Making Polyamory Work

Libby is joined by Mel Cassidy, author of the new book, Radical Relating, A Queer and Polyamory-Informed Guide to Love Beyond the Myth of Monogamy to answer a listener question: how do I handle things if I'm having dating success and my partner isn't? I'm having a joyful, expansive experience, and my partner is sitting on the bench feeling unwanted and envious? This experience is so common and Libby and Mel dive into some tools that can help including some somatic practices for both people. Mel Cassidy's website: https://radicalrelating.ca/ Mel's book: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9798889842453 Mel's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/radicalrelating/? Links Join an Open Community Call https://go.libbysinback.com/community-calls What Actually Makes Polyamory Work - the Workshop https://libbysinback.com/workshop -------------- Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life. Go to ⁠https://libbysinback.com/workbook⁠ to get your copy.

Most advice about polyamory focuses on established couples, often overlooking the unique challenges faced by "incoming partners" aka those entering a relationship with someone who already has a long-established relationship. In this episode, Libby offers support and advice for those incoming partners so that they can feel empowered in a situation that can feel really tricky to navigate. Episodes referenced in the episode Veto Happens https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/When-is-it-Okay-to-Have-a-One-Pnis-Policy-e1ddpq3 Is Hierarchy Bad? https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/Is-Hierarchy-bad-e2hu61d A Rule is just a Bad Agreement https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/A-Rule-is-just-a-Bad-Agreement-e1alt5u One P*nis Policy https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/When-is-it-Okay-to-Have-a-One-Pnis-Policy-e1ddpq3 How to Date a Couple https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/Dating-as-a-Couple-e2b7u8a This May be a Bitter Pill https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/This-May-Be-a-Bitter-Pill-e1e1eoe Links Join an Open Community Call https://go.libbysinback.com/community-calls What Actually Makes Polyamory Work - the Workshop https://libbysinback.com/workshop

Libby invites Laura Boyle of Ready for Polyamory to join her on the show to talk about living together, chores, finances, coparenting, and more - all things having to do with cohabiting and polyamory. -------------- Show Links: Laura's website: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/ Laura's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/readyforpolyamory/ Monogamy? In this Economy? (The Book): https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9781805011187

Libby talks about feeling grief and letting it move through you rather than being in a state of constant fixing as a way of avoiding it. -------------- My episode on holding space: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/no-advice-please What it Means to Hold Space for Someone by Heather Plett 11 Ways to Hold Space for Someone by Reaca Pearl ----------------------- Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life. Go to ⁠⁠https://libbysinback.com/workbook⁠⁠ to get your copy. --------------- Visit ⁠⁠https://makingpolyamorywork.com⁠⁠ to search back episodes Libby's coaching website: ⁠⁠https://libbysinback.com

Libby invites Mia Schacter of Consent Wizardry to join her to answer two listener questions. The first one asks, what if I don't feel intense NRE with a new partner? Does that mean something or is it okay? The second asks, Is it okay for me to not want my partner to date monogamous people or is that something I need to learn to be okay with? --------------------------- Find Consent Wizardry on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/consent.wizardry/ on Substack: https://consentwizardry.substack.com/ on the web: https://consentwizardry.com/ ----------------------- Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life. Go to ⁠https://libbysinback.com/workbook⁠ to get your copy. --------------- Visit ⁠https://makingpolyamorywork.com⁠ to search back episodes Libby's coaching website: ⁠https://libbysinback.com

Libby invites her spouse, Drew to talk the established partner's side of the experience LIbby described in Gamechanger.

What happens when a new relationship completely upends everything you thought you knew about yourself? What if that person is a catalyst for more love, sexiness, and aliveness than you ever thought was possible? What does that mean for your existing relationship(s)? In this episode Libby shares her thoughts and a very personal part of her own journey. ----------------------- Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life. Go to https://libbysinback.com/workbook to get your copy. --------------- Visit https://makingpolyamorywork.com to search back episodes Libby's coaching website: https://libbysinback.com

Libby answers a common listener question: When starting a new relationship when you both know you want non-mongamy -- should you be open from the beginning, or should you be monogamous while you establish your partnership? Even if this isn't where you are right now in your polyamory journey, there's something for everyone here in Libby's thoughtful return to Making Polyamory Work. ----------------------- Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life. Go to https://libbysinback.com/workbook to get your copy. --------------- Visit https://makingpolyamorywork.com to search back episodes Libby's coaching website: https://libbysinback.com

In Part 2 of Libby's conversation with Emily Nagoski, there's a deeper conversation about the concept of "maintenance s*x" and how you may be doing it to safe your relationship, but it may actually be destroying it. Emily Nagoski's website: https://www.emilynagoski.com/ Emily Nagoski on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/ Emily Nagoski's books (highly recommended!): https://bookshop.org/contributors/emily-nagoski-4318b5e2-0f22-4415-963b-ce5a1f467607

The amazing Emily Nagoski joins Libby on Making Polyamory Work to drop truth bomb after truth bomb about sex in long-term relationships. Emily Nagoski's website: https://www.emilynagoski.com/ Emily Nagoski on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/ Emily Nagoski's books (highly recommended!): https://bookshop.org/contributors/emily-nagoski-4318b5e2-0f22-4415-963b-ce5a1f467607

The Multiamory crew takes over Making Polyamory Work to talk about aggressive fairness in polyamory, what it looks like, and how you can find equity in your relationships. Multiamory's website: https://www.multiamory.com/

Let's think about dating and rejection differently. Shine your light.

What happens when your relationship (or your life) doesn't look the way you thought it would or were told it was supposed to look? Libby talks with Carrie Jeroslow about how having a relationship diversity mindset may help you make peace and even embrace with how your life and love actually work for YOU. Carrie's Website: https://www.carriejeroslow.com/

If you're struggling and need help with your relationships, where should you turn? Libby shares her advice on how to find good help. Meta analyses of studies that show that therapeutic alliance matters more than therapeutic modality for positive outcomes in therapy: https://psycnet.apa.org/PsycARTICLES/journal/pst/55/4 APA article explaining: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/11/ce-corner-relationships

What is compersion? Can you cultivate compersion in yourself and in your relationships? Libby invites Marie Thouin, PhD to discuss her research and book on this important and sometimes misunderstood topic in polyamory. Marie's book! https://rowman.com/ISBN/9781538183939/What-Is-Compersion-Understanding-Positive-Empathy-in-Consensually-Non-Monogamous-Relationships Marie's Compersion Resources: https://www.whatiscompersion.com/ Marie's Coaching Website: https://www.loveinsight-dating.com/ Marie's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/love_insight_dating/

Libby is joined by Genevieve King of Chill Polyamory to discuss individualism, community care, and ways you can shift your mindset to ecological thinking within polyamorous (or not!) relationship structures. Genevieve's Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/chillpolyamory Genevieve on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PUizxdp_vj2A5fUdBgzgw Genevieve's website: https://www.chillpolyamory.com/

Libby invites Courtney Brame of Something Positive for Positive People to discuss herpes, stigma, and sexual health. Something Positive for Positive People: https://www.spfpp.org/ SPFPP Podcast: https://www.spfpp.org/podcast Herpes Stigma Virtual Conference in May: https://www.spfpp.org/offerings/p/conferences Courtney's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courtneybrame_/

Libby discusses the distinction between offers and requests in relating and how important it can be to make sure you're saying what you actually mean. Kai Cheng Thom's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kaichengthom/?hl=en Spectrum of Consent: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kvYW4eSVKRuwUt5Mc-DnCyNVzvA036f8/view?usp=sharing Marcia Baczynski on Desire Smuggling: https://askingforwhatyouwant.com/desire-smuggler/ 27 Alternatives to "Is this Okay?": https://askingforwhatyouwant.com/27-alternatives-to-asking-is-this-okay/

Libby talks with AASECT-certified sexuality educator Aubri Lancaster about asexuality and aromanticism. Aubri's website: https://acesexeducation.com/ Aubri's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acesexeducation/

Libby shares her thoughts about debate about whether hierarchy is bad or wrong in polyamory. Additional reading: Lola Phoenix - the Hierarchy Polyamorous People Don't Talk Enough About: https://www.nonmonogamyhelp.com/the-hierarchy-polyamorous-people-dont-talk-enough-about/ Ready for Polyamory - Is there a Problem with Hierarchy https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/guest-post-is-there-a-problem-with-hierarchy Poly.Land - Sneakiarchy: https://poly.land/2018/11/01/sneakiarchy-secret-hierarchy-dishonest-egalitarianism/ Joreth Retracts Descriptive vs Prescriptive Hierarchy: https://joreth.dreamwidth.org/408917.html Podcast episodes referenced in the episode: Veto Happens: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/veto-happens Where is this Going?: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/where-is-this-going