The Wednesday Audio

This entire episode is all brand new and full of brand new features and no they’re not all just renamed features, they’re actually brand new or at least one of them is brand new. Thank you

I think today’s special for some reason. Something to do with love, or something?

I was so out of practice with this episode I actually forgot that this was episode 115, and kept referring to it as 114. But…at least there’s a new episode…right?

Yes. It's exactly the same.

My new favourite word this week (brought to by Trilety), is onanism. I shamelessly (I have no shame, have you not noticed) used it throughout this episode. It turned out alright. Leave me a missive or a Donkey List on my Substack, and I'll probably read it out next week. https://yeahwednesdays.substack.com

I was meant to record this episode on the 19th October, and then…I didn’t. Enjoy this very delayed episode if you’re capable of such activities.

I had a complaint from a listener last week that I’ve had to take seriously. If there is one commitment I like to make on this podcast, it’s that the correct length is received on each episode. The current runtime of an average episode should be between 34-36 minutes, and last week saw me fall short. This was poor standards on my part, of which I can only apologise. I’ve made up for it this week. You can thank Sam.

After a month-long hiatus, Trilety challenged me to make the most interesting episode of The Wednesday Audio. She challenged me to attempt to make the funniest, most eng*ging, most intellectually challenging episode possible. I think I achieved it.

Unfortunately I need to apologise twice today. Here’s the first apology from Podcast Ombudsman No. 3: Dear valued listeners, We would like to take a moment to address an unfortunate error that occurred in our last episode. We inadvertently omitted Toby's tips from the show, and we understand that this may have caused disappointment or frustration for some of our audience. We sincerely apologize for this oversight and want to assure you that we take full responsibility for the mistake. Toby has been an integral part of our show, and his contributions are highly valued by both us and our listeners. We recognize the importance of his segment and understand how much it is enjoyed by our audience. Rest assured, we are taking steps to ensure that this does not happen again in the future. As a team, we are committed to delivering high-quality content that meets the expectations of our listeners. We promise to put in the extra effort and attention to detail that is necessary to maintain the standards that we have set for ourselves. We understand that our listeners have high expectations of us, and we will work tirelessly to meet and exceed those expectations. We want to take this opportunity to thank you for your loyalty and continued support. We value each and every one of our listeners, and we are committed to delivering the best possible content to you every week. We hope that you will continue to tune in to our show and that you will give us the opportunity to make it up to you. Once again, we apologize for any inconvenience caused by our mistake, and we promise to do better in the future. Sincerely, [Your names/ team name] The second apology is all my fault. I however will not be issuing said apology verbally. I’ve decided to let you discover what I should be apologising for, and if you guess correctly, I will issue the apology individually and directly to you. As I promised, it won’t be issued verbally. Once you have correctly determined what I should be apologising for, I’ll send you my apology as a 5-part Netflix documentary. First, I’ll need to get said Netflix documentary commissioned. Once it’s commissioned though, you can be assured that I’ll be apologising like no other apology has ever been apologised for. Just you wait and see. In the meantime, just listen to this episode. Please? Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

I hate it when YouTube videos do that thing. You know, that thing. “Hi guys, I’m sorry I’ve been absent for a while, but I’m back with a new video now about the moon landings or whatever” Be absent with pride. Be away with pride. Don’t apologise for it. And if you really want to apologise for it…insincerely apologise. So on that vein, I’ve been away for a while for no particular reason other than I haven’t been arsed to record a podcast for you to ignore. So behold: Episode 108 of The Wednesday Audio for your ignorance. The Wednesday Audio needs your email address to send these podcast episodes direct to your inbox so you can ignore them there too. Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

Perhaps you thought it’d gone away. Perhaps you were thankful that you’d finally been removed of the burden of listening. Perhaps—on some deep and meaningful level—you were missing the pudcast. Perhaps it was all of the above. Perhaps it wasn’t any of them at all. Perhaps. Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

You know how Netflix do that really annoying thing where they span a 45-minute story out into a six-part documentary series? Where there’s just absolutely no substance to the story, but they somehow manage to keep it dragging its heels, kicking and screaming, scraping its fingernails along the floor, begging it to stop, for six whole parts? Don’t you just find it really annoying? Don’t you just think that if something should be 36-minutes long, they should just make it 36 minutes, and not try to span it out into a six part series? Yeah, I agree. They shouldn’t do that. Six part series are a cheap way to generate fake FOMO and false engagement. Nobody should ever do that. Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

