' Sunday School class -AND, more complaints about Ken Ham... (lol) Follow Juan on tour at castingcrowns.com. Email the Comedian at nextdoor@johnbranyan.com