Wholeheartedly, (by Clahrah)

Ingredients: In this envelope, share a conversation about self-love with me and my friend Denise. We go through some of the question cards from the Self-Love edition of the 'We're Not Really Strangers' card game! There were many digressions that could not be avoided though we tried with all our might. This is only part 1! We weave through our brains for thoughts on comparison, compliments, and so on. If you feel like taking care of yourself has been challenging these days or you haven't been able to slow down lately, answer these questions with us.

Ingredients: Season 2 Delivery! My dearest friend Juliet and I sit on my couch and try to recall the plot of a groundbreaking work of fiction: the Twilight Saga. She's finally on the pod! We'll be discussing very important things. We try to explain the plot of Twilight (2008) to you (quite terribly) as if you've never heard of it before. There is something unmoveable about this piece of vampire media. Do we remember it accurately? Who knows. (Content warnings: plot mentions abuse; death; mental health issues) Alternate summary of this envelope: pov - you know nothing about Twilight (2008) and want to understand it better so you listen to this but cannot tell if this is a credible source because things sound strange but the co-hosts sound so confident.

Ingredients: let's pull aside the curtain so you can see what happens in the wings behind every teacher's stage! it is a performative job, is it not? in this envelope, we talk about some of the myths, assumptions and presumptions you might have about teaching or teachers. some of the things you don't see, some of the things that you do...etc. sometimes it's interesting to see the other side.

Ingredients: do you hear it? the sound of ice cubes clattering in your glass? or perhaps you can see the milk clouds collapsing in your coffee. these days i find myself thinking "just one more cup of caffeine..." too often. for some of us, we've always liked coffee. for others, we might've only started drinking this confidence-potion when we felt like our productivity was under pressure or at its peak. highly caffeinated drinks can be kind to us on days where we feel slower than we'd like to be, but they can also be temperamental and moody. depending on where you get your cup of joe, the effects may differ... anxiety, mood swings, overthinking et al. tend to shadow us with this drink. so why do we always return to it? why drink it? this envelope will explore our relationships with caffeine; why we start drinking coffee; discuss your insights on the place coffee has in your lives; talk about whether it affects you. listen to this episode now! best served with a cup of coffee (of course).

Ingredients: music and sound can be another environment where we might attach our sentiments. some of us might have imaginary soundtracks that accompany our day-to-days. running errands may feel best with energetic music, or perhaps to block overthinking patterns you're listening to white noise on your train commute. our music libraries are so different and personalised. what about the concept playlists that you have ready for any scenario you'll face? there's no doubt that for a lot of us, sound can transform a space and our mindsets. what are you listening to? (Instagram: @wholeheartedly.pod)

Ingredients: every reading slump has its 'time’, an expiration date, an antidote to its sluggish poison. in this envelope, we talk about some of the habits that have helped me when i find reading to be an uninspiring chore. maybe the trick is to stop thinking about reading if we want to read. or may it's to genre-hop. or perhaps reading with others can give us a sense of responsibility and purpose. whatever the remedy is, i hope you get out of your reading slumps soon. (Instagram: @wholeheartedly.pod)

Ingredients: for those of us who reside in cities, especially fast-paced cities, we may always feel like we have to move in sync with a city’s quickening heartbeat. the claustrophobia can sometimes extend beyond just physical claustrophobia in crowds. must i always act like i know where i’m going? hmm… can i walk leisurely on the pavement without fear of getting in someone’s way? maybe not. is there time to ask for more time? no! never! we might end up thinking like the cities that we live in. is it possible to live ‘slowly’ in a city? where are the blind-spots where city currents don’t reach us? if you feel tired, i’m sending wishes to you to find a rest-stop soon, what ever it may be. (Instagram: @wholeheartedly.pod)

Ingredients: it happens: you end up feeling cramped in your own home, or you refuse to be productive in a space that's a habitat for rest and comfort. thus, we turn to one of the kindest public spaces we have: cafés. we might be regulars somewhere or have the same go-to order. there's nothing quite like settling yourself at a café for the day. there are ups and downs to the process of discovering new cafés and learning each café's unique etiquette. when it comes to these caffeinated environments, what do we take away?

Ingredients: for most of us, we might be sitting in the quiet, minding our own business when we are met with the dreaded question: “what are you thinking?”. there’s something earth-shattering about being told to come up to the front and say what’s on your mind. we have so many spaces (or stages) in which we do this. what makes speaking in front of a crowd so nervewracking? how do we make the small steps to move past this? are we ever able to?

Ingredients: there are some video games that are nostalgic and timeless at the same time. what made The Sims so engrossing for us? what was special about it? The Sims had a simple premise: it was a life simulator where you could input all your ideal fictional scenarios and turn them into a playable reality. to this day, i still recall the ways in which this game grew up with me. reminiscing this game came up several times over the past week, so here it stands centre stage. some video games deserve more credit than we give them. surely it means something that we constantly reminisce over them. (Instagram: @wholeheartedly.pod)

Ingredients: our daily encounters give us many opportunities to feel comedically foolish. we often face small liminal spaces of time where we recognise our weaknesses, or moments that test our patience, memory, and perfect facades. perhaps the best remedy is being able to see its humour in hindsight. have you ever felt so small when waiting for a microwave? having to deal with a drenched umbrella in a dry space? forgetting to hang up your laundry once its done? tripped over nothing? hidden a possession too well and now you cannot find it? the list goes on... [!] envelope 11 features a friend and primary teacher, Sophie's (852sophie) living room sets our scene for the most "chat with us as you hear Jinx the cat and someone cooking nearby" episode. an aquarian and leo have only foolish anecdotes to air out. eavesdrop now!

