Sexvangelicals

Mother's Day was this weekend, and is a complicated holiday for many folks. On the one hand, the celebration of women's expected unpaid labor for one singular day seems trite, at best. On another hand, women navigate a myriad of challenges on the pathway to motherhood, from obnoxious questions about timing, to pregnancy loss. Ideally, parenting is a collaborative relationship between two (or more) parents, with each parent contributing an equal amount to the development of their children. We talk with Lindsay, Meg, and Sarai from the Holy Ghosting Podcast (@holyghostingpod) about their experiences co-parenting, both while in religious communities, and during the deconstruction process. We discuss: Co-Parenting Wins Deconstructing Human Depravity as a ParentTrusting Yourself Outside of Religion Choice in MotherhoodAbortion Stillbirth Lack of Structure and Support Creating Space for Grief The Myth of "Spiritual Warfare"Not Believing is Not an Option Pre-Existing Conditions and ShameMirroring Healthy Disagreements in Coparenting Parenting Post-Deconstruction Check out Episode 70: How to Navigate Co-Parenting Post Deconstruction, with Lindsay, Meg, and Sarai from the Holy Ghosting Pod on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the Sexvangelicals website.

Pride month next month is going to be especially important. Based on the threats from Project 2025 and the behavior of other religious nationalist groups, federal bills that prevent states from discriminating against queer folks are at risk. Coming out, already a stress-inducing process, especially for folks in conservative areas, would have far greater anxiety connected with it under a second Trump administration. We invite singer-songwriter Adaline, founder of the nonprofit Bad Believer, to help explore the anxieties that come with coming out. Adaline talks with us about: Her new album, HymnalNo Hate Like Christian LoveErasing Love Rebecca St. James & WaitingNot Being a Part of Your Own StoryThe Mythmaking of Purity CultureAutonomy and Choosing Yourself Love SongsRadical Acceptance, Jesus, and Unconditional Love Hymnal was released March 22. Download it today! Also, check out this episode and all other episodes of Sexvangelicals on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.

One of the most common targets of Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal (EMPish) communities in the 21st century are queer people. The moralizing of straight, married relationships places people who are attracted to folks of the same sex/gender and folks who are curious about sexual experiences with same sex/gendered people in terrible double binds. Folks can accept and practice sexuality in alignment with their sexual orientation in the face of name-calling, loss of relationships with family members, and threats of violence. Or they can squelch or hide their sexuality, or practice their sexuality in more secretive ways, which itself can have negative impacts. Coming out in EMPish communities carries a ton of undue emotional and relational pressure. To help us navigate that, we've invited singer-songwriter and founder of non-profit Bad Believer (@badbelievercommunity), Adaline (@adalinemusic), to share how she navigated her own coming out process. We talk with Adaline about her first album, Hymnal, as well as: Body Talk and EMPish CommunitiesHierarchy in Sin Binaries and Sexuality Co-Opting Coming Out Stories for Her Songs "Part of You" and "Waist Down"Building Personal Strength Trusting DesiresFamily Systems: When Your Pastor is Also Your FatherEmbracing Your BodySensuality and the Music Video Coming Out and Guilt Her Nonprofit, Bad Believer Check out Episode #68: Coming Out in Evangelical Families, with Singer-Songwriter, Adaline, part 1 of 2, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the SV website

What are the messages that we wish we learned about masculinity? What are messages that we'd like to teach younger generations about masculinity, and in conjunction, how we might do relationships more effectively, more collaboratively? We are thrilled to have Zach Wagner (@zacharycwagner), author of Non-Toxic Masculinity, on Sexvangelicals this week. Zach talks with us about: The Books of DeconstructionThe Narrative of Sex and ConquestBroadening the ScriptMale SexualityInjecting Shame Shame & DesireEMPish Communities and Being “Counter-Cultural”Internalized Narratives Desire Starting Sex Ed Early Check out Episode #67: Banned Books: Non-Toxic Masculinity, by Zach Wagner, part 2 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.

Healing from Purity Culture involves conversations of how Evangelical communities have created undue amounts of anxiety and pressure for men as well as women. We talk with Zachary Wagner (@zacharycwagner), author of the new book Non-Toxic Masculinity, about the importance of deconstructing simplistic, reductive practices of manhood and reimagining new ways that men can conceptualize themselves and create meaningful relationships. Zach talks with us about: Check out Episode #66: Banned Books: Non Toxic Masculinity, with Zach Wagner, part 1 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the SV website: www.sexvangelicals.com

Are you interested in writing a memoir? Then this episode is especially for you! We're excited to have Tia Levings @tialevingsswriter, author of the upcoming book A Well Trained Wife, as our guest for Sexvangelicals this week. Tia talks with us about: Hero’s JourneyNot Exploiting Your Own Story Babies and ResilienceThe Nuance in Deconstruction Finding Light in the Dark Honoring Our Instincts Slowing Down Write the Book The Books of Deconstruction Check out Episode #65 Banned Books: A Well Trained Wife, with Tia Levings, part 2 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.

"While this story is my own memoir, the situations in this book are far from unique. With me stands a choir of invisible fundamentalist women, too silenced to tell their stories for themselves." We're honored to have Tia Levings (@tialevingswriter), author of the upcoming book A Well Trained Wife, as our podcast guest this week. Tia shares her research, wisdom, and immense bravery with us; we focus our conversations around:

There's a lot of memoirs, social media comments, and dialogue about leaving the evangelical church. However, as our guest, Sarah McCammon (@sarahmccammon_journalist) says, "you can't really understand the leaving without understanding loving and living the evangelical church." Sarah is the author of the new book The Exvangelicals. She talks with us about: Check out Episode #63: Banned Books: The Exvangelicals, with Sarah McCammon, part 2 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the SV website

It's been really fascinating to watch the ways that Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal (EMPish) cultures have begun to be deconstructed and discussed on a wider cultural level. While some still struggle to accurately name the direct correlation between EMPish cultures and the construction of the modern-day Republican Party, NPR national correspondent Sarah McCammon (@sarahmccammon_journalist) discusses the strategy and implementation of rigid conservative values in her new book The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church. In part 1 of a 2 part interview, Sarah talks with us about: Trump and EvangelicalsThe rise of the religious NonesTwo target audiencesThe purpose of The ExvangelicalsFear of Judgement Empathy and Honesty Why People Stay in EMPish Spaces Lack of Goodbyes Christianity and InclusivityPromises Unfulfilled Salem Witch Trials and Christian Textbooks The Exvangelicals comes out this week--buy it on Amazon! Check out Episode #62: Banned Books: The Exvangelicals, with Sarah McCammon, part 1 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the SV website

One of the most common relational processes that the deconstructing world talks about is boundaries. Evangelical circles encourage the elimination of boundaries. Sexuality is public, as Purity Culture invites people in leadership positions to make a variety of comments about people's bodies. Accountability groups and testimonials favor people who describe the most intimate parts of their stories. When making sense of these harmful systems, it's easy to go the opposite direction with boundaries; in fact, quite a few people in the deconstructing community invite people to do this. But as we talk about with Laura Anderson, author of When Religion Hurts You, the construction of boundaries is a complex, nuanced process, something more complicated than just "Setting those boundaries". Laura talks with us about: Leaving religious spacesTrust development post-religionBoundary rigidityDifferences being dangerousPop psychology messages around boundariesTrauma in the context of relationshipsThe practice of slowing downHealing ourselves firstAccommodations and understanding Check out Episode #61: Banned Books, with Laura Anderson, part 2 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the Sexvangelicals website.

What is religious abuse? Dr. Laura Anderson, in her new book When Religion Hurts You, defines it as: "The improper use of religious beliefs, teachings, doctrines, and relationships against another person. This might include harassment, humiliation, mind control, psychological abuse, isolation, threats, intimidation, minimizing, denying, blaming, asserting spiritual authority, and making it difficult to leave the religious community." If you're experienced one or more of the above, our interview with Laura provides some strategies for processing and navigating these experiences. Laura talks with us about: Addressing Religious TraumaDownplaying TraumaHow Diagnosing Blames the IndividualFocusing on the BodyEating Disorders and EMPish CommunitiesAcknowledging Before HealingTwo-Choice DilemmasHonoring GriefThe Demonization of Anger Check out Episode #60: Banned Books: When Religion Hurts You, with Laura Anderson (part 1 of 2) on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Purity Culture is largely embedded within White social and political systems intended to dominate and control bodies through a hyper-moralistic, anti-sex landscape. However, in this last week of Black History month, it's imperative that we talk about the ways that Purity Culture has impacted Black communities. To help us, we are sharing our interview with Deesha Philyaw (@deeshaphilyaw), author of The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, about how the values of Purity Culture have infiltrated Black churches and informed sexual relationships and expectations within the Black community. We talk about: Purity Culture within Cultural ContextsValues How Sexual Misinformation Informs the Writing ProcessThe Lack of Conversation Divorce within the ChurchFiction and Sexual Health Suffering in Silence “Daddy Issues'' Grief Working Through Self-Hate Through Fiction Sexism within Black Churches Check out Episode 59: Banned Books: The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, with Deesha Philyaw on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Please give us a five star review as well! Show notes and transcript are found on the Sexvangelicals website.

Julia begins, "Unlearning the messages from the church archive is only part of the healing process. The next step is learning new ways to engage relationships and sexuality. So, together, we are going to begin creating a new library with literature that can support us in building better, more sustainable, and thriving relationships." In order to unlearn unhelpful messages, we have to understand the systems that propagated these messages. "If I had a dollar for every time a client mentioned The Five Love Languages in therapy, I'd have close to a thousand dollars by this stage," Jeremiah says. The problem? The Five Love Languages was written by Gary Chapman. Chapman has no professional training in therapy or the science of relationships. Rather, he's one of hundreds of clergy trained at Wheaton, Moody Bible College, and other conservative organizations who have written about relationships--generally not their scope of practice. These authors have been propelled by a multi-billion dollar publishing industry who have generated radio shows, books, TV shows, and podcasts to sell complementarian gender roles, a rigid understanding of sexuality, and communication strategies that seek avoidance and compliance rather than negotiation of differences. In this episode, Jeremiah and Julia talk about: History of Christian Publishing Houses Conservatism and PublishingChristian Education and ApologeticsWhy Christian Literature is EffectiveAsk Suzie Why Focus on Christian Media? “Sex Ed” The Books of Deconstruction and Music as ManipulationPerpetuating Myths

The Roman Catholic Church, Southern Baptist Convention, and Acts 29 Churches have all had significant challenges with sexual, emotional, and spiritual abuse in their systems, something that becomes even more pronounced when religious systems become intertwined with private and home schooling, sex education, and the expectations of rigid gender norms. Sarah Stankorb, author of Disobedient Women, interviews women who have been victimized within Evangelical systems. And while online spaces provided camaraderie, acceptance, and empowerment, the disclosure of abuse and sexual crimes often gets met with the opposite outcomes. Sarah talks with us about things to consider when disclosing spiritual abuse, including: How the Church Enables Abuse.Intertwining of Church and School.Homeschooling and Being Insulated.Reporting Abuse in Higher Education.Parallels Between Secular and Christian Universities.Title IX. The Right to Silence for Survivors.The Importance of Listening.The Internet and Community Check out Episode #57: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: Things to Consider When Disclosing Spiritual Abuse, with Sarah Stankorb on Apple Podcasts. And please leave us a 5 star review! Show notes and transcript are on the SV website:

It's well documented that reporting abuse to larger systems is a daunting process. The Southern Baptist Convention is the latest organization to have been outed for the ways that it protects perpetrators of violence, especially against women and children, two categories of people whose stories are commonly dismissed in our larger society. We're thrilled to have Sarah Stankorb on our podcast. Sarah Stankorb is the author of the national best-seller Disobedient Women. The award-winning, Ohio-based writer talks about religion, politics, feminism, health, technology, and the public good. In Disobedient Women, she outlines how access to the internet—its networks, freedom of expression, and resources for deeply researching and reporting on powerful church figures—allowed women to begin dismantling the false authority of evangelical communities that had long demanded their submission. In this episode, Sarah talks with us about the emotional and relational processes that empower women to share their stories and hold systems accountable for their actions. We discuss: The concept of impact vs. intentHow the church enables abuseDemonizing angerThe fallacies of untethered empathyThe weight of speaking upStorytelling and journalismDefining braveryThe trad-wife trend, and other systems that encourage women to propagate messages of inequity. Check out Episode #56: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How Anger Can Be a Vital Resource for Processing Trauma and Beginning Change, with Sarah Stankorb on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Show notes and transcript can be found on the Sexvangelicals website.

Transitions are a natural part of life. There are big transitions, such as a person leaving home or a child aging into adolescence. There are smaller transitions that happen everyday, such as leaving to go to work or switching from topic to topic in a conversation. A family system has to be adaptable enough to respond to transitions, and many relationship and family problems are rooted in challenges transitioning. In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah discuss three strategies to help you and your partner call effective audibles and transition effectively. We talk about: Check out Episode #55: Three Ways to Call Audibles and Transition Well in Relationships, with Julia and Jeremiah. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And please give us a five star review!

“Romantic comedies and chick lit reflect messages that are prevalent in both secular culture and religious spaces. Although Christian spaces give lots of lip service to being counter cultural, they usually repackage the same message from popular culture with a different wrapping paper.” We continue our mini-series Let’s Kick Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse, with Katherine Spearing, co-founder of Tears of Eden and author of Hartfords, a historical romantic comedy. Katherine talks with us about how literature can often reinforce some of the rigid, unhelpful ideas about gender and relationships, and how writing Hartfords positively impacted her own healing process. Join us as we explore: Chiclit and Romcoms (2:00) Jane Austen and Subtle Messaging (6:00) The Fear of Art Within the Church (16:00) Art as a Means of Survival (21:00) Psychology, Art, and the Church (26:00) Rom Coms and the Church (31:00) Friendship within Hartfords (35:00) The Power of the Pen (40:00) Deconstruction and Hartfords (45:00) Healing (59:00) Check out Episode #54: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How Romantic Comedies Can Reinforce the Worst Parts of Evangelical Culture, with Katherine Spearing on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the Sexvangelicals website: www.sexvangelicals.com Let’s heal together!

Happy New Year! January is Spirtual Abuse Awareness month, and so we're kicking off the New Year with a couple of episodes with Katherine Spearing (@katherinespearing), host of the Uncertain Podcast (@uncertainpodcast) and founder of the nonprofit Tears of Eden. Katherine defines spiritual abuse as "invoking a religious text or deity as a way to maintain power and control over both individuals and communities." In this episode, we describe the multiple systems in Katherine's life that practiced abusive dynamics--family of origin, churches, the Evangelical system at large. Katherine talks with us about: Stay at Home Daughters (7:00)Women as Property (9:00)Double Binds of Womanhood (13:00)Arrested Development (17:00)Labeling Abuse and Defining Spiritual Abuse Once More (25:00)Finding a Voice You Never Had (29:00)Individuation (31:00)Phobias and Leaving Cults (39:00)Silent Patriarchy (45:00) Tears of Eden and Healing (55:00) Learn more about Katherine's work by visiting tearsofeden.org. We're so grateful for her influence and passion for helping folks in the early stages of deconstruction!