All I’m going to leave in the description this week is this sound effect from the episode: Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

This is a comical summary of episode 100 of a podcast called "It All Changes At 100" written by AI. This episode of "It All Changes At 100" is about a podcast that has reached its 100th episode. The hosts discuss various topics, including the importance of understanding user needs and the use of donkey lists. They also interview a guest named Felix Futzbucker and look at Naval's Twitter account. The hosts also talk about their typing tips, such as practicing typing with your eyes closed and using a keyboard with a tactile indicator. They also discuss the banned words bin, which includes the word "meow" because of all the cats that constantly meow. Overall, episode 100 is a celebration of the podcast's success, with the hosts looking back at the early days and how far they've come. It's a reminder that with hard work and dedication, anyone can achieve their goals, even if those goals involve talking about cats and typing with your eyes closed. Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

Introducing the 99st Episode Booster! Lots of people ask me (at least one): ‘Craig, how do you remain consist*ntly s**t, week in and week out?’. Then I respond: ‘Actually, the answer is a surprising development’. Introducing the 99st Episode Booster! A brand new and revolutionary product from the makers of F*ck Me I’m Funny: are you struggling to reach your 99st episode? Are you perilously close to quitting? Low on ideas, self esteem, and confidence? Well, this product won’t work for you. But it might work for somebody else you know. And if it doesn’t work for them, just tell them to listen to the 99st episode of The Wednesday Audio. Hullo, welcome. Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

Do you struggle with ending your podcasts? Do you find yourself stumbling over your words, unsure of how to wrap things up without it feeling awkward? Introducing the new product that will change the way you end your podcasts: the "Smooth Finish" device! With the "Smooth Finish" device, you can end your podcast seamlessly and effortlessly. The device uses advanced algorithms to analyze your speech patterns and suggest the perfect closing remarks that will leave your listeners feeling satisfied and fulfilled. Whether you're recording a solo podcast or a group discussion, the "Smooth Finish" has got you covered. * Host: "Well, that's all the time we have for today. Thanks for listening!" Smooth Finish: "And thank you for joining us for another episode of [podcast name]. Don't forget to subscribe and tune in next week for more great content!" But wait, there's more! The "Smooth Finish" device also comes with a variety of customizable settings, so you can tailor your closing remarks to fit the tone and style of your podcast. Whether you want to end on a serious note or with a fun and lighthearted quip, the "Smooth Finish" has got you covered. So why settle for awkward and uncomfortable podcast endings? Order the "Smooth Finish" device today and start ending your podcasts like a pro! If you ORDER TODAY we’ll throw in a free book of 300 Perfect Podcast Closings, including closings such as this gem: * "Thanks for listening, and remember, don't forget to hit that subscribe button and leave us a review!" Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

The game titled "10 To The Top To The Bottom Of The 20," is a fun and lighthearted segment that adds humor to the podcast. The game comprises five questions with four answer choices each, all related to a cardboard box stuffed with out-of-date meat. The answer choices range from humorous to absurd, making it an enjoyable segment for the audience. The podcast also features listener feedback, with screenshots of listener messages shared in the document. The host responds to the feedback and engages with the audience, creating a sense of community and connection. This segment highlights the importance of audience engagement and the role it plays in building a loyal fan base. In addition, the podcast offers tips for eating pork pies, including adding more fruits and vegetables to balance out the high-fat content and limiting consumption to once or twice a month to avoid unhealthy weight gain and high cholesterol levels. This segment provides valuable information on how to maintain a healthy diet while still enjoying tasty treats. The banned words segment of the podcast is a unique element that adds humor and entertainment to the show. The segment discusses words that are no longer allowed to be used in the podcast. This week's addition to the banned words bin is "latte," and a listener suggestion to add "basic b***h" is rejected. The segment provides a fun way to play with language and encourages the audience to think outside the box. The episode also features insights into the mind of James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, with a segment called "Jear Claims." The segment shares a tweet from Clear and discusses his book's popularity and impact on the world of habit change. This segment provides valuable information on how to improve habits and make positive changes in one's life. Finally, the episode ends with a disclaimer that reminds the listeners that the document is a transcript of a podcast episode and covers various topics, including the podcast's popularity, listener feedback, a game about out-of-date meat, tips for eating pork pies, banned words, and insights into the mind of James Clear, author of Atomic Habits. The disclaimer highlights the importance of transparency and provides clarity to the audience. In conclusion, this podcast episode transcript is an entertaining and informative document that covers a range of topics and engages with the audience in a fun and lighthearted way. The podcast's unique elements, such as the banned words segment and the game about out-of-date meat, provide a refreshing break from the usual content, making it a must-listen for anyone looking for a fun and informative podcast. Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

