Ballroom State of Mind

You've done it. You've gotten yourself here. You are ready. This is my pep talk for you on the big day. It's gameday and it's time to shine. You can do this and I'm so proud of you! To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠

"I don't want to disappoint my teacher." "When this is all done, I don't want to feel disappointed." Disappointment. So many of my clients put themselves through a lot of stress and anxiety in preparation for events, showcases, medal exams and competitions. When we dig a little deeper to see why we are so stressed, many of them end up saying something to the effect of, "I just don't want to disappoint ______." It's usually their teacher, but it also includes themselves. Disappointment must be pretty bad for us to create all this negative energy in preparation for it. But is it? In this episode we speak to two key points when it comes to disappointment. One is that we can't create disappointment in other people. And the second is how we need to make peace with people feeling negative emotion and that nothing has gone wrong if they do. Listen in to see what I mean. To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠

In this episode we talk a little about The Emerald Ball 2024, dancing syllabus routines in open rounds, what judges say about that, and what to do with your backseat driver. Your backseat driver is the voice in your head that pops up at the most inopportune times and gets in the way of what you are trying to do in difficult moments. Listen in and see if you can relate. To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠

Where did you get the idea about how much it would take to accomplish a certain goal? Sometimes we look around and make a guess based on what we see, but often we are also REALLY wrong. It often takes a lot more than we thought to accomplish things we set out to do. If you find yourself in this place, you could call it Effort Shock. David Wong brought up this term in his article, 'How The Karate Kid Ruined the Modern World.' It what he named that state when you realize it's not as easy as you thought. It doesn't help that The Karate Kid and Rocky made it look so easy to become so great...all you need is a montage of about 10 minutes. In this episode, we talk about effort shock, define it, give some examples and then discuss what to do now, if you find yourself in this place. We talk about 3 options for going forward: work harder, quit, or make peace with what you are willing to give. Listen in to find out what you might want to do next if you find yourself in effort shock. To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠

There are a lot of reasons that you might feel behind in your dance journey. Most of the time, that feeling is based in fear and scarcity and is largely unproductive for us to dwell on. But there is one type of feeling behind that I think makes sense and will probably always be with you. Listen in to see what I mean. This quick episode might bend your mind a little but I think you are ready for it. To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠

Ah, the extremes. Our brains just love the extremes. Good or bad, hot or cold, perfect or a failure. Two options is what a lazy brain likes because then we don't have to sift through other options. But if you experience a lot of all or nothing thinking, you also likely have some depression, anxiety, or a whole host of other negative experiences. In this episode, I introduce you to all or nothing thinking so that you can identify it in yourself, and then give you 5 steps to overcome it. I think you'll find a more reasonable, 80% gets it done attitude can not only help you feel better and more motivated, but actually still lead to a lot of accomplishment and success. To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠

While we all know that life is sometimes not fair and we will all face a certain amount of struggle and negativity, we will act confused when we actually go through it. We say things like, "Why is this happening to me? What is going on? What is going wrong?" The reality is that life is what I call, 50/50. It's good and bad, hard and easy, fun and not fun, etc. Everything has it's opposite and duality is a fact of life. When we resist what is and think that the negative things shouldn't happen, we actually increase the percentage of negativity that we experience. Your are actually the one giving meaning to your experiences and deeming them negative or positive in the first place. If we can learn that hard things are a part of life, and not resist them, the power they have over us decreases. If can then take it a step further and even embrace the hard things that happen and learn from them, believing that everything that happens in our life is for our good, we actually can increase the positive percent. The 50/50 is what makes life what it is. It's what makes us human. My recommendation is that you embrace it instead of fight it. In this episode I give an example from my most recent competition to illustrate the 50/50. To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠

In episode 92 we imagined situations going perfectly in order to get solid, confidence building mental reps. No mistakes allowed! But we all know mistakes and unexpected things can happen, and it's it best to prepare for them? The answer is yes. There is a time and place for perfect reps and there is a time and place for contingency plans. In this episode, I give guidance on how to do this constructively rather than catastrophize and hope for the best. We incorporate the power of visualization into this as well to further strengthen our ability to carry it out in the moment. You'll feel more confident than ever that you can handle whatever might come up. This means that we don't need to enter performances with so much fear of the unknown. We can rely more on ourselves and trust our ability to come through on the other side, proud of what we accomplish. Many of the tips in this episode are based on guidance in the book The Confident Mind by Nate Zinsser found ⁠HERE⁠ To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠⁠ ⁠

Some people call it mental rehearsal, some visualization and others envisioning. Whatever you call it, high performers know it is a powerful tool to increase your level of preparation and even your skills. Since the brain doesn't distinguish between someone happening in real life or if it's imagined, it's your chance to program your mind and body for what you want to execute. In this episode, we talk about what it is but also tips on how to make it more powerful. Then I give an example of what it might look like. The main tips shared are the following: 1. You are in complete control--the director, nothing happens unless you approve it. 2. Make it positive--everything will go well and as planned. 3. Take your time--use pauses to fill in more details to make it more real. 4. Include all your senses-see, hear, smell, touch, taste 5. Include genuine emotion--rehearse your emotions like any other sense. 6. Use the first person or internal perspective--look out your own eyes rather than watching yourself from a distance. Many of the tips in this episode are based on guidance in the book The Confident Mind by Nate Zinsser found HERE To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠⁠

Good grief! Politics in dance! Is there anything in this world that doesn't involve some type of politics? This episode was prompted by a comment on social media where a dancer was lamenting that they could not be successful because of the politics in dance. What a powerless place to be, right? The short answer is to let it go and focus on the things that you can control. But many of us need a little more help letting it go. So in this episode, we bring up some points that will help you come to terms with it and focus on what will really help you...be so freaking good that no one can deny your dominance! To get personalized help, book a ⁠⁠free ⁠⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more free mindset help, join my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠⁠

Words are powerful. The way you use them can determine how you feel and the energy with with you operate in the world. As one example, when your brain offers you a lot of thoughts that start with, "what if..." it leads to feelings of uncertainty, doubt, defensiveness, etc. But if you switch "what if" with "even if" then something shifts. Even if...then I can...(or I will..., or I know...). "Even if..." is more empowering and leads to us thinking of a contingency plan. Thinking..."I can't..." could be replaced with "What if I could..." or "I am getting better at..." or "I am working on...." What wording could you switch out to generate more feelings of confidence, calm, strategy, self trust, etc? To get personalized help, book a ⁠free ⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ This week, my Facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠⁠ hit 1000 members! We are celebrating with a giveaway. You should join!

In this episode, we visit some of the ways we hold ourselves back. The primary reason for that is ultimately our brain trying to keep us safe so we can survive the best we can. To do that, we need to avoid pain...even emotional pain. Most of what we try to accomplish today is going to probably lead to some pain, so don't be surprised that you're holding back in those instances. To overcome this, consider that the worst thing that can happen is a feeling. So what if we could just get better at tolerating uncomfortable emotions? Then maybe we wouldn't have to fear or avoid them. In order to put ourselves out there, we have to be willing to feel uncomfortable stuff. And to do that, I think we need a healthy dose of courage. In the last half of the episode we talk about how to get courage and then 7 steps for getting past holding yourself back! Book mentioned in the podcast: The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks. This week, my facebook group, ⁠⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠⁠ hit 1000 members! We are celebrating with a giveaway. You should join! To get personalized help, book a free Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠

In this episode, I bring you a life coaching tool called Emotional Adulthood. Listeners love the podcasts that they can apply to the rest of their lives outside of dance, so this one is for YOU! When we are in Emotional Childhood, we are operating more like children in our emotional lives. It is characterized by a relinquishing of responsibility for how we feel and act. In this state, you would find yourself making other people responsible for how you feel. You are unhappy because your spouse doesn't text you enough during the day. You are angry because your children don't listen. You are fearful because of your parents or your childhood or something else outside of you. It's not that these things don't contribute, they do, but in this episode I teach you how to be an emotional adult, take responsibility for how you feel and act so that you can be the person that you want to be more of the time. In emotional adulthood, we don't have to wait for others to behave in the ways we prefer in order for us to be happy. We take out the middle man. I should warn you though...emotional adulthood isn't easy. But it's worth it and this tool can change your life. Enjoy! For help figuring out this for yourself, might I recommend a free ⁠⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠⁠ If you want a ballroom community with a hefty side of mental and emotional resilience, join my Facebook Group, ⁠⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠⁠

This episode is all about how to actually settle yourself down when your nervous system has been triggered. Often when we stop and try to "take some deep breaths" to help bring ourselves back to reality, it doesn't seem to work very well. Sometimes this is because when we take this approach, we might actually be resisting our emotions rather than processing them. In this episode I give you 4 steps (and an informal 5th step) to give you a framework to help inform your brain that you are actually just fine. Here are the steps: 1. Ask yourself if you are literally safe. (yes) 2. Ask yourself if you FEEL safe (likely not, which is why you were triggered in the first place. 3. Figure out why not (validate why you feel vulnerable) 4. Actively relax tension away in your body (this is where breathwork fits in) The informal step 5 is to check in to see if what we are asking of our self is actually too much. Likely, you are totally capable of it, but once in a while we need to know we have the out if we want it. But really, if you can take courage, you can get through it. Taking these steps before you try to do breathwork makes it far more effective. Listen in for a short-cut to this strategy I offer near the end. For help figuring out this for yourself, might I recommend a free ⁠⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠⁠ If you want a ballroom community with a hefty side of mental and emotional resilience, join my Facebook Group, ⁠⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠⁠

It can't be avoided. At some point, you will have a performance that just doesn't go well. You will have days where your dancing is just...off. Even if you do everything that you can to plan, prepare and mitigate issues, there will be times you just walk away knowing it just wasn't your best dancing. And we have to live with that. In this episode, I tell the story of my recent Nightclub night at a competition and how I just didn't dance well. Then I offer some Dos and Don'ts to help you deal with it and get past it. For help figuring out this for yourself, might I recommend a free ⁠Dance Strategy Call⁠ If you want a ballroom community with a hefty side of mental and emotional resilience, join my Facebook Group, ⁠Joyful Ballroom⁠

Many of my clients do what they do with their dancing because, "they just want to be a good dancer." But what does that even mean? Often they aren't really sure, they just know it's not what they are right now. Why are we so resistant to believing we are a good dancer? What is the danger in believing that? Maybe it's not even a good idea to wish for this for ourselves, at least not in the way we do it now. In this episode, we talk about why we might not believe we are a good dancer, why we are resistant to changing our mind about that, and take the time to define for ourselves what a good dancer is to us as individuals. For help figuring out this for yourself, might I recommend a free Dance Strategy Call If you want a ballroom community with a hefty side of mental and emotional resilience, join my Facebook Group, Joyful Ballroom

While we all say we want to feel more confident, we spend a lot of mental energy proving to ourselves why we are lacking and not good enough. We rehearse our shortcomings and remind ourselves of the mistakes we have made in the past. I'm not sure why we think it's a mystery that we feel doubtful and lack confidence. In this episode, I teach you what a confidence bank is and how to build it. In short, rather than rehearsing and reminding yourself why you aren't good enough, you need to start taking an accounting of why you are. Mining your life for all the efforts, successes and progress, and then keeping a literal record of it all, is how you get your confidence bank started. Then, as you go through your life and dance journey, teach your brain how to look for and filter out the positive experiences so you can use them in the future to remind yourself how capable, experienced and effective you are. These kinds of experiences generate confidence, energy, optimism and enthusiasm, rather than the negative experiences that we usually catalog. This episode, and the concept of ESP (effort, success and progress) are inspired from the book, The Confident Mind by Eric Zinsser Joyful Ballroom Facebook Group can be found HERE To book a FREE Dance Strategy Call, click ⁠HERE

Have you ever stopped to realize that nothing is really a problem unless you think it is a problem? This is why some things can really bother someone else but not bother you. As I work with clients in my private practice, so many things that we think are a problem are actually just normal development. We just don't like how it's going. But it IS totally normal actually. If we can make peace with things not being a problem, we can reduce the negativity and judgment by at least half. And then all that we are left with is something that we want to improve upon. But the part where we make it a problem, is optional. Plateaus are one of those things that are a normal part of development, that no one can escape, and yet we think we are especially deficient just because we are in one. But plateaus are normal. In fact, while it may seem like nothing is happening in our plateaus, nothing could be further from the truth. The spurts of progress that we experience from time to time are only the evidence of all the work that happened in the plateaus. The spurts aren't the progress...they are the evidence that spilled out when that progress finally hit a tipping point where forward movement and integration can be seen in our efforts. Listen in to hear what is happening in the plateaus that is so important. Let's make peace with plateaus. *This episode was inspired by a section in the book The Confident Mind by Dr. Nate Zinsser. Pick up a copy HERE Joyful Ballroom is a Facebook Group community just for ballroom dancers. Go ⁠HERE⁠ to join and benefit from more free ballroom content To book a FREE Dance Strategy Call, click ⁠HERE

Enjoy this interview with Irene Wong: mom of 3, entrepreneur, and 16 year pro-am competitor! She shares her journey on her YouTube channel, "Everything Ballroom, and co-owns Dancewear Works, a designer dress company supplying dresses and menswear to ballroom competitors. In her words, "I'm on a mission to make dancewear accessible to all." In addition to her love for dance, she is also a proud distributor of Nu Skin products, which we talk a little bit about in this episode. We talk in this episode about choosing a dress, creating a character that can help draw out your Alter Ego, and mindset shifts that can change everything. The Dancewear Works website can be found HERE Go HERE for the Everything Ballroom YouTube Channel Irene's NuSkin website can be found HERE (sign up as a VIP for a 20% discount off retail prices--no charge to sign up!) Joyful Ballroom is a Facebook Group community just for ballroom dancers. Go HERE to join and benefit from more free ballroom content To book a FREE Dance Strategy Call, click HERE

Few people understand what it really means to pursue dancing. We go through a lot of things and it changes us. I can't find the words to describe this episode, so just go listen and enjoy! Merry Christmas! Join Joyful Ballroom Facebook Group ⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more help and free content to benefit your dance experience! Book a free Dance Strategy Call ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠ to take charge of your dance mindset for good.