Ingredients: we see every scene, every moment and passage of time, as perishable before it's even time to say goodbye. why are goodbyes so overwhelming? sometimes we find the last words, sometimes we can't seem to use them on cue. sometimes we'll cry instead of speak because it seems easier. there are long sentimental open letters. there are also the gifts of appreciation or tokens of gratitude. somewhere in the far corner of the room, there's the one who makes a silent exit, careful not to spotlight their leave too much. how do we say goodbye? what makes a goodbye weird to initiate? there is something to say about the ending scenes we make for ourselves when a memory, routine or scene hits its shelf life. (Instagram: @wholeheartedly.pod)

Ingredients: this envelope has been stargazing and has found herself at your door. often we may feel like the most difficult person to get to know is ourselves. this is true for a lot of us! and one of the places we may turn to could be astrology, tarot readings, or personality tests and quizzes. at the centre of it, maybe it's because we just want to know who we are. we want to feel known and be understood. we may also simply want to Know. still, where do we draw the line? are there defects with these spaces? what's just for fun and what isn't so fun? - what is it about astrology charts and personality typings that makes us curious? - what are the shadows that appear when these labels are used to make assumptions and generalisations? - what were some of /your/ thoughts with astrology? - !!! still! what's an alternative to these serious 'tests' that can be harmless fun? (Instagram: @wholeheartedly.pod)

Ingredients: what is it that we tuck underneath the floorboards? what makes us seal our habits, hobbies and interests into jewellery boxes with lock and key? should we call them guilty pleasures at all? in this envelope, you'll find a bookmark from an overrated fiction book, a movie ticket of a film that silently surged an entire era, trinkets from pop culture. get in line! we're uncovering what we're ashamed of.

Ingredients: where can we go to hide from time? there has to be a hiding place for all of us. liminal spaces and homes are where we feel the most relieved after a long (or even short) day running around figuratively and literally. it's like the feeling you get when emerging from the dark depths of a movie theatre, the sudden realisation that you were submerged in a timeless void and now you're back. where are these "in-between"s? (instagram: @wholeheartedly.pod)

Ingredients: in every reader's heart, there sits a creature known as 'Reading Slump'. we feel it staring and it won't leave even after you've gestured to the door. it is the leaf stuck on the bottom of your boot, the lone macaroni you missed in the corner of the packet, the teabag left in a mug--harmless but annoying! there are good books and then there are the books that got away. how can we get rid of this 'reader's guilt' when it just won't leave us alone? what makes us care for stories? how can we know what books are for us? does it make us faux readers to say "i like to read" but find it difficult to finish a book? lil library card of books mentioned this episode: - Song of Achilles - Madeleine Miller - Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo - City of Ember - Jeanne DuPrau - Solitaire - Alice Oseman - Heartstopper - Alice Oseman - Portrait of a Thief - Grace D. Li - Tiny Moons: A Year of Eating in Shanghai - Nina Powles - The Magic Fish - Trung Le Ngyuen - The Girl Who Fell Beneath The Sea - Axie Oh - Daughter of the Moon Goddess - Sue Lynn Tan - Squad - Maggie Tokuda-Hall - The Tea Dragon Society - Kay O'Neill - Feelings: A Story in Seasons - Manjit Thapp

Ingredients: sharing food is a gesture of care. it communicates to us that there is a place for us at the table. 'you have a place here', it says. what are our comfort foods? why do thing bring us comfort? what does it really mean when we are given a plate of sliced fruit? there are some shadows in here about vegetarianism and the heartbreak of it. there are also some lighter moments where food (homecooked or otherwise) can colour our moods. have a seat at the dining table, let's talk about it all. - "I'm vegetarian and it's heartbreaking" (Medium, 2020) Instagram: @wholeheartedly.pod

Ingredients: so why do we care about a fictional character so much? what makes us care? why do we care when a character dies? you know this feeling: you meet a character for the first time and before you know it they sit in a very dear part of your heart. you would protect them with your life!!!! eavesdrop on Arielle (yelliedraws) and i as we gush about our comfort stories, character growth, our comfort characters and scratch (only) the surface of some fictional realms that have stuck by us for a while. *fiction mentioned: the haunting of bly manor; the haunting of hill house; spider-man: homecoming; once upon a time; gilmore girls (specifically, jess mariano); haikyuu;

Ingredients: we are constantly renovating our memory museums! nostalgia is bittersweet. it's healing, it aches, everything all at once. when we look for keepsakes, are we even aware that we do? in every photograph, song or piece of art we make or share, we are holding footprints and ghosts of memory. why do film photos feel like ghosts more than digital photos? where do we place our sentiments when we're navigating change? how inconvenient can nostalgia be sometimes? this envelope couldn't be sealed without the pod's first guest, Tamia from Grrl Cloud! Tamia is a professional nostalgia hunter, keeper of memories and creator of music and photography. eavesdrop and join in on our conversation about the bittersweet pangs of reminiscence and analogue hobbies. :)

(if you're up for supporting this poetry project, full ver. of Burns can be found here: https://heartprinters.gumroad.com/l/burns illustrations and all <3) Ingredients: Envelope #2 invites YOU to a poetry evening! Meet an angry poetry chapbook in its ruins left behind from 2018. Make a drink and let's try to combat artist-alienation, witness how emotional fires can actually be a delicate thing, and most of all: you will hear some of these poems out loud--ashes, dust and all. Do stay and go as you wish! Burns: When Anger Comes Home carves a landscape painting within 27 poems. At midnight, a girl meets the fuel, the flame and the ashes of a burning home to capture the ghosts of anger. An exploration of grief, heartache and self-acceptance. What can we save? What does anger really return to? Where is home? *Content warnings: grief and loss. make sure to check with yourself that this is something you want to listen to :) (Instagram: @wholeheartedly.pod)