Beyond the basement

What if not caring is actually healthy? In this episode I explore the difference between caring (attention, effort, emotional labour) and blessing (love from afar, well-wishing, release). If you’re a sensitive, perfectionistic, empathetic type who ends up feeling on behalf of other people, this is an invitation to draw a clearer boundary around your ‘kingdom’ - to reclaim that which is yours (and shed that which isn’t), with dignity. Try it today. Say you don’t care, if you find yourself caught up in someone else’s drama, or taking responsibility for their reactions. What comes up for you? Judgement, shame… or relief. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

It’s the first episode of 2026 - and no, this isn’t a pep talk about New Year’s resolutions, grit, or “becoming your best self” by February. If anything, I’m here to make the case that January is the worst time to set goals. It’s still winter. Nature is resting. So maybe you should be too. Instead, I want to explore something adjacent: ambition. A friend told me recently, “I’m not ambitious.” And it got us into a deeper inquiry: what if ambition has become tangled up with conventional success - status, money, prestige, the “nice car and impressive job” storyline - and that’s why so many people feel allergic to the word? In this episode I share my own career arc (from “prestigious job and gravy train” → jumping off in my late 20s → an anti-corporate, frugal, rebellious 30s → a 40s return to purpose, impact, and more options). And I unpack why “success” and “failure” are often unhelpful binaries… because some of the most meaningful wins are actually how we navigate what didn’t work. We’ll also talk about: * The difference between goals (often cold, rigid, and perfectionism-triggering) and hopes (clear enough, but held lightly) * How ambition can be healthy when it’s yours, internally referenced, and aligned with your values * The “vibe check” principle: how the things that go well often feel lighter, more natural, less forced * Why clarity soothes (and how ambiguous expectations can be an act of unkindness to your nervous system) * A winter-friendly approach: dream now, hope gently, act later (spring is for beginnings) If you’re feeling behind, lost, or like you “should” know what you’re doing with your life by now - I hope this episode meets you softly. There’s no rush. You’re a living process. And surviving gracefully counts as success in my book. Share your reflections: chris@chriskenworthy.co.uk Find me on Instagram + LinkedIn: Chris Kenworthy Subscribe to Letters to Perfectionism: perfectletters.substack.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Loneliness isn’t the same as being alone. And solitude isn’t a necessary evil - it’s a skill. This is a winter postcard about choosing yourself, slowly, on purpose. This episode is a postcard from midwinter - a love letter from the quieter edge of life. I’m exploring the difference between loneliness, being alone, and solitude… and why those aren’t the same thing. I talk about those “lonely stories” many of us have (how a feeling becomes a narrative, which quickly becomes ‘truth’), and how easy it is to live in a world where you can go days without meaningful contact - even when surrounded by people. From a quiet New Year, I’ve been experimenting with what I’m calling conscious solitude: choosing withdrawal on purpose, putting myself first, slowing down, making humble plans, and giving myself the loving gaze I usually reach for ‘out there.’ Not isolation. Not a digital detox. More like 80% inward, 20% outward - with gentle contact points to stay sane. If you’ve ever felt lonely in a crowd, or caught yourself outsourcing your sense of worth, this one’s for you. Big hug. I see you. Happy new year. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Join me beneath a silver birch tree in my local park as I explore the messy, empowering, and deeply embodied world of boundaries. This episode dives into the lived experience of saying yes and no - where you end, where others begin, and how asserting your edges becomes an act of dignity, humility, and self-leadership. I share recent stories from my life and my improv practice, including a difficult withdrawal from a performance. Through these moments, we look at why boundaries often feel icky or shame-tinged, why we avoid them, and how our bodies tell us the truth long before our minds do. We’ll explore the difference between loving boundaries and defensive ones, how resentment grows when edges aren’t expressed, and why small, compassionate no’s prevent the need for thermonuclear ones. And towards the end, I share an unexpected discovery: how honouring your own boundaries subtly shifts your presence in the world - how people look at you differently, how you feel more real, and how clarity creates safety, play, and connection (just like good improv!). Come along if you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, losing yourself in any kind of relationship, anxiety, or trusting yourself. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

In this episode, we explore the tyranny of taking life too seriously - that joyless, over-responsible, heavily burdened state that achievers, perfectionists, caretakers, people-pleasers and “grown-up good boys and girls” know all too well. From the trenches of self-improvement fatigue, I look at how seriousness becomes a self-reinforcing way of being in the world - one that mistakes control for safety, purpose for productivity, and endurance for worth. I share why our nervous systems cling to the familiar heaviness of ‘being the grown-up’ and how that seriousness quietly drains colour and aliveness from our lives, and what helps to shake it loose again: irreverence, mischief, distraction, connection, and following what feels alive. This is an invitation to loosen your white-knuckled grip on life’s steering wheel - not by abandoning responsibility, but by remembering the play, pleasure, and curiosity that make being human worth it. If you often forget to have fun (or can’t even remember how to), this one’s for you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Come with me on a two-day immersion in fooling - a raw, theatrical, embodied practice that invites you to meet the many parts of yourself with innocence, curiosity, and play. Part archetype, part inner-world explorer, the Fool becomes a guide into your psyche: revealing sleepy parts, terrified parts, sexy snake-bodied parts, collapsed melodrama parts, cautious parts, joyful parts - every fragment you usually hide, override, shame, or race past. Instead of fixing or analysing, the Fool asks only: “Ooh… what’s here now?” I share what I learned as I moved through my own inner landscape: how easily I lose myself in ‘other’ (hello people-pleasers), how much drama my parts can stir when I believe them too literally, how the whole system softens when met with playful non-judgement, and how fooling, surprisingly, becomes a kind of reparenting of yourself. We look at why perfectionists struggle with this (hello right/wrong thinking), why embodiment is the key to bypassing the mind’s defences, and how the Fool teaches you to let every part have its moment on stage, then bow and exit. You’ll hear about invisible rest, snake energy, Monday-morning cupboard meltdowns, the theatre of our inner world, and the art of touching your own experience without becoming it. If you’ve ever wished for a way to meet your noisy inner world - your wounds, your longing, your tenderness, your mischief - without drowning in it, the Fool might just be the companion you’ve been looking for. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Unsettled and alone in hotel room somewhere in Derbyshire, mid-improv retreat, I explore the messy, human art of self-soothing- learning to find safety, connection, and calm within ourselves. This episode weaves together attachment theory, perfectionism, embodiment, and nervous system theory as I reflect on how people like us (anxiously attached) show up in relationship with ourselves and others, as well as in even the tiniest gestures - like reaching for your phone or social media. I share a micro-practice I’ve been experimenting with: catching the moment of “reach” and meeting it with breath, touch, and self-attunement instead of self-abandonment. We explore why self-soothing isn’t about yet more hyper-independence, but about rebuilding trust with ourselves - without cutting off from connection with others, nature, or what’s truly sacred and meaningful. Along the way, I speak about boundaries, heartbreak, relentless doing as a recovering Perfectionist, and the lifelong dance between self and other - between the child who still reaches for safety and the adult who can now hold that reach with love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Come for a walk with me, exploring the nature of self and other - what it means to be sovereign, an individual in relationship with other individuals. I record this reflection in a time of loss and transition. Expect theory and tenderness: from Enneagram, instincts and attachment theory, to the longing for union, the ache of separation, and the bittersweet truth that we come in alone and leave alone. I look at how perfectionism plays into our desire for merging and control, how we project our unloved parts onto others, and how the path to healing (or wholeness) might lie not in fixing, but in welcoming everything - every messy, contradictory, beautiful part of being human. Along the way, I find myself circling grief, dignity, humility, and love - with the quiet realisation that what I’ve been searching for has been here all along. What if you’re the one you’ve been waiting for? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

