ZER0 FUCKS GIVEN

If you ever find yourself questioning your intellectual capabilities, just remember, Josh Mitts is still a Professor of Law at Columbia Law School. Whatever your feelings about his past work, there’s zero question about the complete lack of academic rigor, accountability, accuracy, intellectual honesty – whatever the hell you want to call it – in his latest research paper Trading on Terror?. Fret not, your favorite short seller is hot on his trail and Carson lays into Mitts’ self-anointed status as Academic Rambo. London has a new exhibit at the Science Museum and its relation to science is about as true as Mitts’ research. In brighter news, Freddy goes on to explain why he’s walked back his love for Robbie Williams faster than the Fed turned its back on ‘Higher For Longer.’ And as we close out the year, Jeffrey Ubben is the unquestionable leader for Retard of The Year. As a parting note, we’d like to wish everyone a Happy Holidays. Be sure to tune in next year. You won’t want to miss our new lineup of Woke Santa Claus, Contra-indicators with Jeffrey Ubben and as always, Monster Alpha!

Although the Shark of Wall Street (“Carson”) isn’t donning his trucker sweater, he does have another colorful shirt for this week’s podcast. For those of you who’ve seen Episode 33 of ZFG (Stocks and Cocks at Fashion Week), it needs no explanation. But by some twist of the imagination, might he be trying to tell us that he actually enjoyed his TSA touch-up? Freddy had a good time in Mexico, which makes you wonder why he’s so sensitive to sitting down. Speaking of bizarre stories, we get a first-hand review of Rob Copeland’s new book, The Fund. Ever wonder what it’s like working at Bridgewater, the world’s largest hedge fund? Freddy gives us a complete download. Well, at least a two-thirds download. And with ski season upon us, Freddy shares a cautionary tale from a Swedish cross-country skier. If you ever find yourself in 18th place of a ski race, please raise the white flag BEFORE your dick freezes off.

If at all possible, try to divert your attention away from the t-shirts. The first rule of T-Shirt Club is: you do not talk about the damn t-shirts! The larger issue at hand isn't Freddy trying to revive the puffer style from the 1980s, it's the onerous regulations placed on private funds, particularly in light of the absurd proclamations frequently spewed by Cathy Wood. On a lighter note, does anyone remember the childhood dream of becoming an astronaut? Carson shares a few excerpts from a NYT article that might make you reconsider. South Korea demonstrates its lack of creativity with yet another short selling ban. The incels at ApeFest discover a whole new meaning behind 'laser eyes.' Freddy has another business idea for football hooligans-in-training, but being English and all, he's forgiven for not knowing that axe throwing is a Loggersport that's been around since the 1940s. And Carson pushes back against the incompetence of yet another law professor.

Leonardo DiCaprio is back in the news and it’s not for his latest movie, Killers of the Flower Moon. Sure, with his endless stream of 25-year-old girlfriends, we could be forgiven for thinking he’s just another Pay Pig. But after further consideration, Carson and Freddy think there might be some master plan at work. Was Vittoria searching for Leo’s stash of Skittles or just looking to add a little spice to the hors d’oeuvres? Speaking of having it stuck to you, John Paulson recently made headlines with a former business associate going for his own reach-around. Freddy unveils the latest crypto scam and, with Gen Z relying on TikTok for its news, there’s very little question as to why degenerates continue to fall for the SBF’s of the world.

There’s been a new addition to the offices at Muddy Waters headquarters and it’s only the start of a major makeover to the conference room. Carson explains how he came across a stash of conference room chairs, which come from a very special place in financial history. Freddy goes on to share his ideas for how they might freshen up the artwork. After a lengthy debate, we’re still not entirely sure which state wins in a sporting event – drunk or high. Leave us a comment with your vote! Along the way, we learn more about Carson’s personal life. Everything from getting ghosted on two different job offers, to his topless beer drinking days in California, and even his Dad’s cannabis ice cream scare. The crew wraps up with a discussion on a research paper and whether physical appearance is a determining factor for performance – both in bed and the P&L column.

For starters, let's all give Krista a big round of applause for finally nailing an intro. No, seriously, because that's about the only thing she stays on track with, in this week's ZFG. In what began as a discussion about fashion, or lack thereof, the focus quickly shifts to Freddy's foot fetish, which knows no bounds. And, as bizarre as that sounds, it pales in comparison to Bryan Johnson's quest to relive his awkward teen years. At this point, you're probably feeling a bit queasy and wanting to bail. Don't. Hold on tight, just as ferociously as the TSA agent, once he got Carson's ass in his grasps. Have no fear, we did promise a weekly installment of Freddy's Business Idea of The Week. And if you're ever in San Francisco, just remember, it's 1-800-Call-Freddy for a good time.

After two weeks away, the ZFG crew is back, and with some very important news - Tiger Global is back! With the NASDAQ roaring back in 2023, the Golden Levered Benchmark Boy is back in the black, as well. And to demonstrate the rigorous analysis that has gone into generating this terrific rebound in performance, Freddy shares a few anecdotes from eavesdropping on a recent conversation in Silicon Valley. And, no, we know what you're thinking - he wasn't out there pitching Poober to SoftBank, whose pockets are now lined with fresh bagholder cash. Pickleball is tearing apart communities almost as fast as it has the dignity of those who play it. Microphones on cox is a terrible idea. Carson goes on to reveal his best short idea following the Jets disaster on Monday Night Football. Freddy finds a place for OnlyFans in American politics. And Krista revisits her dreams of Hobby Horsing, only to admit that she's a solid six decades past the prime age for competitors.

After holding down the fort for the summer, Krista welcomes Freddy and Carson back from vacation. Freddy kicks things off with his Business Idea of The Week, which unfortunately appears to be a mainstay for Season Two of Zero Fucks Given. Krista, still in a vacation mindset – just kidding, she wasn’t allowed to leave the office – has been all too eager to tell her friends about Hobby Horsing, the newest Olympic sporting event. After recalling the fantastic coverage of Crispin Odey, Carson shares one of his favorite articles from his Californian summer – the dick that just kept on dicking. With the news of Saudi Aramco’s CEO being named to BlackRock’s Board of Directors, due to his and I quote, “understanding of the global energy industry and the drivers of the shift towards a low carbon economy.”, Carson opens the floor for any suggestions on who should be named to Muddy Waters’ Board of Hypocrisy. And just for good measure, Freddy wraps up with a second business idea, one that could potentially turn around Inotiv’s (NOTV) collapsing stock price – the Black Macaque Beef Jerky.

Coming to you from the masterminds behind Poober and eBay for human organs, we bring you the Toasted Zebra! Inspired by Carson's own wife, Freddy introduces their latest business idea - the Lululemon of women's drinking helmets. Once the excitement fades, Krista and Freddy take us down a long line of depressing news developments. From touchdown dances celebrating the takeout of one of Muddy Waters' short targets, to the PGA/LIV golf merger, and Instagram's algos promoting child pornography; it's been a rough few weeks. While Crispin Odey has run out of second, third or even tenth chances, we do learn that not everyone is out of strikes. The Luckin Coffee founder is back with, yes, another coffee chain.

The crew is back from Institutional Investor's award ceremony and Krista is still beaming from her nomination. Although she doesn't quite remember the events of that night, Freddy reminds her that Boaz Weinstein robbed her of true fame, though we suspect the judges were taking a page out of the Clarence Thomas playbook. Carson broaches the topic that's been on every investor's radar: How to manage your portfolio around the unknown known event of a potential US default? Carson and Freddy have gone back and forth on the appropriate way forward, but there is something they agree on – should the US default on its debt, which serves as the bedrock for global financial markets, no one has any idea how things will unfold. To get his point across, Carson shares the lessons of an old acquaintance who, just like our status as the global reserve currency, always found a way to threaten a perfect situation. And just in case you thought this looming risk of default has scared investors away from worthless shitcos, have no fear, there’s been a recent sighting of a Glenn Close impersonator.

At long last, the man at the heart of the Kenyan chess scandal has been brought to justice! Freddy, never one to put too much effort into his footwear, finds it comical that the size-11 sneakers weren’t spotted beneath the burka. The real question comes from whether it’s necessary to separate men and women for chess tournaments. Bodybuilding competitions? Absolutely. But chess? Perhaps the answer lies with Matt Moulding who is eager to lend a hand with some of his protein. After getting through current events, Carson vents about the complete lack of professionalism from the cabal of award-winning PhD journalists. How in the world did two comedians prank Jerome Powell? All it took was a phone call from King Zevinsky. As if Krista’s pop quiz on world events wasn’t going poorly enough, we come to find out that Pablo Escobar will forever be remembered in the history books for his hippo sanctuary. And for all of you wondering what exactly going on with the current banking crisis… Carson has a parting gift.

What do gerbils, Richard Gere and the Dalai Lama have in common? It might have something to do with cuckolding but at the very least, we can definitively say that they’re fun-loving creatures. Freddy goes on to explain his own religious beliefs and how his current views may have been shaped by a majestic fjord. In keeping with this theme of beauty, Carson details his latest trip to California where, unfortunately, policy makers are doing everything in their power to suck the fun out of an all-time classic treat. Don’t get too down, Carson has an important retraction to make and it has a little something to do with one of the most popular segments on ZFG. And speaking of retractions, Freddy reveals what we all suspected from the debacle with his learner’s permit… Krista, in fact, has no clue how to sign.

For anyone who missed the 93rd Academy Awards earlier this month, Krista leads off with a masterpiece that deserved to be on the short list to win Best Documentary Short Film. In a pleasant twist from revealing the shortcomings of employees at Muddy Waters, we learn that Krista is proficient with sign language. Many find such a skill worthy of celebration, but we come to find out it was Krista’s interpretation of Freddy’s learner’s permit that led him to believe he had earned his driver’s license. With the not-so-sudden downfall of Credit Saudi, Carson laments the final ZFG segment of Credit Suisse First Loss. While the crew revels in the downfall of Silicon Valley Bank (“SVB”), Freddy confesses to making a shameless plea to SVB by detailing another one of his business ideas. Not to be outdone, Carson goes on to share his learnings from the weekend – a glorious and infamous creature popularly known as the Cheetard. And as a parting gift from the esquire himself, Carson provides a few excerpts from an old book he co-authored on ‘Doing Business in China’… For Dummies.

In light of the recent mini-crisis across the US banking sector, Carson Block sits down with Soren Aandahl of Blue Orca Capital for a special episode of Zero Fucks Given. Shortly after the news dropped, Carson went into scramble mode, trying to find an opposing view on the prudence of the Silicon Valley Bank bailout. Soren, happy to enter the debate, believes policy makers made the right decision in a very difficult situaiton. Moral hazard concerns aside, he argues that the measures deployed were necesary to prevent a run on all regional banks. Carson pushes back, given the incestuous nature of SVB, and why regulators could have both sent a message on risk taking, while also calming the nerves of panicky depositors. The pair go on to debate the long-term implications but both are in agreement that the messaging may have done more damage than the cure.

Beyond any stretch of rational thinking, one of Freddy’s business ideas from 2022 still seems to be alive and kicking. With his fresh new swag, Carson lends his support to a reimagined Poober and tries to attract SoftBank’s interest with one of the largest TAMs in the market today. Brendan Schlong probably has some regrets about his dust up with Muddy Waters on his Pantheon Resources bet, but he’s not to be outdone by the Sheep of Wall Street, the apparent heir to Neil Woodford’s ‘contra’ throne. Carson is back on his soap box about the latest episode of ‘Fed Kardashians,’ but finds solace that someone finally took a stand with a porn zoom bomb of Fed Governor Christopher Waller’s virtual event. For anyone looking for a job at MWC, please list your disabilities as it’ll surely help the firm with its woke ESG initiatives.

Freddy is back, and we quickly find out that he spent his entire time away in the fetal position, with nightmares of failing another driver’s test. Carson goes on to console him, while lamenting the reality that his dreams of being the Andrew Carnegie of penis museums has been dealt a major setback. As Krista and Carson reveal, there are really only two litmus tests for working at Muddy Waters – you can either pronounce Reykjavik or you can ride a bike – pick your poison. Just how scary is Microsoft’s new AI chatbot? Like any relationship, give it enough time and Sydney will be giving you some serious Fatal Attraction vibes. And what is with the Federal Reserve fulfilling Chamath’s claim to “really fuck shit up?” Carson believes that it’s just one giant competition to see which Fed member will be the landmark piece at his reimagined museum.

Ross Gerber continues his victory over short sellers tour by dropping in on the Muddy Waters team and reminiscing over how Carson once felt like Ethan Hawke at the kitchen table in Training Day across from him and Cathie Wood. Ross, who lives in LA, makes a convincing case that they would’ve found southern California much less annoying to live in than the Bay Area. The team then unanimously pleads for Ross to send unwanted former Victoria’s Secret models to Austin. The Muddy Waters team then explodes in disagreement over the aesthetics of the Cyber Truck with Freddy clearly in the wrong. Finally, Ross gives some parenting advice to Carson as to which stock he should buy for his son to win the child’s lifelong respect.

With Freddy on a vacation tour of Europe’s most sun-kissed penitentiaries, and the gang in Texas trapped at home by a classic Austin ice-storm, it’s remote week at Zer0es. Freddy brings us the latest in Scottish prison politics; the Zer0es crew tactfully declines to learn more. Then it’s time for business. Calling in from the East Coast, Roddy Boyd breaks down last week’s hootenanny at Occupy the SEC. The crew takes a zaftig Lady Justice as a symbol for the everyday American’s love of conspiracies, and we hear about Robinhood’s romance with the gullible. Carson reflects on the lure of feel-good beliefs, and Krista laments the disappearance of an old chain of New York strip clubs. Finally, Roddy and Carson wonder whether financial education might be the way to walk grandma away from the slot machine.

Elon Musk is at it again and he's fired up his incels to occupy the SEC. Worried about missing it? Have no fear, the Zer0es crew will have their man, Roddy Boyd, on the ground to give you an inside look at Drooler's Paradise. Not to be outdone, Freddy digs up an old business idea for college textbooks, and this one might actually stick. What has camels so pissed off that they've taken a page out of the Occupy movement? Much like Musk's incels, they seem to be fed up with the endless beatings. On an unfortunate note, Krista reveals she's been contemplating a departure from her seat atop Zer0es. The only question is, will Kenny G match Freddy's proposal to make her the Queen? And in a parting gift, Carson provides his official legal analysis of California's proposed wealth tax. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our first episode of 2023, Krista and Freddy lead off by expressing their admiration for Carson's Greek God-like beach bod. After cleaning up their drool, the crew tries their hand with a new format. In what some might describe as an explicit news station, the trio revisit a handful of stale stories that fail to live up to Carson's standard for 'breaking news.' Freddy lays out his belief that Krista is far more qualified for the Republican Party than George Santos, but that all hinges on whether or not she continues to shave her armpits. Why are Chinese equities rallying to begin the year? It's unclear what's more embarrassing, that Tiger Global dumped their holdings at the lows or the idea of bringing a sex doll home to meet mom. And just to make sure that Freddy doesn't miss out on yet another terrible idea, he's put his name down for the brand-new Taliban sports car. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices