Queer Relationships, Queer Joy

Are you navigating non-monogamy as a newbie, feeling intimidated by those with more experience who have read all the books or had lots of partners? Or maybe you're the one with the experience, rolling your eyes at the fresh faces? We’re exploring the nuances of different experience levels in the context of non-monogamy because experience doesn't guarantee a great partner or ethical behavior, just as being new doesn't always lead to disaster. You’ll hear— (12:38) The nuances of being experienced or new to non-monogamy (22:15) Having a beginner’s mind and staying curious (30:07) Generational differences in non-monogamy (38:37) Going into a relationship with intentionality (42:52) Queer Joys Let us know your experience exploring these dynamics as either a newbie or someone with experience. As always, you can find us on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

How do we engage with the world around us and continue some form of activism or social justice while also finding moments of joy? We’re exploring this question to bring some optimism and mindfulness when it feels like the world is fire. You’ll hear (5:56) Finding joy in challenging times (8:37) Balancing activism with moments of joy and hope. (13:56) Finding hope and inspiration in small moments, or glimmers (19:43) Oxytocin and sex (25:23) Meaning, joy, and overstimulation in modern life (28:06) Queer joys Keep up with Melisa on Instagram @therapeutic.ideas and look out for the training on April 20th by Alex Iantaffi on mixed orientation relationships at Eventbrite or connectivetherapycollective.com.

Differentiation of self is like learning how to be your own person while still being part of a group, or a relationship. We’re unpacking this fancy psychological term by Bowen and applying it to dating to help you be connected with your own emotions while also being present for others. You’ll hear— (15:19) What “differentiation of self” is and why Melisa thinks it’s a fun term (18:38) Differentiation in the context of relationships (25:12) How to practice self-awareness in this process (29:47) Queer joys Connect with us over on Instagram @melisa.deseguirant and @queer_therapist_pdx

How do we stay calm and adaptable in the face of life's ups and downs, especially in our relationships? We’ve talked before about regulating your nervous system, but after you’ve taken those first steps, let’s shift the conversation to building flexibility and adaptability. You’ll hear— (12:46) Finding reliability and stability during times of unexpected change (15:31) How to ground yourself to feel a sense of consistency (21:29) Creating relationship rituals (26:56) What to do if you struggle with change or are neurodivergent (32:22) Queer Joys Let us know what you thought of this episode @QueerRelationshipsQueerJoy or email us at info@connectivetherapycollective.com

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had your queer awakening to your friend moonwalking in the office, the same friend that also officiated your wedding to another man. Anyone? Well luckily, we found that exact couple, Caroline and Amy Bouvin, and they’re here to tell you their unconventional but very queer love story. You’ll hear– (02:54) How Amy and Caroline became friends (06:44) Making out with girls while drunk (the signs were there) (10:37) Sobriety and moving in together (18:09) Coming out to family and the grief of divorce (26:41) Joyful moments from the proposal and wedding (37:36) Queer Joys If you are interested in Amy and Caroline’s couples retreat you can check it out here. And let us know what you thought of this episode @Queer_Relationships_Queer_Joy.

It’s easy to dismiss Valentine's Day as this commericialized holiday full of red roses, hallmark cards, and cupid’s arrows. The real meaning of love gets buried under all the marketing hype. That's why we're all about redefining the holiday, making it more about genuine love and connection, as we like to put it, leading with love as we move through our relationships. You’ll hear (12:56) What it looks like to lead with love in daily life (18:23) When it’s not possible to lead with love (21:05) Balancing love with other challenging emotions (30:26) Queer joys If you want to keep the conversation going, let us know what you think by writing in at info@connectivetherapycollective.com.

Everyone feels stressed and anxious from time to time, but high stress leaves an impact on your body, particularly your nervous system. Join us for an overview on understanding how to calm our nervous system and why its important for your relationship health. You’ll hear (15:24) The nuances of anxiety, dysregulation, and sensations in the body (18:59) Coregulating in relationships (21:23) Strategies to regulate stress and strengthen the vagus nerve (36:41) Queer joys Chat with us more about this topic over on Instagram

Ah, New Relationship Energy (NRE)–that magical, butterflies-in-your-stomach phase at the start of a new relationship, where everything feels exciting and your new person seems absolutely perfect. Maybe you're in this phase–love it or hate it–or maybe you're on the outside watching someone else experience this rush. Whichever side you’re on, we’re discussing how to navigate NRE. You’ll hear (10:23) How we experience NRE and how it impacts others (18:22) NRE in non-monogamous relationships (25:56) Change, jealousy, and trust issues (28:39) Setting boundaries, self-care, and sitting with the unknown (39:51) Queer Joys Let us know your thoughts on NRE over on Instagram!

We love the energy of the New Year, especially as a time for embracing new intentions and releasing old patterns. Today, we’re sharing how we can slow down to evaluate relationships, trust our intuition over societal expectations, and use the winter season for reflection and leaving behind what no longer serves us. You’ll hear– (11:19) Slowing down & the process of transformation. (13:16) Rest, setting intentions, and personal growth during winter. (21:26) Goal-setting with attunement and awareness. (30:08) Relationship markers, grief, and New Year's “NRE”. (34:39) Queer joys. Let us know what intentions you have for the new year and connect with us over on Instagram.

In this end-of-year episode, we're taking a moment to celebrate the past two years of this podcast. It's hard to believe, but we're already at the midpoint of our current season and heading into a well-deserved mid-season break. As we wrap up another year, we're excited to dive into applying these end-of-year reflections to the realm of relationships. You’ll hear about Nervous system regulation in dating and relationships Connection and communication challenges in the digital age “Slow burn”, year-end reflections, and setting intentions Stay connected with us over the break @Queer_Relationships_Queer_Joy, and we’ll be back in the new year.

Let’s talk about relationship counseling! We've received questions from listeners about when it's time to think about couples counseling and how to make the most out of it. So, we’re exploring the nuances of couples therapy, its challenges, and its impact on addressing relationship issues. You’ll hear Why you might seek support during transitional periods How to get the most out of couples counseling When to decide it may be time to seek out relationship therapy Be sure to check out Connective Therapy Collective’s weekly drop-in group for polyamorous folks and connect with Keely and Melisa on IG.

In relationships where multiple partners are involved, we may make gestures to promote fairness and balance. But, is true fairness achievable when certain hierarchies naturally exist in non-monogamous dynamics? We’re discussing how to navigate these inherent imbalances. You’ll hear How layers of hierarchies subtly exist within polyamorous relationships The importance of intentionality over guilt or obligation in approaching these conversations How to show self-compassion for those impulses to make everything “equal” Come connect with us both on Instagram @Queer_Therapist_PDX and @licensedwip or our podcast @Queer_Relationships_Queer_Joy

Slowing down in your relationships gives you the opportunity to make really intentional choices, with who you're connecting, how you're connecting, and what choices you're making especially during a time of pressure. In this episode, we’re exploring the dynamics of pacing and intentionality. You’ll hear The importance of prioritizing self-care during this holiday season How pacing new relationship energy can lead to a more sustainable connection Why attention and curiosity can revitalize a relationship as you both grow & change A few quick shoutouts Connective Therapy Collective is featured on the website, QueerPsych.com ! For those in Portland, the new CTC building will be having a welcoming early next year, so keep an eye out for an announcement Melisa maintains a mysterious presence on Instagram and is available for individual therapy at therapeuticideas.com

Are you feeling bored and wanting more from the relationship(s) you’re in? The thrill of the chase fades, routines set in, and suddenly, things feel a bit predictable? In this episode, you’ll learn ways to add that zest back into your relationships – and trust us, it's not just about spicing things up in the bedroom. You’ll hear Why relationships don't always have to follow a traditional "escalator" trajectory The role overstimulation in modern society plays in relationship boredom How self-reflection and understanding the core of your boredom can pave the way for revitalizing connections We’d love to hear what you’re doing to shake up your relationship or if you’re thinking about trying a digital detox. Write us over on Instagram or Tiktok.

From defining relationship dynamics to navigating multiple connections, agreements ensure that everyone's values and desires are respected and honored. We’re joined again by Heather Simpson to talk about polyamory, agreements, and communication. You’ll hear about The importance of check-ins and agreements in non-monogamous relationships Having open and explicit conversations about sexual health & sexual preferences Why some relationships could benefit from a written agreement over a verbal one If this episode resonates with you, we’d love to chat with you more about this topic over on Instagram @Queer_Relationships_Queer_Joy

Relationships should be about developing connections, not just seeking stability. In this episode, we’re exploring the idea of being in a long-term relationship for healthy reasons, rather than relying on the other person for stability or other unfruitful reasons. You’ll learn How to know when you’re at the place where you’re ready to leave Why it’s important to create explicit agreements and consent in your relationship Where to find the balance between being selfish and selfless as a partner If this episode resonates with you, we’d love to chat with you more about this topic over on Instagram @Queer_Relationships_Queer_Joy

Join us for a laid back conversation with fellow queer therapist, Heather Simpson as we delve into the world of queer polyamory, platonic relationships, and modern dating. You’ll hear about Fashion as a tool for queer self-expression and dopamine dressing Decentering romantic relationships and couples privilege Love is blind and polyamory in dating shows If you’d like to learn more about Heather and her practice, you can visit www.mindfulinquirytherapy.com. And if you’re looking for a queer, poly therapist in Portland, Oregon, or you live in California and want to do teletherapy, go to Melisa’s website, www.therapeuticideas.com.

Looking for signs of a healthy and thriving relationship? We’re diving into recognizing green flags in your connections–from calmness and effective communication to conflict management and healthy boundaries. Green flags are something that could be very personal to you, and we’re curious to know what you identify as a healthy sign, so write to us at info@connectivetherapycollective.org or hit us up on Instagram @Queer_Relationships_Queer_Joy

When you recognize that you’ve been harmed by a partner or caused harm, and you would like to move forward and reconnect, what does that actually look like? In this episode, we’re discussing repair and accountability, in the context of cancel culture and how what is going on in the bigger social sphere affects our relationships and us individually. You’ll hear If this episode resonates with you, we’d love to chat with you more about this topic over on Instagram @Queer_Relationships_Queer_Joy

Maybe you’ve heard terms such as "narcissist", "gaslighting", and "toxic" in your own relationship, or when scrolling social media. These terms are overused and even weaponized leading to a breakdown in communication which is why we’re exploring the misuse of therapy jargon, differentiating between casual use and actual diagnostic criteria. You’ll hear How certain terms, such as "narcissist," are often weaponized in relationships, leading to unproductive conflicts The nuances of trauma and triggers How to communicate boundaries without sounding like an ultimatum What alternative Melisa would use for “gaslighting” We’d love to chat with you more about this topic over on Instagram @Queer_Relationships_Queer_Joy