I’m not doing so well, and I want to talk about that. In this croaky reflection, I explore what it means to know when you’re struggling. Not just intellectually, but through bodily signals you might recognise. Like the tight jaw, restless legs, sleepless nights, looping thoughts, the quiet slide from responsibility into martyrdom. Through the lens of perfectionism, I map how easily “doing our best” turns into self-neglect, resentment, and collapse. I share my own warning signs, the ways my inner critic piles on shame, and what it means to retreat with care rather than make self-care another performance. This is an invitation to pause, listen to your body, and remember: struggling isn’t failure - it’s a signal to love yourself more gently. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Sorry, but you probably aren’t who (or how) you think you are. In this episode, I explore the inconvenient truth about identity - that there’s often a gap between who you take yourself to be and how other people experience us. Drawing from my embodiment coaching training, I share stories about receiving confronting feedback (and unexpected compliments), and how these moments can fundamentally shake our self-conceptions. We look at why embodied feedback - how you feel to be around in a room, the signals your body sends - matters far more than the stories in your head. And why it’s so hard for us perfectionists to accept kindness or praise. And also how your shadow (or unconscious embodiment), left unexplored, can quietly grab the steering wheel. Feedback can be affirming or excruciatingly difficult to receive. Yet when we look past our insecurities and fear of judgment - it can be a doorway to more range, choice, and self-mastery. Because who you really are might be bigger, kinder, and more complex (ad messy!) than you dare to believe. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Join me in a driftwood hut on the Humber estuary, where we explore what I believe to be your most precious asset - your attention and presence, where your consciousness, focus and attention goes (and your body along with it). I call this ‘aliveness’ for short. We’ll explore why aliveness isn’t necessarily something ‘out there’ to chase, but life that’s already within you (like desire, wants, attraction) and why and how it demands expression, as well as fulfilment. I’ll share stories of how my attention can leak into rumination, resentment or numbing (like social media, phone, addiction) and why choosing where you place your attention is your most precious act of agency and asserting yourself in the world. I also map three natural, human attentional pulls (one-to-one; group/collective; self) and how your old wounds affect each of these. Join me as I wonder aloud about whether that impulse to seek aliveness from others or out there is really an invitation to meet the aliveness already within you, and then express it - through movement, play, creating, or simply walking the beach and writing messages in the sand. Along the way I touch upon the impact of grief and loneliness, the improvisational and ephemeral nature of aliveness, and how to hold yourself in strength and softness through all of this. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Join me in my gently swinging hammock for a soothing, real and insightful exploration of grief and loss as a full-body experience. This episode tackles some big themes like pain, dignity, and humility: what happens when something meaningful just stops, and how to meet abrupt endings without hardening or collapsing. I talk about the dance between anger and sadness, posture and collapse, and what it means to recover a sense of agency and compassion inside the ache. Grief, for me, is not just a feeling - it’s a state, a way of being (like love or joy), a teacher, and an invitation to stay open-hearted in the messiness of grief’s twin sisters: love and loss. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

In this episode, let’s dive into a pattern I see in myself and many other perfectionists: when anger and sadness happen simultaneously and get stuck in the body. I talk about that moment of feeling wronged or unseen - the surge of “I want to act” colliding with shame, grief and the impulse to shrink. It’s like driving with one foot on the accelerator and one on the brake: so much energy, but no movement. I share how I’m learning to slow down, sense anger and sadness as separate forces, and give each a clean expression. Not to lash out, not to repress, but to reclaim agency and aliveness. This is an invitation to notice where you’re holding resentment, and to begin releasing it in a way that feels safe and human. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Under a giant ash tree in my local cemetery, I unpack a juicy invitation a friend offered me: what if I simply enjoyed my biological instincts - without judging them or needing to act on them? If you’re a regular listener you’ll know I’m a recovering perfectionist. So I notice how quickly I police urges (from cream buns to sexual desire), labelling them “right/wrong” and shutting down aliveness. Here I reveal an edgy challenge in my own life - feelings of attraction that have awakened primal impulses to protect and possess, and how easily I moralise them. Guided by embodiment, I talk about the practice of “touching reality with consciousness” - locating the sensation in my body, letting it move, finding safety, and staying with the longing itself. The episode is an invitation to trade evaluation for presence, to experience appetite as energy, and to widen our capacity to be human messy, desirous, and alive without making it another problem to fix. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

