The Morning Scroll

This week's "Fun Size" parshah provides a fascinating insight into Bronze Age cardiology. "If you seek eternal bliss / come to this aortic bris." -Moshe Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

“If much of Deuteronomy is a prophetic vision or dream, the tochachah is the nightmare.” -Metallica "Exit light! Enter night! Take my hand — we're off to Never Never Land." -Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks [note: check to see if quote attribution is correct before publishing] Please email rabbideena@mishkanchicago.org with any corrections to this week's episode description. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

What's the deal with stoning your sons? Anybody ever stone their son in front of a live audience? Nobody? Gee, tough crowd. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

"Justice, justice, you shall pursue." What could those cryptic words mean? To find out, Rabbi Deena goes straight to the source: the most boring man no longer alive. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

"...Anyone who says they are a prophet with further instructions from God is to be treated as a liar and put to death, no matter how many tricks they perform." Magicians — you're on notice. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Life is like a box of chocolates — you know exactly what you're going to get, because the packaging is well labeled and each chocolate looks slightly distinct, so you can tell the tasty ones from the ones filled with, like, raisin nougat. What I'm trying to say is that you've been a good little kid, and as a reward, you're going to get the very best chocolates in this box, because G_d says that life should be fair But is it? Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Listen up, G_d-Wrestlers! The Lord Our G_d is one, and the Lord Our G_d is having none of Moshe's nonsense today. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

"...Numerous as the stars in the sky" Before reciting the Torah, Moshe echoes G_d's promise to Abraham. But wait, isn't this moment in the Torah, too? Did he recite his own recitation? Or is Moshe only repeating something he wrote down the other day? Or is someone else years later who wrote about Abraham repeating the same line for Moshe? Does it matter? Does anything matter?! Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

This week's parsha was hard to read. And judging by some telling word choice in the Hebrew text, it was hard to write, too. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Say what you will about his methods, but Pinchas makes a mean kebab. Also, Moshe takes a peek from a peak, and the people demand yet another census. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Sometimes, the words just come out wrong. And sometimes, they come out of your donkey. This episode, we read one of the top three most buck-wild, sexual, violent, and miracle-stuffed portions in the whole Torah, and ask: "Hey! What is Mah Tovu doing here?" Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Wondering if a snake is poisonous? Follow this simple rhyme: "Snake on a pole? You will be whole. Serpent of brass? The sickness will pass. But if the snake that you have found Is made of meat and on the ground And no brass serpent is around — You are going to die." —Ancient Hebrew Proverb Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Tuesday, June 28th, 2022 is the primary election here in Chicago (go vote!). You may still be undecided on certain races, so here is our voter guide — when the earth swallows some candidates whole and the heavens rain down fire to consume the rest, support whomever is left alive. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena.

Could you take a moment to fill out this brief survey to let us know what you think of the show? It would help us out so much! Do not be alarmed by the size of these grapes. Yes, the giants we stole them from are climbing down the beanstalk after us as we speak, but Moses has a plan! The plan is: we die. Then, years later our kids can fight the giants! Great plan, right? Wait, where are you all going?! Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena.

Could you take a moment to fill out this brief survey to let us know what you think of the show? It would help us out so much! Going up? No? Good, because tzaraat has been going around and theres no more room on this lift. This week's parsha is all about lifting each other up — let's get woo. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Could you take a moment to fill out this brief survey to let us know what you think of the show? It would help us out so much! Speaking of surveys, a brief survey of this week's parsha reveals a rather disturbing law. When women are suspected of adultery, you're supposed to make them drink a potion and publicly humiliate them. Who would do such a thing?! As usual, generations of commentators have been asking the same question. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Could you take a moment to fill out this brief survey to let us know what you think of the show? It would help us out so much! Speaking of surveys, you know who took a survey? The Israelites in this week's parsha. They took a census of everybody in the tribes. Well, not the Levites. Or women. Or children. What's up with that? Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Stop me if you've heard this one before: "halakhah" technically doesn't mean "the law," it's closer to "the path." Because that's what this tradition is! A path that you can always return to no matter how far you veer off course. Except it's more like a huge multi-lane highway, so what happens if you veer across lanes and into the median, causing a high speed pursuit across state lines? Asking for a friend (Aaron the High Priest). Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

This week's parsha has confusingly little to do with beloved television personality Joy Behar, but it does invite us to ask ourselves what constitutes a joyful life. Rabbi Deena thinks it might involve getting to know your neighbors. Today's episode is sponsored by Broadway In Chicago. Tickets are available now to Fiddler on the Roof at the Cadillac Palace Theatre, from May 17th - 22nd. Use Mishkan's special offer code ROOF45 for $45 Middle Balcony tickets. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript

Folks, this is a rough one. It's hard not to read some of this parsha as ableist, so we're not going to pretend otherwise. But we will follow the lead of the 16th century rabbi Kli Yakar by flipping this teaching on its head, updating tradition for our own times. How's your soul looking? Today's episode is sponsored by Broadway In Chicago. Tickets are available now to Fiddler on the Roof at the Cadillac Palace Theatre, from May 17th - 22nd. Use Mishkan's special offer code ROOF45 for $45 Middle Balcony tickets. Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss. See our upcoming Shabbat services and programs here, and follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates. Check out Shabbat Replay on Contact Chai for more from Rabbi Deena. Transcript