Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups

Losing Yourself Trying to Nurture and Aid a Borderline? In a response to a Codependent commenter on a video I did about Borderlines Lying and manipulation whether it is on purpose, calcuulated or not - it is what it is, this person who left a semi=hostile but Codependent denying comment thought that it should be possible for partners, Ex's or friends of someone with BPD to nurture them and aid them as they stressed this MUST be possible. No, it really isn't. This person's Codependent denial "take-away" they ascribe to my video is evidence of their own denial and twisting of what I said because they don't want to or aren't ready to realize the reality that one needs to find outside of a tantasy bond with a Borderline, You need to take care of yourself, not continue to think or believe or fantasize about nurturing and aiding - rescuing, changing, or fixing a person with BPD while you are being traumatized and keep losing more and more of yourself and getting more confused about why "love" hurts so much. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Quiet Discouraged Subtype Specific Traits and Shocking Discards The quiet Borderline subtype known and described as the Discouraged Borderline. A look at this presentation and manifestation of Borderline Personality Disorder. The specific Quiet BPD subtype traits are discussed as well as the reasons why a Discouraged Borderline's shocking discard is one of the most painful relationship endings. Cold discards by the Quiet Borderline that are not your fault. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Salacious BPD Women Are Not Dreams But Relationship Nightmares Every person with Borderline Personality, their lives matter and are worth living. But in response to an objectified erroneous and pathological veneration of Borderline Women that goes way too far via his perspective as a malignant narcissist. Some of his video "Borderline's Life is Worth Living Technicolor Adventure" is in some aspects very dark and not only misses the mark in places but objectives the "Borderline Woman" as he seems to covet the emotionality of people with BPD but misrepresents it for his own duper's delight and Narcissistic supply. I want to present an alternative voice and remind you that if you are not, like said Youtuber is, a malignant narcissist or a Narcissist, as a Codependent, believing his wayward message will be very harmful, dark and dangerous for you. Salacious Borderline Women are not "dreams" they are unfortunately relationship nightmares. You need to get off the BPD rollercoaster trauma bond that you are losing or have lost yourself on. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Breakup Obsession & Codependent Excuses Waiting to Be Rescued By Who? Please note: At two points in this (passionate) episode I mention being very fed up with many of the excuses like the commenter I respond to in this episode. I am referring to being fed up with people on social media, denying their Codependency and making excuses - I am very patient and not ever fed up at all with working with any singal client. In the video I was able to add this on screen but thought it best to add in the description here. BPD Breakup Obsession and seemingly endless Codependent (Ex of BPD or on/off) excuses waiting (perhaps unconsciously in many cases) to be rescued and by someone - who? The Borderline can't rescue you. If you believe, like the commenter I respond to here, in God, you may like this commenter be waiting for God to rescue you. God is not going to rescue anyone either. If you don't believe in God, or practice any faith or religion than please apply this to your own spiritual context and/or beliefs. The message that is most important is that you need to take personal responsibility to end the betrayal bonded relationship and take action to get into therapy and your own healing and recovery process. Heal and recover from the BPD or NPD Relationship breakup and Codependency,, truly find yourself. The first step, is just take action to start working with someone. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Can’t Find Love Or Love You From Your Perspective - Borderlines Don't Take Your Identity or Self or Mental Image and then find love from that perspective Borderlines can't find love or feel love for you from your perspective, or mental image or somehow by "taking" your identity or self from you to see your perspective at all. Too many people with Codependency believe this because you really want to believe who you thought the person with BPD was who seemed to love you would really be findable again so you would be being loved and seen and heard. This is just not how people with BPD are or how they "relate" to significant others. They really do not know how to love you because they don't know themselves. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Petulant BPD Rage Uses You and The Why Insight of a Recovered Borderline Petulant Borderlines use you when they rage at you. A borderline rage does make them feel better at your expense. They are often not aware of what is happening for your or how you are affected by them. Self-awareness deficits in untreated BPD mean that Borderlines are too engulfed and absorbed with their own dysregulated feelings to even be aware of how they are using you - this does not excuse what they are actually doing to you. How you are not seen or heard by them. Often after a Petulant BPD rage the person with BPD feels much better while you are left reeling. They are ready to carry on, and you are shell-shocked. They don't have a frame of reference from their rage to hear how hurt and/or devastated you are. BPD Rage episodes are not ever resolved in relationships. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderline Splitting Cycles Mixed With Codependent Denial Borderline splitting cycles mixed with Codependent denial fuel the betrayal bonded dynamics of cognitive dissoncance, falsely believing and defending that a BPD partner or BPD Ex "loves" you. Denial of one's own Codependency is often a conscious and unconscious driver of people continuing to pursue the fantasy of BPD Relationship "love". Untreated people with Borderline Personality Disorder can't and don't love you. Can you relate to believing a person with BPD "loves" you and continue to be fooled by (and fool yourself) that Borderline inconsistency, incongruence, and lack of words and actions having any unity with each other still somehow means, against all odds, that the person you love with BPD, are dating, or in a relationship with who has BPD really "loves" you? This is how people with Codependency continue to lose more and more of "self" to the splitting cycles of people with BPD who have no "self" from which to love you. They are seeking identity through you. The person with BPD, in a way, is taking you from you to try to meet their own needs in "object other" unhealthy "relating" that just isn't healthy love at all. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Recontacting Your BPD Ex (Reverse Hoovering) Increases Your Suffering Recontacting your BPD Ex is reverse hoovering and it increases Codependents suffering. Many people with Codependency are still in denial of the reverse hoovering responsibility that they have. No matter how the relationship "ended" or if it is on/off and/or being recycle, recontacting a borderline or still in communication increases the suffering of people with Codependency who have their own responsibility to not continue their part of the betrayal bonded relationship. You need to get into therapy to work toward going no contact so that you can heal. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Don't Value You in Dating or Relationships Borderlines don't value you in dating or relationships because they are insatiable and have failed at "othering". People with BPD are very (lack of) self-focused and emotionally only aware of their feelings, wants that they mix up with needs. Borderlines don't value you because emotionally they are actually not relating to you, for who you really are. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Loving a Borderline & Why You Will Never Know Who He or She Is or Was Loving a borderline woman or man it is a high percentage of people in all relationship types who really will never know who that person with BPD in your life, or was in your life, is. Loving a borderline is loving someone you really don't know. It's loving someone for who you thought they were in the beginning and for who you still wish and/or have false hope for them to become. Intermittent reinforcement (at the heart of these trauma bonded relationships) has actually psychologically captured you and you are losing yourself the more you keep trying to love a borderline and really can't know who they actually are because they don't know who they are. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Discard & Dangle Fantasy Facade At The End Like the Beginning Many with BPD when they discard you with or without actually saying so dangle the fantasy facade at the end like they did in the beginning. They want you to believe they are going to be the person you thought they were in the beginning, at the end, as they monkey-branch or quickly go to the next person. This is (often unconscious) manipulation to leave you feeling in the "one-down" position as the Borderline now has the illusion of being in the "one-up" position. It's their fantasy of facade. They are not who they think they are. The grass will not be greener with the next person. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Breakup & Codependent Woundedness Vulnerability is a Strength After Healing After a BPD Breakup, ghosting and/or discard getting into your own healing and recovery journey focusing on yourself - not the Borderline Ex - healing your Codependency and becoming a bounded, empowered, independent person means your vulnerability will be a strength, not a weakness. In response to a comment on a shote I did about my empowered understanding of any vulnerability being a strength wherein I was talking about my medical weight challenges I talk in more depth about vulnerability as a strength and respond to a YouTube commenter who seems to be coming from a place of significant need to protect and believe that vulnerability is a weakness. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Responding to Borderline Ex Only When Contacted or Hoovered is NOT No Contact Are you an Ex of someone suspected of having BPD or someone you know has BPD? Whether you know the relationship is over or not are you trying to not initiate contact first? Are you a stance now of only responding to contact (hoovers) from your Ex and thinking that means you have gone *no contact*? You are not in full no contact if your Ex with BPD can contact you in any way. You are not in full no contact if you have left even one avenue of contact open to be hoovered and then and only then you respond. What are you doing? Why? https://ajmahari.ca/Sessions