It’s a juicy question, and one I tried to answer in the closing moments of my ‘Think Less, Play More’ workshop at Happy Startup School’s Summercamp. What emerged was good enough, yet could have been clearer - so here’s my attempt to explore and answer aloud. I share why playfulness isn’t about learning to “do” play, but about subtracting the noise and distractions that cover up our natural capacity to “be” playful. I talk about following aliveness, experimenting with safe ways of play, and discovering your own play “love language.” I offer simple practices too, drawn from improv and embodiment - like slowing down, following the fun, and welcoming everything - as well as poses that help shift you into a more playful state. This is a conversation about reclaiming what’s already inside you, building range and resilience, and learning to hold life more lightly. Visit www.chriskenworthy.co.uk/play for a gift eBook on discovering your play love language. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Join me unpacking a recent experience of improvising at a festival - in a room that wasn’t quite ready to play. What started as a search for lightness turned into a fascinating, often excruciating exploration of what happens when improv meets uncertainty, nervous systems, and a whole lot of silence. This is part analysis, part rant, and part love letter to the art of play. I share what I learned about game-building, commitment, group dynamics, and what improvisers know deeply: how to meet a moment, how to make others look good, and how to navigate not knowing. I also explore our need for fun, connection, and recognition - and what it means to offer joy when it might not be met. If you’ve ever longed to play but hesitated at the edge, or found yourself carrying too much responsibility, this one’s for you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Perhaps perfectionism’s just a quirk in your life, you’re not even sure what it is, or what it has to do with you - then this episode is for you. I make the case for why it’s worth getting curious about perfectionism—not just as a personality trait or habit, but as a powerful, often hidden force shaping how you feel, work, relate, and live. You don’t have to call yourself a perfectionist to benefit from exploring it. This isn’t about diagnosis it’s about self-understanding. In this episode, I offer some reflections on what perfectionism really is, how it works in the shadows, and what might become possible when you see it more clearly. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

In this episode, I explore something you could call your play love language - the idea that each of us has a particular way we enjoy playing, even if we think we’re “not a playful person.” I often meet people who say they don’t know how to play or forgot, or that they’ve never really felt playful. So I wanted to take a closer look: What is play, really? How do we find our way into it without pressure or performance? And what might it mean to reclaim play as a personal, pleasurable, maybe even vital part of being human? This is an open-hearted invitation to notice what kind of play lights you up, with suggestions on how to identify that. I also clear up unhelpful myths and stereotypes about what play should be - that could be getting in the way of you feeling more alive, curious and playful. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

In this episode, I talk about why letting go can feel almost impossible - especially for perfectionists. Not because we don’t want to relax, but because our whole system has been trained to hold on, grip tighter, and stay in control. I explore how this contraction shows up in the smallest places: in how we walk, speak, think, write, and relate. It’s not just a behaviour - it’s a survival strategy. And letting go for people like us isn’t about forcing ourselves to relax. It’s about noticing the grip, appreciating why it’s there, then gently inviting something new. This is an episode about self-trust, aliveness, feeling and discovering more micro-moments where you get to choose whether you tighten or soften. This is for anyone who feels exhausted by the effort of holding everything together. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

If there’s one thing humans resist, it’s not knowing - stepping into a void of uncertainty (a.k.a being alive). In this episode, I explore our very human relationship with the unknown. I reflect on how your mind instinctively scrambles to make meaning when we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory - and how that effort to “work it out” can sometimes get in the way of effectively navigating what unfolds, and even thriving and creating in it. Borrowing lessons from improvisation, I talk about the discomfort of not-knowing, the urge to assign a story, and the subtle fear that can creep in when nothing makes sense yet. This is me making the case for more curiosity instead of control, when we don’t know what to do next. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com