The Worst Movie Ever Made

Did the gang mess up their calendar synchronization? Because Rob has good reason to believe that Dr. Giggles should have been dissected on good movie week! Hi, Rob breaking the fourth wall here. Chris and Bob hate me, and I've never been happier with myself. Let's get giggled! Jaded junior jams on jive jokes while jabbing and jolting Jennifer! Cardiac crimes including killing kids and co opting their cadavers! Blocking your buddies in an abandoned bedroom! Lingerie larceny (left in luggage, looks luscious?)!Loudly loving in your little lady’s living space! Daddy’s snazz on the side! Mentally impaired moaning maniacs! The Butty Putty Man? Eye heaving! Time-padding flashbacks! Ultimate Jizzbee! Bowls of Balmy Breyers, and much, much more no this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

We're not here to talk about the 2016 Jennifer Anniston romantic comedy that has an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. We're here to talk about the 1980 Charles Kaufman revenge thriller of the same name that surprisingly has a much higher score despite... lots of issues. You'll just have to tune in to find out exactly what those issues are. In the meantime, here's the rundown! Rapey rubes run around ruining roommate’s restful respite! One woman wields the word taco in the movie! Riga-more-kiss? Locking lips with your besties limp lady body! Wanton destruction of small business! Hi-tailing it on the hick whose hut is all higglety pigglety! New Jersey bayou backwoods bodega blunders! Strangulation surprise by slouch of a sex partner! Festooning your fucked up friend with foliage! Nude shoot no-nos? Beer can counts that don't compute! TV turkey carver combo kills, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

We finally found The Worst Movie Ever Made... holy shit! We'll keep doing the show though, but know that we're never gonna top this. Torgo touches torsos and triceps trying to tease a tryst! Dummy-thicc ricket knees! Obvious and off putting overdubbing! Telling teetering Torgo to take your travel bags!Fuck this family but fuck this feeble-minded father especially! Wily window-watching wizard and peeping Torgo the pajama peeker! Torgo touching dormant temple temptresses! Personal piano slaves, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Welcome to season 48 of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Time to talk about Jean-Claude Van Damme, one of our favorite podcast mainstays. This week, we talk about 1996's The Quest, which is about a guy who does stuff that's irrelevant, and then becomes heavyweight champ or something. Basic burglar befriends Bond before brawling with a bevy of bruisers but barely benefits! Making multiple movies mirroring each other! Stilted jester connection! Rob's Benoit/Dubois conundrum! Indefinite instructions, ball bashing, and literal murder! Mongolian nipple flicks (bean dip!)! Oriental orientation in need of reorienting! Chris quits on capped kids when cops come! Shout-out to Schlitz! Wanton destruction of dinner table! Gold dragon getaway blimps, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

*blows into conch shell* GOOD MOVIE WEEK! The Running Man... yeah! Felon friends flee and fight five frightening followers! Orwellian execution! Chainsaws to the cock! Fun prison break! Richard Dawson! Whitman, Price, and Haddad! Futuristic fake film editing! “I’ll be back” sandwiches! Quivering bloody sushi? Combat cold cuts, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we take a close look at Steven Seagal's Out for a Kill; a movie about how awesome Steven Seagal is, according to Steven Seagal. Let's get into it, shall we? Professor Pudgy parts with his partner prior to pouncing pill pushers! Fuzzy Tit-Scope (™)! Causing accidents by ambling through ancient artifacts! Wanton destruction of small business (again)! Monks versus mullet messing up a memorial! PowerPoint punishing! Wholesale slaughter of strippers and civilians in strip club, again, likely leveling local business! Sweaty double-fist shock-waves! Seagal sitting on sheisty stuntmen! Donald Trump deep-fake? Spider-monkey barber has bronchial tubes broken by bed-sheet, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Next week, we cleanse our collective palate with Running Man. www.theworstmovieevermade.com

We done finally did it and watched Plan 9 from Outer Space; a movie that makes absolutely no fucking sense. You need to just watch the movie, and then listen to this episode, and then watch the movie while listening to this episode in order to unpack all of the topics we cover, including, but not limited to: Rob’s early whore plugging! Deceased dudes and a dame decree death to dead land dwellers! Lieutenant’s lackadaisical legislating with his Luger looming! General disregards Dracula’s Judo chopped junior detective! Aliens aggressively, albeit accurately insulting Earthling’s intelligence! Unauthorized immediate excavation of under-croft! Advancements in such things? Cold water on the Albuquerque plan! Chris kills fish with faulty lighting, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made. www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we keep true to our word and talk about Death Race 2000 after a listener told us to watch it (email us!). Can't say we hated it, but it's definitely high-level trash featuring a young, but still marble-mouthed Sly Stallone that's totally worth viewing. Careening killer cars cause commoners to kick the can!Nonsensical Neo-Nazism! Frankenstein’s giant jar of Cosby Drops™! Flawless and fully reformed frame and fuck-stick! Scoring senior citizens and tallying toddler trampling! Mister Machine Gun molly-whopping his main competitor’s mistress (Sly slugging slut)! Color coded correspondence, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever made! Next week, we finally review Plan 9 from Outer Space. www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we talk about The Dark Backward... a movie involving casual necrophilia, Bill Paxton playing an accordion, and standup comedy apparently. You're going to want to listen to this episode because as much as we hated this movie, it's hard not to laugh at the clips we conjured up. Extra extremities exciting an extroverted eccentric! Filth and moisture! Accordion playing opportunists! Licking dead dumpster ladies! Buffoonery based on big boned beauties batting Bill's bits and bobs! Boning your best friend’s broad! Leaving your lover when lumps turn to ligaments! Dom Deluise wheeze laughs! Doubling down on the third dick! Beef chiefs, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Hello! Our fearless leader, Chris, wasn't able to make it to the show tonight. Apparently he had better things to do like catalog his stamp collection, play with LEGOs, purify himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, attend an super exclusive ass party (his words, not ours), have a cake, kick off his DJ career, have an important foot bath, get a new pair of glasses, watch Donnie Darko, repair his extensive collection of dream catchers, smell his neighbor's various lizards, and grab some milk from the store. Bob and Rob took this opportunity to talk about what they've been watching outside of the podcast. Here's what we talked about: The Lost Weekend, Vampire's Kiss, Godzilla Minus One, The Taking of Deborah Logan, and Come to Daddy, and some other stuff. We'll resume with our regular show next week, when we review the strangest Bill Paxton movie we've ever seen, The Dark Backward. Thanks for listening! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Time to talk about Time Cop. Do we follow Back to the Future Rules? Or do we follow Terminator rules? The answer is neither. We follow Jean-Claude rules, Van Dammit! Time traveling trooper tracks trouble makers! Not necessary nut shots! Blown out ball matter! Tell me he’s going to kill your family! Fucking with Fielding’s feelings! Total recall wife face angle comparisons! Suicide centric comedy beats! Jerk off time ripples! Sax penetration sequences! Zero hour explosion tropes! Misappropriated beaver dubs, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Ray Milland rears his ugly head once again as we attempt to dissect 1972’s Frogs, a movie that's almost exclusively about alligators and snakes apparently. Reptiles reap revenge on rich relatives! Fuck this frog in particular fling at the festivities! Play playing cards correctly, collect piece of Poppy’s pie! Grumpy Gramps gonna get group got! Director decides that doggy dies! Proud Elliot’s jean jumpsuit penis-pants! It’s practically picnic! Snake wiener sleeves! Man spraying! Amphibious antagonists? Toupee tomfoolery! Butterfly brutality! Sam Elliot’s moose knuckle! Lack of corpse urgency! Lady Crockett wants Pickett’s cocket in her lady pocket but Pickett don’t dick it! More like Lake Flaccid, amiright?! Froggy versus Jason, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

In 1976, Paul Schrader penned the screenplay for Taxi Driver, a film so important that it was considered "culturally, historically, or aesthetically" significant by the U.S. Library of Congress and was selected for preservation in the National Film Registry. In 2016, he directed Dog Eat Dog, which involves Nicolas Cage, Willem Dafoe, and Christopher Matthew Cook trying to steal a baby after a rousing game of "douse each other with condiments in a hotel room." Oh, how the great have fallen. Ex-cons executing executions! Platitudinous portrayal of unprincipled police! Assuming an audiences’ indifference to infants! Mad dog murders mother/daughter and movie makes despicable move to moralize the dude! Rob wins the finger game! Hotel Heinz & Hunts! Double diesel potato! Stimulants and boobs, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

We kick off season 38 of The Worst Movie Ever Made with The Thing With Two Heads... a screenplay that somehow landed a helicopter budget. Athletic African American anticipating amputation avenges accusation! Doing deliberate decapitation despite donor in the dark! Jack trying to mack with the doc in the sack! Needlepoint for men! Rick Baker side-struts! Full movie half-nelson! Dutch oven delegations! Garage Sale Get Out? Shared lung semantics, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

It's good movie week, so we're talking about Predator, which directly inspired that one episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force where Carl has a toilet bowl with an invisibility cloak that destroys his body, but only before he gets a new body made completely out of eyeballs! We've got nothing clever to say here, so we'll get right into the yelling. Arnold and almost Apollo annihilate adversary! Geena Davis jabs galore! Skinned humans still shocking! Hunters getting hunted! Blain’s MTV T-Shirt! Dillon's pencil pushing puts platoon in peril! Psychological impact on Mac! Arnie gets a Rambo reel! Accolade sack dipping! Alabama tick digs! Cowering under the power! Gay slander... not so good! Predator’s glowing porn water! Wild boar battles! Not enough bomb spears, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

We're wrapping up season 106 with R.I.P.D., a movie that has so much ham jammed into its third act that it's basically a fistful of mechanically separated pork. We've been doing this for a long time, guys, and we're tired. But next week we're going to watch Predator to cleanse our palates, so we won't run the car in the garage with the doors closed just yet! Ryan Reynolds’ reprehensible ripoff remake! Chris’ liquid shits! Kevin Bacon’s heroin hairline! Hot gas having passed through a dead ass is hilariou-ass! The haunting Hong Kong howdy do! She must die to say goodbye! Self-righteous chestnuts? The resting penis department! Aperiodic accents! Beard biting bitches! Vindaloo vitriol, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week we finally took a look at the infamous Showgirls! Or as we like to call it, Whiplash with titties! Too many titties to TitScope (™)! Casually kicking cocks and causing chaos! Being a bitch to the babe that bought you burgers (and everyone else)! Crazy woman cusses wildly causing wimpy kids to wig out! Conjuring conflict by creating non-consensual coital climax completely clear of context! Disappointing lack of White Zombie! Zack’s satisfying cell-phone snap! Nomi swinging her sweat smells! Burgers and fries taste better out of red plastic baskets! Walking with jizz jazz in your jeans! “I’ll do anything but ice my nipples!” Chris hates saxophones, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com Next week we watch Ryan Reynolds take his shirt off.

Morbius. Mighty Morbin' Morphian Morbius. Wow. If the audio issues we had on this episode were any indication, we'd venture to guess that Jared Leto's stupid ass broke our podcast. We edited out most of the audio issues (Chris' My Little Pony themed soundboard was on the fritz) for your listening experience, but we'll never forget. Just like we'll never forget watching this piece of doo doo. Yelling: A virtual vampire vehicle is very vexing! Opaque overnight offense obscuring optics! Megachiroptera are murderers! Making main character Morbius a mild-mannered mercenary murderer! Post-pandemic 2022 bat blood transfusion trouble! Fake cure for real rare blood disorder! Stupid light flicker hallway maneuvers! Is Morbius Batman? Garbage heap Gordon Ramsey, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made. If you want to see us fiddle with our audio interfaces for an indeterminate amount of time, the unabridged video version of this episode will be available on YouTube this coming Sunday, which could be found at: www.theworstmovieevermade.com

We're coming in hot and heavy with Cutthroat Island, one of the biggest box office bombs in history (adjusted for inflation). This film is a naughty nautical adventure of a lifetime that nobody wants to be on, including us. But here we are, doing what we do best and beating ourselves over our heads until the concussion stars start to look like hidden treasure in our mind's eye. ... moving on. Painful pirate production proves pathetic! Whore hates Morgan’s homosexual hints! Firing on fine townsfolk! Putting a pocketknife in a person’s posterior! Pointing piercy pokers in a person’s penis! Damaging daddy’s dermis with a dull dagger! Screech the boob-ruiner! Untreated scalp goo? Sewage pipe logic! Scribbly dome semantics! Mail order tavern wenches! Way too skinny quicksand sticks! Worm-fisted monkeys, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com Email us, make fun of us, and most importantly, recommend movies. Next week we'll be watching Morbius because Jacob emailed us and told us to watch it. This could be your life, but you're a coward.

Welcome to episode 133, where we talk about The Number 23. But why? Well the answer is simple. 100 - 33 = 67. 67/2 = 33.5. The almond milk in Rob's fridge is 10.5 days past its "best by" date. 33.5-the almond milk... HOLY FUCK IT'S 23. Cinematic crap cognizant of confused computation of cardinals! Reading raunch with your rug rat! Crazy counting clogs, cross trainers, cleats, and cowboy boots! The festival of eating a fuck-ton of dogs! Relocating remains for your reprobate romancer! Burn the book, bitch! Long gone paper flaps? Undocumented dog catchers, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com