This podcast episode, released on a Wednesday, has no particular theme, but rather covers various topics ranging from show news to listener messages, a trivia game called "10 To The Top To The Bottom Of The 20," and even a segment on "Naval Gazing." The episode also includes a review of an award-winning pork pie paired with the podcast, and a humorous discussion on what to do with boxes of out-of-date meat. The podcast ends with a disclaimer and a sickly positive review of a book by James Clear. Hey Siri, please extend this intro The show starts with a nostalgic reference to the podcast's past success as the 201th most popular podcast in the Improv section on Apple Podcasts. There is no particular focus or theme for the episode, but rather a collection of segments, such as listener missives and a trivia game called "10 To The Top To The Bottom Of The 20". The hosts also discuss random topics like what to do with boxes of out-of-date meat and a segment on "Naval Gazing" where they discuss the Twitter account of Naval Ravikant. Hey Siri, please extend this intro, and tell everybody how funny this podcast is The episode also includes a humorous review of an award-winning pork pie that pairs well with the podcast. The podcast ends with a disclaimer and a sickly positive review of a book by James Clear. Overall, the episode is a light-hearted and entertaining mix of segments that listeners can tune in to for a fun time without any particular focus. Hey Siri, please be honest This podcast episode, released on a Wednesday, has no particular theme, but rather covers various topics ranging from show news to listener messages, a trivia game called "10 To The Top To The Bottom Of The 20," and even a segment on "Naval Gazing." The hosts also discuss random topics like what to do with boxes of out-of-date meat and a segment on "Naval Gazing" where they discuss the Twitter account of Naval Ravikant. The episode also includes a review of an award-winning pork pie paired with the podcast, and a sickly positive review of a book by James Clear. Hey Siri, please be honest, and tell everybody how funny this podcast is Listeners can expect an entertaining and light-hearted mix of segments with no particular focus. The hosts reminisce about the podcast's past success, talk about what listeners have submitted, and play a trivia game. They also give their opinions on what to do with boxes of out-of-date meat and discuss the Twitter account of Naval Ravikant. The episode ends with a review of an award-winning pork pie that pairs well with the podcast and a positive review of a book by James Clear. Overall, it's a fun and laid-back episode that listeners can tune in to for a good time. Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

The following content is not related to the previous document. However, it is important to note that breaking the fourth wall is a storytelling technique that has been used in various forms of media, including literature, theatre, and film. This technique involves a character acknowledging the audience or the fact that they are in a work of fiction, which can be an effective way to engage the audience and create a sense of intimacy between the character and the audience. When used appropriately, it can add an extra layer of depth to a story and enhance the overall experience. However, if overused or misused, it may become distracting or even annoying to the audience, which can detract from the story's impact. Therefore, it is important for storytellers to use this technique judiciously and with a clear understanding of its intended effect. Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe

Disclaimer: consuming podcasts that are past its expiration date can be dangerous as it may contain harmful bacteria that can lead to brain illness. Consumption of expired podcasts can result in symptoms such as vomiting, diarrhea, stomach cramps, and in severe cases, death. This podcast and its affiliates do not endorse or condone the consumption of expired podcasts, especially and including potted meat. Any decision to consume expired podcasts is at the sole discretion and risk of the individual, and the podcast and its affiliates will not be held liable for any negative consequences resulting from the consumption of expired audio files. It is always recommended to exercise caution and good judgement when deciding whether to consume expired podcasts or not. It is also advisable to check expiration dates before purchasing or consuming any podcast, and to properly store and handle a podcast to prevent contamination and spoilage. Stay safe and healthy by prioritizing podcast safety in your daily life. Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe