Kidnapped By Wizards

This week the rage runs like a bloody river as the boys put Jim Henson's beloved Muppets on blast for their various (alleged) crimes, The Beef unveils some traumatic swimming baths memories and Stu unveils his secret passion for UFO hunting… kind of.

Welcome to another episode of Kidnap by Wizards, where we continue to bring you the most bizarre and entertaining topics straight from the Wizards Tower! This week, we kick things off with a hilarious discussion about our experiences in Semington Karelman's workplace. From ladders and snakes to a magical cock-ring with motorbike handlebars, there's never a dull moment in this strange world we inhabit. Remember to check out our website for some exclusive merchandise related to these wild topics! Listen as we reminisce on the graphic and traumatic educational videos we had to endure in our younger days. From horrifying electrocutions to accidents involving heavy machinery, these videos left a lasting impact on us. We also dive into the world of gaming daddies and music challenges, debating who would be the ultimate daddy in the video game world. With contenders like Arthur Morgan, Kratos, Joel from The Last of Us, and Solid Snake, it's a tough decision to make. Finally, join us as we explore the peculiar world of dragon cum and its effects on humans. From its viscosity to its nutrient-rich content, we examine the taste, chemical composition, and the amount of cum produced by dragons. This conversation is certainly not for the faint of heart! So, sit back, relax, and enjoy another wild ride with us here at Kidnap by Wizards. (0:00:00) - Kidnap by Wizards Podcast Introduction Karelman and employees learn to use ladders, decode snakes, use magical cock-ring, and be careful crossing the road. (0:06:17) - Graphic Workplace Safety Videos We discuss graphic and traumatic videos, shoe people, and their impact on society. (0:10:15) - Gaming Daddies and Music Challenges Steven Mulher's Buttwins world, gaming podcast days, and who's the best daddy in video games discussed. (0:19:42) - Toilet Etiquette and Champagne of Things We explore the strange and humorous moments in public spaces, the Dev Hour, Minstrone, and the "champagnes" of cheese and biscuits. (0:27:35) - Random Conversations on Various Topics We discuss German words, tea making, Cumbuddly Brasington Banister, Mississippi Lake admirer, Bugs Bunny, gaming consoles and cartoon characters. (0:41:03) - Die Hard Recasting and Beverage Preferences We debate Die Hard, discuss champagne vs. soft drinks and lemonade, and recall gaming podcast days. (0:55:45) - Dragon Cum and Its Effects Nature's dragon cum, its taste, chemical composition, and amount produced are explored. (1:03:11) - Podcast Promotion and Humor We rate our listeners, explore Shot Select, discuss public space moments and Ryan Dick Pic rating.

In this episode the boys have some hot new concepts to keep British daytime TV relevant, we discuss the best way to tease a ketchup bottle, the dirty secrets of tennis and attempt to recast a movie from ages ago with modern actors. Give it a listen, it's so current affairs! Also Stu drops a massive fart. (0:00:17) - Pre-Salted Chips and Daddy's Sauce We discuss pre-salted chips, the wizards tower, Tarbyshire Town of Bakewell, pre-ketchup, and wanking off chips. (0:06:18) - Random Tangents and Pop Culture References Nila's return, Wizard Tower architect, mysterious red jumper, phylactery of the scrote discussed. (0:15:18) - Gooking, Grapefruits, and Reality TV We discussed Mr Blobby, 'Who's Gonna Grapefruit, Marry or Kill' challenge, 'Bloody Bottle of Cum' and 'Bush Took a Trial' challenge, and the future of the show. (0:20:41) - Naked Attraction and Other Grim Shows We discuss a strange American show, 'Naked Attraction', 'Castle of Illusion', and how Mickey and Donald must have got groped a lot in the world of illusion. (0:26:52) - Unpopular Opinions and Quirky Colleagues We debate Nintendo games, Microsoft-Zenimax, gaming industry innovation, and reminisce about Blanket Cunt. (0:36:10) - Cryptids and Random Topics We uncover mysteries of tennis, explore a cryptid from Mississippi lake, and imagine a crocodile in a top hat playing poker. (0:50:06) - Recasting Movie Characters We debate creative monster-killing, Predator casting, Terminator and Ghostbusters recasting, and Nintendo vs. EU. (0:59:51) - Marvel and Predator Mashup Casting Ideas We discuss Marvel/Predator casting, Native American representation, and South American lady/Blaine Motherfucker. (1:06:24) - Movie and AI Discussions We debate AI technology, Nintendo's releases, Microsoft/Zenimax, tennis, monster-taming, and Marvel/Predator casting.

The boys are changing things up this week, sick and tired of the usual crude nonsense they are going Highbrow, talking about current affairs, politics and the like. Come along to discuss religious video game ideas, how to survive without the internet and have a particularly deep chat about ceramic ornaments and their less obvious uses! (0:00:05) - Gaming and Controllers (10 Minutes) We start off talking about technology and the UK blocking the Microsoft acquisition of Activision Blizzard. Google's attempt to enter the cloud gaming market and the obstacles they face, as well as the potential for Xbox to win the market are discussed. We then move on to BJ Lips from Wolf and Sky, and how the Xbox One controller has become a collector's item. Finally, we explore how to creatively display an original Xbox One controller in your home. (0:10:20) - Biblical Video Game Reboot Ideas (13 Minutes) We explore the logistics of self-love and the possibility of a biblical reboot of popular video games. We discuss the potential for Jesus to take down the devil in a game and Moses as the gray fox. Who the romance options might be and the possibility of a massive boat made of cotton flying around are also pondered. Finally, we consider the possibility of a disciple being shot and what that would mean for Jesus. (0:23:40) - Life Without Internet (8 Minutes) We explore the reality of life without the internet and the struggles it brings. We compare the older generations' experience with the modern take on technology and its evolution. We also examine the concept of charisma, going back to the Windows 3.1 days and how life has changed since then. Finally, we take a humorous look at the amusing scene of a police chase and the unlikely comedic consequences of being without the internet. (0:31:40) - Lyrics and Riddles With Friends (10 Minutes) We enter the world of role-playing games and the stats behind them. We discuss how intelligence and charisma can be used to your advantage and the need for strength and constitution to be a tank. We also talk about our descent into madness, playing the lyrics game and guessing the riddles. We also reminisce about a funny story from the 70s, and consider the idea of having a career without a name. Finally, we look at the struggles of life without the internet and the reality of older generations' experience. (0:42:06) - Cryptids and Ghost Sex Conversations (14 Minutes) We enter the world of cryptids and the game of Eat Ten Kit. We debate the existence of a ghost, discuss the magic of a game, and consider the idea of an inclusion ghost. We imagine a giant bullfrog screaming words and ponder the possibility of a death stalker. Finally, we explore the concept of a big, dumpy, deathclaw. (0:55:59) - Inappropriate and Explicit Conversations (9 Minutes) We enter a wild story of an erotic experience with a deer in the woods. We discuss the surprise of the deer, the arousal of the other toes, and the fullness inside of Andy's nice round ass that caused his death. We ponder the leaked script from Toy Story 6 and the power of the deer's gaze. Finally, we marvel at the deer's ability to bite off a juicy clamp with a mouthful of dong. (1:05:05) - Podcast Outro and Promotion (2 Minutes) We take a look at the power of reviews, the allure of TikTok, and the mysterious wizard of secret ghosts. We consider the impact of reviews on our podcast, the potential of Alexa to boost our reviews, and the importance of our presence on Twitter and TikTok. We discuss the role of Ship, the Lord of TikTok, and the hilarity of a conversation with a deer. Finally, we bid farewell to Goldstein, with a few cheeky words before ending the episode.

In this episode, we cover a range of topics, starting with a heated discussion about our disdain for certain car models like the Suzuki Ignis and the Nissan Juke. We then dive into the world of automobiles, touching upon the BMW X7 and X6, the Mercedes A-Class, and the quirky Subaru Jingle. Along the way, we share our thoughts on car modifications and the strange habits of some drivers, like hoarding tea bags and broken mugs in their vehicles. We also explore lesser-known cryptids, test our knowledge with amusing games and riddles, and discuss our frustrations with daytime television and people obsessed with retro items like vintage games and clothing. Lastly, we wrap up the conversation with some entertaining adult-themed storytelling with Sakanori. Don't forget to leave us a five-star review on your preferred podcast platform, follow us on Twitter at @thatwizardpod, and catch us on YouTube. Thanks for listening, and until next time, take care and happy listening! Chapter Summaries: (0:00:05) - The Smugness of Suzuki Ignace (4 Minutes) In this episode, we dive into the world of automobiles, discussing our disdain for certain car models, such as the Suzuki Ignis and the Nissan Juke. We explore the features that make these cars unappealing, such as their odd shapes, small wheels, and strange design choices. (0:04:29) - Semi Carat (4 Minutes) We continue our conversation on automobiles, touching upon the BMW X7 and X6, the Mercedes A-Class, and the quirky Subaru Jingle. We also share our thoughts on car modifications and the strange habits of some drivers, like hoarding tea bags and broken mugs in their vehicles. (0:08:48) - The Mischief Maker's Monkey (12 Minutes) In this chapter, we delve into various topics, beginning with a lighthearted banter about movies and celebrities. We then discuss our frustrations with daytime television and people obsessed with retro items, like vintage games and clothing. We also touch on our annoyance with physical game hoarders and the potential demise of physical media in the gaming world. Lastly, we wrap up the conversation with some riddles and playful humor' (0:21:10) - Exploring Unknown Cryptids (8 Minutes) We explore the fascinating world of cryptids, with a focus on lesser-known, hipster cryptids. We also dive into amusing games and riddles, testing our knowledge and wit against each other. (0:28:50) - Exposing the Truth With Innovative Technology (10 Minutes) We venture into the realm of bizarre cryptids, discussing the peculiar and sometimes creepy habits of these mysterious creatures. From the Arizona Candidate Squeezer to the Georgia Guest Drinker, we share chilling tales and unsettling behaviors of these elusive beings. We also ponder the existence of the Washington Difference Boaster and its unique ability to alter memories, causing confusion and self-doubt. As we wrap up our cryptid conversation, we ascend to the top of the business tower for some adult-themed storytelling with Sakanori' (0:39:12) - The Poop Knife (13 Minutes) In this chapter, we find ourselves discussing the peculiar concept of a "poop knife" and its use in handling oversized bowel movements. We also ponder the idea of convenience spells, touching on various scenarios that may benefit from a bit of magical intervention. The conversation takes several amusing and unexpected turns, including a debate on whether wizards need to visit the restroom and the curious practice of turning urine into jelly. (0:52:08) - Keeping It Casual (5 Minutes) In this portion of the conversation, we imagine the perfect, private toilet experience, complete with a serene environment, a waterfall, and the toilet roll made of clouds. We also engage in light-hearted banter about mythical creatures, debating the merits of befriending or becoming intimate with them, and even consider the practicalities of hugging an orca.

In this hilarious and unpredictable episode, we dive into a variety of topics - from reminiscing about hospital dramas like ER and Casualty, to poking fun at the biblical story of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. We also explore the idea of biblical characters being "jacked" and share some funny experiences from our time in school plays. Throughout our lighthearted banter, we discuss the politics of toilets at work, play a game guessing song lyrics, and even ponder the hypothetical scenario of battling and consuming mythical creatures. From the most bizarre and unconventional creatures to the entertaining stories and laughter-filled moments, this episode is one wild ride you won't want to miss! Chapters: (0:00:20) - Hospital Dramas (11 Minutes) In this podcast episode, we dive into a humorous discussion about hospital dramas, reminiscing about older shows like ER and Casualty, as well as more modern ones like Chicago Med and The Resident. The conversation then shifts to the predictable nature of these dramas, with the same character arcs and storylines appearing time and time again. The hosts also touch upon their experiences in school plays, from participating in nativity plays to taking on unique roles like a seagull in James and the Giant Peach. (0:11:14) - Jesus and Excess (3 Minutes) In this entertaining conversation, we delve into a lighthearted discussion about the biblical story of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, poking fun at various aspects of the narrative. We explore the idea of Jesus as a carpenter, turning water into wine, and the nativity scene's implausible elements. Join us for a hilarious and irreverent examination of these classic tales, touching on topics such as Jesus' disciples in a restaurant, the challenges Mary faced during childbirth, and alternative interpretations of traditional Christmas songs' (0:14:27) - God and Jerry Springer (13 Minutes) Continuing with our light-hearted banter, we explore the idea of biblical characters being "jacked" or having impressive physiques, even imagining a gym-focused version of Noah's Ark We also discuss the possibility of Jesus and his disciples being gym buddies and share a good laugh imagining God and other religious figures in unusual scenarios. (0:27:32) - Elusive Toilet Tricks & Games (8 Minutes) We share our frustrations and funny stories about public restrooms and the unwritten rules surrounding them. Furthermore, we discuss the intriguing concept of the "sideways shitter," a cryptid from our workplace that leaves mysterious deposits on the toilet wall. Join us for this light-hearted and entertaining conversation that will surely make you laugh' (0:35:27) - The Politics of Toilets at Work (7 Minutes) In this humorous conversation, we discuss the strange and amusing experiences we've had with toilets at work, including the politics surrounding them and the odd habits of some coworkers. We also touch on the unexpected anime interests of the "cool" guys at work, and a particular coworker's impressive "dump truck" (0:42:05) - The Wizard Chess Game (12 Minutes) We delve into a hilarious discussion about office gossip, strange stories, and peculiar encounters. We share our thoughts on wizards and Reddit stories, as well as our bizarre experiences with tea, chess, and dolphins. Join us for this entertaining conversation filled with laughter and lighthearted banter' (0:54:22) - Taming the Hydra and Eating Marshmallows (5 Minutes) In this playful exchange, we ponder the hypothetical scenario of battling and consuming various mythical and fictional creatures, such as hydras, goblins, and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. We engage in comedic debates about the logistics of eating these creatures and the potential consequences of our actions. Our lively conversation takes some unexpected and amusing turns, leading to a fun and entertaining discussion about the most bizarre and unconventional creatures we can imagine'

In this wild and hilarious episode, we dive into the fascinating world of figs and their surprising connection to wasps, discuss the bizarre concept of biscuit trees, and explore the ancient Christian traditions behind kissing the tip of a sausage before eating it. We also take a bizarre journey into the world of wizards and their strange habits, debate which Pixar characters could be used as flashlights, and share a hilarious story about a listener's embarrassing moment. Get ready for a wild ride filled with laughter, absurdity, and mind-blowing revelations! Chapters: (0:00:02) - Exploring the Mysteries of Food (12 Minutes) In this podcast episode, we dive into the fascinating world of figs and their surprising connection to wasps. We explore the ancient Christian traditions behind kissing the tip of a sausage before eating it and discuss the bizarre concept of biscuit trees. Prepare to have your mind blown as we uncover the grim story behind figs and the unique way they are pollinated by fig wasps. From the strange mating habits of these insects to their critical role in the fig's life cycle, this conversation is sure to leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about this seemingly innocent fruit. (0:11:58) - Pixar Characters Flashlights Cars (12 Minutes) We discuss the peculiar appearance of the caterpillar character, Heinlek, from A Bug's Life, and how he resembles a flashlight. The conversation takes a wild turn as we delve into Pixar films like Inside Out and Cars, imagining what it would be like to use characters as flashlights. We also touch upon the phenomenon of YouTubers trying foreign sweets and our frustration with their over-the-top reactions. Join us for a bizarre and hilarious journey through these topics and more' (0:23:44) - The Power of an Embarrassing Moment (11 Minutes) We explore the cringeworthy story of a listener named Lee who tries to sneak a photo of a girl on a train, only for the flash to go off, resulting in an awkward situation for everyone involved. We also discuss people who are attracted to inanimate objects, such as a man who had a romantic relationship with his car. Additionally, we touch on the struggles of using social media platforms like Twitter and share a story about a missed recording opportunity at the Eiffel Tower' (0:34:33) - Creative Snow Plow Names (7 Minutes) We delve into a lighthearted discussion about humorous and pun-filled names for snowplows, including some popular ones from the UK. The conversation then returns to more snowplow names, with some standouts like "Control Salt Delete" and "No More Mister Ice Guy. " As we critique these names, we can't help but become a bit more creative with our own suggestions, fully embracing the silliness of the topic' (0:41:27) - Exploring Wizards Tales (11 Minutes) We take a bizarre and humorous journey into the world of wizards, discussing their strange habits and stories from their magical library. This laugh-filled conversation involves wizards carrying heavy sacks, peculiar anecdotes, and some truly strange and surreal stories. Prepare yourself for a wild ride through the minds of these magical beings, and don't be surprised if you find yourself laughing out loud at their bizarre tales' (0:52:41) - Killing Toads and Eating Trolls (8 Minutes) We have a hilarious conversation about the Mario movie, imagining Chris Pratt as the voice of Mario, and discussing whether the big mushroom is a hat or a part of Toad's head. We also talk about the potential deliciousness of eating a troll, though caution must be taken since they turn to stone in sunlight. The conversation takes a dark turn as we imagine hollowing out a giant Toad statue and living inside it. We end with a debate over the episode title, ultimately deciding on "Troll Chairs" and a brief discussion on flashlights. Join us for this wild and entertaining discussion filled with laughs and absurdity'

Get ready for some knee-slapping comedy and absurdity as the boys gather around for a wild podcast episode! They kick things off with a heated debate on who would come out on top in a fight between Mulhern and Schofield. But wait, there's more! Get ready to have your childhood ruined as they uncover the disturbing secrets behind McDonald's Grimace. And if that's not enough to make you cringe, they'll also be delving into some of the most cringe-worthy moments you'll ever witness. Think awkward first dates, embarrassing public speaking disasters, and everything in between.

Get ready for a wild ride as the lads delve into a mysterious and cursed grimoire that details the tastiest and grossest eats from across the fair British Isles. Spoiler alert: they don't hold back on their opinions, and things get pretty heated! But that's not all, folks! They also explore the fascinating phenomenon of "Mandela Effects," where people remember things that never even happened. And hold onto your seats, because The Beef gets booed off stage! Don't miss out on this hilarious and informative episode!

The boys take a totally positive and non-ranty dive into the Game Awards this week and are thoroughly unimpressed with what they see, to be frank. They also look into the mysterious secret of banana flavouring and actually manage to lose Tractor Plus! Where did he go!? Listen to find out innit!

The boys are back from an accidental time travel spell and are ready to get going on more hot content! They discuss even more cases of Everyday Psycho activities, why Channel 5 needs to sort it's life out and, in a milestone for the pod, they discuss which fast food outlet is best, and why!

This week the boys seem to have lost the plot a bit, and ramble all kinds of nonsense, interspersed with amazing facts too of course! Why not hear all about yet more cryptids, such as the New Jersey Dad Wearer, why Stu wants to tame a Diglett and Ryan's love of a special move involving viscous fluids. Yes, I know. Weird, eh?

Join us, boys and girls, for a powerful Halloween episode like no other! The boys discuss their favourite cryptids, which crime they'd rather commit for the good of humanity, petty acts of mischief around the home and work toilets and, of course, what would we do to some classic spooky beasts?

Things get a bit… heated this week as The Beef and Tractor Plus get into why they hate daytime TV so much (screw you, Grallace), there's a surprisingly intense instalment of Eat, Kill, Tame and, for some reason, the Wizards decide to take on a Vengaboys classic for their new album…

The boys return from a week of being held captive by Superstar(s) Nigel to hit you with some hot, hot content! Learn all about the two headed dog, why killing Brian from Family Guy is a good idea and, of course, The Beef's love of Japanese visuals! Oh, and what if trolleys were made or human flesh, of course!

Tractor Plus is back this week, and he's brought some hot new content with him! Join the boys as they discuss the hot alternate ending to the the queen's funeral, what Jim Henson got up to when nobody was watching and what happens on the Isle of Sodor when the train's faces get messed up…

It's just The Beef and Daddy Cool this week, as Tractor Plus has left the barn to join the Ottoman Wars. They pass the time discussing eating Pokémon some more, catch you up on the latest in the Wizardverse and dropping in on the Wizards as they wrap up their latest rap banger!

The Beef is back from a rather taxing tour of duty as an ottoman (you weren't there, man!) and has taken the reigns from Stu and Ryan before they hurt themselves! Join them for lots of talk about which Pokémon you should eat, and which are the tallest! They also introduce a new glossary feature, so our many thousands of new listeners can understand what the hell they're on about… always a bonus!

This week, whilst The Beef is away on Ottoman duties, Ryan and Stu discuss Prey, the 3 best British TV shows, the future of the MCU with thoughts on She Hulk, who keeps a jar of cum under the sink, and the real reason mummies attack you when you get close.

This week the boys are on red alert, as Stu reveals the very real threat of encroaching anthropomorphic bananas decked out in nightwear. They also check out a very infamous Blade 2 review, have another in depth conversation about nipples and The Beef has to apologise for being a dick and spoiling Thor last time. It's a hoot!