BPD Deceptive Hoovers & BPD Ex's Self Deceptive Reverse Hoovers BPD deceptive hoovers are what hoovers are, deceptive. BPD Ex's reverse hoovers are often self-deceptive. BPD hoovers or Ex's reverse hoovers only lead to more of the same - try again, nothing changes, no re-idealization or honeymoon phase and as the BPD betrayal bond cycles repeat over and over you keep end up being in that same stuck "want/need my BPD Ex back" agony. Time to get off the BPD relationship recycling rollercoaster and go no contact. https://ajmahari.ca/Sessions

Riding the Chaotic Rollercoaster of a Borderline? Core Secret Understanding You Need To Know If you are riding the chaotic rollercoaster of a Borderline, there is a secret understanding that you need to know. Many resist this understanding that is your own healthy way forward toward no contact and finding your own healing, closure and the reasons and lessons of what you have gone through and why you are finding it so incredibly difficult to break away from the BPD relationship chaotic rollercoaster of the impossibility unworkable and very unhealthy relationships. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Definition and 5 Signs of a Trauma Bond with a Borderline or Narcissist Definition and 5 Signs of a Trauma Bond with a Borderline or a Narcissist that every Codependent partner, on/off relationship recycling, or Ex of a person with BPD or NPD needs to know. People in relationships with a person with BPD or NPD are in trauma bonded relationships that are not healthy. People in these relationships do have Codependency, to one degree or another.Even those who experience counterdependency can often also be codependent as it's a spectrum. What you need to know about trauma bonds, trauma bonding, and the 5 tell-tale signs you are in a trauma bonded relationship with a Borderline or a Narcissist. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

The Borderline Set Up Hoover The Borderline set up hoover is unlike any other type or generic "average" hoover. The Borderline set up hoover is one that is your BPD Ex plotting to punish you (especially the female borderline vs the male BPD Ex) by lying false accusations to get you arrested and put in jail. This is as serious as your BPD Ex can ever get. Not all with BPD will do this set up hoover but many more women with BPD are doing it to male Ex's. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

LIMERENCE vs LOVE Obsessing on An Unavailable BPD Ex - Stop Relationship Recycling Go No Contact A lot of people who can't stop BPD Relationship Recycling, ruminating about the BPD when you are their Ex have Limerence as well as Codependency. In this episode I explain the 3 Main stages of Limerence. The differences between Limerence nad Love. I also breakdown the 3 stages of Limerence and the negative impacts of Limerence and why going no contact from a person with BPD who ghosted you or discarded you or who you may have broken up with is crucial for you to break the betrayal bond, heal the limerence and your Codependency. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Why Don't Borderlines Just Get It? Why don't borderlines just get it, how to have their own boundaries and understand their feelings even with iniial therapy can't they just get it? Are you falesly hopingwomeone in your life with untreated BPD just get it? What is it that you might not be getting? What do you still need to get? That you still need to undersand about BPD and your relationship recycling? https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

To Survive a BPD Breakup First Stop Relationship Recycling So many people are so stuck in the betrayal bonds that play out Codependent repetition compusions cycles in relationships with people with Borderline Personality Disorder to a point even way beyond self-abandonment, self-sacrifice, and losing yourself that emotionally it feels impossible to live with the Borderline or without the Borderline. Where do exists in that when there's no middle, no room for you, no reciprocity and you are stuck giving all the time and not being seen and heard? This is a recipe for mental and physical health breaking down and you need to find your way, with help, to stop the relationship recycling, get to the point of taking action that is self-focused and self-partnering so you can heal and recover and live your best life in all areas of your life. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions