The Selfish Woman

We've all been there: a plan falls apart, a deadline shifts, or a minor inconvenience feels like the end of the world. Or, we spend way too much of our time and energy worrying about 'what if.' We usually blame the situation for how we feel, but today's guest says the 'problem' isn't what's happening - it's how we're wired to react to it. I'm joined by Dr. Rachel Goldman, a clinical psychologist, NYU professor, and a leading expert in the mind-body connection who has shared her insights alongside icons like Oprah and Mel Robbins. Ahead of the April launch of her highly anticipated book, "When Life Happens," Dr. Rachel breaks down the science of CBT and explains why we need to stop trying to 'delete' stress and start building a Coping Toolbox. This episode is a survival guide for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the weight of 'doing it all' and is ready to reclaim their peace of mind. What We Discuss: The Stress Reframe: Why stress is inevitable, but our physiological and mental reaction to it is a choice. The "All or Nothing" Trap: How to break the cycle of perfectionism when things go sideways. Building Your Coping Toolbox: Specific strategies to regulate your emotions in real time. Mindset as a Skill: Why resilience isn't a personality trait - it's a strategy you can train. When Life Happens: A deep dive into the mindset shifts needed to navigate life's messiest moments. Resources & Links: Pre-Order the Book Follow Dr. Rachel Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Spotify Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Apple

I left Spain to figure out what was wrong with me. I had the dream life. The cobblestone streets. The European light. The copper bathtub imported from England that cost eleven thousand euros. And I was miserable in ways I didn't have words for yet. So I left. Convinced I was the problem. I was wrong. In this episode I'm recording from Harrison Hot Springs - sitting in a mineral pool, in the middle of a meditation that turned into a download - and I finally understand what I was actually running from. And why leaving was the most sane thing I ever did. This is the episode for the woman who has spent years trying to fix herself. The woman who has read the books, done the work, followed the rules - and still feels like something is fundamentally broken. Nothing is broken. But something is wrong. And until you figure out what that is, you will keep building beautiful lives on foundations that cannot hold you. This is where we start. Join The Phoenix Get the book

What if your life isn't random? In this episode, I sit down with numerologist Ann Perry to break down what your numbers reveal about you, and how they shape your relationships, your patterns, and the way you move through the world. We also dive into: What You'll Learn: Links: Ann Perry's website Ann's book Watch this episode on YouTube And if you're ready to stop overthinking and step over the edge and into your next level.... The Phoenix (access to The Edge Transmission)

Why do you keep overthinking decisions when you already know what to do? In this episode I break down why overthinking isn't a clarity problem, it's a self-trust problem - and what you're actually avoiding. What you'll learn: Why you say "I don't know" (and what it really means) The hidden reason you stay stuck in indecision How overthinking protects you from uncomfortable truth The identity shift that changes everything One simple question to stop overthinking immediately Key moment from the episode: "You don't say 'I don't know' because you're confused. You say it because the truth would cost you something." If you're ready to stop overthinking and actually move forward, this is exactly what we do inside The Breakthrough. Email me: valerie@valeriejonescoach.com and tell me the one thing you want a breakthrough in. Leave a review on Spotify Leave a review on Apple Subscribe to the show! Watch on YouTube Get my book

Darshana Avila left her corporate career and her marriage, and stepped into a life of erotic wholeness. Now she's a Certified Somatic Experiencing Practitioner & Sexological Bodyworker featured on Netflix's Sex, Love & goop with Gwyneth Paltrow - and she's here to talk about what most of us are too afraid to ask for. In this episode, we talk about: Knowing what you want (in sex and in life) and actually asking for it:The identity crisis that led to liberation:Her experience on Netflix's Sex, Love & goop:Erotic wholeness as a path to power:People-pleasing in the bedroom (and eveywhere else): This conversation is raw, real and permission-giving. If you've ever felt disconnected from your body, your desires, or your power, this one's for you. Connect with Darshana: Website Want more? Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast (ranked top 3% globally) for weekly conversations about identity, power and building empires on your terms. New episodes every Monday. Named Feedspots #23 in the Top 80 Best Badass Female Podcasts of 2026 Take the Reveal Your Mask Quiz Please leave a review! It help more women find us.

In this episode I reveal the next level of your journey - from midlife reinvention to full-blown feminine sovereignty. If you're a woman ready to rise into your power, lead with vision, and claim a life that reflects your true worth, this is for you. I unpack the Queen Code (my brand new methodology), share the mythic framework behind the Sovereign Woman, and invite you inside the symbolic castle that holds it all. Consider this your rite of passage. Join The Phoenix Subscribe to my YouTube channel Get my book, The Selfish Year Follow me on Instagram Subscribe, share and leave a review!

You've been swallowing your truth, avoiding conflict, and hoping things will change if you're just patient enough. But your silence isn't safety....it's a slow death. This week, I'm talking with Colette Jane Fehr, author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love, about why we stay silent, and what it costs us. In this episode: Colette is giving us the tools to stop performing and start speaking. Because the cost of quiet? It's your life. Pre-order The Cost of Quiet here Follow Collete on Instagram My Substack article, and free quiz: Reveal Your Mask

Welcome to Season Five - and to 2026! In this powerful kickoff episode, Valerie pulls back the curtain on what it really means to be selfish in a world that has taught women to disappear. This isn't just a refresher course. It's a full-on reintroduction to the philosophy, fire, and unapologetic truth at the core of The Selfish Woman movement. You'll hear: If you're ready to make 2026 the year you come home to yourself, start here. Get The Selfish Year Subscribe to the YouTube series Follow on Instagram Get my blog, The Selfish Gospel Go forth and be selfish.

Most people choose a word for the year based on what they want to achieve, acquire, or accomplish. But that's not how transformation works. In this episode, I'm sharing why your word of the year should be about who you're becoming, not what you want to get. It's a practice in identity, not goals. A call toward the woman you're evolving into. not a to-do list disguised as intention-setting. I'll walk you through: WATCH THIS EPISODE ON YOUTUBE: I'm now posting full video episodes on YouTube! If you prefer to warch rather than listen, head over to my channel and subscribe so you don't miss future episodes. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: The Selfish Year - available everywhere books are sold, or click here CONNECT WITH ME: Substack: The Selfish Gospel weekly essays Book: The Selfish Year Instagram LET'S TALK: What's your word for 2026? Drop me a message on Instagram or YouTube. SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If you loved this episode, please subscribe and leave a review, on Spotify or Apple. It helps others find the show. Thanks for listening. Now go choose your word, and let it choose you back.

2025 is the Year of the Snake. 2026? The Year of the Fire Horse. If you're familiar about Chinese zodiac symbolism, you know what that means: the Snake sheds what no longer fits. The Fire Horse charges forward with unstoppable momentum. But here's the thing: you can't ride the Fire Horse into 2026 while still carrying 2025's dead weight. This episode is about what needs to be shed now, before the year turns. IN THIS EPISODE, I SHARE: The symbolism of Snake and Fire Horse years:What a death cycle actually looks likeThe difference between shedding and suppressing:A December ritual for intentional release:Why 'not enough', shame, and old survival strategies have to go:The gift of radical permission:The Selfish YearWhat's coming in 2026: IF YOU'RE FEELING: ....this episode is for you. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Read the full essay: What a Death Cycle Actually Looks Like (from someone living it) Get the book: The Selfish Year - perfect for gifting yourself and your friends permission this Christmas Choose your 2026 word: Are you claiming SELFISH as your guiding intention for next year? Let me know! SOMETHING'S COMING: I'm gathering women who are ready to make 2026 their Selfish Year. A community....a container...a place where choosing yourself isn't rebellion, it's a homecoming. I can't share all the details yet, but if you're feeling the pull toward radical selfishness - stay close. CONNECT WITH VALERIE: Instagram Newsletter Work with Valerie YOUR DECEMBER PRACTICE: This month, ask yourself every morning: Then do one small thing - sage, movement, journaling, walking - to physically release it. SHARE THIS EPISODE: Know someone who needs permission to shed what's no longer serving them? Send them this episode. Sometimes the most generous thing we can do is name what's true. RATE & REVIEW: If this episode resonated please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other women find The Selfish Woman podcast when they need it most.

This is a personal episode for me, one that I feel led to share with you, because I know it's going to resonate. There's a moment in every woman's life when she look at what she's been worshipping - success, motherhood, marriage, being 'nice' - and realizes none of it was built for her freedom. That's the holy sh*t moment. The one where you finally stop trying to earn gold stars for suffering and start knocking over every sacred cow that's been keeping you in a cage. This is aboout burning down the old rules, setting yourself free from everyone else's opinion of you, reclaiming your wild selff, and realizing that sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do...is commit a little heresy. Take the Reveal Your Mask quiz Get your copy of The Selfish Year Inquire about working with me as a private client Read The Selfish Gospel on Substack

In this episode I'm joined by Erin Gallagher, author of Hype Women: Breaking Free From Mean Girls, Patriarchy and Systems Silencing You. Buckle up for a fiery conversation about what it really means to trust yourself after a lifetime of being told you're wrong. We talk about the incredible origin story of her book, and why she's not here to hype all women - especially not the ones still acting as foot soldiers for the patriarchy. We also go there: This one is bold, vulnerable and unapologetically honest. Press play and get hyped - for yourself. Erin Gallagher is the CEO and Founder of Hype Women, an inclusive ecosystem hyping women to remember who the f**k they are, author of Hype Women, and host of the Hype Women Podcast. Her book is an electrifying and extraordinary approach to life for ambitious women everywhere. Connect with Erin Buy your copy of Hype Women now! The Phoenix private community The Selfish Year

What happens when strategic intelligence meets spiritual intuition? In this electric conversation, I sit down with keynote speaker and author, Karen Romine, to explore the intersection of artificial intelligence and the unseen realms. We talk about how AI is transforming the way we make decisions and scale our lives - and how inner knowing is the missing data point most women ignore. Karen shares her journey from corporate strategy expert to discovering that she is a psychic medium (yes, both can live in one woman!), and how merging logic with intuition creates exponential growth. This one's for the woman who knows she's meant to lead, but also trusts the whispers. The woman who wants to scale her vision without abandoning her soul. And the woman who's secretly felt there's more to 'data' than numbers. We're not choosing between the mystic or the machine. We're using both. Join Karen's book launch event Get your copy of The Selfish Year

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on what it really costs to be selfish. Not cute-selfish. Not #selfcare selfish. I'm talking about the kind of selfish that turns your whole life inside out. The kind that sets you free. This is about the power you say you want...and the uncomfortable truth of what it takes to actually get it. And I ask the question that could change everything: Are you willing to pay the price for your power? Introducing: The Selfish Woman Protocol: From Masked to Magnetic A 30-day experience for the woman who's done asking for permission. If you're ready to drop the masks, rewrite your story, and become magnetic as hell...this is for you. Sign up to join the Protocol Join the Exclusive Experience for $33 Get my book, The Selfish Year

What if the way you've been taught to mother - your children, your dreams, yourself - was never yours to begin with? In this potent conversation, I sit down with Dr. Gertrude Lyons, author of Rewrite the Mother Code: From Sacrifice to Stardust, to unravel the outdated scripts women are handed about what it means to mother, and how to rewrite them from the inside out. We talk about: Whether you're a mother, mothering yourself, or birthing something new into the world - this episode is a permission slip to mother on your own terms. Let's go from martyr to medicine woman. Connect with Dr. Lyons Get Rewrite the Mother Code Information on The Phoenix The Selfish Year - get your copy now

Every woman has her Everest - the dream that feels impossible until suddenly, it isn't. I had my Everest moment and I'm sharing what it was, how I got there, and how you can do it too. And how there's always another mountain to climb, if you want it. I also talk about the most personal piece of my journey yet: why I wrote The Selfish Year, who I wrote it for, and why it matters right now. This isn't just about my story. It's also about yours. I'm pulling back the curtain on what it takes to move from a dream to reality. If you've ever needed proof that your wildest dreams are possible - and the push to finally go after it - this is it. Get your copy of The Selfish Year Leave a review The Phoenix Membership details Want me as your Coach? Book a consultation here

You weren't born nice. You were trained. By mothers who were trained. By systems that still benefit from your silence. In this episode, you'll hear a casual girlfriend chat with Lesa Koski where we unearth the origins of our people-pleasing, the masks we wear to feel safe, and the slow-burning bravery it takes to start telling the truth. Lesa and I unmask our Good Girls, and give you practical strategies so you can do it too. Because underneath the mask of the Good Girl is a Queen ready to rise. Lesa Koski is a wife, mother, grandmother, mediator, coach, and host of the Saddle Up Live podcast. Her journey has been anything but ordinary, but every twist and turn has brought her to a place where she now helps others live their best lives. Connect with Lesa here Get your copy of my book, The Selfish Year Take my free quiz to reveal the mask you've been hiding behind

Think you've outgrown your good girl programming? Think again. These 10 subtle habits might be sabotaging your power - and keeping you small without even realizing it. You might not be saying 'yes' when you mean 'no' anymore - but the good girl still has her sticky little fingers in you. In this packed episode, I'm revealing 10 sneaky ways the good girl still shows up in your everyday life, and what to do instead. From overexplaining to emotional shapeshifting, I'll break down the behaviours that seem harmless, but are actually keeping you stuck silenced, and small. If you're ready to step into your full, selfish, sovereign self, this one's for you. Resources/Links: Buy my book, The Selfish Year Leave a review on Amazon Leave a review on Goodreads FREE: Guide to Decentering Men & Taking Your Throne

Too many women think that taking the high road makes them strong, wise, or 'the bigger person.' But what if that road is actually keeping you stuck in self-abandonment, silence, and disappointment? In this episode, I break down why the high road can be a trap, what to do instead, and how decentering men frees you to finally choose yourself. Get my FREE Guide to Decentring Men and Taking Your Throne Sign up for The Selfish Woman Newsletter Get the Untethered Workshop The Selfish Year - get your copy now! Write a review for The Selfish Year

This is the one I've been waiting to record. In this final episode before The Selfish Year enters the world, I'm sharing the five lessons that truly saved me when I started over - from divorce, from the pain, from the life that looked good but felt empty. These aren't tips. They're confessions. I wrote this book in blood, and I'm telling you the truth behind every chapter. If you've ever felt stuck, invisible, or like you're pretending to live a life that isn't yours, this episode is your invitation to stop waiting. It's not too late to choose yourself. But it is the last week to pre-order The Selfish Year and support the book that starts a movement! CLICK HERE to pre-order The Selfish Year and get your gift: The Selfish Woman Starter Kit (includes a Manifesto, the 7 Sacred Laws of the Selfish Woman, and a curated playlist I made to accompany the book) Tag me with your book! IG: @thevaleriejones You're not meant to survive your life. You're meant to own it. Love you. Mean it. Val